CH 3.2

While I was in the Temple, I wanted to meet Yohan. But I couldn’t meet Yohan because His Holiness ordered me to go home right away. Instead, I grabbed a priest and asked him to tell Yohan that I wanted to meet him. The priest didn’t answer and just stared at me. Poor thing. I decided not to hate the priest. Because even at that moment, Yohan was fighting fiercely with the desire to leave the priesthood because of me.

When I went back home, my parents called me. They advised me to stop supporting the family’s mages and knights. They also told me to let go of the things I was learning little by little. They told me my younger siblings would continue what I used to do. I told them that they couldn’t do such a difficult job because they were still young, but my parents said they would be fine.

Then my parents recommended that I go on a trip. Asking: is there any place you want to go? They told me to rest for a while in a place with good air and water.

“What do you mean rest? There’s no time for rest when I’m busy preparing for a war that may break out at any time.”

“Tite… I beg you, please. Stay away from the capital for a while. Go and get your thoughts straight.”

“Father, mother, why do you look at me like that? I’m Tite. Tite Rivero. I’m your proud eldest daughter.”

“Yes, Tite. You were our proud daughter. So please, I beg you. Leave the capital for a while and come back as a proud daughter again.”

Their opinions were so stubborn that I couldn’t win against them. So I decided to go on a trip for a while.

I met some friends I had been distant before I went on a trip. They were polite and good-natured boys and girls from prestigious families who were suitable to be friends of the Rivero family’s eldest daughter. They welcomed me like they did when we first met. It was really nice to meet my friends after a long time. I reflected on myself for being distracted by love and neglecting friendship for a while.

My friends gently grabbed my hand and said,

“Tite, we understand how you feel about His Eminence. He’s such a beautiful, holy and wonderful person. He is also kind. However, Tite, even if your feeling is true, you should know how to hide it if it hurts him. That’s consideration for the person you love and real love.”

I didn’t want to argue with my friends I hadn’t seen in a long time. But the topic of conversation they wanted was something I couldn’t back down. After all, it was a story about our love that I should never give up.

“Love is a beautiful thing. Why do I have to hide it?“

“Because your love is harmful to him.”

“His Eminence loves me. Why is it harmful when we both love each other?”

“Tite… He’s a priest.”

“There are many priests with mistresses. I told him I’m fine even if I stay as his mistress. We can get married later once he retires.”

“Tite. You don’t understand. Forcing a one-sided feeling is like rape.”

It was my friends who didn’t understand. If by any chance. If we’re destined to be together, but —though this wouldn’t happen— he were a man with a family, then I’d hide my love. He and I love each other for sure, but we can’t destroy a decent family.

But Yohan and I were a young man and woman without a partner. We loved each other so much. But they told me to hide my love, that’s weird.

Forcing a one-sided feeling is like rape? My love is not a crime. Our love is not something to hide. Our love is pure. It’s not ugly. A boy and a girl fell in love at first sight. Is there such a fateful encounter in the world? My friends kept telling me to hide our relationship, which should have been widely known and deserves to be blessed. Why would I do that?

I couldn’t understand my friends.

“Tite, if you insist on your love for the Cardinal, we won’t be your friends. Are you okay with that?”

Oh, really. It really broke my heart when my friends whom I thought would last my whole life said that. But I hid it. I shouldn’t have been caught. If the great Tite Rivero cried about this, everyone would think I’m ridiculous.

“I love you guys so much. But I love Yohan more than you guys. I can’t breathe without him. Don’t stop my love.”

“I’m not telling you to stop your love. I’m telling you to hide, conceal and not reveal it. We also love him. So Tite, let’s just watch him from afar together.”

My friends were completely mistaken. My friends and I were in different situations.

“It’s natural that His Eminence doesn’t love you guys. I’m different. His Eminence loves me.”

My friends stood up one by one without a word and left me quietly. I found out that my friendship with them was over and I cried because I was a little sad.

I was taken aback to learn on the day of departure that I could not return to the capital for a long time because my parents decided on the itinerary peremptorily. Oh, my God, 1 year? I couldn’t believe I wouldn’t be able to come back to the capital for so long and see him. It was heartbreaking.

I was fine. But what about him? What about Yohan? How painful would it be for him, who was trapped in the Temple with the heaviest burden of all mankind and repeating his boring daily life, to find out later that I was going to a faraway place?