Lost.

- Ethans POV -

I sat on the old bench in a park. The trees were empty, and the lake was frozen. It was cold, and the park was covered in snow.

It had taken months before I had the courage to meet up with Kaizer. After the agreement, he visited one last time at my restaurant and left a business card. I never intended to use it, but I really needed some closure. And what better way to get closure by talking to a murdering psycho, right? You get the idea.

So here we are, Kaizer sitting silently by my side. I was staring at the ducks waddling over the ice. It was rather cute. I would've enjoyed it, but there was a dangerous man sitting next to me, making it less enjoyable.

He let out a deep sigh.

"Your friends look nice."

I immediately tensed up at the mention of Rosa and Kyle. Are they in danger now since he's back? Will he ruin my life again? Am I ever able to escape?

I got pulled out of my thoughts when I noticed him staring. I looked up at him. He gave a soft smile and grabbed something that was laying next to him. It was a box, filled to the top with grapes.

I stared at it, confused. Was this some picnic or something? Because I sure as hell didn't bring food. He noticed my confusion and quickly explained.

"It's for the ducks... They're your favorite animal, right..?"

He sounded a bit hesitant and looked insecure again. God, he's so fucking different, it's irritable. Always questioning every single fucking thing he says.

"Yeah. So?"

He stared at the box of grapes in his hands.

"... You always loved to feed them when you got out of school."

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"Yeah, loved. Past tense. That was like.. 10 years ago."

He put the box next to me and looked a bit defeated and sad.

".. I'm sorry."

"That doesn't bring my friends and mother back, does it?"

I heard him inhale sharply. Good. I hope that hurt.

"So? How the fuck did you end up in England?"

"Business deal." He said quietly.

"You a boss or something now?"

"CEO- Ethan.."

I was purposely trying to keep the small talk going, not ready to address the elephant in the room.

"You got a wife? Husband? Kids?"

"What? Fuck no." He said quickly, completely baffled.

"... girlfriend? Boyfriend?"

He shook his head.

"You?" He fired the question back. I shrugged and decided to mess with him.

"Yeah. Kyle is my boyfriend, actually."

His eyes grew a bit dull and his lips pressed in a thin line. He stared back in front of him. He opened the grape box and grapped a few. He stood up and walked towards the lake.

"You coming?"

"Excuse me?"

He looked back at me with a small smile.

"Feed the ducks, idiot. Come on."

".. I already told you I only did it back then."

He huffed and crossed his arms.

"You'll really let the ducks go hungry in this cold weather?"

What. A. Fucking. Dick.

I reluctantly stood uo after a few seconds of debating. I grabbed a bunch of grapes and walked over to him. I watched as he threw some grapes towards the ducks. They flied over the ice and the ducks ate them. I couldn't stop the smile. Fuck. Ducks are so cute.

I threw some of my own grapes too.

I remembered a memory of the two of us way back.

———

I ran towards the lake with excitement.

"Come on, dude!" I yelled at the 16-year-old-Kaizer who was calmly walking behind me with his hands in his pocket. He gave me a grin as he sped up and walked up to me.

I took my bag off my shoulders and grabbed my lunchbox. I grabbed a plain piece of bread out.

"Let's feed them!"

Before I could throw it, he quickly grabbed my wrist. I looked up at him and frowned when I saw him frowning. He ruffled my hair with his free hand.

"Bread is bad for ducks, idiot. You trynna kill them?"

My eyes widened and I put the bread back in my lunchbox.

"Really..?"

He nodded in affirmation. My shoulders sunk with disappointment. Kaizer reached in his pocket and took a small box with grapes out.

"Here. I knew you would want to feed them, so I searched up what food is safe to eat for them."

I grinned and threw a few grapes in the water, watching in amazement as the ducks picked them up with their beaks.

———

I got pulled out of my thoughts by Kaizer's hand brushing against mine. I came back to reality and felt him staring at me. AGAIN.

I looked up and he was staring down at me with an unknown look.

"Kyle isn't your boyfriend."

I scoffed. "Sure, mister know-it-all. You saw me kiss him, right?"

He smiled.

"I'm stupid, but not that stupid, Ethan."

I scoffed and looked away.

His hand brushed against mine again, but this time he gently took hold of mine. A deep frown appeared on my face and I pulled my hand back.

He just laughed at me. Is something funny or something? The fuck?

"I missed you. So damn much."

I always hated how casually he could say shit like that, acting like it doesn't mean anything.

"Oh."

He stared at me for a few minutes, his smile slowly disappearing. He took a step towards me, and I took a step back. He opened his arms and stared at me with an intense gaze.

I shook my head at his silent question, but I forgot that he doesn't know what 'no' means.

Before I knew it, his arms were wrapped around me tightly, pulling me in his warm, big chest. He pushed his face in my neck and I shivered as his warm breath brushed against it. I just stood there, tensed up.

His warm body shielded me from the cold weather and I couldn't help but relax a little. It felt.. familiar. Hell, even comfortable, but you will never catch me admitting that.

I sighed and wrapped one arm around him. I patted his back awkwardly and he chuckled against my skin, which earned another shiver.

We stayed like that for a few minutes before I decided that it was enough. I gently pushed against his shoulders, but his grip didn't loosen. If anything, it got even tighter. He nuzzled in my neck and I hissed since my neck was sensitive.

My eyes widened as I felt something wet on my neck.

Is he kissing my neck?

That thought quickly disappeared when his body began to shiver and I heard a quiet whimper from him. Even worse. He's crying. Duck.

I stayed frozen as he cried on my shoulder. Slowly, tears appeared in my eyes too. I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him and pushed my face in his hair. It still smelled the same. The smell of my bestfriend. The smell of.. comfort.

To be honest, that thought made me mentally gag. I mean, who the duck finds comfort in a serial killer?

Me, that is...

I let my walls down and cried quietly in his hair, letting my tears wet his hair. I hugged him tight.

From other people their perspectives, this must have looked stupid. Two men hugging eachother and sobbing in the snow. Cheesy ass romance movie.

But I can't seem to care. I.. can't hate it. This.

I don't know if I'm glad he's alive, or angry.

I don't know what to feel. I mean, he's my bestfriend, but what if Rosa and Kyle are in danger? Are people like him even capable of change?

It would've been easier if I jumped off the bridge that night.