Bad Intentions: Chapter 41

I’d made it all the way in to the airport before my feet stopped working. We’d parked the car and made it inside the terminal. My mom was rushing ahead, wheeling both our suitcases, while I slowly walked behind her.

My mind was on HHH and the game tonight.

It was on that journal and those haunting words that had burrowed inside my heart and taken root.

It was with my best friend, who desperately wanted me to be by her side through college.

It was with my dad, who had worked hard his whole life to move up in the coaching world and might finally make it. He wanted to work at HHU and be on the same campus as me. After seeing Cayden’s childhood home, it felt terrible to resent being loved too much by your parents.

Most of all, my mind, and heart, were with the boy who’d stolen it, a burning ball of anger and emotion, the only person in my life who had ever seen me, inside and out, every single piece, and loved me anyway.

“Let’s go, we’re early for our flight, and I want to check out some of the stores.” My mom bustled on as my legs got slower and slower. “And I have to call your dad to say good luck before the game.”

I thought of Hade Harbor High rink, all lit up like only a game night was, with fans streaming through decked out in black and purple, and the general air of mayhem and excitement in the air. I’d really miss being part of that. I didn’t want to miss it. I really didn’t want to.

“I know, you just know how your father gets,” my mom continued. “He’s so anxious about tonight and the scouts. This is a really important night for Cade, too.”

“He’s grown on you, huh?” I wondered.

She nodded and shrugged. “He tries so hard with us, he’s so polite, so helpful. You can tell he’s never really had anyone in life to look up to. No one who treated him with respect. I like the kid, but not as much as you do.” She gave me a sideways glance at that.

I jumped guiltily at the words, my cheeks instantly flushing. “What do you mean?”

My mother just smirked at me. “Oh, honey, Cayden might be a polite boy, but the way he looks at you leaves no doubt. He likes you, Lily. I’d say he’s head over heels.”

I stared at her, speechless.

“Of course, if he were to get into HHU and you were to stay…I could see you two together. You’d make a cute couple,” she said, her tone innocent. She clearly had no idea what had been going on under her roof and simply thought Cayden had an innocent crush on me. She’d die if she knew the filthy things her daughter and the boy in the room next door had gotten up to.

“Mom, I can’t believe you. Machiavelli had nothing on you.”

She laughed. “I’m kidding, well, partly. What matters the most is how you feel on campus. If it feels like home. Lily?”

I’d stopped just before security, and I couldn’t seem to make myself move forward.

My mom stopped and came back to me, her forehead wrinkled in concern. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Mom…don’t be mad,” I started. “But I don’t think I want to go on the campus visit.”

My mom’s face went through shock to concern, and then the smallest excited smile turned her lips up at the edges. “Really?”

I nodded. “I don’t think I have to go…I don’t think I have to go to California at all. In fact, I’m sure I don’t want to.”

We left the airport and got back into the car that we’d just parked.

“I’m sorry about the flight.”

“Don’t be. It was a steal and it was worth it if it made you want to stay here,” my mom said, wreathed in smiles. “You’re worth it, honey.”

As we drove home, I turned to her, the things I’d been avoiding saying jumping off my tongue. Now that I’d decided what I wanted, I couldn’t seem to keep it inside. I wasn’t scared anymore.

“If you want me to stay here, then there are some things I need to happen, like staying on campus,” I opened with, and in the end, it had been so much easier than I’d expected.

She agreed to them all, and best of all, had expected most of them. I felt like an adult. I felt like she saw me. It was a precious feeling, and one I hadn’t realized I needed so badly until it happened.

We missed the first period but got there during the second, just as Cayden came off the bench and got back onto the ice. He looked up in my direction, and I did the only thing I could. I showed him the shirt I’d slipped on at home before the game.

After that, the rest of the game was a blur. The Hellions dominated. Cayden was the star. I was surprised to see Josh intercepting some of the hefty defensemen, leaving Cayden clear to shine.

The Hellions took the game four to two, and the scouts lined up to speak to my dad as soon as the last buzzer sounded.

The rink exploded in cheers and applause. Hellions fans were losing their minds, and I was cheering and shouting right alongside them. I hugged my mom, and she held me especially tight. She was crying with happiness when she pulled back, and I knew it wasn’t just the win and my dad potentially going to coach at HHU that had her emotional, but the conversation we’d had on the drive over.

This was home. California had been the place I’d planned to run away to so I could avoid difficult conversations for the rest of my life. But truthfully, I didn’t want to leave Maine. I wanted to stay right here. I’d just needed to be brave.

After the game, I headed down to the locker rooms and ran into Marcus.

“Tell me you’re coming to Beckett’s party tonight, Lil?”

“Sure, I can come for a bit,” I said, laughing at his raw exuberance.

“A bit? Damn, girl, you’re hard to bring around. Well, lucky for you that you have a boyfriend who’s just as antisocial as you are.”

“Cayden’s not my boyfriend,” I protested, more a reflex than anything else.

“You might want to tell him that, because he sure thinks he is.” Marcus grinned and jerked his head toward my dad’s office. “He’s in there, talking to the scouts.”

“Seriously?”

Marcus nodded. “I’m up next, then Asher. It’s just introductions at this stage, but…it’s promising.” He was grinning so hard it was impossible not to reciprocate.

“Tell him I’m waiting outside for him by his bike, will you?”

Marcus nodded, walking backward toward the offices. “Will do.”

“Lil!” Eve’s voice called out to me, and after a moment, she threw herself into my arms.

“That game was awesome! Did you see? How come you’re here? I thought you’d already be in California by now.”

“Do you know how long the flight to California is?” I teased her.

She rolled her eyes. “Not exactly, seeing as I’ve never even been on a plane, but seriously, why are you here and not there?”

“Because I don’t want to be there. I’ve officially decided. I hope you haven’t found another roommate already and the position is still free…” I trailed off, not getting further as Eve jumped on me.

She squealed loudly enough to break my eardrums. “You’re shitting me! You’re staying!”

“I’m staying,” I laughed, spinning her around until we were both laughing.

She slid out my arms, grinning at me hard. A dark figure lurked behind Eve. It was Beckett. He had a hip perched on the banister of the staircase and watched us.

“Congratulations on the game,” I called to him.

He inclined his head. “Congrats to you, too. It sounds like you made a big decision tonight, and you, Cinderella, look like you’ve managed to scare up someone who’d like to live with you.” His last words were directed at Eve, who flushed and glared at him.

The tension between them was thick, and I didn’t know what to do with it. I needed to go and talk to Cayden. I felt like I couldn’t wait one more second.

“I have to go, but we’re going to the party later, right?”

Eve looked surprised at my words.

Before she could answer, Beckett spoke. “Yes, she is.”

Okay, then.

“I’ll see you over there, and we can talk about HHU as much as you want.” I squeezed Eve’s hand and headed out to the parking lot.

I left the rink, the success of Cayden’s game circling around my head. Tonight, for some reason, everything felt clear. Decisions felt easy. Sometimes it felt like the path was laid out under your feet, and you just had to walk it.

I sat on the low wall next to the parking lot, a few feet away from Cayden’s bike.

I sat there and breathed in the fragrant pine and salt of Hade Harbor’s air. I felt peaceful. Decided. Content. It was an amazing feeling.

“Are you really here, or did I get hit in the head harder than I thought?” Cayden’s voice reached me just before he picked me up from behind, pulling me effortlessly over the low wall and into his arms.

“Hey, be careful. You’re hurt, remember?”

“I can hardly forget. It might be time to go to the hospital, now that the game is over.” He grinned. “You were watching, right?”

“Yes, and yes, you played amazingly tonight…so well I’d never have suspected that you have a hole in your side. You really do have to be the best at everything, don’t you?”

“Hmm, why are you here?”

His sudden question took me off guard.

“Why do you think I’m here?”

“Your flight was cancelled? You decided you don’t need a campus tour and already accepted the offer?”

“Wow, you need to work on your pessimism.”

“True, so…why are you here?”

I took a deep breath and brought my chin up. “I’ve decided that HHU is my destiny, and my home, and everything I want, really. It’s my turf. If you’ve got a problem with that, then you should go…not me.”

Cayden stared at me for a long moment, his expression unreadable. “You’re not fucking with me, are you? I don’t think I’ll ever recover if you are.”

I laughed. “I’m not fucking with you. HHU is mine. If you have a problem with that, you need to go somewhere else.”

He chuckled and leaned in, hugging me tightly, his forehead pressed hard against mine.

“You’re hazardous to my heart health, Freckles,” he murmured. “I just played the most intense hockey game of my life and barely felt it, but this conversation is giving me a heart attack.”

“Sorry,” I teased.

He shook his head. “Don’t apologize to me. You never need to apologize to me. You – I don’t have all the words to describe you. Everything I think and write falls short.” Then he grinned, and it was stunning. “You should know, in the spirit of full disclosure, that I was never planning on letting you leave me here alone. I was going to be where you were, even if I was just driving the Zamboni at your fancy school.”

I burst out laughing at that image. “I thought you wanted to go to HHU? It was your dream,” I reminded him.

He stared down at me, smoothing his thumb over the apple of my cheek. “Dreams change…I have a new dream, and if she wanted to be in California, then I’d be in California.”

I was lighter than helium. “A person can’t be your dream. What if they disappoint you?”

“Impossible.” He leaned in and kissed me lightly, brushing his lips over mine. “I know everything about you, good, bad, and ugly, and you know everything about me…there is nothing you could ever do, or say, or feel that would disappoint me. It’s impossible.”

What could I say to that?

His lips met mine, and he tugged me against him, lifting me off the ground and spinning me around. He kissed me hard and then pulled back, only to stare at me and kiss me again.

I laughed at his dazed expression, my heart feeling like it was bursting out of my chest.

“Put me down before everyone sees,” I murmured to him.

“Let them. Let everyone know you’re mine and I get to keep you.” He grinned.

“Even my dad?” I wondered.

His lips stretched into a sideways smirk, and he gently lowered me to the ground. “Maybe I’ll put you down, for now.”

“Hmm, good idea. If he finds out, he might make you move out for the rest of the year, or at least put a padlock on my door so you can’t creep in there at night.”

“But you love it when I creep in there,” Cayden protested softly. “I’m just making your dreams come true.”

“Let’s not explain that to my parents,” I laughed.

Cayden shrugged. “I can move in with Beckett if it’s a problem. Us dating and living together, I mean. I don’t want to hide it from anyone, including your parents.”

“Seriously?”

He nodded. “Seriously. I’ve never had very good parental figures in my life. I don’t want to start out on the wrong foot with my future in-laws,” he said with perfect seriousness.

I smacked his chest, shocked and thrilled at the same time. “You’re crazy.”

“Absolutely certifiable.”

He hauled me against him again, his hands sinking into my ass, and I squirmed in his grip. Jesus, he was rock-hard, right there in the middle of the parking lot with people drifting past, staring at us.

“Have I told you how good my jersey looks on you? I can’t wait until it’s the only thing you have on. Wear it to bed tonight without panties, Freckles.”

I pushed at his chest, heat making my face turn pink. “Okay, time to go to the party before you get us in trouble.”

He grinned in a lighthearted, truly happy way I’d never quite seen from him before.

He handed me the spare helmet, and I pulled it on. In the few weeks I’d known Cayden, my entire world had changed. I’d felt more and done more in that short time than in all the years before it. Sometimes life was like that. People came into your world who forced change. Cayden would always be a force of nature who had blown my life apart at the seams, and yet the new one I’d built in the aftermath of his destruction was a life I wanted. One I was proud of.

I hopped on the back of the bike, and he guided my arms around him. Life had lost its predictable safety and sometimes felt like riding along a dark highway with only the moon overhead, my arms trailing in the air.

Terrifyingly free.

But I wasn’t scared anymore.

“Can you take the long way?” I asked him.

His hand slid over mine. “With you, Freckles? Anytime.”