Sasha: Chapter 29

My brother’s wedding wasn’t an elaborate affair but the love in the air was hard to miss.

There weren’t two people on this planet who deserved it more. Autumn getting stuck in Afghanistan had my brother just about losing his mind. But he never gave up. He rescued her, right along with help of his half-brother and Sasha. Of all the damn people, Sasha Nikolaev helped save my best friend. So me carving my initials into his heart was out of the question.

I sat with Killian as the bride and groom recited their vows, the soft breeze sweeping through the garden. The words were barely audible, as if Alessio and Autumn forgot about the world that surrounded them. It was just the two of them, making promises to each other. They’d keep them too.

I knew my best friend. I knew my brother even better.

Although I wished they would have gotten married closer to home. Kyoto in May was quite a sight to see. Japan in general was magnificent, but I still fought jetlag and fatigue. And then there was the issue of the pale blue eyes burning a hole in my back. I didn’t need to turn around to know who they belonged to.

Sasha Nikolaev.

I hoped the Nikolaev family wouldn’t be invited. She said a small wedding. There was nothing small about that family. And Autumn couldn’t forget that Sasha jumped in to help and get her out of Afghanistan. But that was neither here nor there. My brows furrowed. The only one not present from the Nikolaev family was the sister, Tatiana Nikolaev. I wondered why. It seemed unlikely they’d leave any of their siblings behind.

I sighed. It didn’t really concern me anyhow. I had enough of my own problems to solve.

My eyes flickered around us. Mountains surrounded us, the soft rush of the river hummed in the distance, and the scent of cherry blossoms fragranced the air.

Who the fuck knew Autumn and my brother were already sleeping together back then?

I watched my best friend beam at my big brother and my heart squeezed in my chest. He got his happily-ever-after. He deserved it more than anyone I had ever known. I didn’t think I had ever seen him so fucking happy and that made me happy.

Turning my head to Killian, I observed him. Would he ever watch me the way Alessio watched Autumn? That obsessive, possessive look that rattled you to your bones. I knew the answer somewhere deep in the pit of my stomach, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it.

Inhaling deeply, I let the oxygen fill my lungs, then slowly exhaled.

Once I married Killian, the Russo family name would end. There would be nothing left of my father. Just dust and bones. In the graveyard of the old Russo manor.

I fucking hated that place. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings if it ended up reduced to ashes.

The vows were spoken. First kiss as husband and wife. The first dance was ongoing when I found my way to the secluded area by the buffet table, nibbling on a piece of crab. At least I hoped it was crab.

I watched the Ashfords, DiLustros, Nikolaevs, and my brother’s friends. If there was such a thing as an odd alliance, this was it.

There was one thing they all had in common though. Their desire to protect their family at all cost.

When it came to their families, they exercised brutality, corruption, and torture. My parents didn’t do that. My mother was too ruined and my father too cruel.

My eyes drifted through the crowd, and I couldn’t help sneaking in glances at Wynter Flemming. Well, Wynter DiLustro now.

Reluctantly, I had to admit she was beautiful. Her husband, Basilio DiLustro, couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her. It kind of reminded me of Nico Morrelli and his wife. Damn horny couples. Sasha stood with Basilio, the two discussing something pretty heatedly.

As if they could sense my eyes on them, both turned to look at me. I quickly whirled around, giving them my back. I just wanted to get through this wedding without any hiccups. Then I’d never have to see Sasha again.

“Are you okay?” Killian’s voice came from behind.

Sucking deep breaths in through my nose then out through my mouth, I smoothed down my red mermaid dress with a deep V at the back. It molded perfectly against my skin, showing off my curves. Not that I cared to show them off. For the first time in forever, I wished for jeans and a few sizes too big sweatshirt. I wanted to hide, rather than be seen.

All because of a pale blue eyed devil.

Forcing a smile onto my lips, I shifted my body to face Killian. “Perfect,” I lied.

His dark blue eyes, that sometimes almost appeared black, studied me but he said nothing.

My hand wrapped around my wrist, gripping it tightly. Pain throbbed in that wrist, it was broken so many times. But there was a reminder in that pain. That I was a survivor.

“Nice hair-do,” Juliette, Killian’s sister, complimented. “Will you wear it that way for your wedding?”

My hair was tied elegantly at my nape and my makeup was bolder than usual – red lipstick, heavy eyeliner, and so much mascara that my eyelashes felt heavy.

“Not sure,” I answered her vaguely.

Truthfully, I had barely even started the wedding preparations. Autumn and her mother kept hinting at it and finally took matters into their own hands.

Juliette was… interesting. Unlike her brother who always seemed composed, Juliette was a ticking bomb. She had a temper.

“What are you not sure about?” Autumn’s voice came from the side.

“Wedding hair,” I told her.

“Ah.” The look in her eyes said it all. I hadn’t even picked a dress, never mind hair. “We have a little time to decide,” she helped out.

No wonder I loved her. Now she’d be my sister.

“Congratulations,” Juliette said. “It seems it’s the season of weddings. Davina, then Wynter, now you, next Killian. I don’t know if I can take much more of it.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from laughing out loud.

Wynter and Ivy joined us at that moment.

“You’ll take more of it and like it,” Ivy declared. “Stop being a wedding grinch.”

“I’m not a wedding grinch,” Juliette answered defensively. “Besides, you have to admit. It’s all a bunch of fuss for nothing.”

Wynter smiled. “It’s not for nothing. Two human beings pledge their love and devotion to each other for the rest of their lives.”

A strange sensation tightened my chest, but I ignored it.

“And when life is cut short?” Juliette questioned. “For either husband or wife. How do you move on?”

“Well, you continue with the knowledge that he or she would want you to move on and be happy.”

I frowned.

“I wouldn’t.” Everyone’s eyes shifted to me, watching me like I’d grown another head.

“What do you mean?” Ivy asked.

“I wouldn’t want him to move on,” I grumbled. “Fuck that shit. I’d demand he get in the fucking casket with me. Together forever, life or death.”

The silence grew deafening and thick tension permeated the air.

It was Juliette who broke the silence bursting into laughter. “I like that,” she cackled, holding her stomach. “Get in the fucking casket.” Tears trickled down her face, she was laughing so hard. “My brother is fucking doomed.”

Autumn rolled her eyes. “Somehow I think Juliette and Branka shouldn’t be left alone together.”

“Juliette alone with anyone is a dangerous thing,” Davina remarked as she joined the group just as Dante DiLustro headed our way.

Juliette’s spine stiffened. “Excuse me,” she muttered and disappeared as fast as her legs could carry her.

Wynter, Ivy, and Davina shared a look then went after her.

Autumn and I shared a look. “You think she’s avoiding him?” I asked dryly. Kind of like I was avoiding Sasha.

“I’d have never guessed,” she mused sarcastically.

My hand came to her lower belly. “How is my niece cooking?”

A choked laugh escaped her, but her eyes shone like stars against the night sky. “She’s cooking. She can’t wait to meet her aunt.”

I grinned. “Ditto. I’m going to spoil her rotten.”

Autumn groaned, but before she could protest, Kol ran from across the dance floor and threw himself into my arms.

“I’m going to be a pilot,” he announced.

I cocked my eyebrow amused. “Oh, I thought it was a painter yesterday?”

“Oh, I’ll be that too.”

“So why a pilot?” I asked him curiously.

Kol looked behind him and pointed a finger. I followed it to the opposite side of the dance floor where Sasha stood, his hands casually in the pockets of his suit. His expression was guarded, but his eyes burned with blue flames.

“Sasha said pilots can go anywhere in the world. A pilot drove daddy and him to the mountains where they saved Maman.”

I shook my head. Didn’t he know not to bring up that reminder to a child? Shooting him a glare, I turned around letting him burn a hole in my back.

“You can be anything you want, buddy,” I told my nephew. With a grin, he took off and I watched him hop to his father. Alessio scooped him up into the air and sat him on his shoulders, all the while Kol giggled happily.

God, it was so good to see my big brother happy. He wasn’t smiling or laughing, but it was in the way he watched his wife and his son. Every time he looked at Autumn, I feared for anyone who dared to get in between him and his family.

A look full of something volatile and raw lingered in my brother’s eyes and it reminded me of something. Or rather someone.

The realization was like a punch in the gut. It took my breath away.

I’d never have that with Killian.

My eyes drifted to my fiancé. He stood with Cassio and Alexei, the three of them talking. Cassio called out to Alessio and my brother joined them while his gaze sought out Autumn. The soft heat in his eyes could easily burn down the entire island with the intensity of their feelings.

“I feel like we need a hose to cool down this place,” I remarked, rolling my eyes pointedly.

Autumn chuckled softly, pulling her gaze away from the man of her dreams. Her hazel eyes came to me, watching me. Seeing too much.

“Are you okay?” Her fingers wrapped around my wrist softly, holding my gaze.

“Yes.” No.

My eyes unwillingly searched out Sasha who stood with Wynter and her husband. If looks could kill, she’d be dead. Was it wrong? Yes. Was I jealous? Obviously, not that I’d admit that to anyone. It would make marrying Killian a huge mistake.

A melodious laugh drifted through the air, along with the soft melody of some song repeating lyrics of “Killing Me Inside.” A wave of jealousy flared in my chest and I hated the feeling. I hated this clawing rage inside me demanding I go claw her face. It only showed my damn insecurities. Yes, my scars were gone but the insecurities were a part of me, ingrained in my flesh.

Both of Autumn’s hands came to my shoulders, and she turned me so we’d face each other.

“You’re not happy,” Autumn murmured softly. I smiled tightly, unwilling to comment on it. “I want to see you happy.”

“I’m happy.” Enough.

My eyes flickered to him. Killian was a good man. A super hot man. There’d be no risk of sitting at home, waiting for him, as he chased other women all around the globe. Sasha approached Killian, and I couldn’t help but glare at the latter. Why in the fuck did he have to come?

“How do you like his family?” Autumn questioned in a low voice. “His sister seems okay.”

I shrugged. “They’re not bad, but I like yours better.”

A soft smile pulled on her lips.

“We’re unique and you’re part of our family so it’s not mine, it’s our family.” Autumn always made me feel a part of her family. I loved them; I knew they loved me. But certain ghosts were hard to shake off. That eventually they’d realize how damaged I was. Would they still love me?

“Wynter seems nice,” Autumn remarked quietly. “Want me to kill her?”

My head snapped to my best friend. “I thought you said she seems nice.”

Autumn shrugged. “Well, she made my best friend unhappy so-”

A choked laugh escaped me. “Alessio is rubbing off on you. Where is my best friend who always wants world peace?”

A waiter with a tray passed us and she reached for the glass of cranberry juice. Alessio ensured there’d be plenty of it since it was the only thing Autumn could stomach for a while there.

She brought it to her lips, then paused. “I still want world peace,” she remarked. “And your happiness.”

“Maybe we just shave her bald,” I murmured pettily. “All those golden curls could be used by someone else. She has her legs, what more does she need?”

Autumn and I shared a look and burst into a fit of giggles. We always threatened girls that if they pissed us off, we’d shave their heads.

“What’s so funny?” A deep voice came from behind us. My heart stilled. Citrusy scent. Jesus, I couldn’t stand how much just his cologne rattled me. I swallowed, determined to ignore all these wants that lurked deep in my heart. I was well on my way to recovery from a bad case of Sasha Nikolaev.

I still didn’t look at him. I knew how easily it was for those pale blue eyes to grab hold of me and hang on tightly. Until I progressed in my recovery, I’d avoid looking at him.

“Nothing,” Autumn finally answered. “How are you, Sasha?”

“Good.” His eyes flicked to her belly. “Baby growing healthy?”

Autumn smiled softly, her hand rubbing her belly. “Yes. She’s doing wonderful. She’s strong like her auntie.”

I could feel Sasha’s eyes on me, and I had to fight a shudder. God, there should be Sasha Anonymous to help me recover from this addiction.

“She’s strong,” he confirmed. I peered at him from under my lashes, unable to resist. Arctic blue waters had nothing on Sasha’s eyes. His gaze burned and sparks lit beneath my skin. “How about a dance, kotyonok?”

I forced a smile, but still didn’t meet his gaze full on.

“No, thank you.”

“It’s just a dance.”

Kol ran across the dance floor and grabbed my hand, laughing and saying something excitedly but I couldn’t quite catch the words from the buzzing in my ears.

I lowered to my knees, ignoring the large shadow that watched me like he was ready to consume me into his own madness.

Sasha Nikolaev would pull me into his psychotic darkness and then let me drown if I didn’t keep my guard up. He already brought parts of me up that I didn’t know existed.

“What was that, buddy?” I asked my nephew.

“Daddy said dance with you,” Kol murmured, then leaned closer, and whispered in my ear. “He said save you.”

My eyes traveled over the space to find Alessio’s dark gaze on the shadow looming over me. Hmmm, maybe Sasha and Alessio had a falling out. Although, I’d think it’d been resolved since Sasha helped with Autumn’s rescue.

“I’d love to dance with you.”