13: friends and excuses

— Everleigh

I've always wanted to be someone's favorite person. It seemed so magical in all the movies and books, but in reality, no one wanted me for more than just sex. It was like I was stuck in a generation that believed loyalty was more than the bare minimum and toxicity was the new romance. When did love become too much to ask for?

Maybe I was more heartbroken because of my own expectations. I had fantasized about Sasha for so long and I never anticipated for it to play out the way it did. I thought he would sweep me off my feet like he did all those years ago. I thought I would never have to know what it's like to be alone again. I thought he would be my savior and protecter, but that wasn't the case at all. Instead, he was some disrespectful womanizer who couldn't take no for an answer. He was everything I ran away from in a guy.

I plopped down on my bed with a sigh. I didn't have any class today, and I promised my father I would go visit him. Then, I had work to finish the night off. Work. I immediately wanted to roll my eyes. I already hated work as it was, but Sasha made me hate it even more.

I went to sleep thinking that the whole experience last night was a nightmare, but when I woke up, I knew that wasn't true. Even though I really wished it was. There was still an ache in my heart and a frown on my lips. Not to mention, the dried up tears in my eyes.

"Goodmorning!" Xyah chirped from the outside of my door. "I know you're up! I heard your alarm go off!"

Rolling my eyes, I groaned. Xyah immediately opened my door with a big, knowing smile on her face.

"You dirty, little hoe! I let you slide last night with you not telling me what the fuck that was with Kayo, but uhn-uhn, not anymore. Spill the tea, now!" she exclaimed, jumping on my bed excitedly to sit down.

"It was nothing," I muttered, turning away from her.

"No, stop it! I've never seen you so smitten about a guy before. For a second, I thought you were going to tell me you like girls," Xyah said.

I gave her a deadpanned look.

"You're annoying," I told her.

She shrugged. "Come on, tell me!" she drawled out, grabbing ahold of my shoulders and pulling me back and forth.

"Fine!" I yelled.

A smile came across her face as she finally stopped. I watched her settle back into her seat.

"I met him when I was little. He was my first ever crush, kiss, everything. I really liked him but then I moved away and never saw him again. Until, last night," I explained.

She pouted her lips. "Aw, that is so fucking cute! No wonder why he couldn't take his eyes and hands off you! Y'all still wanna fuck with each other! It's like... fate."

Her words made my heart skip a beat. There was nothing more that I wanted than that. If only that was the case, but it wasn't.

"No," I stated. "He couldn't take his eyes and hands off me because he wanted to have sex with me and that was all. He kept telling me to meet him at his place and when I said no, he would grab me. He's not the same guy anymore, and I have to realize it," I mainly told myself rather than her.

"Oh..." she muttered. "Well, maybe he was just drunk. I gave him about eight shots, and I know you gave him a few. Not to mention, all the mixed drinks he was drinking."

I shook my head. "I don't care. I'm not making any excuses for it. You didn't see the look in his eyes like I did."

She shrugged. "If you say so," Xyah muttered.

"What is that supposed to mean, Xyah?" I sighed.

"You always look for faults in guys. Why can't you just let loose for once? Kayo seems like a great guy—"

"I wouldn't necessarily call a murderer a great guy," I told her.

"Jeez!" she exclaimed. "You weren't always this judgmental. You don't know his story."

"I know enough," I pointed out.

"Mhm, okay," she muttered, getting up.

If I were cruel in the slightest bit, I'd back myself up, serving her as an example. Sure, I see the red flags and I make a u-turn to avoid ending up bruised, broke, and alone by men just like her. What she sees as my flaw, I see as my strength. At least I had the courage to protect myself again and again.  But even though the words settled on my tongue, I never dared to fire them at her. I didn't have the heart to bring her down with me.

All I could do was watch as she walked out my room and closed the door shut. I settled with a loud sigh.

I needed to get my mind off Sasha, and now, Xyah. Getting up, I got dressed, brushed my teeth, threw my hair up in a high messy bun, and slid on a pair of crocs. Once I felt presentable enough, I walked out of my room.

My heart sunk to my stomach at the sight of Andre.

There he was... sitting down on a kitchen chair with his feet propped up like it was his apartment. He never paid a single penny of rent, yet walked around like he owned the place.

"Where you going?" Andre asked me.

I cocked up a brow. "None of your business," I answered.

I never told Xyah, but Andre made me uncomfortable, too. I would catch him checking me out, especially anytime he showed up at our job. He was the worst kind of guy, and I still couldn't see what Xyah ever saw in him. She deserved better.

Heading over to the kitchen, I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of starbucks coffee. As I went to pick it up, Andre got up and stood behind me.

"Ew, can you move?" I spat distastefully. I hurriedly stood up and turned around to face him.

"My bad." he smirked.

"What's going on?" Xyah wondered,

suddenly walking into the kitchen. Andre grabbed a gallon of water and held it up so she could see.

"E's in my way," he told her. I watched him behind narrowed eyes as he made his way back to his seat and sat down.

"Oh," she said. My attention was grasped by her happiness as she practically skipped over to Andre—the same man she told me she wanted to break up with. Like always, it seemed as though her plans had changed. She sat down in his lap and let him pull her closer to him.

"Andre won a lot of money last night," Xyah told me. Her eyes widen before she turned to look at Andre. "Oh, shit! Babe, I forgot to tell you." Please don't. "She knows Kayo, don't you, E?"

I gave Xyah a pointed look. If she noticed, she pretended like she didn't.

"How do you know Kayo?" Andre asked me.

Before I could get a word out, Xyah beat me to it. "They were friends when they were younger. It's such a cute story."

I rolled my eyes. I didn't want Andre all in my business. Just because she trusted him didn't mean that I did, too.

"Is that so?" he asked.

"Malik, me, and Tyler were going to watch his fight next week. It's supposed to be a good one. Why don't y'all come with us? E could go watch her friend, and you can come watch me win a couple more thousand dollars," Andre said, placing a kiss on Xyah's cheek. She smiled as he pulled away.

"Yes! We'd love to go!" Xyah exclaimed.

I didn't want to go, but it wasn't like I would leave Xyah to go alone. Not to an underground place like that which was filled with criminals. It wasn't like Andre and his little gang would be any help in protecting her.

"I got to go," I told them.

"Bye, E!" Xyah exclaimed. "Tell your pops I said hi!"

I gave her a small smile in return. As I was leaving, I managed to catch Andre's eyes. He was staring, and it gave me the creeps.

After shutting the door and locking it behind me, I headed down the stairs of my apartment. With my keys in hand, I unlocked my car doors. I had a very old car that was probably on the verge of breaking down. My dad gave me his old truck as a gift for my eighteenth birthday and I kept it ever since. It made it easier for me because I never had to make a car payment. Not to mention, Dad was kind enough to pay the car insurance.

I opened my front door and slid in. A smile came across my face as I looked at the photo of me and my father that I kept on my windshield. I couldn't wait to see him.

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