Bad Intentions: Chapter 22

Lily was avoiding me again after the bathroom incident at intermission. Or maybe it was because Josh got temporarily benched after someone attacked him in the parking lot and broke his nose after the game.

Poor boy. Only the satisfying feeling of his nose breaking under my fist had soothed my anger. I had no idea if he suspected me. It had been dark, and I’d been careful. I was more than used to doing violent things in the dark. It had once been my bread and butter in my job for Uncle Jack. Now, I realized how different my life had been before, living with the Williamses.

I lay in my room next to Lily’s and stared at the ceiling. There was nobody who I was scared of in this house. There was nobody I needed to hide from here. I was safe. Safe. What an odd word. Only now, I finally saw that it was something I’d never, ever felt before.

There weren’t the frightening noises of my mother entertaining her “friends” like there had been when I was small. Those memories were the worst, and luckily the faintest. But I did have a few good memories of my mother, and they were the most precious things I could call my own. Snatches of time with the one person who had ever tried to love me.

Some days, when she was high and feeling good, she’d get dressed up and we’d go to a nearby diner and have ice cream sundaes. At five years old, I hadn’t seen how her lipstick was smeared over her teeth, or that her pretty party dress was torn and dirty. I hadn’t noticed how often she’d snuck away to the bathroom, or how everyone in the place had looked up at me in pity, sitting alone, with my chocolate sundae, beaming with excitement.

Those were the good days.

Later that year, I’d found her cold in her bed, her eyes staring at the door, never to move again. I’d never forget the last look in her eyes as she’d stared longingly at freedom, so close, but forever out of her reach. She hadn’t wanted to be what she’d become. The door might have been right there, but she’d been unable to open it, a born addict.

After, they’d sent me to the other couple. Ironically, considering their hobbies, they’d been called the Cutlers. My nightmare had truly started then and never stopped. While my treasured memories of my mother were hazy, the memories of the Cutlers were vivid and detailed. I remembered every single second in that house, and I wished I could forget them all.

I pulled the photos of Lily’s journal up on my phone and settled down to read my favorite words. Oddly, it wasn’t just the dreams about me that I enjoyed. It was all the rest. The days and months of my Ladybug’s innocent, sweet thoughts. Her jokes with her friend, the things she’d learned in class, how she dreamed of being less restricted and free to be herself and make mistakes if she needed to.

An entry about trying a new cake recipe was a bedtime story for me. Like a vampire sucking the pure, brilliant life from the ordinary little tales. Stories I’d never come close to experiencing. I closed my eyes and pretended I’d been there with her, safe inside this warm, welcoming house, far away from the monsters in my dreams.

Like always, though, when I slept, the warmth faded away and the nightmares returned. After all, I hadn’t left my demons in Midnight Falls.

My monsters lived in my head, and there was no escape.

We played an away game that week, and the team was all business. We walked the win, and Coach talked about the road that would lead us to Nationals. It was going to happen, I could feel it. For once in my life, something I’d planned and worked hard for was going to happen just like it was supposed to. I couldn’t let anything get in the way.

I decided to shower back at home, despite how gross I felt, because I didn’t want everyone waiting on the bus for me just so I could shower alone at the end. I might be used to being eccentric about my shower habits, but I didn’t want to rub it in everyone’s faces. It would only invite speculation, and I wasn’t in the mood.

I ended up first at the bus, seeing as everyone else was busy in the locker rooms. I perched outside on a low wall, looking at my phone to kill time. That was when the message came in.

Boo. I see you.

I stiffened immediately and stood, leaving my hockey bag on the ground. I turned just as Uncle Jack appeared in the open doors to the rink.

“Miss me, boy?”

Annoyance, anger, and a healthy dose of nerves ran through me. What the fuck was he doing here?

“Become a hockey fan all of a sudden?”

Jack laughed. “Not in the slightest, but I thought I should come and see you, considering our relationship.”

“We don’t have a relationship.”

“That’s right. We don’t, do we? You signed it away to a nice family from Hade Harbor…like that could save you.”

“Save me?” I snorted, glancing around to make sure that no one else from the team was around. “From you?”

“No, boy. From yourself. Nothing will ever be able to save you from yourself. You’ve already started to fuck up here.”

“And how would you know that?” I asked, bored with his empty, pathetic threats.

“A little birdie told me. They flew all the way over to Midnight Falls to ask about you.”

A little birdie? Normally I would tell Jack to fuck off, recognizing his lies and attempts to bother me, but today, something in his tone warned me that he wasn’t lying.

“Let’s see, what was her name, she had red hair, and a button nose…”

He trailed off, and I didn’t need him to continue to know.

“Lily.” My hollow tone satisfied Jack, and he beamed, sensing my weak point.

“Yes, Lily, that’s it. A pale, thoroughbred-looking girl. Don’t worry, I filled her in on you. Told her all about our time together,” he started and choked off when I grabbed him.

Rage like nothing I’d ever felt before filled me, startlingly hot, burning a path of destruction right through my mind and blotting out all rational thoughts.

“What the fuck did you tell her?” I growled at him, giving Jack the reaction he’d been waiting for.

He grinned at me, his spit flecking my face as he laughed. “Everything. Every sad, sorry little thing about your pathetic life. I even showed her your bedroom growing up. Pretty Lily left quickly after that. If she wasn’t scared of you before, I’m sure she is now. In fact, I’m sure she’s on her way to warn all the relevant people who exactly they’ve welcomed into their nice little town.”

His words were a sucker punch. I released him, shock slackening my muscles. Everything. He’d told Lily everything. She knew everything.

“Why?” The word slipped past my lips before I could call it back.

Jack sneered at me and then shrugged. “Because you, golden boy, shouldn’t get to be happy. You bit the hand that fed you, and now you’ll deal with the consequences.”

He stepped back and straightened his jacket. Peering past my shoulder, he whistled. “Looks like your teammates are about to join us. I’ll go. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you, boy. You’re doing that just fine yourself.”

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me bleeding.

Lily had gone to Midnight searching for dirt on me, clearly, and in return, she’d found out everything. My whole, sorry life, laid before her for her to scorn. For her to pity. For her to fear. My heart twisted; my chest ached. It hurt. It actually fucking hurt. Right or wrong, it felt like a betrayal, and there was only one way to answer it.

Retaliation. My little Ladybug had claws after all, and I’d underestimated her. She had information on me now, damaging information that could see my dreams come shattering down. I couldn’t let her use it.

This time, I wasn’t holding back. She needed to fear me, and this time, she would.