chapter 30

I close my eyes and I concentrate on positivity, how life was before all this happened, when I had my

parents and their love was unconditional. How they were always there for me no matter what they

held my hand through it all until the very end. My mom was always wanting to do things with me.

We did everything together. She drove me nuts on how obsessive she was, always wanting to be

right there doing everything with me, and now I wish I would have left her alone and not given her

so much shit. I feel overwhelmed with emotion thinking about my mom. Tears start flowing down

my cheeks and I snap out of it. I lose all my concentration and just bawl. Damn it I am so mad at

myself. I let my emotions get a hold of me and I lost my concentration. Now I'm going to have to

start from the beginning.

I hear a knock at the door. It opens and it's Beta. He says, “Please come join us for lunch.”

I ask, “What are we having,” with instant regret. He doesn't respond. Then I realize shit I'm only

allowed to speak at the table. Feeling dumb I know that I am going to be getting in trouble for

speaking out of turn because of his dumb fucking rules.

As we get to the dining room table I sit down. I say hi to Tonya, and she responds, “Good evening.

Lunch is being served.” I hurry and eat and ask to be excused. I've gone back to my bedroom.

I want to hurry and rush back to my room, so I can continue my meditation and concentrate on

getting Jazz back. The most important thing to me at this point in time. I sit down and try to relax,

but I am over excited knowing that I am able to bring Jazz back. My relaxation isn't going as I

wanted it to. I am not sure what I should be thinking about or even concentrate on, so, I try to think

about my family and being together as a family. My dad worked so much that he was not around

very much, but he was still an amazing dad. I know that he loved me more than anything in this

world and I just wish that I got to know him better like my mother, but his reasoning on not being

home was always to make sure that we were always taken care of. When I think of my parents

sadness overcomes me knowing that I am never going to see them again. I had such a happy life,

but thinking about that life just overwhelms me with emotion.

I get up off the floor and go into the bathroom. I decided to take a bath, so I turned the water on to

warm it up. As I am getting undressed I can hear the door unlock and the words, “I'm back my sweet

Sabrina.” I pretend I don't hear him and lay down in the tub. Of course, he barges in, and smirks at

me while I am laying in the tub. He then says, “Oh my God Sabrina, you are just so beautiful.” I don't

respond to him, I just nod my head not knowing if I'm even allowed to respond to him. He then

starts taking off his clothes and says, “Mind if I join you? Answer me Sabrina.”

I want to tell him to go to hell, but I don't. I want to be able to concentrate on getting Jazz back and

not dealing with consequences in the process of it. I respond, “Of course Alpha.” I throw up a little in

my mouth saying those words.

As he goes to get in he unplugs the tub to allow the water to go down and turns on the shower. He

reaches for my hand to help me to stand. He's never offered to help me with anything, so I allow

him to help me stand up allowing him to think he has any control of me. For now anyway until I get

Jazz back is the plan I guess.

As he put his hand on my waist I feel guilty for wanting to feel pleasure. He starts kissing my neck

down to my shoulder where he marked me. Over excited he starts caressing my breasts and a fire

lights up in between my legs. His hands trail down to my pussy. As he starts touching it I moan out

the pleasure is overwhelming. I don't understand how somebody I hate so much can make me feel

so good. All I want is for him to put his cock inside me and fuck me hard as I scream out and in

pleasure instead of pain. He is teasing me and getting me all wet for him which makes me sick, but

the pleasure is overpowering me. I don't know what making love is because I've never made love. I

only know how it feels to be fucked.

Then he whispers in my ear, “Sabrina, what do you want me to do to you?” I don't respond. I am

silent. Then he grabs my ass and says, “Sabrina, answer me. What do you want me to do to you?”

I turn around, and I tell him, “I want you to fuck me.”

He smiles and says, “That's my girl.” Then he bends me over and thrusts inside me. My body

explodes with pleasure as I scream out moaning as he fucks me hard. I lose control as I have my

orgasm. I feel relief.

I feel more relaxed than I've felt in days thinking to myself, “That's all I needed to bring Jazz back; to

lose to control.” I feel that my mind is going dark without her, and if I don't get her back soon that I

might even lose myself.

As I feel warmness going through me then I know he got off too. He kisses my forehead and says,

“Time to get cleaned up for dinner my sweet Sabrina.