Chapter 23 - Sam (Part 2)

Luna stayed with Sam for several hours, comforting him, talking gently with him, telling him about the pup growing inside her. He got to feel the tiny female kick and it brought tears to his eyes. He was so glad she was feeling better and could enjoy her pregnancy now. At the same time, he was sad. He’d never have a pup of his own.

Late in the afternoon, her nine-year-old son, Animkii came home from school and visited. A sweet and thoughtful male, he was glad to see Sam awake.

They avoided the topic of Mik, even though the room was saturated in his scent. Luna and Animkii’s scents surrounded him in a loving embrace and helped to ward off the one that made his heart ache.

Eloise and Heather even came in and he almost burst into tears when he saw how big Heather’s belly was getting.

“How long was I out?” He was afraid to ask but needed to know. Heather looked like she would pop any minute. No one expected her to come close to full-term with the triplets but she looked as though she wasn’t too far away from delivery.

“Two months. About eight weeks and 2 days. It was exactly eight weeks ago today that Mik was brought in from the cells, if I’m not mistaken,” Eloise said, looking to Heather for confirmation. She nodded.

His heart sank into his gut. “Mik?” He didn’t want to talk about him but the fact that he’d been unconscious for two months with Mik by his side almost the entire time was unfathomable.

Eloise and Heather nodded, glancing at Luna with an air of caution.

“You would have died if not for that male,” Eloise said. “After Dr. Waaban’s insistence and two resuscitations, Alpha agreed to allow Mik to stay at your side, but he was not permitted to leave this room except to use the washroom.”

Heather was nodding, her face solemn before she grimaced and leaned back at the end of Sam’s bed to stretch out her spine. “They’re playing footsie again. Goddess help me with these three.”

“Fighting for position already.” Eloise shook her head with an amused smirk on her face. “Good luck.”

Thankfully, the conversation turned away from Mik, even though Sam’s thoughts repeatedly strayed to him.

He was with him the whole time? He would have died without him? He cut his hair?

‘He’s fighting for you, Sam,’ Luna’s words repeated in his head.

Why? Why was he fighting for him now? After he threw away what they had created by betraying him? Was guilt eating him alive? It should if it wasn’t.

But guilty or not, Sam didn’t want to be with someone who wouldn’t treasure him. He gave Mik and their bond a chance and it didn’t work out. Sam would never be what Mik wanted and needed.

It was better to let it go and move on.

Even if Mik was the one responsible for saving his life. He owed Mik that, like he owed Luna, Alpha, and Cameron for saving his life many years ago.

But what difference did it make whether he lived or died now? Why did they all want him to live when he just wanted to end the suffering?

When Alpha returned with fresh cuts and bandages on his face and arms, the nurses excused themselves to return to their work. The room was too crowded for the seven of them and the four beds, even though two were pushed to the side and the other was two feet away from Sam’s, loaded with Mik’s scent with a cookbook on top.

Alpha entered with Dr. Waaban at his side. Everyone stood aside as the pack doctor checked him out and put his hand on his shoulder when he was done. “Looking good, but it will take you a while to rebuild your strength back up, just like it did with Cameron. You remember that?”

“Yeah, but he and I got together during the latter half of his healing,” Sam told him.

Dr. Waaban nodded. “So you know it can be done. Lucky for you, your mate is here and can help you heal faster—”

Alpha grunted and the two exchanged dark looks while Sam grimaced at the mention of Mik.

“I’m just saying what we all know to be a fact for our kind. We heal faster when we have our mates by our side, tending to our needs and aiding in our recovery. Mik may have screwed up and he may have a lot of issues he needs to work out, but not once did he stray when he was here taking care of Sam. He showed just as much devotion to Sam as Sam did in his recovery,” Dr. Waaban stated. “I cannot stress enough the fact that Sam would have died if not for Mik’s presence, and you all know it.”

The doctor excused himself and left, the tension lingering in the air with his departure.

“He’s right,” Luna said after the silence dragged on for a minute.

“But it’s Sam’s decision,” Alpha stated.

They looked to Sam and he looked away and closed his eyes, still unable to turn his head. He didn’t want to talk about Mik—or anything for that matter. He felt emotionally drained and wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and rest.

After expressing his desire to be alone and rest, everyone nodded their heads in understanding and left. He tried to fall asleep, but his mind wouldn’t stop replaying images of him and Mik two months ago. Cooking together, cleaning the cabin together, campfires and sunsets…

Why didn’t he see the signs? Mik would rarely meet his gaze, and Sam knew he could hold it. He rarely touched him, even in passing things. They rarely talked about anything other than Sam’s studies or anything pertaining to food and upkeep of the cabin.

He should have known. Why was he so stupid? So blind?

It was all a farce. A lie. Mik was only with him to use him. Even now, when Sam was recovering from his fall, Mik was only with him because he had no other choice. He only took care of him out of guilt.

You deserve better than that, he told himself as his mind finally began to relax and allow him to drift to sleep.

It wasn’t long before Cameron ran in, excited to see him awake. He stank as if he’d come immediately after training. Sam tried not to gag when Cameron leaned in for a careful hug.

“Dude, go shower and grab some food before coming over!” Sam laughed, scrunching his nose at the foul odor.

“Alright, alright. I’ll be right back,” Cameron smirked before running back out the door and leaving a trail of his stink with him. Jerk.

He tried to get some sleep after that and again Mik entered his mind. Pushing him in a wheelchair along the boardwalk at Aspen Beach. Opening up and telling him about his family. He couldn’t confess his attempt to kill himself back then. It would have ruined the moment. Especially when Mik put his hand on his head. It was a small gesture of comfort but at that moment, it meant the world to him.

Then he ruined it over ice cream.

“Hey, I’m back,” Cameron announced as he walked into the room with a plate of food in hand.

“Hey,” Sam gave him a weak smile back, the images of Mik still lingering in his mind. “What time is it? I must be intruding on your bedtime stories with Olivia and Chloe.”

Cameron waved his concern aside with a plastic fork. “Don’t worry about it. I told them you were awake and they agreed it was better I spend time with you. I’ll be seeing them tomorrow anyway. They’re busy packing the last of their things. They’re moving in tomorrow.”

Sam gaped as Cameron’s smile widened. “They’re moving in with you?”

“Yup.”

“That’s great!”

Cameron was grinning from ear to ear as he began to dig into his meal. “Yeah. She’s really feeling the pull of the matebond. Coupled with her pregnancy, it’s just getting harder on her to stay away now. She’s terrified she won’t fit in and be accepted, but once we have the pup…”

He trailed off and Sam could see the hope and yearning in his face.

“You’re lucky,” Sam told him, trying to be happy for him but at the same time, he could feel himself sinking into a pit of despair.

Cameron tilted his head and gave Sam a confused look as he chewed and swallowed. “About what?”

“That things are getting better for you,” he lowered his gaze. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m happy for you, really I am.”

“Look, you know it wasn’t easy for us either. We had to work hard to get to this point. You’ll get there too. You two just need more time. Hey, where is the idiot anyway?” He looked around, nose in the air and sniffing.

Sam huffed. “Yeah, I don’t think so. Mik likes females. He won’t change. And I don’t know where he is and I don’t care.”

Cameron’s face fell. All the joy and laughter he once exuded left him completely. “What? Look, even though I’m not particularly fond of the guy—or the fact that he fucked up—doesn’t mean he can’t change his mind. Hell, every time I saw him before, I wanted to murder him and now I can somewhat tolerate him. Only because I can see he’s trying and he cares.”

Scoffing, Sam wanted to cross his arms and look away but could do neither. He succeeded in clenching his fists at his side and looking away. “He wouldn’t have cheated if he cared and was trying.”

“True but that was two months ago. You haven’t seen him since. He’s different. I’ve walked in on him reading to you—from a cookbook no less! Even asked you if that dish sounded like something you wanted to try. Does that sound like something a male who didn’t care would do?”

Chewing on his bottom lip, he remembered Mik attempting to read to him when he was too tired to study any longer. He had been terrible at first, but as the weeks progressed, he was doing better. “How did he do?”

Cameron looked at him oddly. “What do you mean?” Shoveling more food into his mouth.

“His reading. How did he do?”

He shrugged and finished chewing his mouthful. “Fine, I guess. I didn’t listen in too much. Couldn’t tell ya what recipe he was reading to you. Why?”

Sam lowered his gaze, rubbing his fingers over his blanket. He didn’t know if he should tell him or not. Heaving a sigh, he made up his mind. Mik would never know. “Mik could barely read when he got here.”

Cameron’s mouth fell open—revealing his half-chewed meal. “Wha?”

“Dude, gross. Close your damn mouth.”

Cameron snapped his jaw shut and finished chewing and swallowed. “What do you mean he could barely read?”

“Exactly what I said. He said he was never a good reader as a kid and when he became a rogue at the age of nine, he never read again. So while I started my studies, he started working on his reading and math skills. He used to read to me before… you know…” He trailed off.

“Dude, he was reading to you while you were in a coma. He cares.” He stabbed his meat with his fork and brought it to his lips. “That’s crazy that he couldn’t read!”

Sam fell silent as he mulled over their conversation and Cameron finished eating his food. When he was done, he set his plate on the bedside table and pulled his chair closer. Hanging his head, his shoulders hunched, Cameron cleared his throat.

“So, um, I owe you an apology.”

Frowning, Sam asked, “Why?”

“For… the way things went down. For not stopping you from running when I should have. For not being there when you needed me. Mik was right. He fucked up the most, but I could have done more as your friend and I’m sorry.”

Closing his eyes, the world tilted under him again.

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

“You called out my name, didn’t you?” Sam asked, his eyes still closed, remembering the blue sky before him and the waves and rocks below him.

“Yeah.”

Swallowing, Sam said, “You tried to stop me from jumping?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t jump. I slipped.”

A whine followed by a whimper next to him tugged on his heart.

“I know… I saw you…” Cameron’s voice trembled and Sam opened his eyes to see him with his head in his hands. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been so close to the edge… even though I had been thinking about jumping. If I had been further back, everything would have been okay, right?”

“I’m such a shitty friend.”

“So am I,” Sam said. “I shouldn’t have been standing on the edge of a cliff. I should have run home or to someone I trust. I should have reached out for help. I know that. You guys are always telling me never to give up and instead of thinking about you, all I could think about was myself and ending it all.”

And Mik.

“I deserve better,” Sam mumbled. “But I have to earn it too, not just demand it.”

Cameron raised his head from his hands, his eyes shining. “Have I told you recently how brave you are?”

Sam gave him a feeble smile, his eyes prickling. “It’s been a while.”