[29] I Mean It

[STATUS: VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY UNEDITED]

I'm extremely sensitive and with every kiss placed on my skin, I can't help but move. I end up moving my leg in between his and Jack gasps against my skin. A smirk forms on my face as I realize the effect I can have on him. The smirk is wiped off my face, though, when Jack is propelled into a flurry of action, suddenly deciding to kiss every part of my body with an unleashed hunger that causes him to nibble and bite on my skin as well. This newly found aggressiveness will probably result in dark marks all over my body, but I'm too far gone to care.

The feeling of his body pressed up against mine has me overheated, despite only being clad in my boxers. Speaking of boxers...

Right now I'm experiencing a chemical reaction and Jack's touch is the catalyst. His touch includes all of the ways he reaches my heart: through his words, his actions, simply his presence- it's not only his physical touch.

But right now I think the best way he could reach my heart would be for his pants to be off.

//

Now I've got a goal.

I adjust my knee, propping it between Jack's legs and sliding it upwards. This achieves what I intended for it to do: stunning Jack so his movements are frozen and his reflexes lacking. He's no longer focused on caging me beneath him so I'm granted the opportunity to change our positions. I use my hands to tilt him to the side and clamber on top of him, anchoring my knees tightly to his sides so I'm sitting atop his waist.

The effort it takes knocks the air out of me and I'm noticeably panting at this point.

Before Jack can protest my power play (or he can notice how out of breath I am), I grab onto the back of his neck and propel myself toward him- lips first. I dive straight in, attacking his lips sloppily. It's the type of sloppiness that could only be caused by the distracting pressure currently present in my boxers.

Yet despite this pressure, my brain seems to have gone to mush. I usually perform at my best under pressure! I should be feeling clear, focused - invigorated- whatever! But, nope, I'm still in a crazy sort of haze. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that my eyes are crossed below my lids right now... if that makes any sense.

Nothing in my brain seems to be making any sense right now except for one thing. I do know what does make sense: whatever the hell is happening with Jack and me right now. In particular, our mouths.

This new positioning of me on top is nerve-racking but the feeling is just enough to set an intense tone to my movements. It's made me determined to achieve success. It's making me take risks in order to win.

And damn do I feel like I'm winning right now.

I know it sounds cheesy as hell, but I swear our lips were meant to go together. Like Tom and Jerry or... Jack and Rose. Okay, maybe those aren't the best examples. What I'm trying to say is that they're destined -like Jim and Pam- to be together.

Not that our lips aren't messy with each- they are. Right now they manage to continually collide in the most chaotic manner, smashed together almost painfully. But it's a good kind of pain.

Damn, I sound like a sadist.

And sh*t... I could care less.

Our lips are a mess. But it's the perfect mess. We're the perfect mess- I mean look at us! The "straight" football player and the closeted barista boy getting it on in a twin size bed while they hope no one walks in and ruins the moment because every time someone does, they end up fighting and returning back to their normal biting-each-other's-head-off relationship.

Talking about myself in the third person.

Yikes.

My lightheadedness must be catching up to me.

But can you blame me? It all could be a delusion! It doesn't really seem like a realistic scenario; Jack Summers making out with me. This all feels like a dream.

Even if it is a dream, I might as well use it to my advantage.

I suck and bite on his lips until I'm certain that they're red and swollen and that Jack's protests about my 'power play' have been sucked out of him and are the last thing on his mind. He has probably been too distracted to care for a while now but hashtag no regrets.

When I separate our lips, I lean back on my hips and I admire the work that I've done. Jack's hair is tousled wildly upon his head. His mop of hair matted and strands are stuck to his forehead. His cheeks are flushed. His lips are bright red from the abuse of my teeth. I soak in his appearance like it's the only thing that could quench my thirst.

Just now seeming to process the absence of my lips, his eyes flutter open and I'm taken aback by how beautiful they are. The amber flecks seem to sparkle as his eyes dilate to adjust to the sunlight. His whole appearance seems so soft and angelic. Jack catches me staring and technically I should be looking away bashfully, ashamed at being caught redhanded, but he looks so soft, I can't help it.

He's looking at me and I'm looking back at him and we're just gazing at each other like everything else in the world has gone blurry and faded out of view because it doesn't matter anymore -or maybe it never mattered- but it's not important which one it is because we're both here right now, at this moment. Everything else is secondary because it's just us. I am vaguely aware of my heart beat pumping in my ears and the dryness of my throat; how my tongue doesn't seem to work properly but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that my eyes are starting to burn due to my refusal to blink and ruin the moment. Everything else is secondary because it's just us.

Maybe the spell broke. Maybe I blinked.

Jack starts, "Why are you-"

"-You're beautiful."

It slips out before I can stop it; before I was able to test the waters. I don't apologize for saying it or try to back out of my statement, though. That's because I mean it.

I shut my eyes tight in anticipation, bracing myself for him to say something. But he doesn't. So I fill the silence with my overly-honest rambling.

"I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, I'm just trying to be honest." I blow out a puff of air.

"I didn't know if there would be another time for me to tell you that." I cringe at my words but decide to push through.

"That you're beautiful," I clarify.

I've never been a very patient person so I squint a little bit, enough to see the motion in Jack's neck as he swallows. He swallows, but he doesn't say anything.

I wait. My jaw is clenched tight. If I open my mouth I'm sure I'll only say something stupid. I feel my muscles twitch as I wait. My patience is wearing thin. I allow my eyes to open a little further. I just want to gauge Jack's emotions.

And I do. My eyes flutter open and see his face.

I feel my heart completely break.

---

AN: I went the more fluffy route, what do you think?

I read once that you shouldn't have pop culture references in your writing because some people won't understand. But for those of you that know who Tom & Jerry or Jack & Rose or Jim & Pam are, did you appreciate the reference?

And for those of you that don't know:

Tom & Jerry are a cartoon cat and mouse (and speculated gay couple, in my opinion, similar to Ert & Bernie from Sesame Street)

Jack & Rose are from the movie Titanic

Jim & Pam are characters from the tv show The Office

Anyways... an update on Sunday! What a mess I am!

Love,

Leah