Chapter 7

She’s squeezing me so tight that one would think she’s purposely trying to cut off my air supply by crushing my lungs. Tillie’s been silent and stiff for half the ride as we weave through downtown traffic but her fingers that grip around my ribs move every so often in small caresses. She can scream and deny it but she’s attracted to me just as much as I am to her. I won’t admit that to her. She could use that against me, she really doesn’t know the power she already has over me.

She suddenly smacks my back and squeezes me tighter with her other hand as I drive along the coast. One side of the street is store after store and restaurants, while across the street are miles and miles of sandy beaches. I pull into a parking lot with not many cars and stop my bike, the engine vibrating under us until I shut that off too. The only sound is seagulls, the crash of waves, and barking way down the beach shore. Before I can get off my bike, Tillie is swinging off and kicking off her shoes without pausing as she rushes through the sand towards the ocean. My laugh isn’t quiet as I follow behind her, amused at her child-like wonder as she runs into the salty water. She kicks up water and stops at knee level, bending down slightly to run her fingers along the surface of the ocean. I left my shoes near my bike and I’m not going to bother rolling up my pants as I follow after her until the water is gently splashing around my calves.

“I’ve never seen the ocean. It stretches so far… you really could wander out there and never return,” she whispers eerily, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her stomach like she is cold.

The sun will be setting soon, within another hour. The water lapping at our legs is warm so I know she’s not cold. Her mind must be somewhere else and that bugs me to no end. I never know what’s going on in that beautiful head of hers, and I want to. I want to know about her. What she thinks about, dreams about…

“Why did you leave the compound? Do you not know the risks you took today?” I question, staring at her side profile when she refuses to meet my gaze.

“Risks? My life is one big risk. I won’t be locked away again. I may not look like it but I’m not completely fragile. I refuse to be treated like a damsel in distress. Get that through your big head.” She finally glances up at me, her lips in a frown, and a wrinkle between her brows.

I don’t like seeing that look on her face. She always has her shoulders straight like everyone else is beneath her and head held high even when she’s thrust into dangerous situations that would make anyone else crumble. It’s one of the reasons I admire her.

“I’ve never thought of you as weak, baby girl. We have enemies all around us, waiting for one slip up. You could have been kidnapped in broad daylight and raped, tortured. Don’t you know what we would do if you were taken from us? This city would be torn apart. You should have asked one of us to go with you if you needed to leave for a while.” I clear my throat, hating how raspy my voice is, she fucking scared me today. Anything could have happened to her and I wouldn’t have been by her side to keep her safe.

She stares up at me in surprise as she turns fully towards me and tilts her head in puzzlement.

“Ask one of you? Dalton got hurt because of me and everything at the club, all the responsibilities he has now… I can’t ask him to do that for me. I haven’t seen the rest of you guys for days and I can’t really blame you for not wanting me around. I–I feel disgusted with myself.” She swallows thickly and gazes off to the side, watching the sun dipping down slowly across the horizon.

I place my finger under her chin and make her look at me.

“What the hell are you talking about? What happened wasn’t your fault. There’s always going to be a bad guy out there that wants to come after us. That’s why I’m trying to keep you safe and you keep making that difficult.” I stroke her cheekbone, wondering how she’s crept into my heart so suddenly and unexpectedly.

“Everything is my fault and that’s why I’m leaving, Lo. Everyone who I start to care for gets hurt or worse.” She bites her lip and takes a step away from me, turning away to start heading back towards the shore.

I grip her elbow and tug her towards me until she’s plastered to my front, her fingers spread over my chest to keep her balance. She looks up at me with her lips parted and a flash of anger crosses her face when I don’t let go of her as she pushes against me.

“You aren’t going anywhere, baby girl. That day when I said you’re mine, I meant what I said. Mine to hurt. Mine to kiss. Mine to fuck. Mine to protect. You can shout it to the rooftops until your throat is sore but we both know that you want to be right by my side.” I tighten my grip on her as she struggles in my hold, her fists slamming against me over and over.

I grab her wrists, putting the slightest pressure on her skin until she goes lax in my grip. My hands lace with her delicate fingers as I drag her hands up my chest and behind my neck until she’s holding on to me. Placing my index finger back under her chin, I lean down as she stands on her toes to reach me. It’s the softest touch of our lips, her mouth plump and like silk as I glide mine back and forth over hers. I don’t rush our first kiss. It’s painfully slow and heated, our mouths hardly touching like we’re afraid we might burn with the slightest movement. Her fingernails dig into the back of my neck as if she’s holding back as we breathe each other in. Sharing oxygen. She’s the sun and moon, combined together right as they are passing each other across time and space. She can burn me by just looking at me and she’s as luminous as the moon that she lights up my nights.

When the fuck did I become a romantic? What is she doing to me? Next thing I know I’ll be outside her window with a boombox playing a lovesick song. At least that’s better than spilling Romeo shit like Juliet, let down your hair so I can climb into your window and sex you up. I might be getting my stories mixed up but each has the same ending. Some guy climbing through her window to fuck.

My nose runs along one side of hers, inhaling deep as I place another light as a feather kiss on her perfect lips. I lean back and notice her eyes are closed, her face still tilted towards me.

“Why are you staring at me? I can feel it. I don’t know how you stand to look at me after what hap–happened with Franco.” Her bottom lip trembles but she keeps her eyes closed.

I’m glad her eyes are closed, she can’t see the flash of anger that passes over my face. But it’s not because of her. It’s all for my father. My fucking father. I can’t trust him, I don’t think I have for a long time. He’s not who he used to be. The phrase in our family always was blood is thicker than water but his blood is looking pretty mucky these days. He’s going to pay for what he did to Tillie. He touched my property. It pissed me off more than Dom did. For some reason, I don’t have the urge to kill him, maybe spill a little blood but nothing compares to what I want to do to Franco.

I do want to kill my father.

“Look at me,” I demand, grabbing her chin as she squeezes her eyes shut and whimpers when my touch becomes painful.

Wide, chocolate brown eyes gaze up at me with unshed tears “It’s not your fault. It’s his. He could have stopped it, Tillie but he decided to play into Payne’s sick game. Franco has a motive for everything and he wants your fear. He can control you that way… don’t give it to him okay?” I’m speaking from experience, I have the scars from his belt on my back to prove it even though most have faded over time.

I shake myself out of the memory, feeling like my back is burning with the old memories. Franco stopped beating me with his belt once I learned that I was strong enough to stop him the older I got. That’s when I became a man in his eyes and he started trusting me to take over some of the business side of things. Like killing a man at age twelve.

Tillie’s been gazing up at me for a long time in silence as I was lost in thought. Her eyes are so expressive that she wears her emotions on her sleeves. Pain, fear, and lastly, determination.

“Okay.” She nods her head slowly and her shoulders relax gradually. “But, Logan… you can’t hurt me again. I need you to prove to me that you won’t turn cruel the moment it strikes you. No more. I can handle some pain physically, and to be honest, I enjoy that part of you but emotionally I can’t do tha–that. No secrets or lies. Promise me.” She has a desperate tone in her voice, like the smallest movement and wrong answer from me will break her.

I’m going to show her how strong she is. She can take anything thrown her way. That’s why she’s one of us, meant to be.

“I promise. No more secrets.” I hope I can keep that promise to her but if her life is in danger I might need to break it.

She leans her forehead on my bicep with a deep breath as I stroke my fingers through her long hair. The purple is really fading from her hair, the dark brown showing more.

“I need the same from you too though, baby girl. No secrets. We need to know everything.” I hate even saying that but if she keeps it to herself, it’s a barrier between us and an obstacle to actually keeping her safe.

I just hope she doesn’t hear about what I’ve been up to since she’s been staying at Dalton’s. She won’t trust me ever again. Last time she saw me with Paris, she sent me a look of loathing like she couldn’t stand the sight of me. I’m trying here, but I’m not perfect and never will be. Everything I do is to keep her safe and if that means hurting her in the process, so be it.

“Not today. Just not today okay? Soon.” She stiffens in my arms and steps back with a sad smile.

“Very soon. We can’t wait long. I’ll let the guys know you need more time.” She nods and grabs my hand as she starts walking back towards the shore just as the sun starts to disappear along the water’s edge.

She suddenly stops in the middle of the beach and turns towards me with a worried expression.

“What di–did you guys do with Pay–Payne’s body and the rest of the Demon Jokers?” She stumbles over her words and does that thing again where her eyes go distant like she’s somewhere else.

“You don’t have to worry about him ever again. He’s gone for good. We sent his head back in a box to the rest of the Demon Jokers along with the rest of them scattered in hazard containers. Don’t worry about him anymore,” I reassure her and guide her back to my bike with her hand wrapped in mine as she trails behind me.

“That’s not who I’m worried about,” she mutters under her breath so quietly to herself I almost don’t hear her.

We need to have that talk sooner rather than later.

“Come on. Let’s get you back to Dalton. He’s probably going out of his mind.” I stop by my bike and watch her easily climb on like she’s done it a million times.

She grasps my palm and swings her leg over the seat while making room for me. Once I’m in front of her, her arms immediately circle my waist and hold on tight.

“Logan?” she whispers in my ear from behind, lips grazing my earlobe.

“Yeah?” I say over my shoulder, feeling her cheek rest along mine.

“You’re still an asshole. Don’t betray me, or you’ll wish you never did,” she threatens darkly and in a low, seductive whisper.

Son of a bitch. Every single time. She only has to breathe or look at me and I instantly want her.

“I’ll probably always be an asshole, baby girl. Trust me,” I reply back and start my bike with a twist of my wrist, drowning out any response she would have.

Fuck. I’m screwed.