Chapter 32 - Mik (Part 1)

Darkness engulfed Mik as he slammed the door of the cabin behind him. The icy cold air slapped him across the face. Wrapping his arms around himself, he leaned his back against the cold wooden surface and slid slowly down to sit on the top step.

Fucking Noodin was right.

He would have continued down the same path had nothing happened to Sam. For weeks he led him on and it was wrong. How much longer would it have lasted before he realized everything he needed was sitting right there, waiting for him to see him and accept him for who he was? Why did it take seeing Sam fall from a cliff to realize how precious his life was to him?

It wasn’t long before the door opened. Mik snarled as he pulled away from the stairs. “Fuck off!”

“I’ve been kicked out,” Noodin stated. He shook his head. “I saw that coming.”

“Can’t say I blame him,” Mik grumbled, “but at least he knows the truth now.”

“Indeed. He’ll forgive us. As you’ve said, it’s what he does. He just needs some time.”

Mik huffed. “He’ll forgive you, but I’m not so sure he’ll forgive me.”

“He will. It will take him time.” Noodin pulled his coat on and rubbed his hands together, blowing on them before shoving them in his pockets. “I owe you an apology. You were right. I should have approached the situation differently. I shouldn’t have let it go as far as it did and put a stop to it sooner. I should have approached Sam differently. As for how to slap some sense into you... I still don’t know an alternative manner to what I should have done.”

“I couldn’t tell you either. I don’t know whether I would have ever come around...” Mik swallowed, hanging his head and wrapping his arms around him, pulling the fabric of his sweater tighter around him in an effort to lock in more of his core body heat. “I don’t see how he can ever forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself.”

“Sometimes the only way to forgive yourself is to first be forgiven by the one you wronged. Give yourself time for that.”

“I still don’t deserve him,” Mik mumbled.

The door opened again and Cameron stepped out in his coat and boots. They looked to him and he scowled at them both.

“I’m going home. Luna said to tell you both to go back to Alpha’s place. She’s spending the night with him here. He doesn’t want to see or speak to either of you right now. Maybe in the morning. He needs some time to think. Can’t say I blame him. I’m disgusted too. Night.”

Cameron trod past them towards his house, his head down and hands in his pockets.

Mik grunted. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Shifting into his wolf, he allowed the warmth of his fur coat to comfort him against the blistering cold before settling down on the ground next to the steps. Like the old days as a rogue, he would live within his fur until Sam was ready to face him again. He wasn’t leaving the cabin.

“He’ll come around,” Noodin repeated before he too left to return to his house.

The night was long and cold. Mik’s stomach growled but he refused to get up and hunt. He left only a few times to urinate and defecate, but he never went far.

In the morning, Luna stepped out and Mik lifted his head from his paws and whined. His tail thumped lightly next to him three times as he waited for her to speak.

She sighed and shook her head. “Not yet. I’m going to the pack house to grab some food and supplies. I’ll be back soon.”

He whimpered and set his head back down on his paws as she marched away.

When she returned half an hour later, she tossed a raw steak at him to eat. He wouldn’t even lift his head as she walked past him and up the stairs to the cabin.

Her pup came over and spend the day with her and Sam before he left as the sun began to set. Noodin came for him but didn’t stay to visit. He told Mik he had to tend to his alpha duties and didn’t want to leave his son home alone all day.

Mik remembered all the days he spent alone as a pup. Most of the time, his father was physically present but passed out on the couch, empty liquor bottles spread all around him on the floor and coffee table. Mik might as well had been alone because his father wasn’t there for him.

Eventually, he gave in to his hunger and ate the steak Luna Aki tossed him earlier, otherwise, his appetite was absent. He ached to be near Sam. The matebond’s grip was torturous. He knew Sam was hurting emotionally, and he had caused it. But there wasn’t anything he could do except give him space while Luna took care of him.

She spent a second night with him. Then a third and a fourth. Dr. Waaban came over with Sam’s weekly testosterone injections. He greeted Mik and wished him luck before leaving. Luna Aki and Noodin’s son came over every day and left before sunset. Aki brought out food for Mik when she saw the previous meal she left was gone. She noticed he wasn’t eating much and encouraged him to take heart. But Mik couldn’t move from the cabin.

Days passed and on the fifth day, Luna Aki set out and told him Sam was his responsibility now.

“I trust you to take care of him like you have been. He’s still upset with you, but he’s ready to let you back in,” she told him.

Mik whimpered in appreciation, licking her hand and rubbing his side against her leg.

As she walked away, he turned to the cabin and shifted back into his skin-side and hurried in.

She left a pile of folded clean clothes for him to put on by the door. He yanked them on before lunging for the couch and wrapping the blanket there around him. Luna’s scent was on it, the couch, and all over the room.

Sam wouldn’t meet his gaze. Mik knew he had to take one step at a time until he could earn Sam’s trust again. He didn’t like the truth himself—how could Sam possibly accept it?

“Hi,” he ventured after his chattering teeth ceased. “I missed you.”

Sam still avoided looking at him. He feared Sam would ignore him when he didn’t immediately respond, but instead Sam did after a minute lapsed.

“I know.”

“I don’t think that way anymore, I swear.”

“It just hurts, Mik. I nearly had to die for you to realize my worth. Do you know how shitty that makes me feel? You confirmed my worst fears. That no matter how hard I tried, I would never be good enough.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t deserve a mate like you.”

Sam snorted. “All that time, I thought you were coming around.”

Mik hung his head. “I know. I’m a shitty mate. The worst that existed. You deserve better.”

“You keep saying that!” Sam snapped. Icy blue eyes turned and glared into Mik’s soul. “It’s not an excuse! You knew what you were doing and you still did it. You’re the absolute worst there is!”

Mik inclined his neck in submission. “I know. I’m trying to be better. I’m trying to make it up to you. To be the mate you deserve. I’m trying to follow the example you set me because I don’t know how to be a good mate. I never had any good examples to show me.”

“No more excuses, Mik.”

“Agreed.”

Silence fell. Mik kept his head down, neck exposed.

“I’m still pissed with you.”

“I don’t expect anything less.”

“Come here,” Sam ordered.

Mik rose from the couch and stood next to Sam’s bed.

“Sit,” he commanded and Mik obeyed, avoiding his gaze and looking down at the space between him and Sam.

Sam reached up with a shaking hand and set it on Mik’s knee. A sharp inhalation had Mik’s spine straightening.

“Your strength is coming back.” It came out in a rush of air exhaled from tight lungs.

Sam gave him a weak smile and squeeze of his knee. “A little bit.”

Scooting closer, Mik pulled Sam into his arms and pressed his nose to his neck. The tightness in his chest spread out in warmth up his throat, blocking it and making it difficult to swallow.

“You’ll be strong again in no time. I know you will,” Mik croaked. “Because you’re mine. And I won’t let you give up on yourself ever again.”