Chapter Fifty

Stephen

I was lying in bed early in the morning, my wife snuggled against me, deep in sleep. The night before had been amazing, but it was tough to accept that I had to work so hard to reclaim those shared memories. I yearned for that period in our lives, and I found myself wondering if we would ever truly have the lives we desired. It was a constant ache, knowing that all she had suffered was because of my actions.

I had brought this into her life. If I had been brave enough to tell her sooner about the reality of my life, could I have saved her from all this pain, all this heartache? Sure, it would have hurt me, but that was my cross to bear. I was the one who deserved to carry this pain. And then it hit me—she didn’t remember any of that. She didn’t know that part of me. Would I have to tell her all over again?

What about the looming trial against me, my wife, Clint, and Mia? I needed to inform Lachie or have Benji talk to him. Trinity could be summoned at any time to testify before the Grand Jury in the trials against the chief and the captain. The thought of her having to endure that, on top of everything else she had just been through, and without any memory of it, made me feel sick to my stomach.

What kind of monster would she think I was? The idea of dragging her through all that heartache again made me feel physically ill. I started dry heaving and had to rush to our ensuite.

I made it to the toilet just in time, emptying the anxiety that had built up in my stomach. As I tried to breathe through the heaving, I felt her soft hand run up my back to my neck, where she placed a wet towel and brushed my hair back from my now sweat-covered forehead.

Trinity - Stephen, are you okay?

She squatted next to me, comforting me. I reached my hand across to her thigh and she gripped it tight. I just nodded my head, it was all I could manage right now. After a few minutes, my stomach finally settled down and I managed to sit back on the floor, running my hands through my hair. I wiped my sweat-covered face with my hands before Trinity pulled them away and placed the wet face cloth on my face for me.

I wiped my face and then ran the cloth through my hair, looking over at my wife.

Stephen - Thanks, baby.

Trinity - Are you okay?

Stephen - Yeah, I’m fine now. Must have been something I ate yesterday.

Trinity - Come lay back down, babe. Let me go get some ice to cool you down.

Stephen - I’ll just brush my teeth and I’ll be in.

Trinity - Okay.

She stood up and gave me a kiss on the forehead. I gripped her calf with my hand before she left to get me some ice. I stood up, splashed some water on my face, and brushed my teeth before heading back into the bedroom and picking up my phone. I quickly sent a text to Lachie, letting him know I needed to meet with him as soon as possible.

After about a minute, I got a reply. He could meet me at three o’clock today. I decided to message Clint and Dave and see if they could come over so the girls could stay with Trinity while we went to speak with Lachie. I didn’t want to leave her alone right now, but I needed to tell Lachie and figure out what we were going to do sooner rather than later.

I also really needed to see my kids. While last night with their mother had been heavenly, I needed to see my babies’ faces and remind myself of all I was fighting for. Trinity finally returned to the bedroom, looking a bit embarrassed.

Stephen - What’s wrong, babe?

Trinity - Sorry I took so long, I . . . I kind of got lost.

Stephen - Oh shit, babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think.

Trinity - It’s okay. Here.

She walked over, holding out a tea towel with ice in it. I took her wrist and pulled her closer to me on the bed. She hopped up and curled up into my side as I put the towel on my head and wrapped my other arm around Trinity.

Stephen - Are you okay?

Trinity - I should be asking you. I was worried about you.

Stephen - I feel better now that I emptied my stomach, promise.

Trinity - Okay, good.

Stephen - So the kids will be back around lunchtime. Is that okay?

Trinity - Stephen, of course. This is their home. They are our babies. I want them here just as much as you. I need to be around them so I can get my memories back of them. I don’t want to lose those, baby.

Stephen - God, I’m so happy to hear you say that. I miss them, momma, so much.

Trinity - I’m sure you do.

She stroked my face softly as I lay back for a minute. I don’t know when I fell asleep, but I woke up to the sound of the kids downstairs. I quickly sat up in bed and looked around the room. Trinity wasn’t there. That’s when I heard her beautiful laughter echoing from downstairs. I quickly went to the bathroom, freshened up, and headed downstairs. As I was walking down, I could hear Clint and Mia talking with Trinity while the kids ran around, squealing.

I took another step so I could see them better and my heart melted when I saw her sitting there, holding Jay as he twirled his fingers around her hair. It’s something all three of my children have always done with their mother, almost like a comfort to them. She was rubbing his back as she talked with Clint and Mia at the table, and he was watching Willie, Nate, and Livy going crazy in the living room. His eyes suddenly locked on me and he started kicking up a fuss.

Trinity turned around, looking over her shoulder, and smiled when she saw me walking down.

Trinity - Hey, how are you feeling?

Stephen - I’m fine now, babe, all good. Why didn’t you wake me?

I walked over to her, kissing her on the forehead as I ran my hand across my little man’s head. He reached out to me and Trinity passed him over as I sat down beside her.

Trinity - You obviously needed the rest. Getting up and vomiting is not a normal reaction, babe.

Stephen - Thank you.

I leaned over, giving her a kiss as I hugged my son.

Clint - You good, bro?

Stephen - Yeah, I must have just eaten something dodgy yesterday. As soon as I was sick, I was fine. I’m gonna make a cup of tea. Do any of you want one?

I stood up and passed Jay back to my wife.

Olivia - Daddy!

Stephen - Hi, pea pod. I love you.

Olivia - I love you bigger.

Trinity - I love you most.

We all looked at Trinity and gasped.

Clint and Mia’s eyes widen in surprise, their gaze shifting to me. I glance at them, then back to Trinity, who looks utterly bewildered.

Trinity asks, “What? What's wrong?”

“Baby, what did you just say?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

“I said I love you most,” she replies, her voice filled with confusion.

I sit back down, reaching out to take her hand. “Why did you say that?”

She looks at me, her confusion deepening. “It just . . . I don't know. It felt like the right thing to say.”

Olivia chimes in, “Mommy, we say it all the time, silly.”

“Do we, baby?” Trinity asks, her voice barely audible.

“Yeah,” Olivia replies, her voice filled with certainty. “Daddy says he loves you and you always say I love you bigger. But daddy wins because then he says I love you most.”

I can’t help but smile at my daughter as she looks up at her mother, explaining our little ritual. Trinity’s gaze shifts from our daughter to me, and I see tears welling up in her eyes.

“We do?” she asks, her voice trembling.

I reach over, gently stroking her cheek. “We do, baby.”