Chapter 24 - Sam (Part 1)

The next day, Sam was released from the infirmary and moved into Alpha Noodin and Luna Aki’s house. It hadn’t changed much in the last five years. They had turned the office on the first floor into a room for him so they could move him around the main level in a wheelchair until he was strong enough to walk again.

Sam didn’t know where Mik was and he was still too angry, hurt, and afraid to ask. He didn’t want to talk about him or what happened. He knew he would have to eventually because it would help him mentally and emotionally, but for now, he didn’t want to face it.

No one pushed him and he knew that if he didn’t bring up Mik or what happened after a week or more, someone would bring it up for him.

His neck was kept in a brace for extra precaution because Dr. Waaban had to work on it a few weeks ago and he wanted to make sure it healed properly. Sam didn’t mind. It only bothered him when he wanted to sleep on his side (as he was a side sleeper, to begin with) and lower his head or turn his head to try and mask his emotions. He resorted to closing his eyes to block out the world and whoever was digging too deep into his personal space.

Or whenever Mik entered his mind… which occurred more often than he wanted to admit.

Sam still didn’t know what to think about him. And he wasn’t ready to ask. He spent a lot of time staring up at the ceiling and looking out the window at the valley covered in a blanket of white and wondering what happened when he was in a coma. Did Mik read to him every day? Talk to him the way he had done? Massage him like he had done?

Was it possible that he had changed? He knew that guilt could make a person do things they normally wouldn’t do and Mik had done the worst thing a soulmate could ever do. Was being cooped up with him in the infirmary enough for him to reconsider his ways?

You still aren’t female, even with the extra X-chromosome, he reminded himself and heaved a sigh as snow began to fall sparsely from the sky.

“What’s up, Sam?” Luna eased down on the recliner next to him, her back to the window. An aroma of lemon, honey, and ginger wafted toward him from a mug she had placed on the table on her other side.

“Nothing.”

“Nah, that wasn’t a ’nothing’ sigh. It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me what on your mind yet, but you know I’m here for you. Thank the Goddess I can be here for you now.” She heaved a sigh of her own before her nails lightly tapped against the ceramic mug and he heard her swallow a sip of her tea.

He tried to turn his head and give her a reassuring smile, but he failed. His chest was strapped to the wheelchair to keep him upright and enable him to conserve his energy in the process. He sighed again, this one of sadness and frustration. “I’m glad you’re feeling better too, Luna. And I can’t wait to be able to move my head again.”

She reached over and patted his hand. “Patience, hun. Healing from such a traumatic event takes time.”

He closed his eyes, taking a moment to appreciate the tenderness of her touch. How he missed it these past few months. “I know.”

She sipped her tea, saying nothing else as she flipped through a magazine. Her presence was comforting and she knew it.

After a few minutes, he hesitantly asked, “Do you… Do you think he’s changed?”

“Who, hunny?”

She was going to make him say it. He hadn’t uttered Mik’s name since arriving at their house almost a week ago.

He took a deep breath in, trying to ease the skipping of his heart inside, and slowly let it out. “You know who.”

“I really don’t know who you’re talking about. Cameron?”

Closing his eyes, he saw Mik in his mind, reaching out with a bone in his hand for him to chew his nervous energy on as he poured over his studies. “Mik.”

“Oh, him. What about him?”

“Please stop doing that.”

“I’m sorry, Sam. I’ll stop,” she said and folded her magazine up. “Do you want to know what I know or what I think? Bearing in mind that I never got the chance to meet him before the incident happened. I only know what Noodin and you have told me and can compare with what I know about him since I met him a few weeks ago.”

Sam tried to shrug his shoulders but it came with effort and was more like heaving another sigh by the end of it. “Do you think he’s changed? Or even capable of changing?”

“Anything is possible when someone puts their mind to it. It’s just not possible when it is forced upon them. Our natures are given into rebellion when force is used against us. But to answer your question, yes, I think he has changed and is capable of changing. Based on what you told me when you first came to me about him, you told me how he raged at first upon meeting you and then a few days later was calmer, how he stopped fighting with you and let you help him, and how you told him about your parents and he rejected them and told you that you deserved better. I think he is capable of changing but I think he’s battling with himself and fighting against the matebond based on what Noodin has told me. From what I have seen, he is dedicated to you and helping you recover. Even if he’s not sure what he wants in life right now, he wants you. He will fight for you—and has already. If he didn’t care about you, why would he even attempt to fight Noodin when he knew he would lose?”

Sam attempted to swallow. The lump forming in his throat as she spoke increased in size as his heart constricted in his chest.

He knew she was right. That Mik was capable of changing his thoughts and behavior, but Sam wasn’t female. He couldn’t change that for himself and even if he could, he didn’t want to. It took him years to finally accept that extra chromosome that confused his body and be happy as a male. He had finally started to love and accept who he was before Mik came and he wasn’t willing to throw it away.

If Mik couldn’t love and accept him—extra chromosome and all—then neither could Sam let him into his heart. He didn’t deserve another chance, even though his heart and soul yearned to give him one.

But why would Mik fight for him, even when he knew he would lose?

“Why would he do that?” he asked her.

“That’s something you have to ask him, not me.”

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew she was right. If he wanted answers, he had to go to Mik and face him himself.

“Where is he?” He had a guess but dreaded the answer.

“In the cells. He’s still technically a criminal. He can only be redeemed if you want him to be.”