Chapter Thirty: EXTRA

This happened a little before Kian moved.

Jace

It is hard for a wolf who has been assigned to his human counterpart to find his way back to the Moonlands, but it is not impossible. There are three plains to Goddess's Moonlands: Creation, Halflands, and Afterlands.

Creation is where we go when we are created by Her. This is where we stay until we are matched to our humans. Time is not a concept there, we do not understand "days", "weeks", or "years" until we finally make it to the earth. We simply exist in this plain until we don't. I've seen souls come and go from this plain before I was matched. Some souls come back as reincarnates and tell the others stories of their time on Earth before their memory gets wiped.

The Halflands aren't easily accessible to us either. The rule is, once you leave Creation, you should be happy enough with your person that you never want to stray too far from them; you should want to live with your human and complete him wholly forever. You and your human should become one and stay one forever. However, any wolf can reach the Halflands if they try hard enough. I did.

Lastly, the Afterlands are where wolves go after their human dies. We have no idea what happens there or if our human's soul travels there with us. The Afterlands are split between Highland -- a peaceful afterlife if a soul isn't reincarnated -- and Netherland -- a separate realm where our Goddess's Dark Brother reigns. When I think of the Afterlands, I become sad as I think of being completely alone there without Bridger. It reminds me too much of Creation and how I just waited and waited for my turn to get a person.

I love Bridger with my entire being and more. He is all I could ask for as my counterpart and while I do have some complaints (like his inability to let go of guilt or overthinking habits), I would never want to part from him. However, I much prefer staying in the Halflands. I have mastered my crossing so much so that Bridger never knows when I leave. I do it seamlessly and I never miss with Bridger needs me or calls upon me. I've been crossing over since I was in Creation which shouldn't have been possible, yet somehow, I still did it. I'm not sure if Goddess even knows, but I was never punished. During those days, I would talk to wolves who have already been matched and they'd tell me all the wonders of planet earth. Then again, I'm not an active wolf and Bridger appreciates that, so my inactiveness allows me to move from place to place easier.

When I was matched to Bridger, my crossing experience was not forgotten and I continued doing it. He never noticed and it was never a problem for us. When I'm relaxing in the Halflands, I can hear Bridger's thoughts when I want to. It's sort of like existing in two plains rather than only one – I'm not sure how I managed to become this skilled, but I'm not angry about it either. My experience is almost as if one is wrapped in a thin paper towel -- the inside is where I relax in the Halflands and the outside is Bridger's mind.

It helps me to separate myself from my human in a way so many wolves can't do. When a wolf gets matched, they immediately attach themselves to their person and think of themselves as the same rather than a separate entity. That is why Goddess matched you, to complete your human's existence. However, I believe Goddess blessed us wolves with a personality, an ability to think, and a feeling of existence for a reason. I never liked the idea of losing myself to my human. I have my own personality, thoughts, and opinions. Bridger and I are similar as much as we are different. My name is Jace, his is Bridger; I tend to be more logical and self-indulgent (he says selfish); he tends to be more heartful and selfless; he likes the color yellow because he likes brightness (despite owning nothing bright); I love green because I like nature.

We are different entities.

But those things aren't physical. I never liked the idea of being stuck inside of someone's mind forever even if I was made for that purpose. So the Halflands allow me to be separate not only in character but physically as well. Goddess made those lands for a reason.

I have ventured through the Halflands for a long, long time. Goddess's designs of Her Moonlands never fail to mesmerize me. So, of course, I want to explore as much of them as I can. She is an artist and many say Her Moonlands are infinite. And one may find the idea of an endless space eery, but there is nothing to be afraid of in these beautiful plains. The only dangers are the souls that get bored here.

Despite my experience in the Halflands, I never knew that she had a special part of the plain until Bridger found out that Kian's wolf was dormant. At first, I assumed that being a dormant wolf just meant you were somewhere deep in your person's mind, just not active. That's the definition, anyway. I never really thought about Goddess taking wolves away from their person as I was only familiar with wolves leaving by themselves. Then it became clear that that's what Kian thought. And when I did think about that, I asked myself where would She take a traumatized wolf?

Now, of course, there could always be a secret fourth plain that no one knows about. But the Halflands is huge. Because there is no such thing as time here, you can venture for...basically forever and not notice. So I did, occasionally going back to Bridger to help him. I just kept going. One must be careful in this plain, however. You can get lost here. You can accidentally sever your connection with your person and never find a way out. It's genuinely so beautiful here that it's easy for a wolf to come here, get lost in the beauty, and never want to go back. So I ensure that I can hear Bridger as I wander.

I figured the only logical place Kian's wolf could be was in the Halflands. Not considering the possibility of a fourth plain, it wouldn't make sense for Syrus to be in Creation or in the Afterlands – that is, unless he somehow died within Kian. It's rare, but not unheard of -- it's sort of the reverse version of going rogue.

So I searched for him. I hoped that when I found him, we could talk. If he's stuck here, I thought maybe I could help him out so he could return to Kian.

Then I found him. Like all wolves here, he was fading in out of his spiritual body, but the little bit of him that I did see and comprehend was curled up with his head down. He was alive and awake from what I could tell. His side faced me and he was tucked underneath one of the drooping, misty trees.

"Syrus?" I asked. I knew that it couldn't have been Syrus, but there are hardly ever a handful of wolves here at a time. Not to mention, he looked like he'd been here for a long time -- a long, long time.

"Is that your name? Syrus?" I tried again. He didn't even stir. I decided to introduce myself, thinking maybe he'd say something or at least look at me.

"My name is Jace," I said, "I am Bridger's wolf – do you know Bridger?"

Not a word came from him. But I had noticed that his head had moved a bit. I didn't bother moving forward, instead, opting for sitting on the ground. I didn't know why I sat down, I guess I figured it would make me more trustworthy to be at his level.

"He is friends with Kian," I continued. I could have told him more about Bridger and Kian's relationship. But I didn't. I felt that it would be too pushy; that maybe Syrus would think I had other intentions coming here to find him.

I had accepted long ago that I didn't have a mate. Wolves who aren't destined to have a mate usually know as soon as they're matched to their person. There are just...signs that you know only when you see them. But even in Creation, I knew that I wasn't destined to have a mate. I don't know how, it was just something I was created knowing. It was knowledge deep inside my mind, like when you dream and there are situations in the dream that you as the dreamer already understand.

It doesn't do anything to me, though. It doesn't make me sad or angry. I can't want something I was never destined to have because I don't even know what I'm wanting. When I see mates, I see two people in a relationship that was predetermined by Goddess. They offer descriptions of what it feels like, but that's exactly what they are: descriptions. I can't imagine it, I can't feel it. And that's okay.

I had even accepted that I may never experience that kind of love or romance. I enjoyed being Bridger's wolf and exploring the Halflands, I never really wanted more. I still don't want more. Unlike most people who walk the planet Bridger belongs to, I do not need love. However, I am happy that Bridger is pursuing it and he has a good outlook on life as a werewolf without a mate. Like the way he doesn't want to get along with Kian's wolf, I, personally, don't need to love Kian.

But I do like him by the way Bridger lights up when he is around.

But that isn't the reason why I am searching for Kian's wolf. I don't care if Kian doesn't form a relationship with me nor do I care if Syrus doesn't either.

I just want Kian to reunite with his wolf.

But now that I look upon this clearly deeply troubled, traumatized, and broken wolf, it becomes clear to me that my reasoning needs to change. Kian doesn't need his wolf, his wolf needs him. Desperately.

"Do you remember Kian?" I asked Syrus.

His head lifted just a bit. White eyes, like mine, peaked up at me. Somehow, he even managed to tighten himself into a ball as if the mere mention of his person's name frightened him.

"Kian is doing well," I decided to say, "he escaped."

Syrus continued to stare at me, refusing to say anything.

"He and his friends escaped your old pack, the one you left. Kian is stronger now and he wants you to come back to him. The two of you can work through it. Kian is healthy and he...he misses you."

It was clear to me then that Syrus didn't want to speak. There are many reasons why, of course, but then I consider how long he must have been here. While time doesn't exist in the Moonlands, it does on earth. Kian lost Syrus when he was young. It's been years in his life, but Syrus doesn't know that. For Syrus he may think he's only been here for a few hours, a day, maybe a month – he doesn't know how much time has passed. Maybe he hasn't spoken at all during his time here.

"Syrus, you have been in here for a long time," I explained. "You must understand time because you were with Kian before you came here. You...you left Kian alone for a long, long time, Syrus. It's been years– maybe ten years or less."

He told Bridger that he hadn't shifted since he was maybe ten years old. He is twenty now, so I could only assume he's been gone for about that long. It could be shorter considering he's had pups within that time and he needs a heat to be fertile and an omega without a wolf can't possibly have a heat.

I watched his hand trial from his knees and to the mist below him. He created circles in the mist, his white eyes now downcasted as if he knew how long he'd been gone. He was ashamed.

I wanted to tell him that Kian doesn't hate him or that I don't blame him for leaving. But I can't lie to him. Kian's outburst about how everyone abandoned him was evident. I'm not sure if he hates Syrus for what happened, but I know that Kian isn't happy with him.

And I can't imagine leaving Bridger during such hard times. When a wolf is matched to his human, he vows to stay with that person until that person dies. We are supposed to support our person. Bridger and I may not see eye to eye all the time, but I do support him and I will always support him through hard times.

So I couldn't tell Syrus that his actions were okay. Whether or not Goddess was truly involved in his absence, his actions aren't respectable in the slightest.

"You need to go back to Kian, Syrus," I tried to soften my voice. "Your attackers won't be in your life anymore. You'd be free. What is a werewolf without his wolf?"

He continued to draw circles in the mist. I didn't even know if he was listening to me. But I tried. I tried as much as I could.

The first day, he refused to talk. The second day, he refused to talk. Then the third day, I couldn't even find him or the tree he attached himself to. I searched high and low for Syrus before deciding that he didn't want to be found again. He made a point to hide in the Halflands, he never wanted to be found. He never wanted to go back to Kian.

I just hoped that I was at least a little persuading.

A werewolf needs their wolf just as much as a wolf needs their person. And I knew that it was a little wrong of me to want to force Syrus to go back to Kian. Syrus was traumatized. Going back to earth could possibly be a terrible experience for him. Who knows if he has the mental capacity to even be useful to Kian now?

But I wanted to try and I did. I just hoped that my attempt wasn't in vain.

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Word Count: 2226

How do we feel about Jace?