Chapter 40

My day will consist of nothing but sitting around unless I plan something productive. I end up in Jake’s rarely used home office with my laptop, trying to work through everything Margo has forwarded at my request. That month I was away from being Jake’s PA, and this side of the business is making it difficult for me to slot back into this role, and I’m finding it less satisfying.

During the time we’ve spent at the office since returning, I’ve barely made a dent in the workload and found every file ridiculously hard to focus on. My mind always wanders to the six-foot-two hunk in the next room. I used to love working for and with Jake, but now, looking back, I think it was more than just the job; it was him and being around him, even if I couldn’t admit it to myself back then. Now that he is mine, he’s all I can focus on, and I’m finding returning to PA mode more than difficult.

Staying home today hadn’t only been because Jake insisted. I didn’t want to go in and deal with the mundane. My head is all over the place, and old in-control-and-got-her-crap-together Emma is so far removed from who I have become; this is getting difficult. The change in dynamics between us has altered how I feel about my career, something which shocks me to the core. I have more than just a job now; I have a future to look forward to. I have hope. I have love from someone who makes me re-evaluate everything I had planned for and painstakingly worked toward in the man-free, single life I had.

By lunch, I am completely fed up and close to tears at my inability to focus; I need a change of scenery. Looking through my clothes, I find something feminine and floaty, bought by Donna, the personal shopper, something I’d previously dismissed as ‘not my thing,’ and throw it on. I’m aware of how differently I have begun dressing because of Jake. Romantic clothes that I would never have tolerated before, soft, girly dresses, cute shoes, and accessories, my whole style is losing the hard, tailored, cold PA look. It’s becoming far more like young, college girlfriend style, a style I have never embraced, but somehow, seeing the look on his face when I dress this way makes a world of difference. I don’t have to be scared of attracting sleazy men anymore; I have my protector, who will rip men apart who try to touch me. I like that Jake has that slash of jealousy to match mine; it makes me feel less insecure and stupid. He is my security blanket now; I don’t need my armor anymore.

***

I get Jefferson to take me to Queens to see Sarah before she heads out to work, and we spend some time catching up in front of the TV. It seems like forever since I was here, even though it’s only been a few days. Marcus is at work, having finally found himself a regular nine-to-five position in an office, and things seem to have settled between the ever-sparring couple. I notice the apartment looks different, with small, subtle, masculine changes such as a new stereo and upgraded TV. Part of me feels a little hurt that he’s changing things with Sarah, and I’m no longer part of the decisions or part of the atmosphere anymore. I guess it’s a good sign, though; we’re going in our own directions, letting life lead us.

I enjoy my time with Sarah, and while watching her make us some food, I catch up with Sophie on the phone.

“I’m doing good,” Sophie tells me. “I like my school. And Leila takes me shopping almost every weekend. She’s awesome, and I love that she says she’s your bestie.” She giggles with obvious affection for her new sister. Leila has hinted to me that Sophie has befriended Arrick Carrero too.

“Tell her I’ll come too next time you go. I could do with some new girly things.” I smile, and I mean it. I catch Sarah throwing me a puzzled look, and I mouth, “Shopping.” She looks alarmed, and I laugh at her reaction. I guess the old me would never have wanted to go on a girly shopping spree. The old me ordered all her clothes online and never cared about anything girly.

“That would be amazing,” Sophie says excitedly. “Leila never shuts up about you…and Jake,” she adds hesitantly, then bravely asks, “Are you two really together now? Like, as in, properly a couple?”

“Yes, we are,” I answer proudly and smile at her satisfied giggle on the other end, my face warming at her childish laugh. It’s so good to hear my girl sounding happy. After everything, she sounds genuinely delighted, and a huge lump forms and lodges in my throat.

“Good, because you already seemed like a really good couple. He looks after you,” she remarks as though giving her blessing, no hint of the scared, sad girl that she was in Chicago not so long ago.

“Yes, he does. He’s perfect,” I agree, and that longing for him to come home washes over me again. I check my watch and catch another disdainful look from Sarah. She’s scolded me for my constant time-checking since I arrived. Jake won’t be home until the middle of the night, and it’s only mid-afternoon. Not long now.

~Emma, you’re one of those predictable, pathetic women who cannot function without their man!~

The phone conversation soon turns to my mother, and Sophie is overjoyed to hear I’m finally going to see her to smooth things over; the girl has real affection for my mother. Despite all my issues with her, my memories, and my past, Sophie only knows a woman who took her in when she needed someone, leading her to me. She begs me to take her next time, once she breaks from school, and makes me promise. I can’t tell her that I regret making plans to go; she would never understand.

Before long, Sarah needs to leave for work, and I get Jefferson to drive her there before taking me back to the city. It’s still early, but I’m restless, so I swing by Carrero House to collect some files from Margo.

Maybe if I throw myself into it without Jake around to distract me, I might finally feel capable of doing this job again.

I arrive on the sixty-fifth floor and ignore the looks of almost everyone I pass. I can’t decide if the glances are because I’m Jake’s girlfriend now or because I’m dressed in a romantic, floaty dress and look nothing like PA Emma. I stick my chin up defiantly and walk on regardless, with confidence glowing from me that seems to be flourishing with love.

***

I end up sitting in Jake’s chair in his office; I’ve kicked off my shoes and have my bare feet curled up under me as I pore over the documents Rosalie has brought for me. Much of it is just reading and catching up, like the merger details, some other small projects Jake has on the go, and a few updates to company policy. It all just blurs together, and soon I’m distracted and bored.

Bored? I never bore of work.

I check my watch again, sighing that it’s barely six o’clock. At least he should be on his way to the airport around now. I frown as I realize he’s not called me since this morning; I didn’t want to call him in case it interrupted the meeting. But he’s not even sent one text, which simultaneously shocks me and hurts me. I check my phone and suddenly realize the battery died at some point between Sarah’s and here. I search for Jake’s charging dock and plug it in; it’s too dead even to switch on, so I leave it alone.

Completely bored, I swivel my chair and watch the New York scenery. With a heavy sigh, I let the papers slide down my lap. Leaning back in the chair and curling my feet under my legs, I smile at the fact this is the first time I’ve sat in Jake’s chair. Even as his PA, I would never have dreamed of commandeering his office and snuggling in his chair; somehow, it seemed too intimate, yet here I am now, using his chair and his office to feel closer to him. This office is as much his style as his apartment. All masculine colors, modern art, and tiny, sentimental touches. If I close my eyes, I can still smell his scent lingering in the room.

It’s starting to rain, nothing heavy, just gentle rivulets of water running down the vast windows, and it’s almost mesmerizing, highlighting the fact I’m tired. Last night it was hard enough to fall asleep, but waking with my nightmare and waking early have taken their toll on me. Lately, I have been feeling the effects of living with someone who rarely sleeps. He’s up early and wakes me with him, or he keeps me awake late into the night with sex or talking. I need to start being firmer with him; this fatigue that’s almost daily right now is a little annoying and makes me more emotional.

There’s a soft knock on the door, and Rosalie comes in as I turn to face her, still tucked up in Jake’s oversized chair.

“That’s me heading off, Emma.” She smiles widely at me, hovering by the door.

“Okay, Rosalie, thank you. Just go. I’ll probably head off soon,” I reply before using the desk to push my chair back around to the skyline. The sky is darkening, threatening a proper rainstorm, and I hope it doesn’t affect Jake’s flight coming back from LA. The clouds are rolling and turning in the sky, and it’s almost mystical to watch. I slide down, getting comfy. I always loved watching a good storm safely in the warmth of a building. I hear Rosalie depart with the soft click of the door and settle down.

Before calling for Jefferson to come to get me, I’ll relax and enjoy the peace of Jake’s office and this amazing view.

***

I jump awake at a warm touch on my face and almost launch myself at the person violently, my heart lurching in fear as I’m stuck in a memory of unwanted attentions from a man, vicious me reacting to defend myself.

“Whoa, hey, it’s me! It’s Jake!” Jake grabs my arms in alarm, holding back my fists and lifting them over my head as I scramble to throw him off. It’s dark outside, and I’m completely disoriented, my eyes darting around as I come to my senses, panting as I realize it really is him.

I’m still in the office, and it’s lit with low lights, only used when the floor gets put into sleep mode. His face is close to mine as I stop struggling and release a long soft breath in relief. His grip loosens, and he slowly lowers my arms back down, eyes watching me to ensure I’m fully awake.

What the hell is Jake doing here already? Where is everyone, and why is it so dark in here?

“Where? How...?” I’m still half asleep. I relax my tight muscles as he pulls me forward slowly and cautiously, pulling my face up to kiss me softly, calming my panic.

“I didn’t mean to give you a fright, baby.” He lifts me with a firm grip around my waist, so I’m nose-to-nose with him, and he sinks a proper kiss on me. Finding no resistance, he deepens it passionately, taking my breath away, before putting me on my feet and leaning back to look at me with a much more relaxed expression. I think my little violent outburst shocked him.

“What time is it?” I ask weakly. He sighs and smiles at me, shaking his head.

“It’s almost two a.m. I got off my flight, and Jefferson told me you never called him to take you home. I tried calling you a thousand times, bambina.” A look passes over his face fleetingly, relief with a tinge of apprehension. “I came looking, wondering if I’d missed something...like a fight we never had.” He smiles with that panty-melting, megawatt grin, chasing away the anxious look in his eyes, and pulls my arms around his neck. He smells amazing, and he feels even better.

God, I missed you so badly.

I rest my head against his shoulder and apologize with small kisses to his neck exposed between his unbuttoned collar; he tastes divine. I’ve ached to be back like this, and it feels like heaven.

“I fell asleep. The last thing I remember was the rain starting to fall when Rosalie left work.” I sigh against him, closing my eyes to hear his heartbeat below my cheek. He kisses the top of my head.

“What happened to staying home?” he asks as he bends and scoops me up, snuggling me close against him. I wrap my arms around his neck, so comfortable, our faces close enough to kiss.

“I got bored. I came here mid-afternoon to try to do my job; I failed badly.” I laugh, pointing toward my shoes on the floor. He nods, and Jefferson appears from the shadows, picks them up with my bag and jacket, and then heads to the elevator. Jake follows him, carrying me.

“I can walk, you know?” I point out, enjoying being back in his arms, my nose against his neck, breathing him in. I’ve missed him so much, and merely being in his embrace has my insides singing and fluttering like crazy.

“I know.” He smiles down at me, walking effortlessly with my weight into the open elevator; he throws Jefferson another nod, indicating we’re ready. Jefferson presses the ground floor button and faces forward, keeping his eyes on the doors, not us.

“Am I to be carried to the car then?” I poke fun at him as his mouth comes to my forehead, lips grazing softly for a moment as he inhales me before planting a soft kiss.

“And then some,” he answers, lifting me a little higher to kiss my mouth, then lowering me back to my previous height. “I’m taking you home, where I expected to find you waiting for me naked in bed.” He grins, and I flush, glancing at Jefferson nervously. The man doesn’t react or move, professionally ignorant of our conversation or at least pretending to be.

“I intended to be there,” I whisper with a quiet smile just as a thought hits me. “Shit. I left my phone in your office, Jake.” I yelp and wriggle to be let down; he pulls me in tighter and smiles.

“Jefferson has it; it’s the first thing he picked up when I found you. He told me it was switched off and charging,” he says, looking at me closely, “While I was waking my Sleeping Beauty up and instead finding Karate Kid.” His smirk has me shaking my head.

“I’m sorry. I intended to be curled up in bed for you coming home. I just got so...” I sigh. “I can never focus on work anymore, and your nocturnal habits are taking their toll on me,” I admit in defeat.

“That makes two of us, Bella.” He nudges me softly, and I catch the truth in his eye; he’s been struggling as much as me. It makes me feel better, though; he’s a born CEO, and if he’s having a hard time getting on top of things, then maybe I’m not doing as badly as I thought. “I’m way too focused on the nocturnal stuff to work right now.” He winks at me, and I flush, once again checking to see if Jefferson is listening. Jake has no cares about this sort of thing; I cannot think of a moment I have ever seen him embarrassed.

“I blame you.” I sigh. “I can’t seem to get back into PA mode, no matter how hard I try; she evades me.”

“I broke you.” He grins. “As much as I love PA Emma, I think I prefer this version of you, bambina. PA Emma can retire if she likes.”

“Not likely. But maybe a little break for now. Which version would I be now?” I giggle at him, my fingers tracing his open collar and stopping on the top button to play with it, his chin against my forehead as we talk.

“You’ve morphed into drunk Emma, kicking back Emma, PA Emma, and this new sexy Emma, all in one. Girlfriend Emma, I’m calling her.” He kisses me on the cheek with a grin.

“I see. You don’t think I should be concerned about having these multiple personalities collide?” I glance up at him adoringly; a surge of happiness hits me at just how beautiful Jake is in the dim elevator light.

“Nope. You seem perfect to me.” He shrugs, this time dropping my feet onto the floor gently, so he can wrap his arms around my waist and pull me up to his height again. I slide my arms tighter around his neck as he swoops in for a killer kiss, this time getting a little more heated than I think he intended. Our time apart brings out instant fire and longing. More than aware that Jefferson is so close, I try to pull back but feel Jake’s muscles tighten as he pulls me back in, his mouth coming straight back to what he was doing.

Seems I’m not getting out of it that easily.

Jake doesn’t seem to care at all. A lifetime of being surrounded by staff and personnel makes him immune to their hovering presence. He holds me tightly until he finally releases me from the toe-curling kiss.

“A little preview of what I’m going to do to you as soon as we get home,” he threatens seductively, eyes heavy and dark, voice husky, sending shivers through me as I lose all thoughts of the nearby driver. He leans in, sinking another kiss on me, letting me down on my feet so his hands can slide down over my back and butt hungrily. He hooks me just under the curve of my ass and pulls me up against his groin; the urge to wrap my legs around him is immediately pushed aside as I hear Jefferson clear his throat awkwardly. Thankfully, Jake releases me, turning me, so I face the door, and wraps his arms around my shoulders, his face against my cheek, tilting my head to the side. He nibbles my neck and ear softly, his breath warming my skin, sending a thousand hot tingles through me. My body aches to be alone with him.

When the elevator arrives at the ground floor, he pulls me around and picks me up again with a wink. He likes this game; he likes to manhandle me and carry me around like a Neanderthal. I think it gives him some macho man kick, as he’s been doing it since the first month I worked for him.