Chapter Twenty- Three

Song for Chapter:

At My Weakest by James Arthur

***

I’ve seen Fabian sad before. But this?  This was far from sad.

He seemed so torn apart. He wouldn’t even meet my gaze. He seems afraid to look at me, and that sort of hurts my feelings.

Does he think that I will blame him for what happened?  Yes, I felt a nudge of pain that he could’ve done something, but his mind was obviously not in the right place.

If it was, then that girl would’ve been alive today. I could see it in his eyes. He actually wants to go back to that day to fix it. It pains me to see him like this. But it is what it is now. I just need to help him realize that.

I held onto his cheek and guided his gaze to mine, but even then he let his eyes drop to his lap. Sighing, I used my thumb to gently caress his cheek. I saw as the tension fell from his body, and my lips twitched upwards a little at the sight.

That’s something.

“Fabian?” I called in such a small voice that even I didn’t recognize it. I didn’t want to startle him.

I was glad to see him actually lifting his head towards me. My heart ached greatly when his glistening eyes met mine. I immediately grabbed him in a hug and he buried his face in my neck.

“I didn’t notice, Paris. I swear if I saw what that Dick was doing, I would’ve helped that girl,” he mumbled in my neck. I nodded in understanding.

“I know. It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.”

“It sorta was.” Though his voice was so soft, I could hear the sternness in his statement, showing that he believed that it was his fault with all his heart.

Mine ached even more as I chewed on my lip. What do I say now? How do I convince him that it was not his fault when he obviously believes that it is?

With a deep breath of determination, I slowly eased his head from my neck so that we were face to face. He looked uneasy again, so I rubbed small circles on his hand in hopes that it would make him feel better. Luckily, it did.

It was a subconscious act of comfort that Colton used to do to me whenever my anxiety  got the best of me. Sometimes I wouldn’t even realize that he’s doing it. I just felt better almost instantly. And it seemed to have worked perfectly with Fabian.

“Tell me about that day,” I urged in a small voice.

Seeming reluctant, Fabian bit on his bottom lip so hard that I saw a hint of blood, but I knew he was going to tell me.

“That was the day my mom had her first…” he trailed after his voice dropped a notch, but I knew exactly what he meant.

After what I saw last night, I knew that he meant completely.

I held onto his free hand with mine and gave it a gentle squeeze in hopes to soothe his nerves. I forced a smile also, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to hold him and cry my eyes out. I now know  why he didn’t notice what was happening that day.

Imagine being fifteen and seeing your mom—the woman who you love with all your heart—break right in front of you.

Hell, I would’ve walked through a burning building and not notice!

“I understand, Fabian. I do,” I told him softly. But he wasn’t finished  speaking.

“My reputation had always been the ‘popular bad-boy’. I had tons of friends. I played soccer. I had girls- “ He paused abruptly when he said that, snapping up his head to look at me in fear, as if that part wasn’t supposed to slip. But I simply smiled in assurance.

He’s drop dead gorgeous. Of course he had tons of girls! My jealousy wanted to stir in the pits of my stomach, but I buried it back quickly.

Time and place.

“It’s okay,” I said truthfully. His lips pulled into a smile for a quick second before it disappeared again. But I was glad I caught it.

“What I’m saying is, even though things at home weren’t the best, I had a pretty decent life at school. Sometimes I could just forget about what happened to mom and how it affected all of us. Believe it or not, I loved school.”

“I’ll try to believe it.” I chuckled a bit at my forced effort to initiate humour. But come on. Who ‘loves’ school?

Still, even though my joke sucked, Fabian, being Fabian, actually chuckled.

He’s too sweet sometimes.

“Anyways, when it happened for the first time, school didn’t feel the same that day. I isolated myself all day from my friends and… female acquaintances…” He cleared his throat awkwardly before continuing. “And I had my music blaring in my ears every chance I got, just so I could avoid conversation. I was on my way to the library when that happened. I left my brother’s laptop charger there, and I knew he’d kill me if I went home without it.”

“Fabian you couldn’t have known what was happening.” That’s all I wanted him to know. His mind was so far off. It wasn’t his fault. None of this is.

“I know but I should’ve….”

“You couldn’t have, Fabian.” I held his chin and forced his face to me again when he tried to look away. “Look at me,” I said sternly. “It is not your fault.”

His glistening eyes told me that I was breaking him, and as much as I didn’t want to see him cry, I knew this was two years worth of bottled up feelings.

“The whole school thought it was,” he finally whispered in a soft voice. “After the video got leaked, they blamed me as much as they blamed the actual murderer. When he got expelled and sent to jail, people were protesting to have me kicked too.”

“Oh my gosh.”

“There were only a few who begged for me, and the principal did all he could to calm the school. The fact that I looked at them and then walked away…”

My mind went back to the video. I remember seeing him glance at them quickly before continuing his walk down the hall. But I doubt his mind even registered what he saw.

“Of course, I didn’t bother trying to tell anyone what happened at home. It wasn’t their business. But I lost every friend I ever had. The soccer team refused to play if I was on the team. The girls weren’t important to me. They still came despite what happened, but that didn’t help how I felt.”

“It must’ve been awful.” The first tear finally escaped from my eyes. I knew it was only a matter of time.

Fabian nodded before continuing the story that broke me from the inside out.

“It was. I got threats; people tried to gang up on me. Some tried to pin things on me so I would get arrested either way. It wasn’t the easiest year of my life. Eventually things cooled off but they never went back to normal. I couldn’t switch schools because my mom was unstable and I didn’t want to make it worse, and I was too ashamed to ask my dad for help.”

“Couldn’t Chad help?”

“He tried. But my principal insisted that since both my parents were alive, it had to be them who requested a transfer. He tried to call them countless times, but I always told him not to. He respected my wishes.”

A moment of silence fell between us again.

All I could think about was how hard he had it. Imagine having to stay in an environment like that for two years? People hated him for not intervening. Maybe if I didn’t know the truth, I would’ve too.

I wanted to make it all better for him, but I couldn’t begin to start thinking about how I’d do it, because I felt a familiar feeling of anger rising in my chest.

Anger for my best friend.

I couldn’t believe that Colton really used something so sensitive to manipulate Fabian to his will. Just like all those other kids, Colton would think that Fabian was at fault too. I could understand why he would try to ‘protect me’. In his eyes, Fabian is just a mysterious bad boy with a past of being selfish.

Maybe he believed Fabian would’ve eventually hurt me.

But he is so much more than that. He is sweet, so darn caring and he is so damn strong. He is probably the strongest person I know now. Because I know that if all this was to happen to anyone else, they wouldn’t have been holding up this well.

Fabian still has a lot of healing to do, but at least he is still pushing on.

“That day when you brought me to the pool and that jerk found us, he said something about ‘when she finds out what you did’. Derrick? That’s his name? Was this what he was talking about?” I asked and he nodded.

“Derrick used to be my best friend. The worst part about everything was I actually told him what happened with my mom that day. But he still told me the most hurtful things, because he had always secretly loved that girl. He blamed me for her death, and he hated me ever since.”

“Gosh he really is a dick.” The fact that Derrick knew what happened to Fabian’s mom, yet he still treated Fabian horribly made my blood boil.

In life, sometimes the closest people to you are your greatest foes.

It's sad, but it's true.

“I’m so sorry all of that happened to you, Fabian,” I whispered as I crawled onto his lap. His arms immediately snaked around my waist as I adjusted.

I rested my head on his shoulder and wiped my eyes as his body fell when he sighed.

“And just so you know, it was not your fault. No human being should’ve gone through what you went through. The fact that you're stable and in your right mind shows me how strong you are Fabian. And I admire that.”

“You really don’t think it was my fault?” His voice sounded so small and vulnerable, that all I wanted to do was snuggle him in my arms and lay him down to sleep.

Instead, I pushed him back so that we were face to face again.

“With all my heart,” I mumbled, swiping away a stray tear that left his right eye. “You are a great person. What happened to that girl was not your fault, you hear me? Forgive yourself, because you did nothing wrong. You were just a kid with a broken heart. You probably still are. But I promise you, I will mend it everyday from now on. Every single day.”

And with that, I brought my lips to his to seal my words.

I meant it with all my heart. I wasn’t perfect either, and I had my own giants to slay. But Fabian is a part of me now, and I will only be happy when he’s happy.

His arms grew tighter around me as he immediately kissed me back. I could feel him holding onto my words as he devoured my lips in his, and that made me smile against him.

The smile caused him to pull away. Disappointment dawned on me for a while before he rested his forehead on mine, keeping his eyes closed.

But his next words erased all disappointment from my chest.

“I love you, Paris.”

My heart stopped.

His eyes were still closed, but the sincerity in his voice was enough to tell me that was more than sure of himself.

He…loves me?

“You don’t have to say it back, but-“ I cut him off by crashing my lips to his again. This time I wasn’t holding back.

He had no idea how he made me feel with those simple words. I knew I felt the same way because  there wasn’t another word to describe the sparks in my heart.

Every thought of him, every word from his mouth, hell, even the very smell of him drives me crazy. I crave to be near him and his kisses do wonders to not just my body, but my soul too.

It sounds corny as hell, but at least I know now that movie characters are not being corny when they say such things. Because it is exactly what love feels like.

And I feel it for him.

I love Fabian.

I thought I loved Colton, and I did. But it wasn’t like what I feel for Fabian. My love for Colton was the mere fear of being alone and having someone take him away from me. I felt like I needed him to live, because he was always there for me, he always cherished me and he made me feel safe. He always knew what to say and what to do. So, who could blame me for wanting that forever?

But now, I know what falling in love feels like, and I know the difference between love and dependence. I was dependent on my best friend, his love and company. Though Colton and I went through a lot, and despite all, I still want him in my life.

But it’s Fabian’s time to have my heart. It was his from the beginning, I just didn’t find him yet. It’s time for us to make our own memories, be each other’s heroes and save each other completely.

I knew, just knew, that I had to let him know it too.

“I love you too,” I mumbled against his lips as I pulled away. As I opened my eyes, I found him already looking at me.

I smiled at his shocked state, but his eyes sparkled in the most beautiful light.

I love his eyes. I love his smile. I love everything about him.

“You do?” he finally asked after a while. I nodded without reluctance. There was no doubting it.

“I do, Fabian. I love you.” His face broke out the most beautiful smile before he pulled me into a hug that almost killed me.

A giggle rumbled from my chest when I reminisced on the moment we both shared. I’m glad he showed me that video. I’m glad he shared such a big part of his life with me, and I can't wait to see how the rest plays out.

A thought came to my mind that had me pushing him back again to look into his eyes. I threw him a playful scowl, but the fear on his face told me he didn’t pick up on the ‘playful’ part.

“Paris, what’s wrong- “

“I believe you still owe me a date, Mister,” I said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

He visibly relaxed as he dropped a kiss to the tip of my nose.

“I remember. I promise it will be a date to remember. You deserve it, Paris. You deserve everything.”

.

.

.

Hey loves!

I sure do hope you are all enjoying so far! I know I am, lol.

Thank you to all who are actively reading and voting! Even commenting. I appreaciate it all.

Until next time my love! <3

Peace.