Chapter 4

The door of the clubroom looks even less welcoming than it did the last time. It tells me to run, run far far away. And never come back. Here are the things making it impossible though: My four-inch heels, which definitely aren't made for running. Or speed walking. Or any proper walking, for that matter. Also, Kaia's tight grip on my arm. She took me to an extra bathroom trip after classes and supervised me while I applied another layer of mascara and bronzer. Then, she brushed my hair, until it was all smooth and silky.

"There's no excuse," she told me after she was done, and I didn't dare to object.

Right now, I'd love to, though. My knees feel incredibly wobbly, and my hands are shaking, the same feeling I get from any kind of public speaking, and that's a bad sign.

"Confidence and strength," Kaia whispers next to me, as if she's some sort of mental trainer, "You're cool and relaxed. You don't care about the beak up, instead you're going to smile and look all pretty and show Logan exactly what he's missing out on."

I have no idea what Logan's missing out on. All the awkwardness and cringe-worthy moments dating me involved? Probably not. I on the other hand miss Logan's warm hand around mine, his soft kisses and the fact he was so very adoring and charming around me. Hmm, why does my throat feel unbearably tight right now?

Kaia pulls along and I stumble behind her. I feel like we're on spotlight, even though for most council members probably nothing changed. Some days passed, school is back and as annoying as ever, but besides that, it's all cool and relaxed. Meanwhile I, dumped and possibly friend-zoned by my ex-boyfriend Logan Hayman, feel like my heart is beating too hard and too fast.

My eyes wander around and I spot Logan pretty quickly, looking distressed over what seems to be his math homework. Good. I hope he gets straight Fs.

"Hi you two," Johnny calls from his desk and stands up to shake our hands all formally, "I'm really glad you could make it!"

He seems seriously relieved, and I'm seriously surprised. Kaia brightens up like the sun.

"Of course, I was really looking forward to another club meeting," she declares enthusiastically, "It was so much fun last time!"

If I didn't know it any better, I'd thought there's a camera somewhere and we were shooting cheesy high school promotional videos. Then, Johnny lets go of our hands, clears his throat, and sits back on his desk, which implies this is actually the way he usually greets people.

The council members on the other hand seem all busy with schoolwork, or in Duncan's case another RPG. I wonder if they're even organizing any event at the moment.

"Hi ladies," Carlos greets and brushes a strand of his curly, dark hair out of his forehead. He rolls over on his chair and smiles at us, like we're best friends reuniting, "How're doing?"

It's nice, the way he's so cheerful like nothing ever happened. There is nothing that happened anyway, I tell myself, and greet back with a small wave. Kaia giggles a little and goes to fist bump Carlos. They exchange a few words, basically from how the weather is to why there's really no gold pot at the end of a rainbow.

"Everyone knows," Kaia says, "Yeah but imagine, just imagine what if," Carlos retreats with a dreamy sigh.

Duncan furrows his brows at them, before looking up and smirking at me.

"How's it rollin' June?" he asks as he violently slashes a guy with an axe onscreen, "You look a little pale. Eye bags, too. Hard night?"

I'm surprised, since I didn't really take Duncan for the observant type. Which means I seriously look bad.

Liling reaches out and thwacks the back of Duncan's head. "Stop insulting her!"

"I was not insulting her, I just pointed out facts!" Duncan protests.

"Yeah, I don't feel offended," I say quickly.

I wonder if Liling sees me as the super sensitive type or if she simply uses every reason possible to start a fight with Duncan.

"June, what are your thoughts about our upcoming program?" Liling then asks me with a curious smile, "Do you like the events we decided on?"

I blush all the way up to my hair roots, because I have no idea what the upcoming program even is. "Uh, I'll look through it later."

Liling doesn't seem too bothered, only smiles some more. She's nice, if interesting to look at. Today, she curled her black hair all the way up to her high ponytail, a dark blue ribbon holding it in place. On top of that, she's wearing a matching blue pleated skirt, plus a clean white blouse. Duncan points out there's no need for 20th century school uniform cosplays, which does absolutely no good to his current situation. Soon, the two of them are full on fighting, from "You have absolutely no taste in fashion, Duncan!" to "And you always take the last piece of pizza!"

I wave a little, not keen on joining this kind of conversation, and quietly retreat backwards. I pass our arts crew, Matthew and Agatha, with my hands wrapped tightly around my bag, and don't give second glances anywhere. Of course that doesn't stop Logan from his lame attempt at a grin, once he finally notices me.

"Hi June!"

I look in his direction, narrow my eyes, and continue walking. Logan practically shrinks back into his seat.

"Dude," I can hear Duncan laughing, "Didn't you say you two are friends?"

Did he seriously?

"Duncan, shut up!" Liling calls and there's some rustling, "Why do you always need to insult new members?"

"Now, how was that an insult?"

I bury my head in my arms, trying to block everyone out. The feeling is familiar – you join a group of people that know each other for quite a while, and everyone is already good friends. Of course, they welcomed Kaia and me warmly, and while Kaia makes it look like she was there from the very beginning, I still feel like an outsider. I wish Kaia would stop talking to Carlos and come over to join me, and I know I'm childish for thinking that.

"Say," Liling then continues, apparently directed at Logan, "Did something happen between June and you? I saw you two talking yesterday."

I feel my stomach drop several times. Then, I hold my breath, and wait for Logan's answer.

"Nothing happened," Logan says quickly, "June and I are good friends, but" his voice is really quiet now, but not quiet enough, "She's a little shy. Antisocial, you know."

My face is burning. I bury my head deeper in my arms, until my forehead is pressed against the table, and try to block out their voices. It's not working.

"Seriously?" Liling continues, as if I'm not present and everything, her voice light and cheerful, "I think June is nice. Not everyone is comfortable with strangers, but that doesn't make you antisocial. You should be nicer, Logan, you'll never get a girlfriend like that."

Oh, well he did have a girlfriend before. Like, over the whole summer. And guess what, it was actually me. I wonder how Liling would react if she knew about it.

I turn my head to the side and notice the arts crew members are watching me. The arts crew members, who are still one big mystery to me.

Agatha and Matthew are definitely the students I talked least to so far, besides maybe the second VP that still hasn't shown up. There wasn't more than a hi and bye we exchanged during our first meeting, and today we didn't even talk yet. I'm wondering if they're going out, what with the way they sit so close together and discuss things with their heads almost touching. They'd make a cute couple, I think to myself, since Matthew is so tall, taller than all the other boys in the club, and Agatha is so small and cute, her short black hair framing her face delicately. I wonder what Logan and I looked like next to each other. Almost the same height, thanks to my heels, bright and open Logan next to emotionless and blank June. Oh, definitely charming.

The arts crew is still watching me. Agatha gives me a hesitant, almost-wave, and Matthew rubs his neck. I'm not sure what's that supposed to mean, so I use my phone to wave back.

It's right at that moment, when the door slams open to reveal Vivian Montgomery in all her glory. Vivian is apparently the second vice president – an election I definitely don't support – and while I'm not exactly fond of her, I'm not too bothered either, since the rest told me she's hardly present anyway. It fits with the things I know about her. Vivian Montgomery, the straight-A student, teacher's favorite, with an oh so busy life. We've share most of our classes and we talked at some point, and Vivian thinks I'm dumb as hell. But whatever.

Vivian has a scarf wrapped around her neck, even though it's still warm outside, and her cheeks are an unusual shade of pink. She gives us a quick wave "hello people," before heading to the VPs' desk.

Something is off, I notice immediately.

Vivian actually has a smile on her face instead of the tight-lipped expression she's usually sporting in classes, and her eyes are sparkling. Logan looks up from his phone, and then – his face practically starts glowing.

"Hey, Viv," he calls and reaches out to wrap a hand around the end of her scarf.

Then, he pulls her down like they're filming a stupid commercial, and they kiss. On the lips. Right in front of the club.

I drop my phone with a loud clang and Kaia gives me horrified wide eyes, but neither Logan nor Vivian seem to care all of us are watching them.

I'm really only breaking up because I want us as friends. My ass.