Chapter 35 - Mik (Part 2)

Sam blushed feverishly, adding more heat that elicited a low growl of want from Mik’s chest.

This male...

Sam was always thinking about them. Why did it take so long for him to see that?

“I don’t deserve you,” Mik whispered, nuzzling into Sam’s neck and staying there as Sam’s scent enveloped him.

“Stop saying that.”

“But it’s true. You’re always thinking about us. I don’t deserve that kind of love.”

“Stop it. You deserve love. I’m sorry I’m not female like you were hoping—”

Mik growled. “I don’t care if you’re male or female. You’re mine and I want to love you and take care of you forever. You and you alone. Everyone else can go fuck themselves.”

“Really?”

Nodding, Mik brushed his nose over Sam’s neck. He wanted this. Needed this. This softness. This gentleness. This male who always saw him for more than he was. This male who believed in him. Took care of him. Cherished him.

A faint rumble from his chest purred out his inability to verbalize his affections.

“Do you love me?” Sam asked, his voice low and soft.

Mik swallowed. Did he? What was love? What did he know about love? The closest time he came to love was what he felt with Jez. But was that love? She used him, that he was sure of. She didn’t take care of him the way Sam had. She didn’t encourage him in anything beyond sex the way Sam had. She gave him butterflies and erections but most females he fucked did too. And they didn’t care about him and he didn’t care about them either. Sexual transactions were all they were that carried on for a few days or weeks and then they left. He never stopped them. Never cared enough to try.

His father... His father must have cared in his own way. Out of duty, he supposed. But when a female crossed their path, Mik might as well have been invisible.

But Sam...

Whether Mik deserved it or not, Sam had always been there for him. He listened and encouraged him. Took care of him when he didn’t have to. He smiled at Mik in a way no one had before and it made his heart skip a beat, his stomach to flipflop, and warmth to spread throughout his body. Sam made him feel things no other female had, not even Jez. He wanted to take care of him. He wanted to see Sam get strong and fulfill his dream of becoming a nurse. He wanted to see Sam’s face light up and hear him laugh. He felt comfort and peace and a fierce urge to protect him when he held Sam in his arms and brushed his nose across Sam’s neck. He wanted to touch Sam in more intimate ways but he was afraid to. He’d hurt Sam so much, he couldn’t imagine Sam allowing him to touch or caress him.

The only language of love he understood was through two extremities: violence and sex.

Everything was different with Sam. He was pure and innocent, everything Mik wasn’t.

“I don’t know,” Mik confessed, “because I never had what you had. The closest I ever came to love was with my father and Jez. You have Cameron, Luna, and Noodin. They all love and take care of you in ways I never had.”

The only times he felt good was when he fucked. Riding hard and flying high, cumming and making females cum... He was only good at that. And then when the rush had passed, everything came crashing down. A hollow, sinking, empty feeling dug deeper into the marrow of his bones. He aimed to please but he never allowed himself to get emotionally attached. Not since Jez. The pain wasn’t worth it.

He pressed his nose into Sam’s neck and closed his eyes. The need to hold him closer gripped him. An ache within surfaced as he remembered how close he came to losing him.

“If this is love, then I don’t want to let go. I have strong feelings—strong feelings. And they’re not just for sex. I want to hold you all day and all night because it feels good.” He heaved a shuddering sigh. “It just feels so damn good. I don’t ever want to let you go.”

Sam rubbed his cheek against Mik’s shoulder before a hesitant pause set in. “I’m hesitant to ask because it’s Valentine’s Day and I don’t want to spoil the mood but...” Sam began and took a deep breath. “How bad was your childhood?”

A tightness gripped Mik’s throat. His stomach twisted. “Cold. Lonely.” He swallowed with difficulty. “Brutal.”

“I mean...” Sam sighed, “you said your father beat you a lot. What else happened?”

Inhaling a deep breath of Sam’s sweet scent, memories of empty bottles and cans surfaced. Flies swirling around the open nozzles. Cockroaches skirting around the bottles lining the couch under his passed-out father. “He drank all the time. I have more memories of empty alcohol bottles littering the house than I do anything else. Even him. During my school years, I remember falling asleep at my desk. Kids laughing at me. Stuttering.” Shame gripped him when he remembered how Sam stuttered at first—and he lashed out at him the same way his father had—minus the fists. “Hunger. I was always hungry.”

A small whimper escaped Sam. His arms slipped around Mik’s torso and he leaned his face into Mik’s neck—mirroring Mik, as if he needed comfort in hearing this. “That’s terrible. No pup should live like that. Did he even love you?”

“I assume so, though he never said it. He never held me, kissed me, praised me... It was very much the opposite. When I wasn’t invisible to him, I was a burden. To survive, I did whatever he commanded so he wouldn’t beat me or yell at me. After Mara died, he changed. He still chased after every female tail that crossed our path but his focus turned to making both of us stronger. Training me to take back my inheritance.”

A growl crept up Mik’s throat. His father drilled his rage into Mik’s head. That he wasn’t a pup anymore and needed to step up and be an alpha. To take back what rightly belonged to him if his father failed in his mission to take out their enemy: Alpha Noodin and Luna Aki of the Zhooniyaa Miskwi Pack. He ran Mik until their legs gave out under them. Pushed him until he couldn’t do one more sit-up, push-up, lunge, squat, etcetera, until he collapsed. He taught him how to fight in human and wolf form every day until he took a band of rogues with him and set out for the Zhooniyaa Miskwi Pack, telling Mik to stay behind and he would come for him when he won. If he didn’t return...

‘Avenge me when you know you are strong enough to beat him.’

Sam broke his train of thought. “Why didn’t your grandparents take you away? He was horrible to you!”

“I don’t know but I don’t think they saw it. He always tried to pull himself together when they called and put on a show of how hard he was trying to be a good father after the death of his mate. We always went to their house, rarely did they come to ours. They saw what he wanted them to see. Too busy with their alpha and luna duties, I guess.”

Sam frowned. “They all sound horrible. Alpha and Luna would never allow something like that to happen to anyone—especially their own grandchild.”

“I don’t remember them much, but they were always nice to me. The best meals I had were at their house.” Mik leaned back on the couch, pulling Sam with him to rest against him. “Can we stop talking about my past now? I want to put it behind me.”

“Sorry,” Sam mumbled, chewing on his bottom lip. Mik could feel him gnawing on it against his shoulder. “I’m just trying to understand you better. I don’t think you realize how much this explains who you are now. You sounded so lonely.”

“I was.”

“It’s up to you, but I think you should try woodworking with Clement. It’s just you and him, so no crowds. He’s passing on a skill to you that won’t put you in competition with others and you’re making amazing things with your hands.” Sam reached for Mik’s free hand and entwined his fingers.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed. “I mean... you seem to work better when you’re alone... maybe because that’s something you’re used to. Did the isolation at Clement’s place bother you?”

“No.” Mik brushed his fingers over Sam’s thigh with the arm supporting Sam’s back—not in a sensual way but more of comfort. “It’s peaceful. It smells like a thick forest in the workshop, surrounded by all that cut wood. Clement’s really laid-back too. Doesn’t pry or gossip. Very focused on the work.”

“You know, the more you talk about it, the more I think it’s a good fit for you.”

Mik’s chest burned. It was a good feeling. Like pride but better. It made him pull Sam closer and bury his nose in his neck. The heat between them burned and Mik couldn’t tell if it was coming from him or Sam, or was a combination of both.

“I think I love you,” he whispered, his throat raw and voice rough. Swallowing was difficult. His emotions gripped tightly around his chest while the heat between them made his cock hard.

“I think I do too,” Sam whispered back.

Mik’s face burned warmer as he squeezed his eyes and exhaled a shaky breath. “How? After what I did...”

The cliff... Sam standing there... and then he wasn’t...

It wasn’t possible...

“I thought you wanted to put the past behind you?”

“I do but...” Mik trailed off, pain stabbing into his heart again. I don’t deserve you...

“And so do I.” Sam pulled away from Mik’s chest and straightened up before him on his lap. Looking Mik in the eyes, he said, “We’re different now. We both endured a lot in the past and made mistakes, but if we let the past control us, then we can’t go forward, right? You told me that. It’s good to recognize when we were wrong and when we mess up, but it’s what we do after that matters. We learned from our mistakes and now we’re working through them and that’s part of moving on, right?”

Reaching up, Mik held Sam’s cheek in his palm and whispered, “I think I love you.”