14// ~Talk~

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest. It's going a little bit faster than normal and pushing really hard against my chest. A part of me just wants them to spit it out and get it over with, but another part wants them to never say anything. I don't know if I'm ready to hear what they have to say yet. I try my best to breathe, replaying what Dani had said to me early this morning when I was having a difficult time with it after my nightmare. Oh no now I'm thinking about that too!

Athena is sat in the middle of the couch, Morgan to the left and Dani to the right. I'm sat directly across from them on a separate couch, parallel to theirs. I could have sat down next to them if I wanted to but I figured sitting here was a better option so I could see them all, plus I wanted a little bit of space considering I didn't know what we were going to be talking about yet.

"So, let me just start by saying that you have complete control right now of the situation. If at any point you want to stop, we can take a break and we can leave you be for a few minutes, or we could drive you back home if you thought that that is what's best for you, okay?" Athena states.

Her words only make me more nervous. I mean, I like that she said i can stop the conversation because it gives me more peace of mind knowing nothing will happen if I don't want it to but it kind of makes my mind race more on what could possibly be happening. I nod my head and she continues.

"Great." She smiles at me. "Do you know what polyamorous means?"

I furrow my eyebrows, never having heard of that word before. "No."

"It's when you have the desire to be with multiple partners at once. So like how Morgan, Dani, and I are all together. Does that make sense?"

"Oh, ya that makes sense. I just didn't know the name for it."

"Okay, and that's alright we just wanted to make sure we got the basics down."

"Um...can I ask a question, please?" I say it quietly, but loud enough for them to hear. Playing with the fluffy ears of tootsie cause she brings me comfort when I feel a little nervous.

"Of course, all we want from this conversation is complete honesty and openness from everyone. Any questions, comments, whatever you want to know you can let us know and we'll answer to the best of our ability." Morgan says making me move my eyes from Athena to her.

"Do you ever get like...jealous? Like if one of you kissed Dani for example, would the other get jealous of them?" I wonder.

"That's a great question sweetheart, but no, we don't. That's part of being polyamorous, we don't feel jealous when we see that, we know that we all love each other and just because I love Morgan doesn't mean that my love for Dani is any less or more. Does that make sense?" Athena says.

"Ya, I think that makes sense to me. You all just love each other." I shrug and smile at them.

"Exactly. Okay, perfect. Now this next part of the conversation might be a little more confusing and possibly uncomfortable, but all we ask is that you just try your best to understand, okay?"

I nod my head and bite my lip, feeling a little more nervous now. What could be uncomfortable?

"You know what it means to have sex with someone, right?" Athena says.

Oh my goodness, why are they asking this? Grammy told me about it one time when I asked her how people got the baby in their belly. She told me it happens through that, through sex, and that a man and a woman are naked and kiss and stuff. I can feel my cheeks heat up and I can bet they are extremely red right now!

I nod slowly. "Grammy told me it's what people do when they want to have a baby." I mumble.

"That's a great start honey, but it's a little more complex. Sex can be between a man and a woman but it can also be between two men, two women, or multiple people of any various combinations of gender. It also doesn't have to be for the sole purpose of creating a child. Most people do it for a deeper connection and pleasure between each other." Morgan explains.

I feel like my face is going to explode it's so red. I pull my knees up in front of my face and hug my knees, trying to create some sort of boundary. What they are saying makes sense now, well besides the pleasure. How can doing sex make you feel pleasure?

I nod my head and just wait for them to continue. Even though I do feel a little uncomfortable, I can tell they are trying to make it as simple as they can for me and for that I'm grateful. I don't think I need them to stop.

"Well sometimes people like to experience a sexual practice called BDSM. Have you ever heard of that before?" Athena questions.

I shake my head, extremely confused on what they are talking about. I wait for them to explain.

"To sum it up in a simple version it's when there is a person or persons that act in a more dominant way, while the other person or peoples will act in a more submissive way. So for example someone could be giving someone else orders or instructions on what to do and the other person would complete those instructions, and this happens usually in the bedroom during sex or a sexual activity, but some people use it in their relationship 24/7. Are you following along?" Morgan says.

"I think so." I think about it in my head for a second before continuing on. "Do you do the...um...BDS... I forget the last part." I blush.

Athena smiles at me. "BDSM, and yes we do, but the thing is we are all dominant and sometimes it can get a little tricky between us because we have no one that can willingly submit themselves easily, which is why we have been looking for someone who can be that person."

"Oh, did you find them?"

They all laugh slightly, making me very confused. Did I say something funny? Maybe I'm not understanding things the right way. I'm probably not, of course, I never am smart.

"Well, we were actually hoping that you could be that person." Athena says.

What? Me? But...

"Me? Why? I've never even kissed soemone before, I can't....and I don't...what..." My mind starts spiraling out of control.

I see Dani out of the corner of my eye stand up from the couch and walk over to me. She crouches down in front of me and grabs my hands, trying to center me and calm down my spiraling emotions. "It's okay baby, can you try and breathe with me just like we did before. Let's take some deep breaths okay?"

I nod my head and try the best I can to match her breathing as I maintain eye contact with her. Just looking at her calms me down. She makes me feel safe.

"Good girl, you're doing so good for me." She smiles at me, making me feel proud of myself for being able to do what she asked. "Now, I know that you probably feel very overwhelmed right now, and that is totally and completely normal. It must be a lot to take in, huh?"

I nod my head.

"I know, now if you think it's too much right now we can leave the room and let you gather your thoughts and have a minute to yourself or you can ask us whatever questions you want and we will answer them all, no matter how silly you think they might be, okay?"

I nod, gathering my thoughts together. "I...does that mean that you would just use me for um...sex?"

"No, no, defiantly not. You would be in a relationship with us. You would be our girlfriend. This aspect of our relationship would only take place in the bedroom during intimate moments." Athena responds.

"I, I never h-had my first kiss or done anything l-like that. I don't think I would be good at it." I mumble. Dani's hands squeeze mine a bit tighter, making me look at her.

"We know honey, and we don't expect you to jump into this with us. You can take as long as you would need to feel comfortable and we would go at your pace, if you wanted this. We would teach you everything you need to know. You never have to be embarrassed because of that."

I nod, absorbing the information I'm receiving. I don't know yet, but I'm glad they would go at my pace. "How do I know if I even...like g-girls like that, or if I would want to be with more than one person?"

"That is a little bit of a tricky thought, isn't it? It's really different for everybody and it can take time to really come to terms with that fact even once you realize it, but I guess for me personally I knew when I got this feeling of butterflies in my stomach and the way my friends would always talk about boys, that's the way I felt towards girls. You can take some time to think about it and let us know when you feel ready or if you think this isn't for you then that is also totally fine. Nobody is going to be mad at you no matter what you decide."

I nod at Dani. It's a lot to take in. I feel like I don't fully even understand what they are asking. I know that I'm definitely not ready to do what they are asking right now but I think maybe I would like to be in a relationship with them. They make me feel happy and safe and warm inside, and isn't that what I'm supposed to feel in a relationship?

I do have another question to ask, but I'm scared they might laugh at me or have no idea how to answer and I don't want to embarrass myself and mess everything up.

"What is it sweetheart? You can ask us anything, whatever it is we won't judge. I promise you."

I stick out my pinky. "Pinky promise?"

Dani smiles and connects her pinky with mine. "Pinky promise."

"Well sometimes...when I am near you guys and you are always taking soft and nice and stuff and like do things like hold my hand...my head gets all f-fuzzy sort of like...ugh I c-can't describe it." I whine slightly, not being able to put it into words.

"You're doing great honey. Can you try to explain it a little bit more for us?" Dani says. She moves up onto the couch since she has been crouched down to me for a few minutes and it might be hurting her knees maybe.

I look down at where our hands are connected and try to think of a way to explain it. It's too difficult. "Like I guess, it just feels like I feel 'childish' I guess like things are too big and it's harder to do things for myself, if that makes sense..." I avoid looking up at them. They probably think I'm really weird now. Oh no, why did I say anything, I should have just kept it to myself!

"Okay, and have you felt this way before meeting us or is this a new feeling as of recently?" Dani questions me. She kind of sounds like a therapist, which makes sense since I do remember her saying she was the head of the phycology department at one of the colleges around here.

"Sort of new I guess. I've always been more...like childish I guess than other people my age, which Grammy said was fine. She said that I was just trying to live out my childhood since mine wasn't um...the best. I didn't feel as fuzzy though in my head until recently like when you tell me I have to eat my veggies or when you were h-holding me after I had my bad dream last night."

I feel comfortably sharing this with them cause they haven't judged me at all so far for anything I've said...even if what I've said seems a little weird to me.

"Alright, that makes sense. This actually works out really well for us to talk about the other thing we wanted to mention to you. Do you know what a little is?" Dani continues the conversation.

"A little?" I think for a second. "No, I don't know what that is."

"Well a little is someone who, for a variety of different reasons, kind of regresses back to a childlike state of mind. So some people do it because it's a way for them to relieve stress, or others can do it as a way to sort of experience a childhood they didn't get to when they were younger, like in your case. When they enter this headspace, this childlike state of mind, they act in a way that can be seen as 'childish' or 'babyish'."

"Oh, okay." I nod my head. "What do they do when they are like that...like in their headspace."

"There are many different ways they can act. Some littles have a headspace of only a year old and others could be six years old, it all really depends on the little. So they can enjoy playing with toys, having comfort items like a blankey or stuffy, using bottles, using diapers, a high chair, watching cartoons, coloring - it all depends on how they feel and what they and their mommy or daddy have agreed on."

I look down at tootsie in my hand. I have a comfort stuffy, and some of what's she's saying does explain how I feel, but I need more information first. "Like their real mommy or daddy?"

"No, not biologically. Littles usually have a caregiver, a mommy or daddy, that can take care of them when they're in that headspace since it can be dangerous or unsafe to leave them alone. Does that make sense?"

I nod my head slowly, putting the pieces together in my head. "Am I a little?"

"Do you think you are?" Morgan asks.

I look from Dani to her. "I think... maybe." I close my eyes and shove tootsie in front of my face, scared to look at them after admitting that. They are going to think I'm so weird now! That's probably why they wanted to talk, they knew I was a little and wanted to get me to admit it so they could have me leave!

"Sshhhh, it's okay. Hey, can you look at me baby." I peek out just the top of my head and open my eyes to look at Dani. "Can I tell you a secret?" She whispers. I nod my head, eager to know what she's going to tell me. "Morgan, Athena, and I, we're all caregivers."

It takes me a minute to process what she is saying. So they must not think I'm weird then! "You are?" They all nod their heads. "So do you guys have a...little?"

They smile gently at me. "No sweetheart, that's kind of also why we wanted to have this talk with you. We wanted you to be our little, if you are comfortable trying it. Again, you can have time to think about it and tell us when and if you feel ready." Athena says.

"Does this have to do with the submissive thingy too?"

"Sort of but not quiet. See, in both aspects we would be leading and guiding you, giving you rules, rewards, punishments, that sort of thing, but we would never be sexual with you when you are in headspace. The BDSM aspect is only used in the bedroom when you are out of headspace, where as us being your caregivers, or your mommy's, would be out of the bedroom and kind of 24/7 type of relationship." Athena adds.

"Okay, I think I get everything. I think I might want to but... can I just have a day to think about it just so I can process everything in my head. I've never really heard of stuff like this and it's just a a lot to take it." I giggle slightly, swinging my legs back and forth that are now dangling from the edge of the couch.

"Of course." Dani stands up from beside me and leaves the room for just a second. I start to get a little nervous and wonder what she's doing, but I don't have much time to fret because she enters only a few seconds later with a small stack of papers in her hand, stapled together. She holds them out to me and I grab them, not yet knowing what they are. "Here, these papers explain everything in a lot of detail and we also have listed down rules, rewards, and punishments that we would want you to follow. How about you take this home today, read it over, and then tomorrow night you can come back over and we can discuss it all with you. You can also text or call me at any point if you have any questions or you decide you don't think that this is something you want, but I just wanted to give this to you so you could have some time to yourself to really absorb everything we laid out for you. Does that sound good to you?"

I nod and smile at her, then look at all of them as I speak. "That makes sense. Thank you for um...being patient and stuff and explaining it all to me since I...kinda didn't know a lot." I giggle. I'm really happy the way they went about it all. I'm not sure if this is how things usually go when things like this happen between people...or how often things like this do happen between people, but I know I feel safe and comfortable with the way they did things and spoke to me.

"Of course, we never want you to feel like you don't have control over what you want in this situation. Even though we are the ones that are more dominant in our roles, we can only apply that dominance with your permission and full consent." Morgan says.

I nod. "Alright sweetie, how about you go get your bag and we'll take you home now so you can a little space to think about everything." Athena states.

I nod and get up from the couch, with tootsie still in my hand. I skip upstairs and grab my back before making the bed and making sure everything in the guest room is spick and span. After that I head back downstairs to find them all waiting at the bottom. We head out to the car and they drive me home, walking me inside and dropping me off, winking as they walk out. Oh goodness, now they made me blush again! If I'm going to do this whole relationship with them I need to get this under control!

Grammy asks how my night was and I tell her it was good before quickly heading up to my room, bag in hand, ready to read through these papers. I'm defiantly not telling Grammy about any of this yet. Maybe someday but not now when I don't even fully understand everything myself. I don't know how I'm ever going to tell her that I have three girlfriends!

I decide to leave Dani's clothes on. I'll just change out of them after I take my shower tonight.

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3488 words

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Hi! I hope you all liked the chapter! Longest one so far! Let me know if anything sounds too awkward and not realistic and I'll try to make it better! I tried to make it as realistic as I could, but I also haven't even had my first kiss and have literally no experience with any of this so I'm sorry if I got it wrong.

Totally open to criticism or corrections!

So, question for this chapter:

Do you put the toilet paper with the roll going over or under?

Weird question lol, but I always put it over, I just feel like it looks better and it's easier to grab.

Have a good day (or night), Bye-bye!

- lauren 💕