My Fault! [28]

Trigger Warning ⚠️

Please be cautious when reading this chapter because it will contain talks about r*pe, attempted r*pe and su*c*de.

Asher

We arrived at the party.  We were heading to the door when Sara suddenly stopped moving Alex and Chris behind her.

She looked like she was holding her breath, and her face was a bit pale. She is really not good with alcohol. The smell alone made her look like that.

"Come on," I said to her, and she came back to reality. She nodded, and we entered.

We were greeted by Jonathan and his friends. Jonathan's Dad works for our Mafia. We always had a solid friendship.

"You guys came!" Jonathan exclaimed happily. He was wasted. It was obvious. But come on, it was his birthday party who can blame him?

"Yeah, we wouldn't miss it for the world," Alex replied, hugging him.

"Ohh, who's the chick," said Liam, touching Sara's hair. I was about to break his hand for touching her, but she slapped his hand away.

That seemed to turn him on. He smirked at her. "Oh, feisty!" He said, eyeing her up and down.

That made my blood boil he was eye undressing her. I was going to give him a piece of my mind, but Alex came to view.

"She is a.. friend!" Alex said, standing between him and her pushing Liam back a bit.

We walked past them and went to the living room. I took a seat while the others scattered around the huge couch.

We found some old friends and started chit-chat-ing. But suddenly, from the side of my eye, I saw one of the Russian

Mafia's men.

I excused myself and started scanning the room. There was not only one man. There were at least four.

I quickly alerted the boys with a quick text. And called for backup. We needed to act cool. They don't know we are here yet.

I few seconds passed, and I found Alex and Chris by my side. He slid into both my and Alex's hands' small earpieces.

We all put them on. "Do you carry these everywhere?" I asked Chris through the earpiece.

"Yeah, you never know when you need them," he said back. Well, he is right. "I hope you guys aren't drunk. I need you guys sober," I told them.

"Thanks to these guys, we never got to drink a sip of alcohol," Alex said, annoyed.

"We need to know what they are planning," I said to them. "I will check the back of the house," said Alex.

"I'll keep an eye down here," said Chris. "Then I'll go upstairs," I said.

But then I saw Jonathan's Dad, Mr Otto. Wasn't he with our parents in Italy? " Wait, I just spotted Mr Otto going through the back door," I told them.

"He is not in Italy!" Alex said, shocked. "Well, apparently he isn't! Let's go to the back," I told them.

"Do you guys have your guns with you?" I asked. "Of course," said Alex, and I rolled my eyes. But Chris didn't reply.

"Chris, do you?" I asked. "I bought earpieces. Do you think I wouldn't bring my gun?" Chris said matter-of-factly. Well, logical.

We walked slowly to the back. We found Mr Otto being cornered at the back by all the six men.

"They got Mr Otto cornered. I'm going there." I said to them through the earpiece. But before I could move an inch, I  found them behind me.

I motioned for them to follow me. We slowly walked closer, and now we could hear their conversation.

"If you don't tell us where they are, we will blow this house with your son in it!" One of the men said, punching Mr Otto again.

He started coughing blood. "I don't know! And if I knew I wouldn't tell you, " he spitted at them.

The man took out a knife and was about to slice through his chest when we got on their way.

I pointed a gun at the man's head. "Drop the knife and kick it now!" I told him, and he froze. He quickly dropped it and kicked it away.

One of the other men tried reaching for his gun. "Don't even think about it!" Alex warned him, pointing his gun at him too.

He was holding two guns and Chris the same. "Where did the extra guns come from?" I asked, and Chris raised an eyebrow at me. Of course, he has more than a gun.

Soon, our men came. "Take them to the cells. We need to know who sent them." I ordered our men as they took the men away.

"Are you okay?" I asked Mr Otto. "I'm fine. This wasn't even the warmup of our training, " he said, and I let out a small laugh.

"This place isn't safe anymore. Take your family to one of our safe houses. I'll send someone to get you guys in the morning. But for now, let your son enjoy his birthday party. " I told him, and he nodded. He asked for permission and went to clean himself.

"Wanna go home, guys? I'm in no mode to be here, " said Alex, and I immediately nodded. I was planning to say the same thing, but I didn't want to be a party boomer.

" I will call Sara," said Chris. He took out his phone and brought it to his ear. "It is ringing, but she isn't answering," Alex said after a few seconds.

"She probably can't hear it," Chris said. But I just had an odd feeling about this. This is very unlikely of Sara she always answers.

"Let's split, and whoever finds her call the others," I suggested, and they nodded. We went back inside the house and we started searching.

I went to where we were sitting. But she wasn't there. I kept searching the whole ground floor, but there was no sign of her.

I met the boys in the middle where we were sitting to see if she returned. But she didn't!

"Let's search upstairs," said Chris, and we all agreed. We went up the stairs and started searching every room.

I opened a room and found two random people making out. "Really man," the guy said. I quickly closed the door.

There was only one door we didn't open. I reached the handle when I heard a cry for help.

And I froze. It was Sara. "Please. Anything put this.... please." She screamed, sobbing.

"Sara!" Alex shouted, pushing me away from the door. I was still shocked. Alex was trying to break the door with his shoulder. But it just wouldn't.

"Let's do it together!" Chris said still it was just taking too much time.

"Get away!" I told them, taking out my gun. When they saw it, they understood exactly what I meant.

I shot the lock, and the lock fell opening the door. And the scene that was in front of me was unimaginable.

Sara was lying in bed with her top body almost naked only a sports bra and a torn-down tank top. She was full of hickeys.

She was crying uncontrollably and backed away when we opened the door.

"Where is he?!" Alex shouted taking out his gun too. When she saw the guns on our hands she was terrified.

Alex went to her and she backed away terrified, her eyes glued to the gun. "Where is he?! You need to talk" Alex shouted at her.

Her trembling hands raised pointing a finger at the window. He climbed down the f*cking window.

Chris went quickly but no one was there. "Damn it!" He cursed under his breath. I went to check on Sara.

She moved her eyes from Alex's gun to mine. And her eyes widened in fear. I quickly put it in my waistband, Alex doing the same. She then realised what she was looking like.

She quickly got up but her legs gave up, and she fell to the ground. "Sara" I walked a bit closer but she crawled backwards away from me to her jacket quickly to put it on. But the zipper was broken.

I took out my jacket and slid to her. She looked at it for a solid second before slowly taking it and putting it on zipping it up quickly.

"Ar-e you ok-ay?" Alex stuttered trying to help her up. "No no please don't touch me.... please." Her words choked out on a desperate sob, her body trembling with fear. She looked like she wasn't aware of her surroundings. Like she is in some parallel universe.

"Sara this is me Alex" he said slowly walking to her. "Please... I beg you. Don't come closer" she begged again backing away till her back hit the wall.

Alex immediately stopped in his tracks and backed away. She had hot tears streaming down her face and her makeup was a mess. She was studying our every move.

"We don't mean any harm. Okay." Chris said to her giving her a small smile. She didn't talk back but gave him a firm nod.

Chris looked around and his eyes fell on a closed bottle of water. He grabbed it and extended his hand to her so he was still away from her. "How about some water?" He asked and she slowly grabbed it from him with shaky hands.

She drank two little sips and put it down. I put both my hands up for her to see them. "I'm gonna come a bit closer okay but my hands are gonna be up here okay," I said to her but she didn't say or do anything.

I started walking to her with small steady steps but she quickly stood up. "I n-need the re-stroom. I feel like I'm gonna throw u-p" she stuttered out. I got out of her way.

We walked her to the nearest bathroom. And the second she stepped foot in the bathroom she threw up. I went to hold up her hair but she flinched away so I backed away.

She washed her face and looked us in the eyes for the first time. "We are so sorry Sara. We shouldn't have left you alone" Alex said his eyes full of guilt.  We all felt the same.

She didn't answer him but instead said. "C-an you ta-ke me home... pl-ease" she stuttered out and we all nodded. Her voice was so low that we almost didn't hear it due to the loud music.

The party was still blasting. Chris walked in front of her and Alex had his hand to her side but not touching her so people wouldn't bump into her.

We walked out to the car and I took out my key. The sound of the car unlocking seemed to startle her. Chris opened the backdoor for her. But she kept looking at it strangely.

"Can I sit in the front?" She asked slowly like we would lash out at her at any second. Of course, she doesn't wanna sit in the back with someone.

"Of course," said Chris and walked her to the passenger seat. She sat down and he closed the door behind her.

"What should we do? Should we take her to the hospital? We don't know what he did to her." Alex asked anxiously walking in circles.

"She wouldn't go anywhere right now. She needs to rest. " Chris said and I agree with him. She is in no state to meet anyone.

"Yeah. We will see tomorrow if we can take her there" I told him and he nodded.

I walked to the car and I got to the driver's seat. I glanced at Sara and she had her knees close to her chest. And stared out the window blankly.

I sighed and started driving. The drive was silent. You could hear a pin drop. But that wasn't the problem.

The guilt was eating me. How could we leave her alone like that! At the party that brings the whole city together.

How could someone do such a thing to her? How could he try destroying such an amazing soul?

I swear if I catch him. I will make him regret even looking at her wrongly. I will break every finger he used to touch her.

We arrived home and she was the first to get out of the car. We were right behind her. She walked slowly to the door and started searching for her keys. Alex took out his and opened the door for her.

She slowly walked up the stairs and to her room. We all walked to our room. We each sat in our beds not knowing what to say.

Alex had his head in his hands that were on his knees.

How were we so reckless? She almost got raped. Or got raped. This is all my fault.

I was the reason she was even there in the first place. She didn't wanna go and I told her she had no choice. I took her there.

"I did this to her" Alex said his voice low "It is all my fault" he said hitting his head. ",Mine," he said hitting himself again.

Chris was about to stop him from hitting himself again but I stopped. "Let him get his anger out," I told him quietly.

"How was I so stupid?" He said again hitting his head constantly. "It is all of us fault. Not only you Alex" Chris said to him.

"Esco fingendo di essere una specie di eroe che aiuta le ragazze a non essere stuprate, ma non sono riuscita a tenere al sicuro mia sorella!" He shouted standing up. Hot tears streaming down his face.

(I go out pretending I am some kind of a hero helping girls from getting raped, but I couldn't keep my own sister safe!)

"quello che è successo, è successo. guardiamo avanti. Come troveremo questa scusa di un essere umano?" Chris said to him trying to calm him down.

(what happened, happened. let's look forward. How are we going to find this excuse of a human being?)

And it may have actually helped a little because he took in a deep breath before wiping his face.

"Ho già detto ai nostri uomini di iniziare la ricerca. Noi siamo gli eredi della mafia italiana e a quest'ora saremo schiacciati se non riusciamo a trovare tali informazioni" I told him sternly. It is the truth.

(I already told our men to start searching. We are the inheritors of the Italian Mafia we will be crushed by now if we can't find such information)

He nodded. Someone knocked on the door. And it opened slowly showing Sara. She was wearing lomg sleave pajamas and she had freshly washed hair. Gosh she is beautiful.

What the hell am I saying focus Asher.

"I heard some shouting is everyone okay?" She asked slowly walking inside the room. Alex looked at her in disbelief combing a hand through his hair.

"Did I say something wrong?" She asked anxiously. "Don't mind him he is just mad" Chris told her and she nodded.

"Did you need something?" I asked. It came a bit rude like I wanted her out of here now. Not in 'what can I do for you' way.

"N-nothing just wanted to give you back your jacket" she said slowly handing it to me.. It was like it is hard for her to talk.  I looked at her neck and saw hickeys. He gave her fucking hickeys. How dare he?

She realised where I was looking and immediately got self concious and buttoned the last button of her shirt to hide her neck.

"Are you okay?" Chris asked her. And she nodded slightly. "How about you sit down for a bit and we talk ?" He asked her motioning for the bed.

She looked at the bed for a solid five seconds. "Okay" she said slowly sitting on the bed.

"Can you tell us what happened there?" He asked referring to the party. Her breath hitched. And she got physically uncomfortable.

"What did he do to you?" Alex asked. "I've changed my mind lets not talk" she said standing.

"We need to have this conversation Sara" Alex said to her. "No we don't. I don't want to. You prevented it from happening again and thank you for that. Thanks to all of you and sorry you had to see that. But I don't wanna talk" she said to us. What does she mean again?

"Again?" I asked confused. "I mean further. Thanks for preventing it from going further" she corrected getting nervous. But I don't believe her. Has this happened to her before?

Alex was silent. "Sara don't thank us, please" I said to her. It hurts even more that she is thanking us. It is like we did her a favour. Almost like we weren't the main reason for it.

"Do we know him?" I asked and she immediately clenched her fists. "No," she said. Which was a huge lie. Her body language was talking louder than her.

"Sara we need the truth" Alex finally spoke. "This is it! And I don't wanna talk about it please Alex" she begged her voice getting lower as she ended her sentence.

"Fine. But this conversation isn't over okay?" He said to her sternly. He is right. She needs to rest now but this conversation will not end until she says the truth.

She nodded leaving. "You need to take it easy on her Alex she is going through so much at once" Chris said to Alex.

"I am. If I wasn't she wouldn't be leaving this room without telling me the truth. The whole truth." Alex remarked. He is too angry to think properly. You can't make someone tell you such a thing.

"Okay guys it has been a long day let just go to sleep. We are going to have a lot of work to do tomorrow when our men find that sbalzo" I told them .

♡●●♡●●♡●●♡●●♡●●♡●●♡

I couldn't sleep. It has been hours. Hours of me staring at the ceiling trying to sleep.

I sat up sighing. I decided to get up and get myself some water. I was about to go down the stairs when I heard a small whimper. And it was like my feet got glued to the ground.

A crying sound was coming from Sara's room. She is crying. I quickly got to my senses and walked toward her room.

I found the door open. I slowly opened it and she looked up at me. She was sitting on the floor next to the bed.

Her eyes were puffy and red. She had her knees close to her chest. She quickly stood up wiping her tears.

"Did I wake you up?" She asked slowly. "No, you didn't. I just couldn't sleep. Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry I couldn't close the door. I felt like I was suffocating when I closed it. " She admitted briefly.

"It is okay. I promise" I told her giving her a reassuring smile. She is so precious. She went through this traumatic experience and still apologizing.

"Did you need something?" She asked. "Just wanting to know you are okay. And don't lie saying you are. Because I know you aren't" I told her. She isn't. No matter how many times she says she is.

She slowly slid down the wall again. Her legs were in front of her. I slowly walked to her side and sat next to her. But not too close to make her uncomfortable.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked slowly. "If it is about today please don't " she said looking at me with eyes full of pain.

"Why are we on the floor?" I asked a chuckle escaping my lips. She chuckled too but it faded quicker than I hoped.

"I can't sit on the bed. Whenever I close my eyes I feel his.. his hands on me. Choking, kissing and touching me everywhere. Every inch of me. Touching me with his filthy hands. Marking me." She said her voice cracking. She digged her nails deep into her palms.

I looked at her. My heart ached with every word she says. It is like someone is ripping my heart off my chest and putting it back just to rip it again.

"I'm so sorry Sara. It was all my fault." I said to her. And she looked shocked.

"Please don't say that. It isn't. It was fully mine. I looked too welcoming" she said and it made my blood boil.

"What the f*** are you saying? Don't you ever f***ing say that again! Do you hear me?!" I shouted standing up. How can she say such a thing! This isn't her fault. It could never be.

She looked scared. She even flinched when my voice reached her ears. She had her hand in the air protecting her face. It was like her first instinct.

My heart sank.  She thought i was gonna hurt her. She thought I was mad at her. She slowly lowered her hands. "I'm so so-" I started. "Get out" she said her voice low tears piercing her beautiful ocean eyes.

"Sara plea-". " I said get out! Get out of my room!" She shouted again standing up. Hot tears streaming down her face.

I backed away. Alex and Chris came to the room in a hurry. "What's happening is everything okay?" Alex asked worried. "What is happening Sara? We heard some shouting" Chris asked.

She took a breath in. "There is nothing. I just wanna be alone. Sorry for waking you guys up"she replied. They looked at her confused.

"But you are crying?" Alex asked her again his eyes never leaving her. "Please. I wanna be alone" she begged him her head tilting a bit to the side.

"Let's go sleep Asher" said Alex guiding me out of the room.  He was about to close the door but I stopped him.

"Don't. She doesn't want it closed" I told him. He tilted his head confused but left it open a bit.

We walked to our room and closed the door behind us. "What happened?" Chris asked his voice sleepy.

"Nothing," I said, lying on the bed. Thankfully he was too tired to argue so he let it be.

Alex on the other hand didn't say anything. He just laid down on his bed sighing.

SARA

We arrived home and I was the first to get out of the car. I felt like I was suffocating in there. The air was so thick.

The moment I stepped out of the car I felt like I was breathing again. I took a breathe in.

I walked as fast as I could away from them, but still, I was pretty slow. Every bone in my body hurts. I needed to be alone.

I reached the door and started searching for my keys but I just couldn't seem to find them. Alex came from behind me and unlocked it.

I entered without saying a thing. It was rude I know but I was too tired. I walked up to my room no words were said.

I entered my room and straight to the shower. I slowly stripped off my clothes and took out Asher's jacket putting it carefully on the counter. I took them out carefully so as not to touch the cut on my upper chest.

I turned on the hot water and got in. But no matter how much I scrub my body I feel his hands on me. Both of their hands on me.

I quickly got out of the shower. And put on long-sleeved pajamas. I took Asher's jacket and headed to their room to give it to him.

Every step I took toward their room their voices got louder.

"How was I so stupid?" I heard Alex's voice. He sounds like he is crying. Am I the reason for this?

"It is all of our fault. Not only you Alex" Chris said to him. It is not. It is mine. And mine only.

"Esco fingendo di essere una specie di eroe che aiuta le ragazze a non essere stuprate, ma non sono riuscita a tenere al sicuro mia sorella!" Alex shouted and I flinched. Why is he talking in Italian. What does he mean by helping girls from getting raped. What does that even mean?!

(I go out pretending I am some kind of a hero helping girls from getting raped, but I couldn't keep my sister safe!)

"quello che è successo, è successo. guardiamo avanti. Come troveremo questa scusa di un essere umano?" Chris said to him and that got me even more confused. Do all of them speak Italian. And why do they want to find him?

(what happened, happened. Let's look forward. How are we going to find this excuse of a human being?

"Ho già detto ai nostri uomini di iniziare la ricerca. Noi siamo gli eredi della mafia italiana e a quest'ora saremo schiacciati se non riusciamo a trovare tali informazioni" Asher said and breath hitched. Inheritors of what?!

Inheritors of the Italian Ma-fia. I'm living with Mafia.

My dad is Mafia. The-y ha-ve guns. Gu-n-s. They ca-n unalive me anytime they want in a second.

(I already told our men to start searching. We are the inheritors of the Italian Mafia we will be crushed by now if we can't find such information)

I felt like I was about to faint. I knocked on the door after taking a few deep breaths. They all stopped and looked at me. I was right Alex was in fact crying.

"I heard some shouting is everyone okay?" I asked slowly when I entered the room. Alex looked at me in disbelief combing a hand through his hair. It is like he can't understand why I even said that. Did I say something wrong?

"Did I say something wrong?" I said my thoughts anxiously. "Don't mind him he is just mad" Chris said and I couldn't help but nod. He is the only one that didn't have a gun earlier.

"Did you need something?" Asher said to me obviously annoyed with my presence.

"N-nothing just wanted to give you back your jacket" I stuttered scared now. I can't anger them. I just can't.

I looked at Asher and realised he had his jaw clenched and his eyes darkened. He was so mad it scared me to my core.

He was focused on my neck. Why is he focused on my neck?

I then realised where he was looking and quickly buttoned up my shirt. I couldn't decide was he mad because I was showing it or because I let it happen. In either cases he is mad at me and it is his right. I let that happen to me. It was my fault. And mine only.

"Are you okay?" Chris asked me and he pulled me out of my thoughts. And I nodded not trusting my voice right now

"How about you sit down for a bit and we talk ?" He asked pointing to the bed. And memories started flashing in my mind.  And I felt my stomach drop. I really don't want to sit on the bed.

"Okay," I replied. I'm not about to say no to them. I don't want to anger any of them.

"Can you tell us what happened there?" He asked referring to the party. And my breath hitched. I thought they were gonna explain why they had damn guns earlier not thi-s.

"What did he do to you?" Alex asked and I just couldn't believe that he would just ask me this so boldly.

"I've changed my mind lets not talk"  I replied standing. I don't want to have this kind of conversation.

"We need to have this conversation Sara," Alex said but we don't. I can't.

"No, we don't. I don't want to. You prevented it from happening again and thank you for that. Thanks to all of you and sorry you had to see that. But I don't wanna talk" I said to them. To all of them. But Asher looked at me shocked or even confused. Why is he confused?

"Again?" He asked and realised I messed up. How can I slip like this? How can I be so stupid?  "I mean further. Thanks for preventing it from going further" I said quickly nervousness obvious in my voice.

Asher clearly didn't believe me. He narrowed his eyes at me and said instead. "Sara don't thank us, please". And I just don't understand why. They saved me I should thank them. I owe them.

"Do we know him?" Asher asked after a few seconds of silence. And I immediately thought of the reason for my misery. My fists clenched automatically. Adam. He did this to me.

"No," I said through gritted teeth. Asher looked at me in disbelief. He didn't buy that. Not even a bit.

"Sara we need the truth" Alex finally spoke. "This is it! And I don't wanna talk about it please Alex" I begged him. I can't speak about this. I don't want to. At least not now.

"Fine. But this conversation isn't over okay?" He said sternly. I nodded not wanting to anger him. I can't afford to anger him.

I exited the room and straight to mine. I reached the room and collapsed. My knees gave away and a sob left my mouth.

I cried. And cried. Why me of all people? Haven't I suffered enough? Or was it just the beginning of my real suffering?

I quickly gathered myself up. I don't get to feel like this. It was my fault. I did to myself. Dad was right. I am a  sl*t.

I got up and went to bed. I slid slowly under the sheets. But each time I tried closing my eyes his face came to my view.

His hands were all over me. Choking me. Pinning me down. And forcefully kissing me. It was like I was reliving everything over and over again.

I jolted up. I can't do this. I got out the bed and slowly lay on the ground. I can't sleep on a bed.

●●●●●●●●●

I don't know how much time has passed of me doing the same thing. Staring at the ceiling.

But I couldn't sleep. I couldn't close my eyes. I forcefully closed my eyes. I need to sleep. But quickly opened them when I saw his face. I will never forget his face.

I sat up my breath escalated. I undone the first two buttons. I couldn't breathe I was suffocating.

I quickly went to the door and opened it. It took me a couple of seconds for my breath to get back to normal.

My eyes were already full of tears. I lowered myself back to the ground next to my bed. My knees close to my chest. I wanted to disappear.

Suddenly the door opened further. I looked up to see Asher. Oh sh*t! Did I wake him up?

I quickly stood up wiping the tears off my face and asked. "Did I wake you up?" I asked slowly. "No, you didn't. I just couldn't sleep. Are you okay?" He asked and I couldn't have been more relieved.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry I couldn't close the door. I felt like I was suffocating when I closed it. " I apologised and explained. Dad always said to explain when you make stupid mistakes.

"It is okay. I promise" he said giving me a reassuring smile not reaching his ears. I knew he was just doing it to make me feel better.

"Did you need something?" I asked not wanting to bother him with my problems anymore.

"Just wanting to know you are okay. And don't lie saying you are. Because I know you aren't" he said to me. And I didn't protest. I need to talk to someone.

I slowly slid down the wall. My legs were in front of me. He slowly came closer to me but not too close which I was thankful too. He sat next to me.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked slowly. "If it is about today please don't " I replied looking at him with pleading eyes. I don't wanna talk about that.

"Why are we on the floor?" He asked chuckling. I chuckled back. What a valid question but it faded when I thought of an answer to that.

"I can't sit on the bed. Whenever I close my eyes I feel his.. his hands on me. Choking, kissing and touching me everywhere. Every inch of me. Touching me with his filthy hands. Marking me." I said feeling myself getting sick again. I was on the verge of a meltdown. I dug my nails into my hands so I won't cry.

He looked at me with a sad face. And I couldn't believe the next words that came out of his mouth.

"I'm so sorry Sara. It was all my fault." He said and it made my hurt sink. Did I really made him feel like that? What kind of person am I? Why do I keep ruining people's peaceful life? Why did I even talk?

"Please don't say that. It isn't. It was fully mine. I looked too welcoming" I told him the truth. He shouldn't blame himself when it was mine.

"What the f*** are you saying? Don't you ever f***ing say that again! Do you hear me?!" He shouted standing up. My hands flew to the air protecting my face. He is going to hit me. Just like Dad did when I told him his friend tried touching me.

I waited for the impact of the hit. The harsh words but nothing came. I slowly put my hands down. And Asher was frozen. He was so shocked.

He wasn't going to hit me. Bu-t-t he shouted at me. He was mad. I knew he would be. They always are. I knew it was my fault.

"I'm so so-" he started. "Get out," I said my voice barely above a whisper tears piercing my eyes. He doesn't get to be mad at me.

"Sara plea-". " I said get out! Get out of my room!" I shouted standing up. Hot tears streaming down my face. I wanna be alone.

He took a few steps back. Chris and Alex came rushing to the room. Oh no. I woke them up.

"What's happening is everything okay?" Alex asked worried. "What is happening Sara? We heard some shouting" Chris asked me.

I took a deep breath nervousness consuming me."There is nothing. I just wanna be alone. Sorry for waking you guys up"

"But you are crying?" Alex asked me his eyes never leaving mine. "Please. I wanna be alone" I begged him.

"Let's go sleep Asher" said Alex guiding Asher out of the room with him. Alex was about to close the door behind him but Asher stopped him.

"Don't. She doesn't want it closed" he said to him and I was relieved he didn't give more information about why I didn't want closed.

I went straight to the bathroom washing my face. I got out my breath heavy. I can't stay inside. I need to go out.

I put on my jacket and my sneakers and out of my room. I slowly walked down the stairs careful not to wake up anyone.

The moment I was out of the door I started running. The faster I run the better I felt.

I don't for how long I run. But I stopped when I found myself standing in my favourite spot in town.

It was a hill that was directly above the river. I slowly walked steady steps toward the cliff. I will do it.

I walked till the end of the cliff. Half my feet were hanging out. I took a deep breath in.

Do it!

You don't deserve to live!

You are a burden of a daughter!

Why don't you kill yourself?!

My Father's voice kept ringing in my ear. And for the first time in years, I will do what he says without fear.