Sasha: Chapter 41

I woke up to the sun glaring on my face. Squinting my eyes, I twisted around to check out the room.

It was even crappier than I thought. Heavy drapes the color of baby diarrhea. Windows fogged with dirt. The tiled floor was the same shade as the drapes.

I jerked against the belt, twisting my wrists but to no avail. Sasha must have been an expert at tying women with belts.

“I’ve had two decades of using belts as ropes. You won’t get out of it.” Sasha’s voice confirmed my suspicion.

I froze and counted to three before I turned my head to find him sitting next to me, fully dressed and his attention on the phone in his hands.

“Can you untie me?” I spat out. His gaze came my way, unreadable and secretive. I was only in my panties and bra, and it wasn’t exactly warm in this room. Goosebumps rolled over my skin and I shuddered.

“What do you say?”

This motherfucker. I’d make him pay. I’d fucking kill him the first chance I got.

“Please,” I gritted.

His wide smile was my reward. Or punishment, depending on who was looking at it. He tucked his phone back into his pocket and leaned over, loosening the belt in one swift move. He rubbed my wrists, but I jerked my arms away from him.

I rubbed my wrists while keeping my eyes on him. “I need clothes,” I mumbled, sitting up.

He reached to the nightstand and handed me a bag. Cautiously, I dumped the contents of it on the bed. Jeans and a plain white crew neck top. New undergarments. Red leather jacket. At least I wouldn’t have to go around stinky today.

“Get dressed,” he ordered. “We leave in five minutes.”

No coffee. No good morning. No breakfast. Gosh, this guy was a true charmer.

“Can I at least take a shower?”

“Five minutes.”

I grabbed the clothes but he yanked them out of my hands. “Take a shower and get back out here.”

“But-”

“You can always forgo the shower,” he drawled with that smirk on his face.

“You’re an ass,” I deadpanned.

Narrowed eyes met mine and I held them in challenge. We stared at each other, both of us refusing to break the stare down. Childish, yes. Sane, no.

“Whatever.” It was me that ended up caving in. I shook my head and padded to the bathroom. “Fucking ass,” I muttered.

Before I shut the door, I heard him say, “Better get used to it because I’m your ass.”

But when I glanced over my shoulder, his attention was on his phone.

“Four minutes,” he timed without raising his head.

Once in the bathroom, I turned on the shower, stripped out of my undergarments, and stepped under the spray of water.

I let water trickle down my body. The sound of the pipes protested at the pressure and the memory crashed into me like a wave against the shoreline on a windy day.

From my window, I watched Mia’s shadow disappear into the night. Mia and Alessio left me. My chest squeezed painfully, it made it hard to breathe. I brought my hand to my chest, rubbing it gently. It didn’t bring the relief I hoped for.

I didn’t want to be left behind. I wanted to beg him to take me along, but I knew it would make my big brother sad.

Would he still visit now that Mia’s gone?

A single tear rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it off before someone could see it. Father hated tears. He’d beat me. I wrapped my hands around me, wishing I’d turn eighteen tomorrow like Mia.

The alarm sounded and I jumped, my eyes darting around. I heard Father’s men shouting and dogs barking. Someone kept hitting a pipe, the sound echoing through the night. I couldn’t place where it was coming from. Dogs started barking and my bare feet moved silently over the plush rug.

Screaming. Shouts. More screaming. Pipes bursting.

My heart jumped.

I should hide under the bed. Yet, I found myself in the hallway. Shouts drifted through the dark voices. Father roared. Mother cried. More men shouted.

Clank. Clank. Bang!

I leapt back and tripped, losing my balance.

Eyes came my way. Father’s. Mother’s.

With wide eyes, I let my gaze travel over the group. And a dead body on the floor with blood pooling all around him and dead eyes staring at me. Like he was blaming me.

It was one of Father’s guards. The one that allowed us small liberties.

“Did you know?” he roared and my little heart thundered. My body started shaking. “Did you know Mia was leaving?”

I wasn’t good at lying. Alessio told me I was a lousy liar. Mia told me so too. Everyone knew it.

Before my brain could process it all, Father grabbed a pipe and hit it against the table.

“Better answer or Mother’s going to pay.”

My eyes widened and my body began shaking with fear. Mother’s blank eyes flickered with something, but she didn’t move. Why didn’t she move? Why didn’t she fight?

Dogs barked in the distance and I prayed. I didn’t want them to catch my big brother and Mia.

As if he wanted to test how hard to hit with a pipe, he swung it and hit Mother on the shoulder. She didn’t make a sound. I yelped as if he hit me.

That vicious, menacing grimace spread on his face. I hated it. I wanted to claw it off.

“Branka, did you or did you not know?” Father repeated the question.

Neither Alessio nor Mia told me. The only reason I knew was because I eavesdropped. But I couldn’t tell Father that. Eavesdropping was bad. Not telling Father that Mia planned on running away was even worse.

I swallowed. “No.”

Whack. A scream. Mine.

“I-I didn’t know,” I cried.

Whack.

“P-please, I-I didn’t know.”

That night Mother slept in the bed next to me, cradling me and rocking me as I cried. It was usually Mia or Alessio who comforted me. Not Mother in her battered state.

“I’m sorry, Mommy.”

Her arms, bruised black and blue, wrapped around me. “We should have all died. He shouldn’t have saved you.”

I still remembered the sharp pain that sliced through my chest hearing those words. I knew what she was talking about. My big brother never talked about it but Mia told me. How mother tried to commit suicide and take us all with her.

But Alessio saved us all.

I asked my brother once why Mother was always sad. I’d never forget his answer.

“Grief is like waking up in a parallel universe where everything looks the same. But you’re not. You become a shadow of your former self, watching the world turn and lose hope that there’s something better for you. That’s why Mother is sad.”

It took me a long time to understand those words.

Mother became a shadow waiting for someone to save her. Probably Senator Ashford. I lingered like a shadow waiting for Alessio and Mia to come back to me. I knew he didn’t want to leave without me that night all those years ago. But he did, and it left a mark. I was the shadow during those days, months. Two fucking years.

Sasha said he waited. Indecision pulled me in two different directions. I wanted to believe it, but the part of me who’d been left to linger in the shadows, alone and isolated, way too many times refused to give in.

For the past four years, I was a shadow, just like my mother. I watched the world turn as I waited for Sasha Nikolaev, and drowned in the darkness and loneliness.