Chapter 14 - Sam (Part 2)

The forest echoed the pounding of Sam’s feet as he skirted around trees, ferns brushing against his legs, and insects humming in the undergrowth. His foot tangled in a root and threw him to the ground, knocking the air out of him.

He had to get away. Away from Mik. Away from rejection. Away from the heartache and pain—if only for a few hours.

The earth clung to his wet face, showered by the tears falling down his cheeks. Huffing and puffing, he pushed himself up and pulled his legs up to his chest. His ankle hurt, having twisted it in the roots of the tree, but it was a dull ache against the searing pain in his chest. He raked his fingers through his hair as a sob burst forth.

He would never be enough for Mik. Even if he stopped the testosterone treatments that helped him with energy, mental clarity, and hormonal balance, it wouldn’t be enough. Even if the small glands in his breasts started to swell without the injections, they wouldn’t swell enough to satisfy Mik. Even though he had the double X-chromosomes of a female, he still had the Y-chromosome of a male as well.

XXY. Not quite male. Not quite female. Intersex.

He always hated the extra female chromosome. It made him feel sluggish and moody, prone to emotional outbursts, and raised his anxiety. Testosterone injections helped immensely and also stopped the little bit of swelling that was developing in his breasts.

His Klinefelter diagnosis was a huge relief and explained so much when he and Dr. Waaban discovered it. His low testosterone levels. The lack of facial and body hair. Why his penis and testes were smaller than normal. Why his breasts were starting to swell like a juvenile female’s. Why the shape of his waist and hips were more proportionate to a female’s than a male’s.

Because of his XXY chromosome set, he was also infertile. He lacked the female organs to bear pups and his male organs were too small to produce sperm. Supposedly with testosterone and fertility treatments, he could impregnate a female but it would be expensive with no guaranteed results.

He always feared telling his mate about this—believing she was female—but now that he knew Mik was his mate, his fear of not being male enough vanished.

But he’d never be the female Mik desired.

“Sam?”

He heard Cameron calling out to him but he couldn’t lift his head. Couldn’t move. His body was locked up on itself. He’d cried himself out, having sat there near Cameron’s house for an hour or two.

“Sam?” Cameron reached his side and crouched down next to him. “Hey, what’s going on?”

He stank of sweat, having finished his training and patrol duties. Sam didn’t even care about his odor. The mere fact that Cameron noticed him was enough to crack open the floodgates again.

Sam couldn’t even spit out words coherently as he wiped the mud and snot from his nose and cheeks.

Cameron helped him up and guided him to his house at the edge of the valley some fifty yards ahead. Once inside, Cameron urged him to take a hot shower and wash the muck from his face and body. When he emerged, he sat down on the couch in the living room and Cameron gave him a mug of peppermint tea. After telling him everything, Cameron was furious—sympathetic, but furious.

“He needs an ass-whooping. I don’t care if he’s your mate, he needs to be taught a lesson.”

“Please, don’t,” Sam mumbled. “What good would it do? I don’t even know at this point.”

“He can’t keep treating you like this!”

Sam hung his head, the smell and steam wafting up from the mug in his hands warmed his face. “I know. But I don’t blame him. It’s not his fault I’m male and he’s attracted to females.”

“You’re still his mate. He should give you a chance,” Cameron grumbled, his nails digging into the arm of the couch.

Sam stared down at the off-green liquid in his mug. He agreed, but what could he do? He couldn’t change who Mik was. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

“Of course.”

Sam finished his tea while Cameron showered and then disappeared to his room for some private time on the phone with his mate and pup in the city.

Curling up on the couch, Sam’s heart ached. Cameron still had issues to work out with his mate, but at least they were attracted to each other. At least they were invested in giving each other a chance.

He could hear Cameron’s pup giggling on the speakerphone through the walls. Hear Cameron tease her in a muffled voice.

Sam wanted that kind of joy. The kind of playfulness that only existed in trusting relationships.

The kind of playfulness that Andrew gave.

Sam woke after a restless night of tossing and turning on the couch when Cameron left in the morning for training and patrol duties. He had fallen asleep with his mate on the phone. Lucky wolf.

Everything that had happened since finding Mik circulated in his mind. The moment he picked up on Mik’s scent at the border, to chasing after him, to Cameron breaking his arm and leg and knocking him out, to Mik waking up in the infirmary, being strapped down on the bed, to running into his family, going to Aspen Beach, and finally back at the cabin to the kiss.

That kiss… He thought a lot about that kiss. The way Mik pushed him away only to pull him back a split-second later. He didn’t even give Sam a chance to register what was going on as he kissed Sam with more intensity than he could have imagined possible. He could feel the electricity coursing through his veins, pounding him down in his gut and his balls as desire surged through him.

He didn’t want to stop. He wanted more. He wanted to crawl on top of Mik and never pull his lips away.

It didn’t surprise him when Mik shoved him away and his butt hit the floor. Didn’t surprise him but it still hurt. How could he push him away when it felt so good?

‘This doesn’t change anything.’

‘It’s just the matebond. And nothing more.’

’There is no us.’

Could there ever be anything more?

Sam dragged his aching ass up off the couch and trudged through the forest to the cabin. It wasn’t far, but his feet were heavy like concrete blocks. He tromped slowly, lifting one heavy foot after another and wishing the earth would swallow him up.

When the cabin came into view, his heart jumped in his throat. Would Mik be mad because he didn’t come back last night or feed him?

No matter what Sam did, it would never be good enough.

Climbing up the two steps and pushing the door open, he anticipated a verbal assault but when none came, he lifted his head and looked around.

Mik was nowhere in sight. His musk lingered, still fresh and potent in the cabin, but Sam couldn’t see him anywhere.

Sam’s eyes widened. What if he made a run for it and someone in the pack took him out?

About to run back out the door and sniff him down, he heard a shout from the other side of the cabin.

Brows furrowing, he hurried across the space to the washroom, where the door was ajar. Pushing it open gingerly, he peered inside and found Mik in the tub.

“Little help?” he grunted.

Relieved that Mik hadn’t taken off, Sam reached down to help pull him up. It was a bit of a struggle as the bathroom was small and tight and Mik was a large male. “What happened?” he asked as he helped Mik up and out of the cramped bathroom.

“Nothing,” Mik grumbled as they hobbled toward the couch.

“Did you fall in?”

“No!” Mik snarled with enough force to lose his balance.

Sam, being half Mik’s size, struggled to hold him up, but they both crashed down to the floor.

Mik shoved him off. “Get off me!”

Sam clamored to his feet and stood back with his hands on his hips. He huffed. “I’m just trying to help! You’re making it more difficult than it had to be.”

“I don’t need your help!”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Clearly, you do. But if you don’t need me, I’ll go grab some clean clothes and get out of your way.”

As he turned away, Mik groaned in exasperation.

“Okay fine.”

“What was that?” Sam asked, pretending not to hear him correctly.

“I said, okay fine.”

“Okay, fine, what?”

“I need you,” Mik mumbled. “It’s hard getting around on my own. I woke up in the middle of the night to piss and I don’t know what happened but I found myself in the tub. I was too tired to try and get up so I stayed there and fell back asleep. I think I need to get my arm checked out or something because it doesn’t feel right this morning.”

Sam wasn’t expecting Mik to tell him all this, but he was glad he did. “Of course. I’ll see if Dr. Waaban can come over soon. All I wanted was a please or something.”

“Please…” Mik clenched his eyes shut and exhaled through his teeth. “Don’t… don’t leave… like that… again…”

Sam could tell that it was hard for Mik to say those words—admitting that he was physically incapable of taking care of himself (at the moment) and relying on Sam, a male, for everything that went against his nature.

Mik was at war with his nature. It demanded strength, dominance, independence—and he was none of those things. In about a week’s time, he would return to his nature, maybe a bit weaker than before but for now, it was a battle of wills.

“You need to treat me better. A little respect and decency are all I ask,” Sam muttered, looking away. “I get that I’m not what you want in a mate…” He swallowed. “I get it, I do… I don’t like it but… A little more kindness, appreciation, and respect…”

“I’ll try. I do appreciate everything,” Mik uttered in a low voice, as his stomach growled.

Sam waited for him to demand food and when he didn’t, he nodded his head. “Thanks. Would you like to have breakfast with me?”

“Yes,” Mik said before Sam could even finish asking and hesitantly added, “please.”