CHAPTER [18] - A long-due conversation.

Every cell in Damsel's body shook.

It seemed that the whole world was against him.

There was silence lingering in the air, both of the two had forgotten to react, forgotten to make a sound; and they had both forgotten to move. It seemed that their brains were working slower to catch up to what was happening.

The two laid still, each waiting for their death silently; It took a while for Damsel's thoughts to catch up to him. What had happened? What was happening?

His face had paled in color; his hands were pressed against Darren's chest from when he tried to stop the impact; Darren's shirt scrunched up from Damsel's grip; his fist grew tighter and tighter with each passing second.

Damsel did not know to react; his thoughts were silent; as if delayed.

It was only when he felt another peck against his lips, that his heart dropped; like in a moment you get the most shocking jump scare. To Darren, it felt right. The feeling of the other's lips against his own; the soft embrace it held against his own; at that moment the world stopped at his feet; he moved his lips against the others; the lightness it gave his heart, the way it lifted all else in his head. Darren kissed his lips again, placing another peck; kissing at his bottom lip, his lips moved the other's; as if he were touching something poisonous. Damsel's breath danced against his own, Darren moved his palm to cover over Damsel's fist against his shirt, brushing his thumb over the skin of his knuckles; as if this kiss was a pure one with deep-endowed feelings.

After the first touch, there was no reaction, so with new-found confidence, he dared to kiss him again.

What was Darren doing..? What was he thinking?

Damsel's grip against the other's shirt tightened, he woke up from his stupor; shoving him off. His heart was pacing in his chest, he felt light-headed for a second when a stifling feeling of doubt rushed through every pore in his body, a tinge of red spread through his body; he blinked his eyes; the stinging of his lips was unnatural.

Yet in that second, Darren gripped his wrists, pinning them down against the ground over Damsel's head.

Darren put his whole body weight on Damsel again as he straddled him, no matter how much the boy under him kicked and shoved.

"FVCK, what are you doing? Bastard! Get off!" Damsel's chest was heaving up and down, the the volume of his voice audibly getting louder and louder following his sense of panic; he was fucking terrified right now; more than angry. Terrified if he was going to hit him in this state; as long as he could move, there was no problem; but in a a state like this where he couldn't get away; all he could think about was the shower.

The kiss was all that raced in Darren's head.

But Darren also panicked from his reaction. He loosened his grip, he expected Damsel to rage up or yell as he broke through restraints, but no. Damsel's expression visibly relaxed; his hands relaxed aswell, he simply looked up at him; quietening down. His eyes had confusion written across in them; his voice quivering.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Are you going to yell?" Darren asked, tilting his head to the side.

Their positions were still the same, Damsel pinned underneath him; yet they were having a conversation. Of course, they were both panting; chests heaving up and down.

"No, if you don't act like a fucking psychopath."

"Okay, I won't be aggressive again, sorry."

Damsel stayed quiet,

".. Is that an apology for before, aswell?"

Darren froze; the images from the shower re-occurring in his head, a boom landed in his heart.

Darren's free hand traced down his cheek, rubbing along Damsel's neck, before he tugged at the collar of the hoodie, revealing a few marks underneath. His gaze washed over the redness and he looked back towards Damsel's gaze.

He finally gave an answer, "Yeah."

"It hurt." Damsel stated.

"I'm sorry,"

"It hurt a lot." Damsel's voice was below a whisper.

"I'm really sorry."

".. Why did you do that?" Damsel asked, in the silence of the room. The dim lights from the outside landed against Damsel's profile; lighting up the edges of his face.

"I don't know." Darren sucked in a breath, his finger tracing circles over the mark that creeped out from Damsel's collar. "I was messing around at first, I don't know what came over me. I'm really sorry, I fucked up, I don't know what was going through my head, I'm sorry."

"You did know what was going through your head,"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you." Darren's voice trembled, "I won't do it again, I really won't, I promise."

"Can you let go of my hands?"

".. I don't want to."

"Why? Why did you even push me down like that?"

"I just wanted to test something out,"

"Darren, I think you're a little violent." Damsel finally said.

".. What?"

"I think you respond to me a little violently, even in normal situations."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know if you do this in other situations, but even when we were kids, it was you who would hit me first." Damsel paused, "You would hit me to get the last carton of milk; make fun of my name with groups, or in kindergarten, you dated the girl I liked, and along with some other kids, and beat me up if I walked by her, you knew my family wasn't at home, there was nobody around to protect me unless I snitched, but even when I did, nobody believed me. Why? I still don't understand. In middle school, you accused me of cheating several times, to the point I couldn't even sit in on finals; the principal never doubted you, and you knew that, and nobody believed me when I said you were lying. During football practice, you made sure I sat on the benches due to making me start fights with you, yet you also got to play, I had a temper back then, it was my fault; but you said it yourself, that I was dumb enough to fall for the same shit multiple times. I started responding to you and it got more serious, my whole body would be purple and blue up until freshman year; when I learned how to fight properly."

Darren froze; hearing the words out of the younger's mouth, his gaze lowering..

"I know, I know I was fucked up for the shit I did, but I still don't understand why you hated me so much, at least, before I started doing horrible shit."

".. Damsel, I, never hated you."

"I wish you did." He laughed, "At least you'd have a reason for treating me like that for so long, it didn't help my childhood at all. Even when everyone thought I was one-sidedly picking fights with you, that I wanted to be you, that I was fucking jealous of you. People started making rumors of how pathetic I was. Honestly, I was jealous of you, but not because I was insecure of who you were, I just wanted what you had; now I know it was only the validation you had. I was made into someone who was in your shadow; I struggled with that at home, but for it to be brought out into public as the only shit I was known for?"

"You know what was more frustrating? The fact you wanted to be friendly with me the past 2 years. Suddenly, I was the Villain for treating Prince Charming badly." He scoffed, "Everytime you wore that smile when you faced me, you fucked-up bastard, you think I'd throw coins at your feet after making my childhood a living hell?" Damsel's eyes reddened, his eyelashes wet, "Why did you do that?" Damsel repeated the question from earlier, with a new meaning.

".. I don't know." Darren gave the same answer. "I didn't know, Damsel. I didn't know how much it would affect you; how much it was affecting you."

"You did know." Damsel stared at him, "You responded to me not knowing what Oliver was going through by saying it was selfish; that I didn't have to treat anyone like that, even if they weren't going through anything. That I was an asshole."

"So why do you treat me like this?" Damsel's voice remained as warm as early spring, as if his heart beat was beating steadily, as if he hadn't poured out the deepest memories from his past Infront of Darren.

"I'm scared of you, Darren."

Yet again, there was only silence.

Darren's heart had been anchored; and the words Damsel had spoken were the anchors that heavied his heart.

He found himself dumb, in the sense that his words got stuck in his throat. Got stuck because Damsel showed a summary of the past; the directions he had taken in the past; that Darren could not fathom.

His speech silences itself in reverence to Damsel's words, to the new views they shine upon old memories. If this is dumbfounded, then Darren had found himself utterly dumb.

"No, please. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I'm so so sorry." Darren released his grip on Damsel's wrists, an underlying bruise on his wrists; even then, Darren was petrified, petrified of what he felt at the bruise. Because of Damsel's words, he could not view his thoughts towards Damsel the same as he did in the past. The thoughts he had towards him; they were not as meaningless when Damsel explained.

What.. had he been doing?

He shifted himself off of the boy, sitting next to him as he held the boy's wrists, massaging the bruises on his wrists, "I was jealous, I was the one who was jealous of you. Of the love you had, of the freedom you had; I was insecure, I wanted to take them away from you."

"Darren, stop crying."

It was only now that Darren felt the tears rolling down his face, he even felt snot running under his nose.  Somehow, the tears rolled even more fiercely. He was a broken faucet. Darren held Damsel's hands, leaning against his chest. "I don't know what I was thinking- I don't mean that I was unaware of my actions; I'm different, I swear. In the shower too, I'm sorry, It was fucked-up, Please forgive me, I swear I won't do anything like that again."

"I won't forgive you, you don't have to forgive me either, I realized it doesn't matter." He said slowly, "But please change."

"I will, I promise."

"Okay, I will aswell."

"I'm really sorry."

"Me too."

The two didn't speak any further, but neither got up. It was a foreign feeling. Damsel felt that he got so much off his chest, a weight of a century that had been haunting him; this conversation was needed; very much so needed. And Darren? He was finishing up his sobbing quietly, staring at Damsel through his blurry lens as he sniffled.

The two stayed like that in each other's company for a long time.

Damsel had forgotten to ask what Darren wanted to test out in the first place, the fact that Darren had started kissing him aswell. Right now,

Darren was figuring out his feelings.

After half an hour or so, the two had calmed down, the air surrounding them was comfortable; this had been the most relaxed they had been together since.. they were born?

"Get into bed?" Damsel questioned

Darren gave a small nod, standing up first.

Darren gently raised the duvet, making a place for himself besides his sleeping brother, he moved slowly as to not wake him. Only after Darren gave a thumbs up, did Damsel climb onto the bed; the mattress sunk; and Darren scooted a little over.

When Damsel laid on the bed, he put a few centimeters of distance between himself and Darren; but at the cost of almost falling off.

"Fuck."

He had no other choice but to scooch a little closer towards Darren's side;

Darren, by the way, wore a stupid grimace as Damsel edged closer,

"Fuck, why are you coming closer?"

"It's not my choice, dipshit, I'm about to fall off the edge." He spoke under a murmur, as to not wake Samuel.

"Prince, just- dude, I can feel your back."

"Suck it up, I don't wanna fall off."

"That's not what I meant,"

"Just shut up."

Darren finally didn't utter another word, and Damsel confirmed that that would be the end of it.

Soon, he had fallen into a deep sleep.

But Darren lay awake.

Under the duvet; Darren felt his emotions in a disarray. With Damsel's back towards him; Darren could see the nape of the other. The scent of Damsel's shampoo itched its way around Darren; all he could fucking smell was Damsel under the humid air of the duvet.

In his close proximity, the world stopped still on its axis. There was no time, no sound, no movement. Darren's mind was at peace. For years, the two had misunderstood eachother; hurt each other because of everyone around them. He felt his body press in, soft and warm. This was the comfortableness he had never felt sleeping in his own home. A comfortable home, perhaps he could achieve that here. The things he prayed for, the things he believed would never happen. He wrapped his arm around Damsel's waist, pulling him closer; he thanked Luna that he was asleep; perhaps Damsel would shove him away.

And for a second, he thought it was pheromones he was smelling. He smelled really good.

He moved closer, his chest plastered against Damsel's back to smell him. His breath along the other's skin as he counted seconds, letting Damsel's scent into his system; it was nice. Soon, he brought himself to sleep as he synchronized his breath with Damsel's.

Damsel was smart; not in English, but he was good-looking, and he smelled nice.

Damsel was a good guy.

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[A/N: I'll be posting the pre-written chapters. I'm working on 'Praise Me' instead. Thank you for supporting this story.]