Why?

- Kaizers POV -

My head banged, and my body ached badly. I tried to remember, but I couldn't remember anything but screams and sirens. I remembered feeling somebody pulling my body. I remembered being in a car, whispers surrounding me.

I remember Ethan. I remember his screaming and yelling. I could only remember sounds and feelings.

I tried to open my eyes, but my eyelids were so heavy. I was tired.

So, so tired.

Is this how death feels? You just get locked in your own body, not able to do anything? Will I feel my body rot? God damn..

But I guess that it is what I deserve.

I don't regret a single thing I did. I don't regret murdering people.

It just hurts so bad that Ethan sees me as a monster. A monster who cares about nothing. A cruel monster who would murder anyone in a heartbeat.

Am I in a coffin right now? Is Ethan sad that I died? Or is he relieved? I wouldn't blame him. I've caused him nothing but pain.

I tried so hard to protect him from anyone in the world, but in the end, I was the one he needed to be protected from.

Did I survive? I'm not sure. I remembered hitting the water super hard and water filling my lungs. I couldn't move my arms or legs, for that matter.

I just wish I could've held my baby.

One. Last. Time.

I just wanted to hold him one last time.

I tried to move my hands, but it was like stone held them down. My whole body felt so, so heavy and tired.

I just want to see his face. When I try to remember it, it just looks like a blur. I've already forgotten his voice, but not his words. I could never forget those broken words. Will I forget his name?

Even thinking became hard and I let myself slip away.

——↟❣°°❦°°❣↟——

I gasped for air and sat up, opening my eyes. I heard women shriek and scream as white light blinded me. I groaned and covered my face with my hands.

"What the fuck..."

The screaming didn't stop and it hurt my head.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled and it quieted a bit down. I felt some people grabbing my arms and gently laying me back down. I struggled against them, confused. What the fuck is happening?

My vision cleared and I saw women in white costumes.

Nurses.

I'm in a fucking hospital.

"What the fuck..? Where's Ethan!"

I frantically looked around, panicking. Some black dots covered my vision as I kept struggling and screaming. I saw a male walk in with a needle.

"No! No, no, no! Get the fuck away from me!"

The nurses tried to shush me as the doctor put the needle into a tube that went inside my body. I slowly started feeling dizzy and blacked out.

——↟❣°°❦°°❣↟——

I woke up and slowly sat up, my body still feeling heavy. A nurse was by my side.

"Oh, sweetie, you woke up. Let me get a doctor."

I grunted and scoffed.

"Where's Ethan?"

She turned around, confused. "Who?"

"Eh.. brown hair.. black eyes.. very cute.."

She chuckled. "Well, there was only one person visiting you, but he stopped months ago."

I froze. "... excuse me? Months? What the fuck do you mean with months, hm?"

I watched as the nurse got a look of realization on her face.

"Oh dear.. well... believe it or not, but after you fell off the bridge, you landed into a coma. We were all very shocked when you suddenly woke up from the coma yesterday, hence the screaming... You've been in a coma for 8 months. I'm terribly sorry, dear."

I sank down and started at the wall in front of me, letting it all sink in. A coma? Are you fucking kidding me? Is this some sick kind of joke? Is this hell?

"... and the boy?"

"Ah. I'll tell you that story after I let the doctor fix you up, yeah? We got to make sure you're 100% healthy. Waking up from a coma is very unusual."

I nodded and let her go get the doctor.

I was in a fucking coma.

——↟❣°°❦°°❣↟——

After the doctor did all sorts of tests, I was finally left alone. I asked the doctor to bring that nurse from earlier here and waited for her arrival.

After a few minutes, she walked in with a smile on her face.

"Yes dear?"

I didn't look at her. I just went straight to the point.

"The boy."

She kept being friendly, not even minding me being annoyed. She grabbed a chair and sat down.

"Oh, yes, of course! So, that boy was the one you saved from jumping off the bridge. He told us that you accidentally fell over the railings after you pulled him off. He felt so guilty, he visited you everyday. He left some gorgeous flowers and took care of them everyday."

She pointed at the bedside table where gorgeous, dark blue flowers were inside a vase with a card and teddybear.

"He really cared and felt so bad.. poor boy.. I hope he's doing alright.."

"Why did he stop visiting?" I cut her off.

Her expression turned sad and sympathic.

"Well, after you had been in a coma for 2 months, with no sign of waking up, the doctor told the boy that it was time to get you off life support. That poor boy looked so hopeless and upset. He didn't stay when we pulled the plug. We all thought you wouldn't survive it, but after a few minutes, you seemed stable. I wish I could've told the good news to that poor boy, but I had no way of contacting and he never showed up every again."

My face contronted in anger.

"You were going to kill me? In front of Ethan? What the fuck is wrong with you people!"

The nurse smiled sadly and explained more. She told me about how he sometimes stayed the night, sleeping in a chair next to my bed. That just made my heart break more. My baby..

He thinks I'm dead.

"Where is he now?" I sat up and got out of the bed, leaning on the IV pole.

"Oh, I don't know dear. He did mention that he was moving... you really shouldn't move. It's dangerous for your well being."

I scoffed and walked past her.

"I've been laying inside a goddamn bed for 8 months and the only person who cares about me thinks I'm dead. I think I have bigger problems than my 'well being'."

She sighed and gave up. I walked through the hospital, trying to find an exit, but of course, doctors stopped me and took me back to my room unwillingly.

——↟❣°°❦°°❣↟——

After a few weeks, I was released and I was allowed to go home. I walked inside the apartment. I crashed on the couch and stared in front of me.

The doctors had told me that I had a lot of broken bones, because of the impact of hitting the water, but they all got fixed while I was in a coma. They also said I was lucky to have all of my memories still here.

It's a curse, really. The only thing that keeps popping up in my eyes is the fear and pain in Ethan's eyes. The way he ran away from me. I almost drove him to suicide, for fucks sake.

Jumping off that bridge is maybe the only good thing I did in my life, and I even failed that.

I got up and walked to the bedroom. It felt weird, being here all alone.

This isn't my home. Ethan is.

I sighed and sat behind my computer. I tried to find his account on facebook, instagram, anything, but nothing popped up. I tried his phone number but the number wasn't in use.

Where did my home go?