Chapter 25

The next three months went by pretty quickly. I never got the chance to confront Axel about him leaving Shylo when he needed him most, it seemed like every time I tried he would somehow find a way to get disappear once again.

Mute and I had become good friends after everything that happened, even if it did sometimes feel a little one sided. He even started teaching me how to draw, though the progress was incredibly slow, he was patient, always adjusting the way I held the pencil, showing me different ways to get straight lines, everything. I found out Emmy was also in my school too, after which she cracked a joke similar to the first sentence she said to me about no one seeing the little camera girl, despite the fact that she see's everything then giving me a wink and smile. Even Kyle started coming around and hanging out more often. I found out he and Kevin were never actually dating, that instead, they concocted the dating story to try and make me jealous so that I might show interest in Kyle. We all had a laugh about that one, and it explained why I never actually saw them together, or why he had asked me out the day Kavaar and I had our first date.

Emmy called our little group The Avenger Squad and had asked Mute to draw us all up in costume, much to the annoyance of Kyle, who thought superheroes were dumb and overrated. We did everything together, even going so far as to make sure we could get our lunches scheduled at the same time. It wasn't difficult for me to adjust the new time frames, due to my credits finally getting transferred from my home school, making it so that I only had two classes a day. We all talked college, what we wanted to do when we left, what to do for our senior prank, everything. My mother was delighted I finally made some friends and was even more happy when I invited them over for my birthday a few weeks ago. She went a little crazy with the entire event though, inviting pretty much the entire neighborhood, making what I had thought would be a simple get together into what basically became a block party.

Kavaar and I had become even closer than before as well. We did our best to maintain our secret, carefully making sure we weren't seen together in any type of intimate situation. At least, that's what we thought anyway. Apparently, the entire Avenger Squad had their suspicions, but were confirmed when Emmy saw us kissing the night of my eighteenth birthday block party. They had already agreed not to say anything but still took us a while to actually act like a couple in front of them. They seemed happy for us though, genuinely happy. I trusted all of them, something I didn't think I'd be able to say about anyone aside from the characters in my books. It was nice, though, to finally be able to let down my guard for a change. Mute still clearly had a drug problem, however. He began showing up late more often to our get togethers, and sometimes just outright missing them. We'd see him in school the next day, eyes bloodshot, not fully functioning, hardly able to stand up straight or maintain his balance.

He became more aggressive, prone to leaving the room in anger over simple things. We had tried to get him some help, offered any and every solution we could think of, and even ones we searched online for, going to so far as to getting my mother involved, hoping she would be able to figure something out. For a while, it seemed like he was getting better. He was showing up on time, having fun, smiling, basically everything that made him Mute, but then something shifted. He relapsed, fell right back into the pattern of being late, missing events, everything. Kavaar decided to make a last-ditch attempt to contact his father to see if he could help but was simply met with him screaming into the phone that his son doesn't and would never have a drug problem.

He had stopped showing up to school, wouldn't answer his door when we came to check on him, even his drawing began to suffer. There was no attention to detail, they became sloppy, simply thrown together lines that often times were unable to tell what was even drawn in the first place. Kyle had talked about kicking him from the group, much to the anger of myself and Emmy. It actually began to cause a rift in our entire group, something that came to a head a few days ago. Mute had walked into Kavaar's class room for his fourth period after missing every other class that day, but didn't even make it to his desk before collapsing, his body shaking uncontrollably on the floor. An ambulance had to be called and he was rushed to the emergency room where he has been for the passed few days. We've been taking turns staying the night here with him, just talking to him, hoping he would wake from his medically induced coma. The doctors said he was lucky to be alive, a few moments later and he wouldn't have made it at all, but it was going to be a long road to recovery.

We had made it a habit to come to the hospital directly after school, doing our work here, eating the crappy hospital food, and each night one of us would sleep on the crappy hospital couch kept in the room for visitors. His dad only showed up once, seemingly angry that he had been inconvenienced. Kavaar didn't take his attitude towards his son self-destructiveness so lightly, almost finding himself going to blows with the man, resulting in him being banned from visiting him in the hospital. I had never seen him so angry before, so ready to fight the guy that was supposed to care about his child but clearly didn't give a damn about him at all. He had overdosed on heroine. We knew he was doing something, but had no idea what it could actually be, we never thought it would be something so horrible. We never once saw injection marks on his arms, and he never wore long sleeve shirts, we had assumed it was maybe something a little lighter, but due to him literally never talking, we had no idea.

We all decided to meet up at the hospital on Sunday evening and made sure to bring some pencils and paper with us. We had been working on drawing him pictures. Nothing in particular, just anything that came to mind, all of them, however, were horrible. None of us could actually draw anything, despite our best efforts, aside from Emmy of course, who argued she made the best stick figure comics in the world. I was getting a little better, but nothing to really write home about. I hadn't been practicing near as much as I should have, but between school, my friends, and relationship with Kavaar, I just didn't think of it as a priority.

"You ever wonder what his voice would sound like?"

The question caught us all off guard, partially due to the sudden voice breaking the silence, and partially because at some point, we all most likely had put some thought into it. I mean, I used to think he had a probably higher pitched voice than others, but now I wasn't so sure. Maybe he had a deeper one, something along the lines of mine. Smiling over at Emmy I asked her what she thought it might be like, turning the question around on her. She sat there in silence for a moment, clearly pondering what it might be like before smiling and saying something similar to what I originally thought. Kyle didn't know what to think, couldn't decide between a deep voice, or a higher pitched one himself so said maybe something in between.

"It's weird, you know? Sometimes I put words in his mouth. Like, I would see his facial expressions to things that we did, things we said, and I just imagined his response, like he already had a voice in my head. That doesn't sound crazy, right?"

"No, Leo. It doesn't." Kyle responded kindly. "I think I do the same thing."

"Ditto." Emmy interjected.

We all found ourselves laughing, comparing the different voices we had for him in our heads, going so far as to act them out, trying to imitate the very sounds that kept us chuckling.

"I miss him." I stated, breaking from the laughter. "I miss him smiling at Kyle's dumb jokes, or him almost laughing at my attempts to draw well. I miss going out to the movies with him, I miss the funny faces he would always make in the pictures you took, Emmy. I miss the way he makes me feel."

"We miss him too, Leo. He's part of the Avenger Squad! It's like Batman with no Robin!" Emmy exclaimed, as Kyle rolled his eyes at yet another comic book comment.

"You do think he'll make it to graduation tomorrow?" Kyle asked, his voice heavy with concern. "I don't want to walk across the stage without my best friends there."

"I mean, he's technically supposed to be there, he has to give his valedictorian speech." Emmy joked.

"I hope so." I stated, voice a little shakier than I realized. "I mean, it's Sunday, so there's still a chance he'll wake up in time, but that's only if the hospital will release him the same day."

We all fell silent for a moment. Each unsure of what to say, or if we even could say anything. I didn't want him to miss it. Hearing an alarm go off suddenly and jumping, Emmy grabbed her phone and shut it off, then turned to us with a look of defeat.

"It's almost nine, I've got to get home. Kyle, I can give you a ride if you want."

Standing up and agreeing with her, the both gave me a hug and asked me to text them if there was any update to his condition, before walking over and each giving him a kiss on the cheek and taking their leave. I sat there alone in silence for a bit. I couldn't call Kavaar because I knew he was working the bar tonight, but I didn't want to be alone. I mean, Mute was here, and it's not like our previous conversations hadn't been completely one sided before, but seeing him like this, unable to react, unable to smile, move, anything, it hurt and made me feel even more alone with him in the room.

"Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head."

For some reason the song just came out. I could feel myself starting to cry. He was my best friend, and I couldn't help him. I couldn't help him get clean, help him battle his demons like he did with me.

"Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head."

I was getting louder each time I sang the words. I could feel an anger building up inside of me. If he has just said something. Anything. Drawn a picture, sign language, something. Given me some kind of details, some indication as to why he was doing that crap. How I could have helped, anything.

"Don't waste your time on me your already the voice inside my head."

I was full volume at this point, tears pouring down my face. I just wanted to help him, to be there for him, but he wouldn't let me. He wouldn't let me try to take care of him, to try and support him. Why? Why wouldn't he just let me in. I let him into my life, my entire world. I trusted him with my life, so why?

"WHY WOULDN'T YOU JUST FUCKING TALK TO ME?!" I screamed, jumping up from the couch in the room.

"I begged you to let me help! I would have done ANYTHING for you! I fucking love you, Shylo! You're my best friend! All I want for you is to be happy! But why?" I begged, ignoring the commands to leave the room from the nurse. "Why couldn't you just say something. Anything? I would have dropped it all. I would do everything in my power to help you. Please, just come back to us. I need you. I fucking need you. You're my best friend. I love you."

My eyes were starting to blur from the amount of tears it was pouring out. I could feel my body trembling, voice cracking with each word I said, but I meant them all. I had to be escorted out by the security and police, then told not to come back for a few days until I managed to calm down. I had to sit in my car for a while before I could stop crying enough to get home safely. How do you help your best friend battle a demon he doesn't even tell you about?

The pressure of everything was starting to cave in on me. Going into my mothers room and grabbing one of her anxiety pills, I threw it back then climbed into bed, and felt myself crying even more. I wasn't sure when I had fallen asleep, it was only when I woke up to Kavaar getting into my bed that I realized I even had. Turning and burying myself into his chest, he just held me while I cried some more, not saying anything, but holding me as tightly as he could.

Waking once again to the sounds of an alarm going off, I felt Kavaar shift his body to turn it off, then rolled back over to hold me. I knew I had to get up, to get ready for graduation which was only a few hours away. I was supposed to be happy, glad that Kavaar and I could finally stop hiding everything, happy that I was done with high school and could move on to becoming an adult, but there was just this hole where my joy should be. I had almost lost my best friend, then I proceeded to scream at him last night, whether he could hear me or not, at the time, I didn't care. I was selfish, and he was hurting, I took my own emotions out on him and it wasn't fair.

Pulling myself from his arms and sitting up right, he asked if everything was okay, his voice the usual soft relaxing tone as always.

"I don't know if I can go..." I started before he cut me off.

"You're going, Leo. You know it's what Shylo would have wanted. Besides, you can't just leave Emmy and Kyle by themselves, they're looking forward to see you as well."

I knew he was right, but I just felt it wasn't okay. The four of us should be there together, smiling, laughing, excited for us to move on from the petty dramas of high school and all they brought with it.

"Besides, I want to see you in your cap and gown myself." He finished, winking in my direction, causing me to half laugh and half scoff at it.

He still never pressured me for anything. We did little more than kiss the entire time, constantly reassuring me he would wait until I was ready, but still cracked a joke from time to time about seeing me naked and how excited he was for when we finally would have sex. I cared so deeply for this man, he really was my rock. He kept me grounded, but never once stopped me from flying.

"Thank you, Kavaar." I stated turning to face him, smiling in his direction.

"See that right there." He smiled back. "That smile right there, it's one of the reasons I love yo..."

"Did you just..." I asked, staring back at him in disbelief. "Did you just say the L word?"

He sat there stunned for a moment, clearly caught by surprise before turning to me and smiling.

"You know what, Leo? I did say it. I love you. I'm just...a better person with you. I'm happy, and you're the reason behind it. I'm not going to pretend that I just care about you anymore. I love you, Leo."

"I...love you too."

I could see the shock on his face, almost as if asking me was I serious or not. It's only been a little over three months, but I did. There was just something about him.

No.

It was everything about him. He was kind, understanding, loving, patient, compassionate, everything. I really do love him, and because of him, I'm a better person. Because of him, I have friends, because of him, I'm happy.

I pushed my lips to his, silently answering his unworded question. We made love for the first time, our bodies becoming one with each other as he position himself between my legs.

***

The auditorium was packed to the brim, families scattered all over in a semi organized fashion, but still cluttered as they shifted seats, talking to those around them that they knew, each of them waiting impatiently for the ceremony to start. They were behind by almost an hour, and the crowd was getting mad. I didn't understand why everything was starting so late. Everyone was in place, students in the front section, teachers and faculty on the stage and lining around the walls, everything seemed to be right, so why was it taking so long for use to get started.

Emmy and Kyle were just as restless as I was. The chairs weren't comfortable, and the people next to us were crying, acting as if they would never see each other again, despite them all bragging earlier that they would all be attending the same college. I was getting a headache and about to step outside for some cool air before it happened. Something that hushed the entire senior class sitting in the front section. He was walking with a limp, a slight hobble as Kavaar walked beside him, guiding him to the podium where he took his place in front of the microphone.

I was wondering why I hadn't seen Kavaar since we got here, but now I knew why. He was helping Mute, standing next to him, both with a microphone in front of their faces. Smiling slightly to myself, I stared in an almost disbelief that that he was able to make it, something Emmy and Kyle appeared to be just as shocked about. Pulling out a piece of paper and setting in front of both of them, I figured Kavaar would be the one reading his speech, but felt my mouth drop when he simply introduced Mute as the valedictorian, and took a step back.

The entire room was silent, only the sounds of our breath in the air. We all waited anxiously as he cleared his throat, ready to speak before looking back at Kavaar, then directly at me.

"High school is supposed to be about learning. About finding yourself, who you are, who you're meant to be, what road life has chosen for you."

I could feel tears on my face already. He could talk. He was okay. He made it here. Now he wasn't just a voice inside of my head, but a voice in front of me. I was confused, angry, happy, sad, everything all at once and I didn't know what to do. I froze as Emmy and Kyle grabbed my hands, holding them tightly, each of them crying too.

"I know some people here are proud of their accomplishments, others proud the made it through no matter what obstacles were placed before them. I almost wasn't able to be here and give this speech. During my time at this school, I made some horrible decisions. I got into drugs, overdosed on school property, and ignored my friends that simply wanted nothing more than to help me fight this self inflicted disease."

I couldn't breathe. He voice was soft, but damaged. You could hear his pain, his anguish, everything.

"I stand here before you as a hypocrite, a liar, and a relapsed addict, but I still made it. This place, this school, these moments, they don't have to define you. They don't have to direct which way your life is going to go. All of us have our own demons we battle, some worse than others, but you're all here as well. The truth is, this place doesn't help you find yourself. It doesn't help guide you in the direction you want to go. That choice is entirely up to you. I don't have some motivating speech for all you, but unlike the faculty standing before you, I don't expect you to walk out of here ready for life, either. You're going to make mistakes, but as long as you learn from them, you'll be better off. I learned from one last night..."

I felt my stomach shoot into my throat. He could hear me. He was awake, and I didn't know. I just screamed at him. I just let everything out on him, but he wasn't mad at me. He was hurting, and this was his way of saying it.

"I learned that silence is never the answer. Never stop fighting for who you are. Never push away those that only want to help you be a better you. I learned this lesson way to late and for that, I owe you an apology, Leo. You were there. You never gave up on me, same to you, Kyle, and Emmy. I was wrong to push you away and for that, I more sorry than you will ever know. To the class of 2019, cherish your moments, pick your own road no matter what life throws at you, and be proud of how far you've come. Thank you."

The room was silent, not a single person moving, talking, no signs of life among the entire auditorium, then it started, a small clap from somewhere to the side, till it quickly grew in volume, before long the entire room was cheering, myself included. He broke his silence, said what he felt, and I couldn't stop crying. I wasn't sad, anymore. I was relieved. I was happy because he was happy.

The rest of the ceremony went off without a hitch, and Emmy, Kyle, Kavaar, and myself all waited anxiously in front of the school. Kyle had told Mute where to meet us at, and as he came into view, hobbling along, we all rushed to meet him. I ran ahead of everyone, reaching him first and pulling him into a tight embrace. He was okay, and that's all that mattered to me. It didn't take long for the others to catch up, all of them throwing their arms around each other, forming a small group hug, holding each other tightly.

"I have to apologize..." He started before getting cut off.

"No, you don't." We all agreed. "As long as you're here."

"I didn't talk before because I couldn't. I didn't have my own voice. All I knew was the drugs. I wasn't anyone without them. I allowed them to take myself from me, and it wasn't fair to anyone, especially you guys."

He was crying, hurting, and in pain, but we understood. We kept telling him it was fine, as long as he was okay. That we would help him battle this, we would help him get through.

"We planned on going out to the VIP section of Kavaar's bar where he agreed to let us have a few drinks, do you want to come, Mute?" Kyle asked earnestly.

He stood there pondering the question for what seemed like an eternity, before turning to face Kyle, then back to the group before saying "no."

"Mute won't be attending anything anymore. My name is Shylo, and that's who I'm choosing to be. Mute was a product of drugs, poor choices, and a willingness to close off from the people I love. I will no longer be silent as I fight this battle. I will no longer, be Mute."

The end.

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