Chapter 16

Chapter 16

*Leo's POV*

I could feel my anxiety building up with each passing moment. Axel said he would be here within the next seven minutes, informing that he lived right down the street, but needed to shower before coming over. While I appreciated his cleanliness, I didn't like that he was already making assumptions about what would happen when he arrived here at my house. He didn't explicitly say anything sexual, honestly, he didn't even hint at it, but that's usually what people do before coming over for a presumed hook up, right? At this point I wasn't even sure of my own thoughts. I was stern that we needed to talk when we spoke over the phone, so maybe he is just being polite with the showering beforehand. Either way, I still didn't know how to approach the situation. How does one simply say "hey, I'm not interested in dating, but we can totally mess around occasionally" without coming off as a complete douche?

I just felt confused. I wasn't even sure if I really was gay. I didn't get a chance to even think about it before Axel threw his lips on mine. I was still angry about it. Still angry that he took my chance for my first kiss. I mean, I never really thought it would be super romantic, but most definitely better than stealing it after a simple piano lesson. I knew I wanted to confront him on it but wasn't sure how to bring it up either. I could feel my frustration rising with each passing thought. He had taken a lot from me in a short time. My chance to find my own identity, my thoughts about who I was, who I could be with. My first kiss.

I wouldn't call it assault, but I definitely regretted it. I regretted having him over that quickly. It was something I should have been able to share at my own pace, at my own time, not have it taken from me. Then something hit me. I still could choose. This one incident didn't have to take my identity. I still get to decide who I am. Yeah, I lost my first kiss, but it wasn't MY first kiss. I didn't kiss him, he kissed me.

I decided before he knocked to tell Mute this was done. We could be friends, but nothing more. Nothing sexual, just friends, Axel as well. Shylo seemed a little disappointed, but honestly, I didn't care. This was my choice. I was taking control back in my life.

Axel, on the other hand, didn't take it near as well.

"Dude, you're being dramatic. It was a simple kiss."

"No, Axel, it wasn't. It was mine. Something I wanted a choice in but wasn't given that privilege."

"You invited ME over! Kept touching my hands during your little piano session, sure seemed like you wanted it as much as I did. What was the point of leading me on if you were going to freak out like this?"

I could feel myself getting more and more angry with each word he said. I wasn't "freaking out" like he was making it seem like, hell, I was beyond calm and trying my best to kind, but firm. He was acting like we had been dating for years and I just broke up with him. I said we could still be friends, in fact I very much wanted to continue the friendship, but he wasn't having it. He kept raising his voice and getting defensive, repeating the same questions.

"Okay, but if you didn't want me to kiss you or for anything to happen, why did you invite me over?"

"Again, I was being friendly. Trying to make friends. Having you come over wasn't an invitation to throw your lips on mine."

There was a little more venom in my sentence than I meant, but I was getting pretty pissed off at this point.

"You already assumed I was a player by what someone else told you, if you thought that why invite me over?"

"You need to leave, Axel."

I stated it as calmly as I could, but I definitely wanted to hit him at this point. Partly because he was right. I was just informed that he was a player by the first person who was nice to me at the school. I had just protected the guy from some bullies, so why would he lie to me? Why would I just ignore someone who was only trying to return the favor and protect me?

He made sure to roll his eyes and tell me to go to hell before slamming the front door as he left. I hadn't seen what the big deal was, but at this point I didn't care. I was pissed off and he was the reason for it. I didn't want to be the house any longer. I needed to get out and just calm down, clear my mind. Looking towards the living room I began to tell Shylo he needed to leave as well since I wasn't going to be at the house much longer, but I couldn't see him. Guessing he left when Axel started to raise his voice, I grabbed my wallet, keys, phone, and headed out the house.

I wasn't sure where I was driving too, but I wanted something to eat. Stopping off at a little sports bar I went right up to the bar and took a seat. I had done this a million times in my home state. Act old enough and they never card you. To be fair, I didn't look like a high school student, and with the still visible bruises on my face, you would be hard pressed to guess I was under twenty-one years old. I didn't plan on drinking, figured I could just eat at the bar. Nothing crazy, just some crappy bar nachos and a soda to wash it down.

The place smelled generic. It was surprisingly packed with a number of people bumping into one another to get to the bar for their next drink. Stale cigarette smoke clouded the ceiling above me as the table behind decided to light their next one. I had never tried smoking before. My mom did it, so I was more than used to the smell, but never had the guts to actually try it. She knew I came to bars from time to time, said she trusted my judgement. I really got lucky with a mother like her. We've always been so open with each other. The first time I ever drank I called her and told her immediately. She wasn't thrilled but understood I'm almost an adult. That she can't be around all the time and knows I am going to try different things.

I decided I wanted to try smoking, make my own judgement on it before I completely close it out as an option. Turning in my chair, I came face to face with a black gentleman. Fairly built with a little weight on him, nothing too outlandish, but enough that you could tell he still takes care of himself, smoking not including.

"Could I bum one of those from you?" I asked earnestly.

"You don't look like the type to smoke." He responded with an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Doesn't even look like you would be eating nachos at a bar either given your build."

"Had a bad day, figured some junk food and a smoke would make it better."

Keeping his look of suspicion, he grabbed his pack and opened it, took one cigarette out, lit it with a match, then said the only way I could have it is if I joined him at the table. Though a little uneasy at first, I chugged the last of my soda, left my nachos, and took the seat across from him where he handed me my first ever cigarette. Taking a small drag from it I hid a cough pretty convincingly as he didn't say anything, but kept his eyes locked onto me, as if to make sure I actually smoked. Seemingly convinced I could see him relax slightly, as I continued to play off and act as if I had been smoking for years. Holding up his glass an making a motion to the bartender, he tapped it once then held two fingers in the air, signaling for them to bring double what he had the last time.

I hadn't planned on drinking, especially since I would be driving home, but I couldn't refuse without the guy getting suspicious, after all, I had just chugged a dark colored drink before joining him at the table, for all he knew it could have had alcohol in it from the beginning. Honestly, I was surprised the bartender even saw him make a motion towards him. I could hear the people waiting in line complaining that they had to wait even longer for their next fix while a man not even standing simply made a gesture and they jumped to make his next one. Figuring he must be a regular here, I dropped it and looked around the room.

The bass was a little over zealous for the song playing, causing a few chairs to vibrate, but overall nothing really stuck out about the place. Simple beer and liquor signs hung from the wall and ceiling illuminating the otherwise dark room in a pale but simple glow. People rubbing their bodies against one another in some kind of disgusting mating ritual in a sad attempt to match the beat playing through the speakers.

"So, what made your day so bad that a well-built guy like yourself came to a small sports bar to eat bar nachos and smoke cigarettes with a stranger?"

By the time he finished his sentence the drinks had been brought to the table and he already had his in hand. Not one to seem ungrateful, I followed suit and picked up my, made a small cheers gesture and proceeded to drink about half of it in one sitting. It was wonderful. Simple, but had flavor. I decided to throw the rest of it back where he followed suit and ordered us two more.

"I think I broke up with someone I didn't know I was dating, lost a friend in the same person, and cut things off with a friend that appeared to be using me as a replacement to his boyfriend that died."

"Damn." He stated a little thrown back. "That would definitely make for a very bad day."

I could feel myself starting to relax a bit. I found out his name was Kavaar much to his distaste, his grandmother was the one to name him since his mother wanted him to grow with his African roots, that he recently changed careers and wanted to something different but didn't specify.

By the time the third drink kicked in I was in full relaxation mode, even a bit buzzed, so I made sure to turn down the next drink he offered me. As it was, I was going to have to sit in my car for a bit to sober up, as I was not going to drink and drive.

Then something happened. Something I didn't expect. Sitting here with this guy, nothing told me that he was gay, interested in anything more than to drink and a possible new friend, didn't seem like he had an ulterior motive in any way, shape, or form.

"You want to get out of here? We can go to my place and drink a bit more."

The question caught me by surprise, but it didn't take me long to answer.

"Fuck it, let's go."

It's my turn. I get to decide. It's my turn to be in control.

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