Chapter Twenty-five

At first, Zachary hadn't been too keen on the copywriting role. Sure, it was something he knew how to do, and could probably accomplish with his eyes closed, but the time restrictions and demands of a job were things that had previously disqualified him when he tried job hunting after his college degree before eventually giving up. Companies weren't interested in making disability accommodations—especially accommodations that weren't as straightforward as the ones he needed. He didn't need just a ramp, extra sick days, or a bit more time. Things were more complicated than that, frequently after a bit of back-and-forth Zach would get that dreadful email letting him know that they'd decided to go with another candidate.

With this role Leroy's employers had offered, they had promised Zachary flexibility and all the time in the world, but he wasn't going to hold his breath. He was still under government disability and had to check in with them every few months to make sure he was following guidelines and not making too much money. If Zachary was still employed by them and had made a threshold of income, he would be let go from the government aid program, and if he'd made under the threshold or wasn't employed at all by then, he would continue as usual.

Zach wasn't too worried, though. He didn't expect to last more than a month, regardless of how excited Leroy and his company were about it. Doing the background check, sending them his direct deposit, and signing the contraction papers had gone by like a blur, with Leroy mostly shadowing him and explaining the process whenever he had the time. When it was all done, they left Zachary with a company laptop, complimentary discounts to a couple of stores, a company email, a health package, and card excess to their office down if he ever felt like stopping by and working in person.

It felt like a real job.

It was a real job.

He'd always wanted one and had given up hope after a while of looking, but here he was staring at a welcome email from HR on a Monday morning in bed.

A part of Zachary was excited. However, a part of him was anxious about the future, worrying and pacing around as it lay down probable outcomes in the following weeks. He was probably not going to meet any deadlines regardless of how long they gave him, and he might get hospitalized in between, forcing them to pull his employment after he'd exhausted his six months. There was just too much that could go wrong, and it prevented Zachary from dwelling in the excitement of the moment.

He spent most of the day looking through the project he'd been injected into and doing introductory meetings, and by the time his work was over, he didn't have much energy for anything else.

Zachary had no clue how long he'd been sleeping, but his eyes peeled open when he felt his phone buzzing under his pillow. At first, he frowned, staring into his bedroom with blurred vision as he tried to piece together where he was and what time it was. The phone stopped buzzing, then started buzzing again just a few minutes later, and this time, Zachary was wide awake. He reached under his pillow to look at the screen, and at that exact moment, he heard knocking too.

Leroy. He thought to himself, staring at the caller's name as he got out of bed. He was dressed in loose jogger pants and an oversized t-shirt, but it wasn't like there was much time to get into anything that made him look less homeless. He left the room, walking through the hallway before reaching the front door.

"Zach?" the younger man's voice said from the other end as the phone stopped buzzing again.

"I'm here. Just give me a moment," Zachary mumbled, opening the door. The door creaked open after a while, and soon Zachary was staring at Leroy, who seemed to have come over straight from work in his dress pants and button-up collared shirt.

"Hi," the younger man said, smiling before walking forward. Zachary stepped out of the way, letting Leroy walk into the house. Zach closed the door behind them, turning to find Leroy sitting on the long sofa as he mumbled inaudible words to the cat that had come over to check what the commotion was.

"I don't remember you saying you were coming today," Zach muttered, making Leroy look up from the cat to stare at him. Their eyes locked, and that feeling of nervousness and intense attraction overwhelmed the older man as he stared into Leroy's doe-brown eyes. He looked down at the floor, flustered.

"I just dropped in to say hi. Thought, I might check on you to see how you feel about your first day..." Leroy trailed, as Zach tried to get his act together. "I didn't want to text you in the middle of the day in case you were busy," Leroy added, and Zach looked up again, sighing as he tucked his hands into the pockets of his joggers. He walked towards the sofa, plopping right beside Leroy.

"I didn't do much. I looked at the onboarding package. I guess... I looked at the ongoing project they added me to and talked to some of the people I'm going to work with..." Zach trailed, resting his head on Leroy's shoulder. It was plenty uncomfortable, seeing as Leroy was reasonably shorter than Zach, and Zach had to crane his head in a weird way to manage the position, but he didn't care. The neck pain he would experience in the morning was worth the closeness now.

"Hmm..." Leroy trailed, reaching out to pat down Zachary's curls. "You don't sound too excited."

"I am excited," Zachary said, staring into the distance. "I just—it feels weird. I don't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed," Zach admitted, bringing his legs up on the sofa. "I don't know if I'm cut out for this. I mean, I can do the job, but I don't think I would be able to keep up."

"If you need me to come around once in a while and do some typing for you, I can, you know," Leroy brought up and Zachary looked up. Though he couldn't see much of Leroy's face.

"You don't have to."

Zach felt Leroy shrug. "I want to."

Zachary didn't argue with Leroy, and the room fell into silence. Zach moved from resting on Leroy's shoulder to lying on his lap as Leroy scrolled through his phone. They talked occasionally—not about anything too serious, mostly about work, Leroy's family, and Zach's sister. Leroy asked if Zach would bring up his new job to his parents, and the older man just shrugged. He barely talked to them—they barely reached out to him, and he'd be damned if the people who had made him feel so guilty about being sick like it was under his control got to hear from him like he was needy. Zach had always advised Leroy to give his mother some grace, but it was something he struggled with concerning his parents, especially since it felt like they couldn't care less.

"My sister asked if you could come to her farmer's market thing. It's two Sundays from this week, so you have lots of time to find a way to tell her no," Leroy said, chuckling a bit.

Zach shrugged. "I think I'll actually think about it," he said, changing positions so he was lying on his back and staring up at Leroy. "It might be fun."

"Explaining to people why my sister is selling pre-made nail kits for fifty dollars when they're nine bucks at a drugstore? I doubt," he laughed.

Leroy went on a tangent about the possibility of Zach coming over again, and the two talked for a while. Occasionally Zachary's eyes would catch Leroy's lips and his heart would pound a little louder in his chest than normal. His mind drifted in between the small talk as he thought about kissing Leroy. They did that quite often and he doubted today would turn out any different. He was anticipating something else, however—something that had frustratingly never come up regardless of how many times their talks turned into make-out sessions.

"Hey, Leroy."

Zach's voice was soft in a way that gave the younger man chills. He stared down at Zachary, brushing the stray curls away from the man's face. "What is it?" he asked, watching as various expressions formed on Zach's face before the man decided to look away and sigh.

"I was just wondering... why don't we ever have sex?"

The question made Leroy blink as his mouth parted open and his eyes went wide. "I—we do have sex," Leroy muttered, starting to feel flustered. "Do you mean frequency, or...?"

"Er..." Zach trailed, feeling his face warm up a bit. "I guess we do have sex, sort of, but you know what I mean..." he mumbled, trying to find the words to express himself. "I mean anal, you know," he added, feeling his face grow even warmer as he prayed for the ground to open up and swallow them. "I thought maybe by now..." he trailed, looking anywhere but at Leroy. "You know, maybe ignore that I asked that—"

"It's because I don't know how it's supposed to go," Leroy admitted. "I like you and want to do all that, but I don't know if I'll..."

"If you'll what?" Zach asked, frowning a bit.

"I don't know if I'll hurt you, or if you can bottom at all," Leroy admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "Also, I wasn't sure if you'd want to, or if you'd prefer, I was the one to... err, you know." Leroy's face grew even warmer, and so did Zach's face when he caught the gist.

"You don't think I can bottom?"

Leroy nodded.

"And you don't know if you want to?"

Leroy nodded again, covering his eyes with his hands. "Why are you saying it like that?"

"Just to make sure we're thinking about the same things..." Zachary said, and Leroy dropped his hands from his face before sighing.

"I don't know if I can," Zachary said after a while of awkward silence. "Bottom that is. Though, I want to."

Leroy squinted, seeming to think about it for a bit before blustering, "Okay, and if you want me to try—"

"You don't have to try bottoming. I'm not going to insist you try something you don't find appealing," Zach said, cutting Leroy off.

"It's not that I find the idea unappealing or anything," Leroy said, shaking his head. "It just—I don't know, it sits in me weird? Does that make sense?"

"What?" Zach asked, as confused as can be.

"I feel weird about it. I don't know. You've known you've always been gay. I just like you, and I'm still a little..." Leroy trailed, not knowing what‌ to use. "A little defensive?" he added, and Zach raised a brow before sitting up.

"What do you mean?" Zach asked, fiddling with his fingers on his lap.

Leroy shrugged. "Well, I don't know..." he trailed, staring out into the living room. "When I was younger, I spent a lot of time compensating for being short, for looking the way I do..." he trailed, and Zach stared at him, wondering if he meant how cute he was. It had to be.

"Because I was talking to women and trying to date women. I got very self-conscious about the fact that I looked a certain way. I know it's hard to believe, but I personally don't care that much. It was more about appearances and appealing to the people I wanted to be with," he mumbled. "But now I'm with you and I don't have to care about all that—in fact, you like how I look for whatever reason," Leroy chuckled a bit, turning to look at Zach. "But—I don't know, I'm not sure what you expect from me. I look a certain way, but I'm not... err..." Leroy trailed, losing his train of thought.

"Effeminate?"

Leroy blinked. "That's not how I would put it."

"Feminine?" Zach offered instead, and Leroy nodded.

"I don't think bottoming has anything to do with that," Zach muttered.

"You know what I mean," Leroy sighed, rolling his eyes. "I don't know how you see yourself in this relationship, and I'm not sure how to see myself in it either."

"Just be yourself. I like you just the way you are."

"It's not that simple, Zach."

"Why not? Is this a weird heterosexual thing I don't know about?" Zachary asked, and Leroy seemed to think about it for a bit.

"I'm not sure," he answered honestly. "It might just be me overthinking stuff people don't typically overthink because they're not constantly overcompensating. I guess what I was trying to get at is that I didn't initiate that type of sex because it felt weird. You're taller and generally bigger than me. I felt it would be odd for you, regardless of your condition, and I hadn't really digested the idea of having that done to me either because I spent so much time denying I wasn't like that... so... I was just waiting for it to happen organically, I guess. I don't mind how we have sex now, but I understand what you mean."

"I want to bottom," Zach said, reaching out to touch Leroy's thigh. "And maybe if you want to try it out in the future, I can top you."

The conversation couldn't be any more awkward, but Leroy found himself smiling. "Okay," he mumbled, leaning closer to Zach. "I'm sorry about being weird about it."

"It's okay. I'm glad you explained," Zachary said, reaching out to brush the hair out of the younger man's face. "I don't care what you think you're supposed to act like. I like how you behave already. And you're hot, I guess." Zach smiled, and Leroy rolled his eyes at the dry joke.

Leroy felt his whole body shiver as Zach leaned forward. He could feel the warmth of his breath and the sound of him heaving. Zachary was looking at him in a way he couldn't explain. It was flirty but intense as if he was thinking very hard about something.

"I think I love you," Zach mumbled, pressing their foreheads together. "Don't say anything if you don't want to," he added, as Leroy's eyes went wide and mouth hung open. The older man let go of his face before moving away and getting off the sofa.

"Would you like a drink?" Zachary asked, wandering off to the kitchen.

"Uh... Yeah, sure," Leroy muttered, a bit gobsmacked by what had just happened. It seemed to have occurred in all but ten seconds.