Fatherly Advice

LAUREN

I barely contained my anger when we stepped out into the hallway. I couldn’t believe Mason had the audacity to visit my father without telling me.

~Who does he think he is?~

“What the hell are you doing here Mason?”

The words came out of my mouth like acid. I fought so hard just to get through the night after our last conversation and now he shows up playing the role of a doting husband. I’m confused by his actions and I deserved answers.

“I heard your father was taken to the hospital,” he said. “I wanted to make sure he was getting the best care possible.”

A flicker of the care I know he is capable of flashes in his eyes.

“You really want me to believe that you care about my father?” I said. “You’re the one making deals with my mother, the woman who has hurt him most in the world, and you expect me to believe you care about him?”

My anger started to overwhelm me. I felt myself getting wrapped up in the momentum of the feeling as it consumed me. I couldn’t stop as all the negative emotions I’d held down for so long bubbled to the surface.

Part of me knew that I shouldn’t direct my years of anger at Mason, but another part wanted to hurt him as badly as he hurt me.

“What do you want me to do then Lauren?”

Mason turned to me, staring me down as he continued.

“You refuse to speak to me, refuse to take my calls. How else was I supposed to talk to you?”

I let out a harsh laugh.

“Stop pretending like you care, Mason!” I shouted. “One moment you act like you want to protect me, and the next, you’re hiding things from me—again! Do you ever think about how it feels to be in the dark all the time? Do you even care how I feel?”

“There’s so much going on that you don’t know, Lauren,” Mason said, his jaw tight, eyes narrowing.

“Then ~tell~ me!” My voice cracked, raw with frustration. “You say you’re doing all of this for me, but how am I supposed to trust you when you keep shutting me out? When you keep making decisions behind my back?”

I could feel the tension rising like a wave I couldn’t control. Nurses and doctors were stealing glances at us, their hushed whispers cutting through the sterile air. I knew I should have stopped, but the dam had burst. There was no going back now.

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me without talking to me, especially when it involves my dad!” My voice echoed down the hall, biting into the silence. “Do you even realize what it does to me, knowing you and he are keeping things from me? I can’t do this if you keep lying to me.”

Mason’s expression hardened, a flicker of something unreadable flashing in his eyes. I waited, desperate for him to say something, anything. But instead, he just stood there, fists clenched.

“You think I don’t care?” he said, voice low but cold. “You have no idea what I’m dealing with.”

“And that’s the problem! You won’t let me in!” I snapped. “You’re always keeping me in the dark, and I’m sick of it.”

His face twisted with anger.

“You really have no idea what you’re talking about, Lauren,” Mason said. “You need to trust me for once.”

With that, he turned sharply on his heel and walked away.

He never looked back. Not once.

***

I reentered my father’s room, still feeling heated from the argument with Mason. I tried my best to hide the flush in my cheeks, but it had always been impossible to hide my true feelings from my father.

“Becky, would you mind getting me a fizzy drink?” My dad asked.

It was obvious he wanted to speak to me alone, but he was always too polite to ask outright.

Becky nodded and headed towards the door. She gave my arm a squeeze as she left.

~Great. Not only has all the doctors and nurses on the floor heard my marital spat, but clearly Becky and my dad had too.~

“Sweetheart, why don’t you take a seat right next to me,” dad said as he motioned to the chair Mason had sat in only a few minutes earlier.

I took a seat and reached out for my father’s hand. His skin felt so fragile, almost papery, against mine. My heart lurched. It was still so difficult to see him in this state, so sick, so unlike the healthy, vibrant man who had raised me.

“What’s going on, love?”

“Nothing dad, it’s just something Mason and I have to figure out.”

He sagely nodded his head, thinking over what I’d said. It was clear that my answer had not assured him in any way.

“You know, when I was your age, I had only just met your mother,” he started.

“Dad, I really don’t want to talk about her…

“Let me finish, Laurie,” he said patiently as he grasped my hand and looked towards me.

I tried to hold his gaze, but looking at him only made the tears well in my eyes again. I looked down at my lap as the first tear trickled down my cheek.

“Oh, Laurie,” he sighed. “You’ve always been too hard on yourself. You need to give yourself a break for once. You need to give Mason a break too.”

I lifted my head to look at him once more, shocked by the turn the conversation was taking.

“Your mother and I used to fight like that, I’m sure you remember,” he said.

“That was different, dad. She would yell and scream at you. She wouldn’t even give you a chance to speak.”

My father nodded. I hated the idea that I was anything like my mother. She had shown herself to be an evil, vindictive woman and I never wanted to be anything like her.

“Yes, it was much different, but you also need to recognize that it wasn’t always that way,” he shifted uncomfortably in his bed, so I stood to adjust the pillow behind his head. Once I made sure he was comfortable, I sat back down and took his hand in mine once more.

“It starts with small things Laurie. Small things that you think don’t matter. A snide remark here, a roll of the eyes there,” he offered me a small smile as he continued. “The hurt builds up Lauren and once you start to hurt the person you are meant to love most, you’ve already lost them.”

I looked at my dad. I hated thinking that I had disappointed him, that he thought I was the one hurting Mason when the truth was the exact opposite. I didn’t know how to tell him that Mason was working with Ginny. I didn’t want to shock him when he was already so weak. I decided to bite my tongue, to protect him like I promised myself I would.

“It’s not always that simple, Dad,” I said, my voice quieter now, weighed down by the exhaustion of everything I’d been carrying. I fidgeted with the hem of my sleeve, trying to collect my thoughts. “Mason… he’s different. He acts like he cares, but sometimes I don’t even know who he is. One minute, he’s there for me, and the next, it’s like he’s a million miles away. Like he’s hiding something.”

My dad sat quietly, listening in that way he always did, like he was waiting for me to get it all out. I appreciated it, but the silence between my words made the truth harder to ignore.

“I keep trying to talk to him, but it’s like talking to a wall. He won’t let me in. And the more he shuts me out, the more I feel like maybe he doesn’t care. Like he’s just pretending.”

Dad looked at me then, his eyes softening with something close to sympathy, maybe even understanding.

“Lauren, I know you’ve been through a lot. But sometimes people have their reasons for holding back.”

I let out a sharp breath.

“But what reason could he possibly have? Why would he need to hide anything from me?”

There was a pause, and I looked at him, hoping he might say something that would help.

“You know,” he said. “Mason has come to visit me every week since the two of you got married.”

My head snapped back in shock. I must have looked like I’d seen a ghost because my dad let out a little chuckle. The sound was music to my ears.

“I had no idea,” I said.

“Clearly, love,” he said, a smile still on his lips. “It seems like the two of you are still figuring out the best ways to be together.”

I scoffed.

“You could say that again.”

I was still surprised by the news that Mason had been visiting my father. I had no idea, I thought he was just signing the checks for his treatment, it never occurred to me that he would actually take interest in getting to know my dad.

“I can see how much he cares for you, Laurie,” he said. “You deserve only the best in all aspects of life, especially love. Please, for my sake, talk to him. Give him a chance.”

My dad squeezed my hand tightly.

I mulled over what he told me. I had been harsh on Mason, maybe this was my opportunity to be more understanding, to right the generational wrongs of my past. He deserved to be heard and I had lashed out in my anger.

For all the difficulties being Mason’s wife had brought, it was clear to me that he cared. It wasn’t always clear exactly what he cared about, but maybe I just wasn’t asking the right questions.

I vowed a long time ago that I would never be like my mother. I would never resort to anger and name calling

I gave my dad’s hand another squeeze.

“Thanks dad.”

“Anytime, sweetheart,” he said. “Now, get out of here. I’m not the only man in your life anymore.”

“But, you are the most important one, dad,” I said as I gave him a peck on the cheek.

As I left the hospital, I thought about what he told me. I needed to give Mason a chance, a real chance, to explain himself.

That was ~exactly~ what I planned to do.