Chapter Thirty-Four

Bridger

I stand in the Eta training field, watching Jason speak to one of our zetas. Arron is directing our kappas on what to tell their teams. I'm watching them closely, listening to their conversations. Arron is pissed and has already dismissed one of the kappas for talking back. While Arron is their alpha, many of the leaders in this pack do not enjoy being told how to direct their teams. Kappas tend to be cocky anyways since they're hardly ever in the pack. The kappa that was dismissed wasn't taking too kindly to Arron's bad attitude -- I don't blame him.

Arron is telling them how to search for Peyton. Brown hair, green eyes, white, roughly 5'6 if we had to guess. He asked me if I had anything of Peyton's so they could smell his scent which was a dumb question because why would I have anything of Peyton's? Plus, scents don't last that long and he's been away from our pack for months. Even if I did, I wouldn't hand it over.

Every now and then, my eyes wander over to Jason. He's standing with a few of our zetas. Drawn to battle scars, they had asked him about his scars and he had only smiled and sang "decoration". Everything about him is off-putting. While he is how I imagined, he just seems...crazy. There's a crazed look in his icy blue eyes and he never seems to stop smiling. Why he's smiling, I have no idea. No one else is smiling. There's no reason for him to be.

It's creepy.

As a beta, I have learned not to be uncomfortable. I was told constantly by my father and our former alpha that being uncomfortable will limit you in any situation. To think like an alpha and act like alpha blood runs through your veins, I must be assertive and never show discomfort. I think I've done a good job at pretending, but I can't help but be rubbed the wrong way by Jason.

I am not an alpha and his mere presence isn't comforting at all.

'His wolf is...odd-feeling as well' Jace cuts in, 'I hate that my name sounds similar to his'

'Yeah, perhaps you should change it'

'I had it first'

I bite back a smile. After our argument with Syrus, we were a bit on edge with each other as we've never really argued before. I know it was roughly four months ago, but in some ways, I felt sort of betrayed that he was wandering off and talking to Kian's wolf without so much as a word to me. As I stated before, I don't care that Jace leaves to Her realms for his own spiritual practice but I felt wrong knowing that Jace communicated with Syrus. Despite that, I never told Kian which makes me feel bad even now. I don't want our relationship to be built on secrets and lies and it's so easy to do that when we're long distance. Our relationship is fragile right now considering we just started it before we parted from each other. We call each other every morning and every night, we video chat and sometimes sleep with the video on, we text frequently. The secret eats away at me still. I want to tell him that Syrus is still around, but...what if Syrus chooses to never go back to him?

And what about now? He already has a lot on his plate right now with angels and gods, I don't know how to tell him that his former torturers are waltzing around our pack preparing for a mass search for his best friend. Hell,' best friend' might be an understatement for what those two have -- they've been through everything together.

How do I tell him that his best friend is missing? What will he do? What if he tries to find Peyton and gets himself in trouble?

'You're treating him like he's not capable' Jace sighs, 'Kian can make his own decisions and so far, he's made all right ones'

'I know but–'

'You're not his guardian, Bridger. You can tell him that I talked to Syrus, hell, I'll explain myself to him if you want. You can tell him that James, Cole, and Jason are all here and that Peyton is missing. He's an adult. You are his boyfriend, not his father'

'Yeah, like how you told me that you were talking to Syrus?'

Jace sighs and curses in Her tongue. I simply roll my eyes, but he knows I'm just joking with him. I'm going to be living with this wolf in my head for all my life, I can't have bitterness between us. With that being said, I will remind him of his wrongdoings because that's just our relationship. And he can curse me in an ancient language that I don't know all he wants until Goddess Herself hears and strikes me down.

I also completely understand what Jace is trying to say. I never meant to act like a guardian over Kian, but if I can protect his peace, I want to do everything in my power to do so. But I also know if I had a best friend like Peyton, I would want as many updates on him as possible -- good or bad.

I give the area one last look. Arron is discussing matters with a few zetas while Jason stands off the side, his arms crossed as he surveys the area like me. Our eyes catch and I hold his gaze for a while until he finally looks away, his name being called by Arron. When I determine that I'm not needed, I back away and head towards the woods so that I can be in a bit more privacy and out of earshot from everyone else. As I lean against a tree, my back to the field, I pull my phone out of my pocket and go my messages to call Kian.

He answers it almost immediately.

"Bridger!" he exclaims, "hey."

I frown at the awkwardness in his tone. "Is everything okay?"

"...Yeah," with the way he hesitated, it sure doesn't seem like everything is okay. Then again, he may just be nervous because of the angel situation. "I've just been meaning to call you."

"Oh really? What for?"

"Well, why'd you call me first?"

"Because I also have something to tell you."

He's silent for a few seconds, allowing me to get my thoughts in order so I can explain to him. I hate talking about important things over the phone. I prefer face-to-face or mindlink but Kian and I can't do either. Maybe one day, we'll be able to have our own mindlink, but for now, we have to rely on the stupid phone. I will never understand how humans do it.

"I need to ask you something too," Kian says, "but you go first."

"You should go first."

"Yours sounds more serious," he argues.

I can't argue against that. So I take a deep breath and let it out. I start off with the topic that is probably most important to him: Peyton's disappearance. Then explain everything that has happened up until now. I explain that James, Cole, and Jason are all here demanding that we aid in the search for Peyton at the cost of Keira's life. I can imagine his face while I speak: blank and unreadable. He'd let me explain everything and ramble on while he just stares at me as if he zoned out, but I know he'd be listening. Afterward, his eyes would likely widen to saucers and I'm not sure if he'd immediately begin panicking or start lacing his boots to find his best friend before the evils do.

During my explanation, I make sure to tell him that there's nothing he can currently do. I know Jace told me that Kian can make his own decisions and I wholeheartedly agree with him, but I don't want Kian to think that he has to come back here and put himself in danger for Peyton. I don't want him to lose this life he just started and I'm sure Jason would gladly take it away if he so much as glimpsed Kian in this pack.

I know that Kian is capable, and I take offense to Jace thinking I believe otherwise.

'I was just saying. I know you know that he's capable' Jace cuts in, sounding tired, 'suddenly, you've gotten into the habit of throwing things out of proportion, I don't like it'

I ignore him, opting to shut him away instead of responding.

"He must have found the humans," Kian says once I'm done talking. He sounds relieved, certainly not as panicked as I was expecting. I can hear him taking steady breaths.

"I want to find him," he states, "but I also have these pack things to do. I know that he is alive. Do you think he's safe right now? I don't want to think he's out there without a home or scared and lost. I...I want to think he found safety away from them."

My heart swells as he speaks. I know how desperately Kian wants to reunite with Peyton and it must pain him to have to choose his current issues over his best friend. I know he doesn't think he should be enjoying this new life while Peyton suffers. But I admire his ability to do so, he has his priorities and while Peyton is one of them, he isn't at the top.

My amazing omega has grown so much and so fast over these past months. It's hard to believe I'm talking to the same guy who I met just a few months ago.

"I can't say for certain that he's safe," I say slowly, "but Peyton escaped once with you all and he did it again. Peyton is incredibly smart and capable, I'm confident that he knows what he's doing."

"I want him to be well," Kian says sternly as if speaking it into existence, "he has to be because he has no choice."

I laugh at that. "He knows you'll be angry with him if he doesn't stay safe."

Kian hums in agreement. I wish I could see him face to face. Then I'd be able to know what to do. But I can only listen to his voice right now. It's infuriating.

I could tell him about Jace and his adventures, but I figure the Peyton information is enough right now. It's not like I'm hiding it from him, I'll tell him when the time is right and right now, it's not. What if I tell Kian this information and he becomes bitter towards Syrus if Syrus were to go back to him? I don't want to ruin their relationship more than it already is.

Kian clears his throat, bringing me back to reality. "So...maybe I should tell you my news, but I don't know if I should now."

"You should, I'm assuming it's good news and we both need some good news right now."

He chuckles out a 'yeah' before sighing. "Well, I wanted you to go with me, but...you have your hands full there. I told Marquise – that's the angel man who's here – that I'm willing to go to see his demigods for the sake of my pack and I wanted to invite you. I thought you would really like seeing them– but, you shouldn't now because of what's happening."

Fuck.

I would have really loved meeting angels and their demigods. I can't help but feel like a teenager being told he can't go to see his favorite band. I want to kick the dirt like a child and poke out my bottom lip. Unfortunately, I'm a grown man so I can't do any of that.

Not to mention, it would have been a beautiful thing to experience with Kian. Going to the angels' realm – what's it called? I can't remember – and seeing all the beauty and elegance that likely surrounds them. I know so little about them, it would have been a wonderful once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I close my eyes and curse Arron's very existence, praying that Goddess strikes him and James and Cole and Jason down all at once.

She doesn't.

"I'm upset that I can't go with you. If I leave in the middle of this, I know that it will spark a lot of trouble between us all. But! I'm happy that you're getting to experience all this. It's everything you wanted, right? Seeing the world and different species."

"Yeah, I'm...I'm nervous, but I know the angels won't be mean. Right?"

Smiling, I shake my head as if he can see. "Of course, they won't. They're the kindest beings on this planet."

"Yeah, Marquise is really sweet. He let me see my file. Did you know I'm Brazian? Oh, and some other stuff too."

I try not to laugh as I make sense of what he said. "Did you mean Brazilian?"

"Yeah, that's what I said," he says seriously, "but I am Brazilian. I didn't know that?"

Frowning, I cross one arm over my chest and rest it in the crook of my elbow as I lean against the tree. "You can't remember your parents?"

"No, I don't remember what they look like. Funny, because I was around five or so when I became part of Alpha James' pack. I know my mother gave me a jacket. I shared it with Peyton, that's how we met. But anyway, that's okay! I don't want to know about them, if I can't remember them much then I can imagine they were kind to me. At least my mother was kind enough to give me a jacket."

Goddess, I love my boyfriend. His ability to just take life as it is and make the best of it. He's working hard on creating a new version of himself and I couldn't be more proud. I wish I had his resilience and determination. Sure, I piloted what he's doing now, but that's all him now. I never feel like I'm taking control of my own life. I could never be as headstrong as Kian, I believe. Even now, I can imagine that Kian's lack of knowledge about his parents and him just now finding out he's part Brazilian will keep me awake at night. He doesn't know anything about himself all because of those sick people.

I've never been to Brazil, but the human culture is wonderful and the werewolf subculture is even more so. Bright colors, delicious food, amazing music -- I just know Kian would love it. One day, when everything is okay, I will take him.

'Where are you?' Arron suddenly asks through our mindlink.

'On my way back' I answer as I straighten against the tree.

"Kian, I have to go," I say, "promise me you'll take pictures when you visit the angels."

"Oh..." he sounds like he wants to say something, "Okay, Bridger. I-I love you."

I wish I could hear those words in person, see them fall out of his lips as he looks at me with those beautiful brown eyes.

Smiling, I ask him, "Did you want to say something?"

"No, just I love you. A lot. And I miss you a lot too."

"I miss you too – so much, Kian. I love you even more. I'll call you back tonight."

When I hang up, I turn past the tree to walk around it. Standing further away from me against the tree almost directly across from the one I had been hiding behind is Jason. His arms are crossed and he's looking in my direction. When he notices me, that disgusting smile stretches across his face. He doesn't move as I walk towards him, sliding my phone into my pocket as I give him a once over. He for sure heard my and Kian's conversation and I don't know if I should feel panicked or not. I don't because I know that he, James, and Cole can grill me about Kian's whereabouts but I would never give them. They could waterboard and deprive me of sleep for all I care, I would never tell them how to find Kian.

I've betrayed him once by allowing Peyton to go back to their shithole pack. I will not betray him again.

"I'm assuming you had nothing else better to do?" I ask as I stop before him, "Should I give you a task?"

"So you and my omega, huh?" Jason laughs and shakes his head. "I mean, I figured, just watching you in the room earlier confirmed it. I hope he pleases and serves you well – Goddess knows I had to beat the mutt to complete basic tasks."

My throat feels tight as I try to swallow. I could shift right now and drag him deeper into the woods. No one is watching, but I know Arron is waiting. It would take too long to get the smell of a kill off of me even if I turned into my wolf form and I know Jason would put up a fight. It wouldn't be easy to kill him deeper in the woods than it would to just do it right now. I could just take him by surprise and do it in a way that doesn't require bloodshed. Then James and Cole would be looking for their zeta and find his ugly limp body against a tree. That, and I want to see him bleed. I want him in pain.

Goddess, am I fucked up?

'Look at what he's done and look at what you want to do. If anything, killing Jason would be a favor for our species but would it bring Kian and Syrus justice?'

Jace always says the right things. A quick death would not be fair for the years of torture my love had to suffer through.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I say with a shrug. "Now, I have a job to get back to. You should be doing yours instead of eavesdropping like you own this pack. Get back to work, zeta."

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Word Count: 2849

This chapter was very repetitive lol sorry

Guys ik this is a story, but let me rant ugh. I edited this while having such a shit day. I went to a wedding for distant relatives and was miserable bc it was awkward for me. Everyone knew everyone except for me -- I barely knew anyone istg. I went with my aunt and her partner, my aunt is a recovering alcoholic who can drink now without losing her mind but she fucking lost it today I swear. I'm 21 so I can legally drink, did I? Not with these goofy goobers I think tf not. I really wanted that jell-o shot too. Fuck >:/ These past 2 days have been my purgatory and this person I was talking to -- who I was really interested in -- decided that they're not mentally ready for dating rn. I understand that, but I'm disappointed. I'm just ready to go back to my dorm so I can enjoy some rot time before class before I crash out. Anyway, hope you guys are well lmfao I promise I'm not as dysfunctional as this sounds -- I just needed to rant to some strangers instead of my close friends.

In better news, I'm so excited for the universe I'm creating for this story and possible future ones to come! Every time I think of something cool, I literally make the :0 face with the finger up and add it to my notes asap, it's such a great feeling haha.