49. OUR ROOM

-"Why're you crying Jaan?"

-"I'm not." I said looking down.

-"Is it because of my behavior?" He asked and I stayed silent. "Jaan. Say something. And don't try to lie because we both knows that you can't lie to me. So tell me, are you crying because of me? Yes or no?" He asked sternly and I nodded looking down. He left me and moved away.

"When you can't tolerate my cold behaviour, then what was the need to hide everything from me?! Tell me!" He yelled.

-"You knows everything?" I asked being shocked.

-"Of course I knows. You thought that you can hide this big thing from me and I'll not get to know?"

-"I'm sorry. I....."

-"What sorry? What your sorry will do? You've already proved that even if you agreed to live with me, still you don't trusts me."

-"No Faisal. It's not like that. I trusts you, in fact I was going to tell you about everything before leaving Nevada, but you were in so hurry to come here that I didn't got time."

-"You could have tell me in flight."

-"But you was not even talking to me and you yourself told me to stay silent so I......." He pulled me closer and hugged me.

-"I'm sorry Jaan. I was feeling like you're betraying me by hiding this much big thing. I'm really sorry for my behaviour."

-"Faisal?" I looked at him and asked "You don't have any problem with it right?"

-"What? Why will I have any problem with your illness?"

-"Illness? What illness?" I asked being confused.

-"Jaan? I'm talking about your brain inflammation."

-"Brain inflammation?"

-"Yes Jaan your reports are telling this. Lia gave me these." He went to drawer and showed me an envelope. I looked at the reports. So this was the reason behind my headaches. "You don't know about this?" He asked.

-"No Faisal. I didn't got the reports the day I went, doctor told me that he'll send me when it'll be ready."

-"If you don't know then what were you talking about?" He asked.

It means he don't know about my operation. Should I tell him now? But what if he doesn't accept me? I can't lose him again. But I also can't live while hiding this from him. It'll be wrong to keep this from him.

-"Jaan!" He shook my shoulder. I got out of my thoughts and looked at him "What happened? You were talking about what?"

-"Faisal I..... I want to tell you something but......."

-"But?"

-"I'm scared." I said looking down.

-"You're scared of me? I'm your Faisal Jaan. You don't have to be scared of me." He said cupping my face.

-"I wanted to tell you this before coming back here but I didn't got the chance. Faisal you know why I said that I don't deserve you and I'm not the one for you?"

-"I don't know."

-"It was because of my operation." I said while moving away from him.

-"Operation? What operation?" He asked. "Tell me everything clearly."

-"Faisal on your 26th birthday I went to orphanage and I got to know that the man who used to threat me has kidnapped Catherine. He told me to come to an abandoned place alone if I want to save her. I went there and got to know that it's David. He said dirty words to me and was talking low of you and I shot his leg with a gun. But his men caught me and they was going to kill me but Jay came. I was unconscious when he took me to hospital. And because that men kicked my stomach so hardly I was having internal bleeding. So the doctors performed hysterectomy and then removed my uterus." I said looking down fidgeting my fingers.

"I can no longer give birth to a baby." I said and waited for his reaction looking down. But he didn't said anything. I looked up and found him looking at me.

-"Why didn't you told me earlier?" He asked without any emotion.

-"I told you I didn't get the chance......"

-"I'm asking about five months ago. You said that it happened on my 26th birthday it means years before that abortion report. Then why didn't you told me anything? When you can't get pregnant then why didn't you told me earlier?!" He yelled and walked to me, I took two steps back.

-"You would've trusted me if I would have told you that there is nothing between me and Jay? And not only I left because you told me to, I left because I don't deserves you. I can't even fulfill your dream of having your own children. I can never give you that happiness. That's why I left so that you can have someone better than me, who can give you happiness and can complete your life. That's why I didn't even wanted to return. But when I saw you crying I....... I became selfish. I forgot about that."

-"But you're my happiness Jaan. You completes me. I loves you."

-"But I can't complete your family." I said looking down and tears fell from my eyes. He hold my arm and cupped my face.

-"Look at me Jaan." He said and I look up. He wiped my tears.

-"Faisal. I'm sorry I....."

-"Shh..... Listen to me Jaan. I loves you and you're my life, my happiness, my everything, and even my family. That operation was required to save your life, and I'm very thankful to Jay who took right decision and saved you."

-"But Faisal....."

-"Jaan. It should be the last time when we're discussing about this topic. Keep it in mind Jaan that you're most important to me than any other thing in this world. And yes I wanted to have kids but I don't cares if we will have one or not. I only cares about you and as long as you're with me, I don't want anything. Your love and care is enough for me." He said.

-"Really? You're accepting me?" I asked holding his hands looking at him hopefully.

-"You don't have to ask this. Because I've accepted you many times ago and you're mine." He said and I hugged him.

-"Thank you Faisal. I thought that you'll not accept me after knowing this."

-"You're mine Jaan. You're just mine. And I don't care about whatever that'll happen, you'll be mine still."

After sometimes he broke the hug and took me to bed.

-"Now sleep my love." He said and I lied on bed's left side. He's on right side. I found him looking at me.

-"What happened?" I asked and he just forwarded his arm.

-"I want you in my arms." He said and I went near him. I hold him closer wrapping my hands around his torso.

-"I love you Faisal."

-"I love you too Jaan." He replied and kissed my forehead. Thank you God, for giving me my love. I'm so blessed to have him in my life.

"I'm the blessed one to have you." He said and I looked at him shocked. He just smiles and pecked my nose "Good night wifey."

-"Good night hubby." I said smiling back and then we drifted to sleep.

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I opened my eyes and find myself sleeping in his room on his bed. I sat on bed. My head is paining again. I closed my eyes and leaned back on headrest while holding my head. I felt a touch on my head. I immediately opened my eyes and found him sitting besides me. He started massaging my head gently.

-"It's paining?" He asked and I nodded "We'll go to doctor today itself."

I looked at him clearly, he's wearing tshirt and pjs.

-"What time it is?"

-"It's 9 am."

-"It's 9 am and here you're still on bed? You don't have to go office?" I asked removing his hands from my head.

-"Relax Jaan. I'm not going to office today."

-"Why?" I asked and he lye on bed again.

-"After more than three years we both're together today. I want to spend time with you. And today we've to go at hospital also."

-"And office work?"

-"Tomorrow."

-"Okay. Your choice. But you know what Faisal? I know how much responsibility you have. Always remember that I never want to come in between your work, so you don't have to take leave because of me and your work is more important. " I said and was going to get down from bed but he hold my hand. I turns and looked at him.

-"No. Work is not important than you because you're the most important thing for me in this world." He said.

-"You're so cheesy."

-"I'm just saying the truth."

-"Fine. Now leave my hand I've to get fresh and then I've to arrange my stuff in your room." I said and he immediately sat on bed glaring at me.

-"My room?" He asked annoyingly.

-"Sorry. I mean our room." I said but he looked away leaving my hand.

"Faisal." I called him but he didn't turned.

"Faisal! I said na I'm sorry." I said whining but he didn't looked at me.

"Husband!" I shouted but no reaction. Fine. Now I'm gonna use my way.

I put my hands around his neck and pecked his cheek. Then immediately I removed my hands away from him and sat like I'd done nothing. It took him some time to process what just happened. He looked at me with big eyes being in shock.

-"What you just did?" He asked.

-"What I did?" I said innocently.

-"Don't try to be innocent. Tell me what you've done."

-"I just kissed you. Is anything wrong in it?" I asked cutely.

-"Yes." He said smirking. I can sense that he's upto something so it's better for me to escape. I tried to get down from bed. From tried I mean just tried. Because in a millisecond he pulled me to himself holding my waist. "After doing stuff like this you're trying to escape?" He said huskily.

-"What stuff? I just simply kissed you."

-"That was not a kiss baby, that was a peck. If you do kiss then do it properly." He said looking at my lips. "And if you don't know how to, I can teach you how to initiate a kiss." He said and then moved his lips closer to mine. I put my hand on my mouth and he looked at me.

"Jaan!" He said annoyingly.

-"What Jaan? Don't you remember your punishment? You'll not kiss me Or touch me if I said no."

-"I remember. But you were the one who kissed me first and now I want to kiss you back properly."

-"But I'm saying no. No you can't kiss me now." I said and pushed him away. He fell on bed and I ran in bathroom.

-"This is not over yet Jaan!" He shouted.

I giggled while closing the door. I took a bath and got ready wearing a floral print white sweater and black warm pjs as it's still pretty cold afer rain. I closed bathroom door and looked around in room. He's not here so I went downstairs because I know where he'll be. In kitchen of course.

-"What you're cooking?" I asked entering the kitchen but he didn't answered. "Faisal. I'm asking you." Again silence. He's not even looking at me. "Fine. Don't talk to me." I said and went upstairs again. If he wants to ignore me then let it be, I'll make him speak to me. I started arranging my stuff in his.... I mean our room.

I went in closet, yes there's a big walk in closet and it's before bathroom. Firstly I thought that there is only one door which is of bathroom but that door is of closet and then there is another door inside which is of bathroom.

I opened a bag, there is a big black teddy bear on top of it. It's stitched from various parts, I remember finding it in dustbin in very bad condition.

Before leaving from here I had broken the recorder in which I used to record messages for Faisal, then I threw it in dustbin and found this teddy. I put the teddy in bottom corner of closet. I looked at all of my books in bag. I took out an anatomy book and opened it, turned some pages. I closed it with a sigh and put all of my biology and medical related books in bottom of closet hiding them, so that I can no longer feel sad by looking at them. I put my business related books in his bookshelf.

After that I went again in closet sat on floor in Indian style. I started taking out clothes from bag and put them on floor, thinking how to arrange them. I kept taking out clothes and after five minutes I'm surrounded with clothes scattered all around. Still I don't know how to arrange them. This is the thing I hates the most. I don't know how to arrange clothes. God! Why this is so hard!

-"Jaan!" I heard his voice. I turned and found him entering through door. He looked at me shocked. "What're you doing?"

-"Arranging clothes."

-"Like this? Sitting on floor with your clothes lying everywhere on floor?" He said looking at clothes around me.

-"It's Zoya's style. Any problem?" I said looking at him in attitude.

-"Want any help?"

-"You're talking to me?! Oh God! How can you do this Faisal?" I said shouting dramatically. He rolled his eyes and looked at me giving so done look.

-"I'm so done with you." He murmured.

-"We've just started our new life and you're already done with me." I said angrily.

-"If you'll do these kind of thing then I have to think about my decision to bring you back."

-"Oh really! First of all Mr. don't be in this misunderstanding that you've brought me here. Because the truth is that I've agreed to come here."

-"You're the one who is in misunderstanding. Because I've brought you here."

-"No! You are. I myself agreed to come here because you cried and if ......."

-"Here! Now you said yourself. You came because I cried means because of me."

-"No way! You didn't let me complete my sentence. I said that because you cried and if I wouldn't have wanted to come back then you, Mr. Khan could've never brought me here."

-"You're wrong Mrs. Khan because I would have forcefully brought you back."

-"Then why were you begging and crying there?"

-"I wasn't."

-"You were."

-"Do you have any proof?" He said leaning on wall.

-"I saw you."

-"I don't believe you."

-"You will not. But others will." I said and he laughed.

-"No one will believe that I, The Faisal Khan can cry or beg."

-"You're too evil! I hate you Mr. Khan!" I shouted.

-"I know you love me." He said smiling.

-"Are you deaf? I said I HATE YOU!"

-"I'm not deaf and I heard that you love me."

-"Faisal!" I shouted in frustration.

-"Yes Jaan. I know you don't love me." He said looking down sadly.

-"No! I didn't mean that. I love you."

-"Look now you yourself confirmed that you don't hate me." He said smirking.

-"This is cheating. You knows that I can't see you being sad. I'm not letting you win this argument."

-"I've already won this argument baby."

-"Aah haaa....." I whined like a child. "I don't want to talk to you. Let me do my work."

-"You're doing work? I think you're making mess."

-"What is your problem? Am I asking help from you?"

-"No."

-"Then why're you interfering? Shut your mouth now."

-"Okay." He said and put finger on his lips. I glared at him.

-"Why're you standing here?"

-"You've told me to stay quiet so I'm silent. But I'm not going to leave."

-"Why?!"

-"Because I want to see your mess.... I mean work."

-"You don't need to. So please leave."

-"I'm not going anywhere. And let me remind you that it's not only your room's closet, this room is mine also we both have equal rights in this room."

-"Fine then. Keep standing."

-"I know...."

-"Shut up." I said and he stand while leaning on wall putting finger on his lips. I took out all clothes from bags and now there's no space left to put more clothes on floor. I looked around confused. I heard him laughing. I glared at him and he hide his mouth with his hands.

"Faisal!" I whined. He walked to me.

-"Oh my cute little wifey!" He said pulling my cheeks. I looked at him pouting. "Don't give me this look otherwise I'll die because of your cuteness."

-"Don't speak that d word."

-"Okay. Now let me help you." He said and sat on floor besides me. "Firstly categorize. Formal and casual outfits. Then....." He kept telling me how to arrange clothes and put my clothes in wardrobe properly.

After some time

-"So all your clothes are arranged now and this side has all your party wears, and in these bottom cupboards you can put your other personal things. And on this side we'll keep your footwears." He said signing towards left cupboard.

-"But I don't have much footwears."

-"I know. That's why we'll go for shopping. But now let's have breakfast, it's almost 11."

-"It took two hours?" I exclaimed.

-"Yes darling. Now let's eat something, I'm very hungry." He said and was going to turn when I interrupted

-"But you didn't even freshed up."

-"Jaan. Look at me properly." He said signing towards himself. "I've already taken bath before you got up. And can't you see that my beard is also trimmed, it was long till yesterday and today morning I trimmed it before shower."

-"I didn't noticed."

-"Right. You're the only girl who don't notice things about me." He murmured.

-"Excuse me? You want to say that other girls notices every single thing about you but your wife doesn't? Great." I said annoyingly and went out of room. He followed me.

-"Jaan I didn't mean that."

-"You did." I walked downstairs and he is behind me.

-"Jaan......."

-"I don't notices things about you? How can you say that?"

-"Jaan I'm sorry I......"

-"Can you name a single person who noticed that you has a small purple dot in your left eye other than your mom?" I asked while turning to him.

-"No."

-"Is there anyone who noticed your love for football except your two friends?"

-"No."

-"Is there anyone who noticed that you make paintings and sketches?"

-"No. Even Fero and Rehan don't know about it." He asked shocked.

-"Has anyone noticed that you have one white hair?"

-"You've seen my single white hair?" He asked unbelievably.

-"Of course. And has anyone noticed that you holds pen with your thumb and middle finger just like I does? Anyone noticed that you touches your only ring in hand whenever you're jealous or nervous? Has anyone noticed that you likes to wear watch in right hand and not in left? Has anyone noticed that you can't wink? Has anyone noticed that you have a mole near your right eyebrow? Has anyone noticed that you hates someone touching you? Tell me?" I said everything fastly in one breath that now I can't breath properly. I sighed and looked at him. He was just looking at me without any emotion on his face. I rolled my eyes at him and went to dining table for drinking water.

I felt two hands circling my waist from behind.

-"I love you Jaan." He said in my ears putting head on my shoulder and just as kissed my cheek.

-"Faisal....." I was going to speak but he didn't let me.

-"Say it back."

-"I love you Faisal. Happy?"

-"Hmm."

-"Now leave me and let me do my work."

-"You can do your work but I'm not going to leave you."

-"Faisal?" I called him irritatingly.

-"Jaan!" He said back with same tone.

-"You're unbelievable." I muttered and he again kissed my cheek.

-"Jaan. I'm sorry. I was just teasing you. But you know what? I didn't knew that you knows this much about me."

-"When you don't tells me anything about yourself then I've to notice and learn myself." I said looking down.

I realized my words. Crap! Why I said that? I immediately turned to him.

"I'm sorry. I really sorry. I just spoke anything without thinking. I'm sorry I....."

-"Stop. You don't have to apologize Jaan." He said and hold my arms. "You said truth. And yes truth hurts but still it's truth. It's your right to know every little thing about me and now, when we've started our new life, I'll not keep anything from you and will tell you everything."

-"You're not angry right?"

-"Nope." He said. I smiles and he kissed my forehead. "Now let's eat something. I've cooked food with my love for you."

Then we both had breakfast and then went to hospital.

NEXT DAY

FAISAL'S POV

I woke up and found my Jaan sleeping in my arms. I looked at her sleeping face and noticed that she has became very skinny. Honestly speaking, she was very small as compared to muscular me, but now she is so much skinny. Her cheeks used to be chubby but now her cheekbones are clearly visible. Even her collarbone looks more defined now and her hands have become very thinner they're looking like only skin and bones.

Yesterday we'd went to hospital and Dr. Rodrigo, a neurology specialist had checked her. He told me that the reason of her brain inflammation is depression. He said that in most cases depression comes after inflammation due to hormones change but in her case, the reason is depression itself. He asked me if she is taking any kind of anti depressant medicines and having any kind of panic attacks, I said that I only know about one panic attack three years ago. He told me to check any kind of medicines she is taking.

I remember that medicines which she was hiding in plane. I should check them. Now she is sleeping, it's just 5:30 and she'll be asleep for about three more hours I guess. It's perfect time to investigate. I removed her hands from my body carefully and she turned to other side. I got down from bed and covered her with comforter properly. I looked at her innocent sleeping face and kissed her forehead. "Love you Jaan." I said and went to closet closing the door silently.

I went to that basket where we puts our clothes for laundry. I found her jacket that she was wearing that day. I checked in it's pocket but found nothing. She would've taken it out. I went to dressing table and checked her jewelry box. It has nothing except her some earings and bracelets. I checked the drawers and found some makeup. I also checked my side of drawers but why'll she put her things in my drawers.

I found nothing but realised one thing that I uses more products than her, even she has no jewelry at all. I have about seventy watches and she don't even has ten earrings. My Jaan is very simple, and her simplicity is her beauty. As much I'll know her, I'll fall harder. I sighed and a smile crept on my face.

I realized my motive for coming here. Man! Calm down. You can think about your love as much as you want but firstly do your work. Find that medicines. Fero says right, I'm so mad in love.

I looked around and my eyes went to a bag. It's her purse. I started checking in it. I found some medicines in it. I finally found them. I clicked their photos in my phone and send them to doctor. His reply came within two second and he told me to stop her from taking any medicines. He send me a prescription for her medicines and told me to start her medicines from today morning itself. I told Zack to bring medicines.

Now I should go and make breakfast for us. But firstly, I should take a bath. I opened the closet and found her clothes in it. I forgot that now I shares this closet with my wife. I was going to close it but my I noticed a black fury thing in bottom. I bend down and looked at it. It's that black teddy bear, my birthday gift. I realised that how I had thrown it in dustbin after tearing it in anger. But she has assembled it together by stitching just like she has assembled my broken life.

I used to put this teddy on my bed, I'll keep it there now also. I took it out from and my eyes went to some books. But she has kept her books in bookshelf, then these. I took them out. They're biology and medical related books. But why she has hide them here? Wait.... Oh sh*t! I completely forgot about her studies. I remember hearing in that recording that she left her pre med studies as she wasn't able to handle her business studies and company as well with that.

It was her dream to become a doctor. But she left it because of me. I also found a photo frame in it. It's her parents and her brother in this frame. Her parents.....

My parents said that I betrayed them by marrying someone without their knowledge and they don't want to keep relation with me.

I remembered that recording. I started feeling like my heart is sinking. My Zoya. My Jaan left her everything for me. She left her studies, her parents, her happiness, she didn't even thought about herself once.

I'm the worst husband in this world. I proudly says that I'm her husband, I'll not let her feel sad, I'll give her happiness when I'm the one to snatch her happiness. I'm feeling like I've myself cut my Angel's wings. I'm feeling guilty.

I've to do something to make her happy. I can't bring her parents here tomorrow itself and can't even let her complete ger studies as her health is not fine. But I've an idea.

Be ready Jaan.