Chapter 19:

No Edward, No Edward.....I ranted again and again in my brain. The fear of losing a good friend crept into me.

I turned as slowly as someone could, turning the situation into a suspense movie scene. I would've been happy it was Edward.

"Samuel?"The confusion was clear when I said his name. Did he stalk us? Oh my God! Now this guy becomes a stalker too.

But that didn't faze me. His red brimmed eyes disturbed me, a LOT. Was he crying? But Samuel never cries. There was a situation I could recall though.

"Sam?" I tenderly touch his heaving shoulder. Was he crying?

"Samuel! SAMUEL! What happened? Why are you crying?" I yelled lifting his head gently from his palms. I wiped the tears that were falling, just like unstoppable niagara falls. In our one month relationship, I had never witnessed him being sorrow, let alone cry. My heart clenched tightly in my chest and my stomach twisted in weird ways being in this situation, where I had no idea why my boyfriend cried and I wasn't trying to resolve the situation either.

"What happened?" I asked him again when he had let out a sob and wiped his tears, detaching himself from me. That hurt a little. I tried to reach into his space and comfort him, but maybe the situation was so hard that he couldn't exactly comprehend what to do.

"Mother passed away." The words echoed  again and again in my brain. I collapsed to my knees right there when my brain decoded the matter behind it. My mind felt numb and did not knew what to utter. Lily was not just Samuel's mom but mine too.

Some situations occur putting us in a dilemma of whom to trust and whom to not. When you lose the person closest to your heart, the inner turmoil turns unbearable. You always have trust issues, the world turns gloomy and nothing actually can tug a smile on your lips. Not even Harry Potter.

I felt that at two situations after I've met Samuel. One was when his mother left us to chat with the God and the next was when we divorced and put an end to our relation together.

That's the last time I have ever witnessed Samuel's red eyes.

"Mommy! Come in! Ask daddy too?" Ethan jumped in joy looking at Samuel, unaware of how complicated the situation was.

"I-I'll come in darling, I have to talk to daddy," I had managed to utter before I ruffled his hair and ushered him to rejoice with the cafe staff. First, he frowned, nevertheless, understood that the situation's an adult one. I sometimes thank God for providing Ethan with an understanding, most of children lack. Well, at least, he did not stomp like my old neighbour's kid.

"Talk Samuel. Stop staring at me blankly," I said quirking my eyebrow and tapped my foot on the floor to emphasize on my growing impatience. I raised both my eyebrows and tilted my head a little when he made no gesture of starting a conversation.

"Can we talk somewhere peaceful? Like somewhere we can sit?" His voice was low and raw, add a cough to it, he'd represent someone addicted to cigar and alcohol. Though his cheeks were devoid  of five o'clock shadow, his dishevelled hair was enough to soften my heart a little. But all those emotions originated out of humanity and were meant to be locked inside. My hard expression hadn't faded and I did not intend it to.

Sit with him and talk. I would just make it a short talk of perhaps, five minutes? Then wash my hands away with it. This shouldn't stab my heart. I was not in a position to hear his sayings and empathise with him. Sein brought me here to share happiness with my pals, not to crush my mood with a truck. So, I made a mental note of not jerking my heart from any kind of disturbance created by Samuel.

"So?" I released a breath after seating myself by one of the park benches fixed outside the cafe.

"How to start?" he mumbled to himself. Though his sound descended to extremely low level, thanks to my sharp hearing, I made out the words as clear as purified water.

Great! He doesn't know how to initiate a conversation he came here for? Why was I wasting my time then. "I'll leave then," I said in a range audible to both of us and got on my feet to refresh the days here.

"Wait!" He held my hand. I whipped my head fast and tugged my hand out of his loose grasp. He raised his hands in surrender and said, "Please listen to me."

"Okay, but I would if you talk."

"I need time." He needs time? Which point he was trying to hit?

"Can you be more clear?" I asked.

"I think that I shouldn't have believed Alice all those five years ago." Oh I agree, yeah even I regretted marrying you five years ago.  Wait. What did he say?

"What did you just say?" I asked baffled. Making sure if I heard was right would be better than making a fool out of myself. What if the words were just created by my brain by blocking my hearing capability? I had never heard about that, but it might happen.

"I said, I shouldn't have believed Alice all those years ago." Wow, such a great realisation. So quick. I am amazed. But what was the point in confessing this to me.

"So?"

"Maybe I am sorry." He was sorry? Just a plain sorry would erase all the pain he dumped on me?

"Wow- I sigh- You are saying sorry. After all that you have done to me. Just wow." Sarcasm dripped in my voice, accompanied by a small laugh and a crack in the end. His sorry doesn't even cost a penny. The immense amount of shame he put me to, on that day, wouldn't heal a burn on my heart. The sorry failed to cause a subtle movement in my chest. Instead, rage built within me. Thank God, I wasn't a werewolf, or else his head would have been hanging by now.

He put on a hurt expression. Fake. He is fake. "Sofia...Please try to understand me. I shouldn't have said all those words years ago. I had a fight with Alice, I regret not believing you and the blood growing inside you right then. But why don't you just accept that I am sorry?"

His voice raised a fraction by the end of his regret speech. So, what does he expect now? "So now that you have realised I was the victim, you want me and my son back?" His words meant that indirectly, didn't they?

"NO!" he yelled. His eyes went wide as saucers and his features turned horrified. Though, I had put my zero interest in him at this point of life, my heart pained a little at his immediate denial. When a person gets denied by a stranger, without considering any facts, his/her heart hurts a little. That's what I felt.

"I-I mean. I just have to say sorry, okay? I do regret what I did five years back. But all that had already happened and dwelling on it wouldn't budge a thing. Me and Alice both are in love with each other and would like to stay like that. These things are common in a relationship. I can't break up with her for such thing." SUCH thing? What did he mean by such thing? How could a person take someone like her's side even after everything she did. Maybe, that was love. Something I could never experience. Seriously, a fraction of trust from what he has in Alice today wouldn't have put a full stop to our relationship.

A humourless pained laugh escaped my lips. The harshness it contained had a capability of crumbling a rock. "It is SUCH thing. You love her! Congrats Mr. Samuel. You just proved how much you love her and the trust you couldn't keep in me. It's just what? SUCH A THING! You don't know how happy we could've been if you loved me enough!" My sound roared like a lion's threat to its prey. It clearly said; 'I am not backing out.' I just hoped Sein kept Ethan busy enough from witnessing a second fight today.

"You couldn't get over me, could you? I knew it! Oh, stop with your ways now BRIDGET! Don't try to put me and Alice away. You can't part us! Yes, what she did was wrong. But she loves me."

"I loved you back then, too. But why did not you believe me!" What was so special in Alice that she was always his top priority? After she had committed such a big CRIME, he still held his love for her! Why did not he defend like this back on that day? My self-respect was blended and disposed in a trash can, for goodness sake.

"Just get over me. The past five years are done, okay? You get nothing by thinking about it." He dismissed the matter like a piece of crumbled paper. Well, my heart was crumbled but I  cared less for that. More important matters needed to be argued.

Like, "You know how much you owe to Ethan? The missed childhood he could've had with his father? The days I cried for my little boy? The days when I couldn't feed him properly? The day he asked about his FATHER?! Can you bring back all those five years back and shape them perfect? Can you rewind them? And all you care about is your ego! Wow! Mr. Anderson, you've caused new tears again for the second time today." I clapped as hard as I can. Wiping my cheeks clear of tears, I glared at him. The hatred I started to build, the last ounce of respect that just flew out of my brain's window, the vulnarability he caused me and our son, everything was crystal clear in my eyes.

He remained silent, stood there as a statue devoid of emotion. As a business man, maintaining a poker face was a mere trait. I took it as a cue to let out, "Lost for words now? You yelled, 'get over me', right? News flash! I got over you long time ago. The feelings I have in you?" I sniffed and continued, "are zero. Yeah, that's right! They are zero. I don't feel anything towards you. You are just my child's father. Nothing more. Nothing less."

We stuck in the places we initially stood in. No words were exchanged, but I knew that my rant at least caused a little sense in the insensitive man standing before me. After the truth he uncovered, he defended Alice and made her a priority over our son's missed childhood. This incident laid a foundation which said, 'Forgiveness is the second last thing I'd give you.' Last thing definitely was booked by my son. Living without a father was definitely better than having someone like Samuel as father. How did I fall for this man in the first place?

"I care about Ethan, okay?" His voice sent chills down my spine. He used the cold voice which contained an energy to turn water into ice. But no. He doesn't understand a mother's heart. Once she gives birth to her first child, her children become everything for her. No matter who interferes. The pain I felt for Ethan had higher standards than his dominating cold voice.

I pushed him with all the strength left in me. He stumbled a good two steps back and hit the tree behind him. The flowers and leaves detached themselves and trailed down our bodies in the october wind. "Never utter lies about Ethan, okay? You don't give shit about our son.  You don't care about him damn it. You still put her over him, didn't you? Just like afternoon?"

My sobs became heavy. I did not understand why, but the clenching of my stomach and continuous flow of my tears did not stop. Was I feeling vulnerable at my son's situation? Unlike me, I wished for him to have fun with parents. When Samuel wasn't with us to be a father to Ethan, I considered it as bad fate. But now, Samuel and Ethan discovered their relation.

One fine day when I had a conversation with Ethan about Samuel, I sensed the happiness released by him. If I knew knowing daddy could make him so happy, maybe, I might have considered contacting Samuel. But now, I decided to snatch his father away from Ethan. I am bad! Ain't I?

"You are not meeting Ethan again," I said through the tears.

"What?" he asked with an incredulous expression. "Are you kidding me? He is my son, Sofia! You are not taking him away again!"

"Should've thought this before making Alice your top priority."

***********

So, hello lovely people.

The winner is

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"SEIN!" YES HE WON. BUT DON'T WORRY SAMUEL FANS! THIS DOESNT POTENTIALLY MEAN SOFIAS GOING TO END UP WITH SEIN.

How are you all doing and how was your valentines day? did you propose your crush? or celebrated well with your bf/gf? hope you succeeded to get to your crush! If you didnt approach, do it ASAP! consider whole feb a valentines day,.

Finally VOTE AND COMMENT and let me know what do you think about this!

Samuel is here, how is he?