𝟎𝟐𝟖. 𝗁𝖺𝗅𝖿 𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗎𝗋𝗇

𝟎𝟐𝟖. 𝗁𝖺𝗅𝖿 𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗎𝗋𝗇

💌𝖿𝗋𝗆 𝗌𝗒𝖽 𝗉𝗈𝗏

for four years i decided to attend the university of connecticut, to get far away from home as possible only for home to be right there waiting for me.

at least i dreaded college from more than anything because i was slapped dead in the middle of nowhere studying an major i could any fucks about and an shitty boyfriend who never once prioritized me.

yeah it took 3 loooong years but it was 3 long years i would do all over anything if it meant me meeting paige at that bar, she had became someone special and important to me, someone i depended on and someone i loved truly from the depths of my heart.

to be graduating with her by my side was an blessing and i had nobody but god to thank for, "you look so pretty", eden squeals at me as i turn around in the long blue gown along with the blue grad cap.

but it was little moments like these i was sad for, graduating meant a new chapter in my life. a chapter where i have to leave others behind to succeed what's coming near future which left me to wonder if new york was the right choice.

"stop i can see you gears turning in your head now, stop overthinking sydney. you did it.", she tells me wrapping her arms around me pulling me into an warm hug. "you made it this far, you have give yourself props for that", she whispers pulling away from the hug.

i smile at her shaking away the thoughts because she was right, graduating and moving onto bigger things is a good thing not a bad thing and i shouldn't treat it as such because a lot of people don't get this opportunity.

"here stand by the husky so i can take a picture of you", she points at the husky logo behind me and I laugh slightly as I walk back a bit and take a couple pictures with her. she was definitely somebody i was going to miss being around every day but she was only a phone call away.

after taking some more pictures we finally make into the graduation ceremony, i quickly look around spotting for my baby but she was further up with her last name ending with a b and mines with an m.

an series of names was called until i heard hers, "paige bueckers", the announcer called and everybody cheered because she was an known student athlete but i made sure i cheered the loudest.

she griddy across the stage and i face palmed myself because she was never serious, a little after my name was called, "sydney mcclain", i didn't expect much of cheer but i was proven wrong when all the girls from the team, eden and paige screamed from the top of their lungs for me. i felt nothing but joy to have an support system and an family like them to call my own.

💌

after graduation, we all went out for fancy dinner to congratulate all the graduates in our circle,  we had already had our meals and now we were just conversing with each other.

"congratulations to all of you lovely successful ladies, watching you for this past year has only inspired me that i can also do it as long as i believe it, im a little sad to see some of you go but i know it's only for the better and that you'll always be here mentally in my hearts... i just want to say congratulations again and im so proud of each and every one of you", kk says giving an heart warming speech which shocked me a bit because i dont think i've never seen her this serious.

we clink our glasses together and take an sip in order of kk speech before mingling back to our conversations amongst each other, "you did it mama", paige praises me as she leans down grabbing an end of my chair and pulling close to her as if i wasn't already wrapping her arm around the back of my chair.

i smile at her leaning my head on her chest making her place the bottom of her chin on my forehead, "no we did it baby", i correct her and she hums kissing my temple. there's an wave of comfortable silence between us even though the restaurant was filled with chatter and the obnoxious laughs our friends it was always peace with her no matter where we were.

she grips the end of my chin making me lean my neck back meeting eyes with her, her face hovers of me mines as she gives me an series of pecks on my lips.

"im so proud of you mama and everything you've accomplished so far... im so happy to see you grow in the future and become the woman you want to be and i want you to know that ill always always be by your side no matter what happens", she whispers placing a kiss on my cheek.

i smile at her but for some reason i felt that pang in my heart, all her words were good but she talked as if something was going to happen between us. "i-", she looks at me with glossy eyes and that's when i knew, "baby", i warn her not wanting her to cry because this was suppose to be a good night of celebration.

i excuse us from the table and take us outside before her tears start to fall. hey hey baby... what's wrong?", i ask her worried as she hold her head in place with the palms of my hands.

tears slapped against her face and she licks them with the tip of her tongue, "sydney i can't bare to see you leave when all this is over, i know we promised not to worry about it but it's all i can think about it... not seeing you everyday or not being to hear you or talk to you or cuddle with you... i-it's hard", she cries.

i shake my head, "no no baby... we can do this remember we just have to be 100% in and there's phone and messages and plane rides... I baby remember", i choke trying my best not to tear up as well.

she looks at me with sorrow, "im not 100% in sydney, and i don't want to be the one who makes you stay but i can't be the one you leave behind", she says.

i stand there a bit shocked, "we have to try... we deserved to try... baby no we have to at least try", i plead on my last straw tears running heavy down my face ruining my makeup.

"YOU PROMISED ME", i yell as i wave the promise ring in her face. "NO P YOU PROMISED ME... this isn't fair", i cry and she pulls into a tight hug. it was weird how i accepted comfort from someone who was causing me pain.

i cry into her shoulder, "im sorry sydney but we both know this isn't going to work... i love you too much to even let us go through that...", she tells me and i push her away.

"but you're leaving me paige, you lied about the promises and you lied about being able to try... you dont hurt the people you love", i say with an bitter tone. "no sydney you know that's not fair, you know i love you", she says with an sad face her eyes still glossy pulling her lips in between her teeth.

there's an silence as we sat in front of the restaurant watching the cars go by and the sounds of the world flowing in and out of our ears. "sydney", she speaks pulling me by my arm but I snatch it away.

"fuck you", i spat at her going back inside and grabbing my things ignoring the looks on our friends face knowing they most likely saw our argument but the end of relationship.

eden quickly follows behind me as i slip my coat onto my shoulders and leave the restaurant, paige still stands outside and calls out for my name but i ignore her and everything around me.

i think i was more angry that she let us go that easy but even more angrier that i allowed myself to fall deep in love again, allowed myself to share my story with somebody and trust somebody on such a deep level.

that night i cried for hours and hours and i couldn't even sleep, i fiddled with the ring debating whether if i should take it off or not. i thought about the plans we had for the summer such as the cruise and spending time with her family but all that was long gone.

our friends texted me and called all night trying to check up on me but i didn't have the energy to speak with anyone and my throat was physically tired from all the crying. eden stayed with the whole night standing outside of my door checking up on me every other hour.

what had life come to?

💌𝖾𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝖿 𝖼𝗁𝖺𝗉𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝟢𝟤𝟪，

𝗁𝖺𝗅𝖿 𝗋𝖾𝗍𝗎𝗋𝗇．

𝖺𝗎𝗍𝗁𝗈𝗋 𝗇𝗈𝗍𝖾

........