Bad Intentions: Chapter 31

We fell into a routine of sorts over the next week. I pretended not to watch Lily, and she pretended not to notice my eyes on her. Selena and her cronies were tough on her at first, spray painting shit on her locker and posting excerpts of the journal all over group chats and scrawling them on scraps of papers and sticking them to noticeboards despite Principal Smith’s warnings. That seemed to have stopped when I kicked Selena’s irritating ass off her table and iced her out. Gradually, things quieted down.

The game the next week was the first home game where Lily’s face wasn’t staring down at me from the stands. I didn’t know how she’d gotten out of it, considering how much Coach liked his rituals—and having his daughter attend was certainly one of them—but she had.

Had Eric talked to his daughter about the journal? He hadn’t said a word to me about it, despite the contents featuring me heavily. Maybe he hadn’t seen it. It would have been a fucking miracle if he hadn’t.

I was almost disappointed. Revenge on Bug was only good if it hurt, and having it out with her parents would sting her the most. She was hiding her real self from them, and it was time to let it out. I wouldn’t let her hide anymore, not when she hadn’t extended me the same courtesy. If things went like she feared, they’d blow up at her about going to college out of state, and then she’d be shamed into staying.

She’d have to attend HHU, just like me, and then I could keep an eye on her.

Her little escape route would be blocked, and she’d be mine, plain and simple. I couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving, fucked up as that was.

After another game, and an easy win, Coach called me into his office.

“Sit down, Cade, I have some news.” His smile lit up the room.

I dropped my heavy sports bag and dropped into the seat in front of his desk.

Eric steepled his fingers and grinned at me. “How do you feel about the upcoming game against the Maple Maulers?”

I shrugged, my nonchalant expression masking the excitement stirring within me. “Should be a cakewalk, like everyone else.”

Eric laughed. “I was hoping you’d say that. Well, let’s hope you’re right, and let’s make sure you look good. HHU is coming to scout the game. They’ll be watching the Ice Gods in particular. This is it, Cayden—your big shot.”

His grin was infectious, and I found myself smiling back. Scouts for HHU, and then, after I dominated on the college team, the NHL. It was happening. Finally, something in my life that I’d worked hard for was actually happening. It felt too good to be true.

Eric launched into game strategy, and I listened eagerly. I had to train, I had to stay focused. Nothing else mattered.

“Cade, before you go – I wanted to ask you about Lily.”

I froze in the doorway, on the cusp of escaping after our talk.

I turned back to him. “What about her?”

“I mean, I know what happened with your bike.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I still can’t believe Lily would do that. Why didn’t you bring the bill to me?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. Because I deserved it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. I simply shrugged.

“I saw the journal, I know some kind of thing went on with her. Girls and high school, I don’t know what to do or say in these situations. I guess it was made up, like Principal Smith said.”

“It wasn’t all made up,” I heard myself say.

Coach frowned and crossed his arms. Darkness gathered in the pit of my belly. Was I really going to blow Bug’s cover about applying for an out-of-state college? Yes, I really was.

“She did apply and get into that other school…the one in California.”

Eric sank into his chair. He seemed winded. His disappointment radiated thickly through the room. A twinge of guilt stabbed in my gut, but I pushed it aside. She deserved it. She couldn’t get away that easily. She couldn’t leave. I wouldn’t allow it.

“She wants to leave, but she’s too scared to tell you.”

Eric’s gaze landed on mine, and the look in his eyes was hard to meet. So, that’s what it was like when someone you cared about was hurt. I recognized the expression from Lily’s green eyes when she’d confronted me about the journal. It didn’t get any easier to stomach, it turned out.

“If that’s all, I’m going to go,” I said to Coach.

He nodded, distracted, and picked up his phone. Was he calling his daughter right now? Was Bug’s life about to fall down around her ears, like she’d brought mine down?

I shouldn’t care. I shouldered my way out of the office and gripped my heavy bag. Making my way down the hall, I shoved my roiling emotions down, far into the dark depths that lived inside me.

I shouldn’t care, and I wouldn’t. Any second now, I wouldn’t.

After the game, I went with the Ice Gods to Eve’s diner. Asher liked the food there, and he and his sister often lived off the leftovers. It was a retro little diner, low-rent as Hade Harbor went, but it was cute. It was miles above anything in Midnight Falls, that was for sure. Eve smiled at her brother, her grin quickly turning into an arctic glare when she saw me.

“Ew, you brought him?” she asked pointedly, throwing a cleaning rag over her shoulder and squaring up like she might actually try to fight me.

“Be nice, or no tips for you,” Asher grumbled and ambled down the aisle to a booth seat.

I’d just slid in when I recognized a distinctive red head coming out of the back and heading toward a seat. The sight was a kick to the stomach. Lily was here. This is where she’d been hiding instead of watching the game.

I was out of the booth before I could stop myself.

Eve was at Lily’s table, and they whispered furiously.

“Don’t let him scare you away,” Eve was saying in a venomous tone.

“Why not? I’d rather not be around him, and I don’t care what that looks like. It’s bad enough I have to see him at home.”

I’d missed the sound of Lily’s voice, I realized, as I leaned against the wall beside the booth, unnoticed.

“Yeah, well, you didn’t do anything wrong. Running away and avoiding him makes you seem guilty, and it’s not fair,” Eve continued.

“I don’t care what’s fair anymore, and I don’t care if he believes me. Even if he did, I’d never, ever forgive him for what he did—” She broke off as her eyes connected with mine, and her lips slammed shut.

“Don’t let me disturb you, though I must say, my ears were burning.” My voice was uncaring and blasé, and yet being this close to Lily after days of silence made me feel anything but uncaring. I’d missed tangling with my clever little Ladybug, even if I wanted to throttle her sometimes.

“What do you want? Get back to your friends, you’re not wanted over here,” Eve said fiercely, putting her hands on her hips.

“Bug, call off your guard dog, or I’ll embarrass her in front of the entire place.”

“With my brother right there? Good luck,” Eve goaded.

She had a point. Asher was very protective of his sister. A customer called to Eve, and I nodded toward them.

“Better do your job and keep your nose out of my business.”

“Fuck you, West,” Eve sneered and then strode away.

I turned back to Lily. She was looking down at her phone with a fierce concentration I immediately hated. Who the hell was texting her all the time? Tyler Owens?

I plucked her phone out of her hand and slid into the booth across from her.

“Give it back,” she ground out, glaring at me.

“Why? Got something on here you don’t want me to see?”

“I don’t care what you see, I just want my phone back.”

Her phone was still open, and I scrolled through her messages.

“Cayden, give it to me.” She moved around the booth, reaching for the phone.

It wasn’t hard to hold it higher than her reaching hands. She leaned against me, a soft crease pressing between her auburn eyebrows. She was so close, I could count the dusting of freckles across her nose. I couldn’t stop staring at them.

“Stop being a dick, if you actually know how, and give it to me,” she demanded, falling into me when I let her think she might grab the cell, and then jerked it away.

Her chest pressed into mine, her forehead glancing off my chin. She was tumbling into me and couldn’t stop herself. I made no move to help. Her hands landed on my thighs as she tried to brace herself from falling right into my lap. Her small hand felt like a brand on my upper thigh. She froze there when she realized just how close we were. The edge of her hand was brushing my goddamn dick, and all I could think was how I wanted her to move an inch over and palm me. I was hard as hell and could have easily bucked against her touch and got off in my pants, right here in the diner, just from the reluctant pressure of her hand against me.

Nobody affected me like Lily. I’d rarely felt desire before her, and now that I’d been inside her and stretched her tight, virgin little pussy out to fit me perfectly, her body was the only thing that turned me on. I’d learned to want by worshiping at her altar, and she was the only thing I saw, even though anger filled me every time I looked at her, and even though she hated me right back.

“What don’t you want me to see, Bug?”

A muscle ticked in her jaw, but she held her tongue, giving me nothing in return.

“Have you been breaking my rules? Remember, I don’t share my things.”

“I’m not yours, Cayden. I should think the last week has made that pretty obvious.”

I shrugged. “Not to me.”

Her mouth pulled in a humorless smile. “Oh, really? So, you always treat your things like shit?”

“No,” I murmured as I lowered her phone and let her take it. She was still so close I could feel her breath against my lips. “I always break them. Be grateful I haven’t broken you yet, Freckles.”

She swallowed, and my gaze fell to her beautiful neck. I’d fantasized about strangling her enough these past few days, but now that I was so close to the delicate column, I wanted to leave my fingerprints on her creamy white skin; not to hurt, but to mark – a brand of ownership for all to see.

“Who says you haven’t?”

Her soft words hurt a little when they dug their claws in. She let me see her hurt for one shining moment, and it stole my breath.

“The fact that you think publishing your dirty little diary broke you only gives me ideas for the future, Bug. Be careful,” I teased her…or was it a warning? Maybe it was both. I couldn’t say for sure. I hadn’t planned on seeing Lily tonight, and I certainly hadn’t planned on speaking to her, and yet in the last ten minutes, I was happier than I’d been all week. Toying with my food had always been a hobby of mine, and now that Lily was my dinner it was endlessly enjoyable. She was the most fascinating person I’d ever met. Being around her relaxed something in me. A place of tension that was always simmering when she wasn’t around.

Her phone vibrated between us, and she jumped. I wondered if she’d been as lost in the spell between us as I had been. There was nothing in the world like the magic that sprang up when Lily was within reach.

She glanced down at her phone, and I followed, my gaze running across the message before I could stop myself.

We need to talk. Come straight home. Dad.

Right, the poisoned dart I’d set in motion before coming out for dinner was already speeding toward us. Lily’s face paled, her eyes widening and growing more vivid somehow, against her pallor.

She glanced up at me, biting one full lip with her white teeth.

“Sounds like Daddy dearest knows about California.”

My words sent even more color from her cheeks. Her green gaze burned into mine, accusation etched in those forest depths.

“You had to tell them sometime…it looks like that time is now,” I reminded her.

“And you just had to decide that for me?”

I shrugged. “What are you waiting for? It’ll only get harder. Does it feel good to lie to them every day?”

My attack left her speechless. Her eyes glittered. She was angry and upset at the same time. She could join the fucking club.

“I’m not lying to them.”

“It sure sounds like you are. Do you have any idea how hard your dad is working to get into HHU – for you?”

“That’s not the only reason,” she muttered.

“But it’s a big part, and you know it.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t want him to.”

I chuckled. “I know you don’t. I’ve read your journal, remember? The real question is when are you going to grow a pair and tell them the truth? When are you going to stop being such a fucking coward? It’s not a crime to want some space – except from me.”

She scoffed, her expression hardening. “You’re so into the truth, but you hate the idea that I told everyone the truth about you,” she pointed out.

My expression turned into a glower. “Was that finally a confession?”

She huffed a pained laugh. “I don’t care if you think it was. I’ve given up trying to get through to you. I officially don’t give a fuck what you think, do, feel – any of it.”

Her words hit like boulders against my feeble shields. Nobody bothered me or upset me like this girl. She knew all the buttons to push.

We stared at each other, at an impasse.

“Better hurry on home.” My voice could carve ice.

She pulled back, and the loss of her proximity chilled my skin. She stood and moved around the table, avoiding my eyes, stuffing her notebooks in her bag. I watched her go.

She paused before she left the table. “Is this it – the breaking of your toys?”

A raw laugh left me at that. “Didn’t you break me first? I’m just returning the favor.”

She shook her head slowly, a sadness in her eyes that made it hard to hold her gaze. She leaned in toward me, resting a hand on the tabletop. Her hair rushed down in a waterfall over her shoulder, sending a delicate perfume my way. It was the same addictive smell of her T-shirt, the one I slept with every night.

“One day, you’re going to realize how wrong you are. You’re going to understand that I never betrayed you and that I always wanted the best for you, but by then it’ll be too late. The one person you opened up to will be gone forever.”

“What makes you think you’re the one person I opened up to?” I challenged, but there was nothing behind my words. We both knew they were true.

She smiled, and it was devastatingly beautiful. “You might know me well enough to fuck with me, Cayden, better than anyone else, but don’t forget that I know you, too.”

I leaned in, getting right in her face, so close that the temptation to kiss her was a physical ache. Christ, I missed her. I missed her touch, her body. Most of all, I missed her smile. Nothing could make me feel like Lily could with one smile. When she smiled at me, I was invincible. Salvageable.

“Just confess, and we can put this behind us…just tell me the truth and never lie to me again.” And I can trust you again. I didn’t say the last part out loud, it was too damning. Had I already forgiven Lily? Maybe I’d forgiven her that moment in the locker room, when she’d cried so prettily and the sight of it had broken my heart. But I didn’t know how to go back. I knew better than most that the past could never be undone.

“But you see, Cayden…even if I did confess, and you accepted my apology, I’ll never forgive you. I’ll never forget. Ever. So, none of this matters, really, in the end.” She delivered the last words in a soft, lethal tone, then turned on her heel and strode out of the diner.