Chapter Twenty-Four

My shoes left a muddy trail behind me as I marched down the hall, but I didn’t care.

In all my seventeen years of living, I have never felt more determined to do something. And that’s saying a lot coming from me, considering I’m always determined to do something.

But after what happened this morning with Fabian, and now knowing how we feel about each other I knew what needed to be done. And it was either now or never.

My target came into view,  and I kept my eyes trained on him as I moved. The sky was barely visible through the windows that were above his head. The cold showers outside reflected my mood towards my best friend completely.

All I wanted to do was scream at him and throw a fit for what he did, but I knew that was not the way. That wasn’t the mature way, rather. And one of us has got to be.

His eyes met mine, and for a second he smiled before he registered the look on my face. Making eye contact heightened my anger even more. I thought I actually saw him gulp as he leant against his locker.

Good.

Just as I was about to reach him, a pair of brown teary eyes and curly tendrils filled my view. I blinked my eyes to adjust as Shanae’s lips began to tremble.

She then flung herself in my arms as she  sobbed terribly into my shoulder. This was an odd thing for Shanae, and Colton, who had a perfect view of everything, took the chance to escape down the hall before I could get to him.

I was annoyed, but my crying friend became my concern even more than anything.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked as I gently rubbed her back.

She retreated her head and used the back of her hand to wipe some snot away before meeting my gaze again. My heart broke at the sight.

What is it with everyone nowadays and being sad?

“N-n-nick and I br-broke up,” she managed to say through sobs, and it all made sense then.

Shock wouldn’t have been able to describe what I was feeling at that moment.

“What? Why?” I asked as I embraced her again. She was a mess.

“We-we were talking about university and he brought up moving away to America and I-I can’t lose him Paris.” Her sobs wracked her body as she cried loudly in the hallway.

We were getting strange looks, but I didn’t care. I’ve never seen Shanae cry like this.

“I asked him why he doesn't want to go to university here and he said he has always wanted to go study at Yale University and-and I got mad and said some things that I shouldn’t. I told him that it would never work and he-he said if it won’t work then it would be best for everyone if we just end it now to avoid the pain. But it still hurts Paris.”

“Of course it hurts. You love him.”

Instead of answering, she simply nodded with a sniffle.

“Okay tell you what,” I said as I pushed her back to look in her eyes. “Let’s go get ice cream and talk about making things better with Nick okay?”

“So we’re gonna bunk off?”

“If skipping a few classes helps, then of course.” I assured her with a smile as I laced my fingers through hers and pulled her out into the pouring rain.

For now Colton will just have to wait. My other best friend needed me.

***

The sun danced gracefully  behind the clouds at its peak as we pulled up at school exactly as the bell rang for lunch.

The rain and gloom had gone away, and luckily so had Shanae’s crying.

Ice-cream and a good girl talk really did the trick. I knew from the beginning that she simply heard what Nick said, instead of listening. So all she heard was that he was leaving, but she didn’t listen to how he had planned to make it work.

He loved her dearly, so we both knew he didn’t want to end things with her. But Shanae can be a bit…harsh. Especially when she’s upset. So, She agreed to speak to him again. Who knows? Maybe they will come to a mutual agreement.

As for me, it only got me thinking more about Fabian and I. Where will we go from here?

He called me earlier and confirmed the date for our date. I can't wait, but it also got me thinking. Will this lead to being in a relationship?

I mean, it would be weird and dumb if we didn’t. We confessed our love for each other. So, what’s to stop us?

Butterflies frolicked in my stomach at the thought. I have never really thought hard about it. But in a few days, Fabian could actually be my boyfriend.

It all seemed surreal.

But I knew that before any of that could happen, I would need to speak to my ‘best friend’. Just because I was helping Shanae doesn’t mean I have forgotten about him.

I wasn’t planning on cursing him out. I will probably scold him for what he did, but I really only wanted to clear the air and my mind. I needed him to know that I am not okay with what he did, and if we are to remain the same and ever recover from this, he needs to let me do what I want and with whom.

I appreciate his protective nature, but he can't shelter me from the world forever. I will always be grateful for Colton. We have literally faced the world together. But just like parents, at some point you have to let go and let us spread our wings.

In my case, I guess I’m flying into love.

A smile stretched on my lips at the very thought as I shut my car door. Shanae was on the other     side smiling at me, but I saw a familiar glint in her eyes before she left—determination.

It felt good that I could help her, and now she will talk things out with Nick.

“I’ll see you later!” she shouted over her shoulder as she practically ran towards the school entrance. It was a funny view, considering that no one despises school  more than her.

I simply chuckled and waved back, even though she was already  gone. Sighing. I grabbed my phone to check my messages.

I knew I’d be in a ton of trouble for skipping my morning classes, but I didn’t mind. A crying Shanae surely beat advanced English any day.

Kids began to file out as they went to their respective places of ‘chilling’ for lunch. A lot of people don't like eating in the cafeteria, and I don’t blame them. It's always hot and loud there. Still, all the good spots were taken on the outside, so the cafeteria just had to work for us.

I noticed something odd when I began skimming through my phone. A voice message.

To any average person, this is normal. But for me, all my friends and family know I don’t listen to voice messages, so they never leave them.

However, whoever sent this one surely didn’t get the memo, and so it intrigued me even more to listen to it.

My strides slowed as I walked into the empty hallway, as a familiar female voice came on my phone.

“Hey Paris. It’s Anastasia. There’s something I need to tell you. So, don’t be mad, I know we haven’t had our day out yet, but I have bad news.”

She laughed a little after saying that, but I could hear the pain in her voice.

“I’m moving back home to America. I know there couldn’t be a worse timing for this, but I came to England to get a fresh start. There was so much happening at home before I moved, but I found that running away probably wasn’t the most ideal thing to do.” She sighed deeply and silence followed for a while, that I almost thought that the message was over.

But I was mistaken.

“I won't bore and depress you with the story of my life, but I just needed to let you know that being here showed me that I need to face those problems instead of running. England was just an excuse for me to run. This ‘new life, new me’ thing is bullshit. And quite frankly, I knew sooner or later this would’ve happened.”

At this point I stopped and leaned against a locker as I listened to the message. My heart was heavy as I didn’t know what to feel. Sorrow for the end of such a brief friendship? Or should I feel happy for her for taking such a huge and brave step?

Finding yourself as a young person is one of the hardest things in the world, after all.

“And as you might’ve been wondering, what about Colton? If I’m being honest, Colton is the reason why I even stayed so long. He made me happy, and I wasn’t lying when I said that I love him. I was really considering staying permanently just for him. But what’s the point of that if he doesn’t love me back? I know this is the last thing you want to hear, Paris. But he is in love with you. He shows me that every time we hang out and I- I can't anymore.” Her voice broke at that, and my heart squeezed in regret for her.

I knew it wasn’t my fault, but I wanted to apologize to her so bad.

“And before you get all emotional on me, just know that I don’t hold you accountable for any of my hurt. Just like 90% of human beings, I just fell for the wrong guy, you know? But hey, if you’re ever in New Orleans, be sure to give me a call okay? I really do admire you, Paris. I'm really glad I met you.”

And with that, the operator’s voice echoed through my phone again, signaling the end of the message.

I was stuck in my spot. So she’s gone.

It made me wonder how Colton was taking it, or if he even knew at all. This morning he didn’t look like someone who just went through a tragedy.

Then again, do I even know what he feels anymore? Could what she said be true? Does he…love me?

“Hey.”

“Aah!” I yelped in shock as I spun on my heels, clenching my heart to prevent it from jumping from my chest. I kept my eyes wide as I searched for the source of my fright.

Standing in front of me was no other than the man himself. Colton.

“H-hi. You scared the shit out of me, Colton. Jeesh.” I blinked a few times and sucked air into my lungs as I slowed my racing heart.

Sheepishly, he scratched the back of his neck and stared at his feet. “I’m sorry. I almost forgot how easily frightened you are.”

I simply nodded as my thoughts became jumbled. I wanted to say and ask so much, but I couldn’t find the right way. It was no longer about Fabian, but Anastasia too. Was he even affected by her departure?

“Colton?”

“Paris?”

“Anastasia’s gone,” I said in a snappy tone, which was completely unintentional. It just sort of annoyed me how unbothered he seemed.

But I immediately regretted it when I saw the hurt in his eyes at my statement. It then reoccurred to me that Colton is like this. He is the best at hiding his feelings.

I should’ve known.

Still, he didn’t give the impression of a boyfriend losing his girlfriend forever. To him, it seemed like a close friend moving away. That’s all.

“She told you huh?” he mumbled in a barely audible tone. “I got a letter, and that’s all. No goodbye. No hug… how could-“

“Did you even notice her feelings? Did it ever occur to you that maybe a goodbye for her would’ve been too hard? She loved you, Colton.” And as expected, he looked shocked.

Why am I not surprised?

“You didn’t know.” I scoffed as I folded my arms. “She was right there all along, and you didn’t notice that she loved you?”

“I-I…She said it once but-“

“Yea like I said it once and you didn’t take it seriously? Was it the same with her? Are you really that blind Col?”

This guy couldn’t be real.

I refuse to believe it.

“I know okay? I’m a dick. I hate that I messed that up like how I messed this up. If I had only known.”

“This?” I asked with a raised eyebrow. “Colton when I was all over you-“

“Don’t remind me please.” He sighed. It actually hurt me seeing how torn up he looked, but I stood my ground and kept my expression stoic. “I know I messed up and I didn’t realize until now, but I can't understand these feelings for you, Paris. It’s like I can't get enough of you.”

I blinked a few times. I was completely taken aback. I have never heard Colton’s voice this passionate before.

“And I know you’ll say its too late, but-“

“It is,” I cut him off by saying. “It is too late, Col. I love you, and I always will, but I don’t have those feelings for you anymore. I’m beginning to doubt if I ever did.”

The way his eyes swam in pain almost made  me stop and hug him, but then I remembered why I was so pissed at him in the first place. My face hardened instantly.

“And then just when I thought you couldn’t get any more selfish. Did you really dig up shit on Fabian and use it against him for him to stay away from me? Did you Colton? Please tell me you didn’t.”

He opened his mouth a few times, but he couldn’t speak. I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes at this.

For some sick reason, at the back of my mind I was secretly hoping that he didn’t do all that. I was holding onto that little hope that my best friend, the best friend that saved me from a broken ride, tracked my period every month just to get me my favourite cookies and stood up to every bully for me, would do something like this.

And so I realized that my anger wasn’t anger at all. It was fear of the truth that would inevitably lead to hurt—that very pain that struck my heart when he couldn’t tell me that he did no such thing.

“Wow,” I whispered. He reached out for me but I immediately flinched away. “Did you even know the full story? Did you even care to learn how it all went down?”

“No but the facts-“

“Stop it Colton! He did nothing wrong. NOTHING. We all agreed that if his mind was there, he could’ve helped that girl. But Fabian isn’t responsible for that girl dying.”

Confusion twisted on his face as he was stunned into silence.

“Didn’t know that huh? But guess what? After you so boldly threatened to reveal the ‘truth’ unless he stays away from me. Or, I don’t know, guilt tripping him into staying away from me so that he wouldn’t ‘hurt me’, I took matters into my own hands and found out the truth. Turns out, the whole story is twisted. The poor guy was traumatized, scorned, rebuked! For something he didn’t do!”

“Paris I-“

“And to make it worse, just when he was recovering from it all, my overprotective best friend uses the one thing he hates himself the most for, to keep the girl he’s falling for away from him. Did you even stop to consider how it made him feel? Plus, you refused to tell me! I asked and asked and you wouldn’t tell me. Is that what you call ‘protecting me’? Huh?”

Despite everything, my voice wasn’t raised and I didn’t sound angry. I sounded more like a mother scolding a child rather than a full blown argument. I really needed to show him what he did wrong rather than starting a fight with him.

Again, he didn’t answer, so I continued.

“I guess it's my fault. I let you believe that you are to protect me from everything. And  I get that you were only looking out for me, Colton. I really do. But blackmail, scheming and secrecy is not the way. If I’m your best friend and you really were trying to protect me from being hurt, you should’ve come to me instead of doing what you did. It was a really shitty thing to do, Colton, and I don’t know if I could see you the same anymore.”

This surely woke him up.

His eyes widened and his hand reached out for me again. This time I let him hold me.

“Okay you’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. I had no idea it went deeper than that. But I can't lose you Paris. Please.”

Before I said anything, I slowly shrugged him off before adjusting the bag strap on my shoulder.

“Don’t worry Col. You won't lose me. We go too far back to end now. But I think we might need some space to think and figure out life as individuals rather than ‘Colris’. I wasn’t lying when I said I still love you. You’re my best friend. But I need to know that my best friend—the one who stole my doughnut four years ago to bribe me into friendship— is still in there somewhere.”

And with that, I turned on my heels as a single tear rolled down my cheek.

“And yes, I do love him, Colton. I knew you were about to ask. I love him, and there is nothing you can do to get between us again.”

I didn’t look back to see his reaction, but I could feel his gaze piercing through my back as I walked through the empty hall.

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