Chapter 29 - Mik

All the chatter and noise died down with the closing of the door. The overwhelming smells of unknown food and wolves he barely knew, passing judgment and fake happiness. Not one of them was sincere. They couldn’t be. Just a few months ago, they were all plotting against him. Setting him up for failure to prove that Sam deserved better and he…

Who was he?

The son of a would-be alpha who not only lost his mate suddenly and was left to care for a pup but lost himself in the tragedy that struck them.

A male who grew up without knowing his mother and the mere mention of her was met with fists.

A male who knew only violence, destruction, and sex; rage, hatred, and lust for power.

A failure: incapable of avenging the murder of his father and relatives who refused to submit to another.

A delinquent: unable to ensure a prosperous future for a pack without a basic education.

A monster: who drove the only good thing he ever had over the edge.

He would have killed every single one of them out there if he had been strong enough.

And they wanted to celebrate the day of his birth?

Locking the door, he strode to the sink. There was a urinal to the right of it and a stall behind him. A mirror hung on the wall over the sink and he barely recognized the male that looked back at him. His tall broad frame lost its muscle. He looked leaner, tamer, softer. A shadow of his former self. The fire in his eyes was gone, replaced by something else that shook the air out of his lungs.

Bending forward and hanging his head, he gripped the edge of the sink and put his weight on his arms as his knees buckled.

His drive and motivation were gone. Everything he knew, he had put behind him. His dreams, aspirations—all were quenched at his failure to beat Noodin and claim what he deemed to be rightfully his.

He was no match.

He had to live with his defeat—a notion he hadn’t considered because the way of the alphas was life or death. Rule or die.

But for the sake of Sam... the rules were broken.

Broken pride was one thing. Learning to submit to someone else was another.

But being celebrated by the one you wished to kill with every ounce of your being? Being embraced into life instead of death by the one who destroyed your family and everything you knew?

How could any of them stand together in that room and celebrate him? Bring him gifts and food they had made?

If any of it was sincere—why?

Why would they do this?

He couldn’t fathom it. He didn’t deserve any of it. He didn’t even deserve a mate like Sam, and yet Sam had put this together with Luna Aki’s help.

Why?

His actions, his selfishness, and his blindness almost killed Sam.

True, he wanted to change and correct his wrongs, but this?

It was too much.

The door rattled gently before there was a light knocking. “Mik?” Noodin’s voice sounded from the other side.

Sweat began to build. How strong was that door? Would he break it down to get him?

The lock clicked and Noodin walked in calmly, pulling the key out before shutting the door behind him.

Noodin gave him a once over before locking the door behind him and tucking the key into the pocket of his jeans. Slow steps approached. His thumbs hooked in the front pockets of the denim.

“Everything alright?”

Of all males to approach him, it had to be him.

Mik’s muscles tensed. “Fine,” he gritted out.

“You realize the bathrooms are meant for more than one occupant, so there’s no need to lock the door.”

“I just need a minute.”

“You’ve been in here for ten minutes.”

Shit. “So?”

“Everyone’s getting concerned—especially Sam.”

Mik narrowed his eyes at the older male. “Why the fuck do you care? Do any of them care?”

Noodin’s brows rose up in inquisition. “Why shouldn’t we? Are you not a changed wolf? Do you not want to live a life of peace and happiness with your mate?”

“Of course I do,” Mik snapped, looking down at the sink.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“You.” Mik pushed away from the counter and squared his shoulders. “You’re my problem. You and that other male out there, calling himself Sam’s best friend.”

Noodin crossed his arms, flexing his bulging muscles in a display of dominance. “Are we back at that? After I saved you from freezing to death the other night?”

“Stop pretending like you give a fuck!” Mik pointed his finger at Noodin’s face. “You set me up. You knew I’d fail, but did you even think about how Sam would’ve reacted when he found out? If you care so much about him, how could you do that to him?”

Bile filled Mik’s mouth and he spat it out on the floor as he lowered his hand. “You disgust me. All of you. Coming together, bringing gifts, sharing food… pretending to care.” The words rolled over his tongue, heavy and bitter with the weight of them.

“This isn’t about me. This is about him. You’re all here because he asked you to be here. Your guilt brought you here. If any of you actually gave a fuck about me or Sam, you wouldn’t have set me up. You wouldn’t have told him the way you did so that he’d run after me to catch me in the very fucking act to break his heart. If you cared so much about him, you would have confronted me first, told me to stop or—”

“And would you have listened?” Noodin interrupted. His face was like a statue, poised and unyielding. His voice, likewise, gave nothing away. Always firm, stoic, and impossible to read.

Fucking male was too calm. Always too calm, hiding his emotions… Mik would rather see and know what it was he felt so he knew where he stood. So he had some idea of what was running through his head and how best to approach him. Noodin always made him nervous.

You can’t trust a male like that. He killed everyone! The moment Sam changes his mind about you, Noodin will come for you and end you.

Nails elongated, puncturing his palms as he curled his fingers into fists. He gritted his teeth, ignoring the pain. “Stop talking to me like that.”

“Like what?” Still expressionless.

“Like a fucking robot!” Uncurling his fingers, he stepped close to Noodin and pointed a bloodied nail at his chest. He lowered his voice to a growl. “Out of everyone out there, why did you come in here? You killed my father and my family, and you would’ve killed me if given the opportunity. You’re always hiding behind a mask, concealing emotions—fucking with mine and my head. If you can’t be your fucking self, how can I possibly submit to you and follow your lead?” He lowered his hand and bared his teeth, his canines descending, ready to fight this male if necessary. “I’m not like those other fucking wolves out there. I don’t need a fucking alpha. I’m still here because of Sam. Because I need that male. I will fight to the death for that male.” He ground his teeth and turned away. But he loves you too much…

“Do you really want to have this conversation now? In the washroom? In the middle of your birthday party? The first one you ever had to build memories on?”

Mik growled at the endless stream of questions that still gave away nothing of the older male’s emotions except condescension.

Noodin heaved a sigh and relaxed his muscles. His arms remained crossed over his chest, but the dominant stance was dropped. “I apologize for making you uncomfortable by withholding my emotions. It’s how I deal with those I have conflicting feelings toward. To prevent my emotions from taking over my thoughts, I pull back in order to listen to your words and read your body language. So I can hear everything you are saying, both physically and verbally, and respond appropriately. Sometimes I slip up, as you can imagine. And sometimes I use force to remind you who is Alpha around here.” He stared intently at Mik as he made that final point clear before relaxing. “I will try to tone it down and be less domineering if that will help you.”

“Fucking finally,” Mik grunted.

“Understand this, Mik.” Noodin’s eyes narrowed. “Your father killed two of my sons. I know that has nothing to do with you, but the urge to avenge them lies within me too. Some days, I can’t stand to look at you. I know you want to kill me and my family in order to avenge yours and claim the territory and title—and now you can’t because of Sam. You have issues with me and I have issues with you, but for Sam’s sake, we both need to put our issues aside or try and work through them together in private. Agreed?”

Vocal cord vibrations sounded Mik’s discontent as he turned away and turned the water taps on. He grumbled under his breath as he washed the blood from his hands. “I know you’re right. I know for Sam’s sake, I have to bend. I just can’t.”

“I understand. As a fellow alpha-born male, I understand that all too well. I also understand that you’re going through a lot of changes right now and those aren’t easy and take time.”

“You have no fucking idea,” Mik muttered and turned the faucet off. He inspected his palms to see that a thin layer of new skin had sealed the puncture wounds. Snatching a paper towel from the dispenser, he carefully dried his hands so as to not tear the delicate skin.

“Is everything okay at home with Sam?”

Mik glared at Noodin. “Fine. Now butt the fuck out.”

Noodin gave his head a slight bow of respect. “I’m just asking. I am, in a way, a parental figure for Sam and you both have been through a lot in the last few months. What you’re going through isn’t easy, and as you just said—I have no idea.”

“Damn straight.”

“Caring for another—”

“Shut the fuck up!” Mik demanded. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“De-escalating. Empathizing. Trying to communicate in a way with you that won’t result in you lashing out and then trying to figure out what’s causing it,” Noodin stated.

“Stop it,” Mik grunted.

“I don’t want to argue with you, but I am trying to figure out why you’re hiding in here and how I can get you to go back out there and enjoy your birthday party.”

Grinding his teeth together, Mik shook his head and turned his back. All those faces, well-wishes, the playful jabs—Noodin wouldn’t understand. He added a few steps between them—as that was all the small bathroom would permit.

“I just need a minute,” he muttered.

“So you said before lashing out at me. We can discuss everything we need to work on later. I have a few guesses as to what the real underlying issues are for you being in here but I’d rather hear it from you than to make assumptions.”

Noodin waited while Mik chewed on his thoughts. He gripped the vanity, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. What choice do you have?

“Was the party too much?”

Noodin’s question hung in the air behind him, tickling the back of his neck and drawing his shoulders up as he lowered his head.

“You could say that.”

“Everyone deserves to celebrate their birthday.”

A lump formed in Mik’s throat. He shook his head and tried to swallow it. “I don’t like frauds.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do I need to spell it out to you?” Mik sniped as he turned around to face the male.

Noodin was calm again but Mik couldn’t detect any underlying hostility or disrespect. “As I said, I want to hear your thoughts rather than to make my own assumptions.”

Brown eyes looked back at him in the mirror. Red-rimmed and burning. Fuck it.

“Like I said… No one is out there for me. You’re all here because Sam asked you to be here. I don’t want…” He trailed off, his eyes lowering to the vanity as the truth caught in his throat.

“You don’t want to be around wolves pretending to be your friend for Sam’s sake. Is that right?” Noodin filled in the blanks.

Mik’s lips curled in a snarled grimace. “You all hate me…”

“Hate is a strong emotion and I didn’t pick up a whiff of that out there.”

Mik turned to face Noodin and meet his dark eyes. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Sam. At one point, you all wanted to kill me and I wanted to kill all of you. How can anyone be here for me if not for Sam?”

“Does ice not melt when the temperature rises?” Noodin asked. “Nothing is constant in the world. Everything changes. Nothing ever stays the same. Are you the same male you were when you first arrived?”

Mik’s gaze fell on the sink and a few droplets of blood against the stark white surface that didn’t get washed away. “No.”

“Everyone out there is a witness to who you were when you first arrived and who you are now. No one is forcing them to be here. They chose to come. They want to get to know you.”

And who am I? He wanted to ask but bit back the question. He wasn’t an alpha. He wasn’t a good male. A list of negative adjectives filled his mind to describe him. What did Sam ever see in him?

“Will you give them a chance?”

Noodin’s gentle probing raised the hairs on Mik’s arms. The urge to wrap his arms around his torso and hold himself gripped him, but he refused to look weak in front of Noodin.

He was ruining this for Sam. Sam wanted to do something nice for him and he fucked it up. Like he always did.

Pulling away from the vanity, his head lowered, he gave Noodin a small nod.