CH 4/1

That day, a little over a year after being trapped in the basement, Yohan came to me. I was expecting something unusual to happen. The maids suddenly came in and tied me to a chair. I was counting the number of bugs caught in the spider web while being tied to a chair, and the basement door opened and Yohan came in.

I was surprised. I was embarrassed at the same time. If I had been told in advance, I would have brushed my hair before I got tied to the chair. Though there was no brush, I had my fingers. If I was told in advance, I might have asked for more porridge. At that time, I was so skinny that I had only bones left and my skin was ruined. If I had been told in advance, I would have asked for water to wash my face even though I was starving. It was literally a mess because I couldn’t wash it for a long time.

The blond hair that I bragged about was dry and rough due to lack of nutrition after cutting it short to give it to Yohan. His eyes must have been blurred and powerless. To be honest, I didn’t want to show myself to Yohan. But at the same time, I got worked up. I wanted to prove to my parents that he doesn’t change his mind even after he sees me in this state.

So I called him.

“Yohan! You came to see me!”

“Senator Rivero, you’re going too far with your daughter.”

“Your Eminence, I couldn’t help it. This was all for you and my daughter.”

“Even so, she is your daughter.”

“Your Eminence, you are a victim. You don’t have to worry about that.”

Surely, Yohan was surprised to see me. And he scolded my parents for making me like this. I love Yohan even if he looks like a beggar, but at the same time, I would have been heartbroken. So did Yohan. There was no mirror, but I could fully imagine how I looked and how heartbroken Yohan was. I was hurt as though it broke my heart.

“Yohan, I’m fine. Please forgive my parents.”

“Haah…”

Yohan breathed out a very long sigh. It was really a very long sigh. It was  so long that it was like the sigh of someone who wanted the world to end.

He pointed at me and said.

“First, please loosen that rope.”

“No, Your Eminence. It’s a measure for your sake.”

“Young Lady Rivero won’t hurt me.”

“Of course, Your Eminence! How can I hurt you who I love! I’d rather die!”

“… She won’t hurt me.”

“No, Your Eminence. That girl is. My daughter has already lost her ability to judge correctly.”

Yohan wasn’t the only one from the Temple. Cardinal Jun, who used to be the youngest cardinal before Yohan, was with him. He spoke to my father.

“Why did you ask for us when you knew she had lost it?”

“I wanted… to give her a last chance. Your Eminences, the holy ones! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to this lacking father’s request!”

“I can’t help it because it’s the request of the Rivero family… tsk.”

Cardinal Jun glared at me and, Yohan, my love approached me. The approaching steps were slow and cautious. It was natural. It had been almost a year since we met. My heart felt like it was going to bounce out and I was so overwhelmed like I was flying in the sky. Yohan stood in front of me carefully.

“Young Lady Rivero. Do you recognize who I am?”

“Of course! Your Eminence, Cardinal Yohan! Blessed by the goddess, the one who will bring an end to the war for mankind. The man I love! The man who loves me!”

“She’s crazy.”

Cardinal Jun was on the side of the priests. He clicked his tongue. Yohan met me after a long time and asked people to leave as it was hard to suppress his passion.

“I want to have a conversation alone with Young Lady Rivero for a while.”

“No, you can’t, Cardinal Yohan. It’s dangerous.”

“Yes… although I’m her father, it’s dangerous, Your Eminence.”

“Young Lady Rivero is bound and I am a person with divine power. If you’re worried about me, a man, being left alone with her, I swear to God that nothing will happen.”

“I’m certainly not!”

Father and Cardinal Jun left the basement. That’s how we were left alone in the basement. I expressed my feelings to Yohan without hiding anything.

“I love you! I love you, Yohan! It’s just the two of us! You don’t have to hide it!”

Yohan didn’t answer right away. He’s always been like that. He always responded to my confession with silence. If I didn’t know how he felt, I might have cried because I was sad. For countless times, days, and maybe for the rest of my life.

Yohan couldn’t look away from me. I wonder if it was because my appearance hurt his heart. He closed his eyes tightly and then gritted his teeth. He didn’t look away from me. It was a determined look. He didn’t say it, but I could tell.

“Young Lady Rivero, I was born with the blessing of the Holy God. On the day I was born, God gave an oracle. This child will end the war. No one else can do that but this child. My life has existed for him since I was born.”

“I know, of course. I support Yohan’s will. So I’m okay with being your mistress. Platonic is fine if you’re worried about your chastity vow. So please.”

“I don’t discriminate against street vagrants, senators from former royal families, priests, farmers, and merchants. All mankind is touched by the love of the Holy God, and my love for them is fair.”

“You are the best cardinal.”

“So Young Lady Rivero, I love you. But that love is love for all people, not a love affair between a man and a woman. You are not special to me.”

I was a little disappointed by the look in his eyes. Yohan told me the same lie as before when I met him after a year. I hid my disappointment and denied it exactly the same way.

“It’s special.”

“You are like everyone else to me.”

“You know it’s not the same.”

“You mean nothing to me.”

“You love me.”

He couldn’t even express his love freely because he was pressured by his duty. If it wasn’t for me, it would have been a great performance. Fortunately, I didn’t doubt his feelings.

He loves me. It might be different if we haven’t met, but since we have met, it’s an unchangeable truth