: Chapter 35

Payton

Now, November

I run. My feet pound against the pavement, and I’ve never been more appreciative of the expensive stroller my brother splurged on. Tears fog my vision, and my calves burn, but I keep running until my legs begin to shake, veering toward the grass when they do.

I drop onto all fours, Deaton still fast asleep in the carrier, and let my head hang. Guilt and regret weigh me down as if a bag of boulders has been released on me.

Guilt for all the things I feel and all the things I don’t.

Regret for all the things I’ve done and all the things I haven’t done.

It’s a confusing, twisted state of mind I can’t get out of. I feel like I’m in a lose-lose situation, every answer as right as it is wrong. It’s frustrating, but most of all, it’s downright draining.

I’m exhausted battling against the girl in the mirror, and sometimes I forget why. Why am I doing this to myself?

Not just yourself…

The damn tears threaten to come rolling back, but I push against the overwhelming sense of failure trying to take control, searching for a bit of the steel I built around myself before my world fell apart.

When I lived with my mom, I promised myself I would never allow this to happen to me.

No one would get in my head, and I would be stronger than she wanted me to be. Stronger than she was. I thought I accomplished that by running away from home, if you can even call it that.

I ran, and then my entire world fell apart.

That pressure on my shoulders seeps lower, coiling around my ribs and compressing.

I squeeze my eyes closed, inhaling through my nose and out my mouth. I count to ten like Noah taught me. Slowly, the pounding at my temples and the pressure in my lungs eases.

Laughter catches my attention, and I look over.

A group of six or seven students sit on a large blanket, textbooks and laptops strung all around them with an ice chest in the middle.

They smile and study…because this is their lives. Their school.

“What am I doing here?” I whisper, shaking my head as I force myself to stand. “I don’t belong here.” Wrapping my hands around the handle of the stroller, I begin the long walk back to the other side of campus.

An hour and a half later, I’m standing inside the studio apartment I was assigned thanks to the contract with Embers Elite. With shaky hands, I pull my phone from the little compartment on the stroller and dial the only person who will understand.

He answers on the first ring, and I close my eyes.

“Chase,” I whisper. “I need you.”

There’s a knock on the door not fifteen minutes later, and the moment Chase meets my gaze, his face falls.

He steps in, wrapping me in a hug, and the stupid waterworks come rushing back. My arms close around him, but it’s only a moment before he pulls back, a frown on his face as he stares over my shoulder before slowly bringing his green eyes to mine.

“Payton…” He shakes his head. “You can’t run from this.”

“I have to. I have to get out of here.”

“But you’re on a new contract.”

“I haven’t signed, and I’m not going to.” The mere thought is devastating, the opportunity I never saw coming. It was almost as if the bumpy path had finally smoothed out, as if fate finally found its point of connection and wove it all together.

But fate isn’t real.

Taking his hand, I beg him to understand. “You said if I ever needed an escape, you’d be there.” I plead, “I need you right now. I need that escape, Chase.”

His eyes move between mine, and he swallows, a pained expression tightening his features. He looks to the floor with a nod. “I know what you need,” he says, a sad smile on his face as he reaches back, clasping my suitcase in one hand and the folded stroller in the other. “Come on, Princess Payton. Let’s go.”

My shoulders fall in relief, and the feeling doubles when we’re finally pulling out onto the main road.

I close my eyes, doing all I can not to think, pretending every bit of distance isn’t tearing at that invisible link to the man I’m leaving behind. Again.

A few minutes later, the car rolls to a stop, but it’s not until the engine is killed that I open my eyes. Confused, I look forward to find we’re parked behind a random car, and when I glance his way, I realize where we are.

The football house.

Mason’s house.

My face falls, and I grip my seat belt for dear life. “Chase, what are we doing?”

His smile is solemn, and he shakes his head. “You can’t go, Payton.”

“I have to.”

“You can’t. If it were just you, I…I don’t know, maybe I would take you back, but it’s not. You can’t do this to him, and I don’t believe you really want to.”

A knot forms in my throat, but I manage to rasp around it, “I need to leave.”

“And he needs you,” he whispers, reaching out to take my hand. “Please, Payton.”

My features grow taut, and I let him, admitting, “I’m scared.”

“I know, but so is he. I’ve never seen him like this. He loves you, both of you. You have to know this.”

I clench my teeth to keep them from chattering and close my eyes.

Screaming has them flying right open.

Both our heads yank to the left just in time to see a girl with blond hair run down the steps of the porch, Alister right behind her, shouting at the top of his lungs.

Tears stream down her cheeks, and the door flies open again, Mason and Brady rushing out.

Alister whips around, his posture stiff with rage, and the girl starts to cry harder.

Chase and I look at each other, jumping out at the same time and taking a few steps up the sidewalk in time to hear Mason say, “I don’t know what happened here, but you need to break it up or take it somewhere else.”

“You wanna know what happened?” Alister rushes forward, screaming, “You fucked my girlfriend and got her pregnant!”

The air whooshes from my lungs on a gasp, and dark brown eyes snap over, locking on to mine.

Mason

“Why the fuck are you here? You came to see him? To throw this shit in my face even more?”

I hear the fucker screaming with my door closed. Brady and I look at each other, then shoot to our feet, our textbooks falling to the floor with a thud, and we hustle down the stairs.

“So much for cramming for that exam uninterrupted,” I grumble. “This fucking dude, I swear.”

Brady chuckles behind me. “How much do you love this whole ‘captain keeps them in check’ role, bro?”

I flip him off over my shoulder, the heaviness of the day too fucking much.

I don’t have time to deal with this asshole’s shit anymore today. He already pushed me once and got the best of me in front of Payton.

And then she ran from me.

She told me there was no competition, and then she ran away.

A deep ache takes root in my chest, but I push it aside, coming around the corner with a hard expression.

“Drama stays outside!” I snap.

Two heads whip my way, and a small frown builds when I get a look at the girl.

“Allana?”

Her eyes go wide with panic, face wet with tears as she looks from Alister to me and back.

“Are you okay?” I step toward her. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

She opens her mouth at the same time that Alister’s mocking laugh fills the space. “This is fucking hilarious coming from you!”

“I can’t do this,” she squeaks, running out the door.

Alister shoves me on his way by, and the screaming continues.

“Don’t run, Allana! Face it! Make him face it. This is bullshit, and you two deserve what comes of this! He already has a kid, you know that?”

She cries harder.

“Fuck’s this all about?” Brady frowns.

Sighing, I shake my head, and the two of us follow them to the front.

“I don’t know what happened here, but you need to break it up or take it somewhere else.”

“You wanna know what happened?” Alister growls, tearing at his hair as he spins, glare pointed my way. “You fucked my girlfriend and got her pregnant!”

Alarm slams into me, and as if the universe hasn’t tortured me enough lately, my eyes lift, locking on to a pair of watery blues.

Payton.

Her face falls right before me, and automatically, I take a step toward her, but then Alister is right there.

He cocks his fist back, and all I have time to do is prepare for the blow. My head whips back with force, but I keep my feet, head snapping right back and frown heavy. There’s warm liquid at the corner of my lip, but I don’t brush it away.

I look to Allana, and Alister screams.

“You two are fucking sick!” His eyes come to mine. “Does your girl know you have another kid? That she and the kid you have together don’t mean shit to you because⁠—”

My fist is cocked back, but before I can throw my punch, Chase’s fist whooshes past my face, slamming right into the side of Alister’s jaw.

He stumbles, and Chase takes advantage of that, shoving him to the ground. “Shut the fuck up! You don’t know shit about shit.” Chase looks to Allana with a frown. “I’m sorry, but you need to start talking.”

Instantly, the girl crumples, burying her face in her hands.

My shoulders fall, and for a moment, fear sparks low in my gut.

Is this real?

Is it even possible?

My eyes find Payton’s, her hands pressed firmly against her chest.

“Allana…” Brady encourages, though there’s an unmistakable demand to his tone.

“I lied,” Allana cries, and relief flows through me.

I look at Payton, and she offers a tight smile, but her eyes fall to the ground. I frown, but my attention moves back to the shit show in front of me.

“I lied,” Allana repeats, regret heavy in her features as she faces Alister. “You said you accepted your offer to Berkeley, so I had to say something to keep you away so you wouldn’t find out. And then you showed up here.”

“To surprise you!” he screams. “I picked this fucking school, where I’m second fucking string, gave up my chance to start, for you!”

My brows shoot up, and I meet Brady’s eyes. Damn. That’s…rough.

“I didn’t ask you to!” she wails.

“No, you just pretended we were good and started fucking your way through your freshman year!”

“Okay.” Chase lifts his hands, looking between the two. “Allana, you should go.”

“And you can’t come back here,” I add. “At least not unless he asks you to.”

I meet Alister’s gaze a moment, and he winces, looking away, but when his eyes move for the door, widening, mine follow.

Cameron of all people steps out, her hair a mess and eyes half-open as if she just woke up from a nap.

She frowns at all of us, her attention settling on Brady. “What’s going on?”

Alister takes a step toward her. “Cameron⁠—”

“Alister’s been fucking with Mason all season ’cause his ex-girlfriend lied and said Mason was her kid’s dad.”

Shock, then confusion pulls at her features, and she looks at Alister. “That’s why you’ve been asking about Mason…” She trails off.

Wait, what?

“You said you wanted to learn how to juggle fatherhood and football. You used me.” She shakes her head.

My brows shoot up.

Alister takes a step toward her.

“You really want to back the fuck up,” Brady tells him, calm as ever, but I can see the strain in his muscles.

Alister stares at her with a torn expression, but Cameron shuffles a step back, taking the shelter Brady offers when he puts himself between them.

Quietly, Allana gets up and leaves, and I take a second to process all this shit.

It all makes sense now.

Why Alister always pushed it with me. Why he freaked out and acted a fool when he saw me talking to Allana that day. Why he used Payton to mess with me and the comments he made. I almost feel bad for the guy. Giving up an offer for a starting position can’t be easy, but he did that. He gave it up because he lived in the love he felt.

My eyes move to Payton’s, and my ribs constrict.

She knows I’d give anything for her, doesn’t she?

I’d leave all this, sweep sand for a living if it meant I got to go home to her at the end of every night.

Wait. I frown, looking at Chase.

He gives a rueful smile, stepping in closer so as not to air my laundry to everyone. “She wanted me to take her home.” But instead, he brought her to me.

I swallow, battling against my own thoughts.

She wants to leave in an attempt to escape us, but she can’t. No matter what she does and no matter where she goes, she won’t be able to run far enough.

She’ll see that.

I know she will.

I face my friend. “Take her.”

His face falls. “Mase, no. You’re falling apart, man. If she leaves…” He shakes his head.

“Take her, my man,” I rasp. “I can’t leave. Two of my professors are letting me make up some work, and I have a test to retake. I have to get it done, so just…take her. Whatever she needs, be that. Do that.”

He glares, studying me, but after a moment, his features settle, and he looks her way, the two of us watching as she climbs back inside his truck.

“She loves you, doesn’t she?” he asks.

“Completely.” I sigh, looking at him. “Take her. She knows what she needs to do.”

He’s unsure but nods and starts walking off.

“And, Chase?”

He glances over his shoulder.

“Ice that thing, will you?”

Chase chuckles, looking down at his knuckles. He shrugs, a grin pulling at his lips. “Couldn’t have my quarterback getting injured.”

I nod. He nods.

And I watch them drive away, hoping to hell letting her go today isn’t something I’ll regret tomorrow, but if I know her like I think I do, this is far from the end.

I’d even argue it’s the opposite.

But only time will tell.