CHAPTER 50: TEARS

It’s Wednesday evening and I’m here waiting for Yuri at Siam way earlier than we had planned. Distressed doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now.

I actually called her on Monday night so that we could meet on Tuesday but she was busy since she had already made plans with her friends. Yuri thought it was a pity and she kept going on and on about it because I hardly ever call and invite her anywhere first. She postponed it to Wednesday instead and promised that she’d rush right over.

There was a tightness in my chest when I heard her overjoyed voice.

What am I about to do here…?

Phun was keeping me company up until 10 minutes ago. He was trying to comfort me, probably because it was obvious that I was under a ton of stress. He told me that he can wait if I wasn’t ready and that he was okay with our current status. I refused to back down no matter what he said. I didn’t want to hurt Yuri indirectly anymore. I realized one of the reasons I couldn’t tell people that I’m with Phun when I decided to do this. I didn’t want to hurt Yuri by making my relationship with Phun public when I was still in a relationship with her

Phun squeezed my shoulder lightly before he left when it was nearly time for Yuri and I to meet. He told me that he’ll be checking out some books while waiting. He wanted me to call him once I’m done. I acknowledged his words without looking at him since my mind was running wild over what was about to take place.

…

I didn’t have to wait long before someone with a small figure with bright expressions arrives. Yuri normally gets to our meetings earlier than planned. This time is no different. She seems surprised to see me waiting for her. “Noh! You’re here so early!” She shouts with her cheerful tone of voice as she jumps to a chair near me with a big grin, showing off her cute canine teeth.

I force myself to smile for her. There’s a pain shooting inside my heart. That’s the smile that I am about to destroy, isn’t it?

“I didn’t really have much to do today, that’s why.”

“So is there some place you wanna go? Or are you looking to buy something? I can help you shop. Ah, I’m so happy! This is the first time you’ve ever called and asked me to go somewhere with you, you know! This Yu is going all out if you need her help, anything at all!” She tells me while raising her fist as encouragement. I’m hating myself so much right now.

“Is there somewhere you wanna go, Yu?” I don’t have the strength for a proper reply so I ask the same question back at her. Yuri shakes her head and lets me know that there isn’t anything she wants.

“I went shopping with my friends just yesterday. I don’t have the money to do any more shopping, haha.” She tells me while she looks outside the store. “But I wanna eat the crepes at Aino though! Let’s go get some!” Her lively tones invite a smile from my face. We leave to buy the crepes with no protests from me.

We didn’t have to wait long. Yuri now has a pudding crepe in her hand just as she wanted. I paid for it then I take her for a walk. “Is there anything else you want?” But it seems Yuri still can’t get over her surprise since I’m being so nice to her today.

“Not really. Don’t you wanna get something though, Noh? You were the one who called.”

I stutter a bit. “Oh…well…no, not really. I called because I felt like calling.” Yuri grins even wider at my huge lie. “Really?! Let’s just walk around together then. I’m in no hurry to get home today.” She tells me happily. She’s grabbing a hold of my arm tightly as if she’s a small child.

It pains me to see the joy in her face. I don’t know where to begin or how to bring it up. The more I see her smiling, the more I grow dishearten for not wanting to hurt her. I can’t even gauge on how much of what I’m about to do will affect her.

…

We walked around Siam, seemingly like any other high school couples. Yuri took me to this store and that store. She asked me to help her picked some clothes and said that they were something she wanted. At times, she picked out a nice shirt and put it up against me. We looked at a ton of things but we didn’t buy anything. Yuri told me that she had already bought a bunch of stuff yesterday. And personally, I wasn’t in the mood to buy anything for myself anyway.

We circled around Siam for a very long while. We went inside all the shops in Paragon then we headed to Siam Center and continued on to Discovery. After that, we went to MBK Center then went down to Bonanza. Yuri stopped to buy a pair of earrings and a bracelet before we headed back to Siam. If this were any other day, I would’ve been complaining non stop. But today, I could only walk around silently as though my mind is occupied while Yuri was having a lot of fun.

“Noh! Your legs aren’t sore today?! Noh. Noh? Noh!”

“Huh?! What was that?” I suppose I’ve been so lost in my own thoughts that I failed to hear Yuri. She pouts like a child for a moment but breaks into a smile in the end.

“I asked about your legs, they aren’t sore today? We’ve been walking for miles now.” I force a chuckle and another smile, probably because I see the big grin and bright laughter coming from her. “Nah…I can still keep going. Are you hungry though? How about Milk Plus?” We happen to walk by the place and I remember that Yuri likes to chill here and people-watch. The peppy girl quickly gives me nod and links her arm with mine, leading the way into the crowded cafe.

A staff shouts welcoming words to us. I glance over to see Phun sitting in a corner and reading a book. Yuri spots him as well.

“Oh, Phun!” Yuri lively greets him right away. Phun looks up from his book and sees the two of us.

A slight panic glint in his eyes flashes for a moment before he looks my way. He forces a smile and waves at Yuri. “Hi…”

“Eh? Who are you waiting for?” The small girl joins my friend’s table. This is incredibly awkward for me. Phun is looking at me for help.

“N-nobody…I was just reading.” He says when I failed to meet his eyes. The only girl at our table responds energetically in her throat.

“Wanna get something to eat with us, Phun? Are you staying?” She continues to ask. Phun reacts by slowly closing his book.

“That’s alright. I was just about to leave…” His sharp eyes look at me for a moment. “Have you eaten yet…?” I’m not sure if he’s asking me, Yuri or the both of us. At any rate, it’s the same thing, isn’t it?

“We’re here to grab a bite together.” Yuri answers for us with a big smile. Phun smiles back. I watch as the guy with a small smile on his face shoves his book and a pen case into this bag. “I’m gonna get going then…take care.”

Phun tells us and he pats my back lightly. He looks at me as though he wants to ask if I’ll be able to pull this off. I give him a smile and a nod.

Of course I can. I have to. No matter what.

A gentle smile is now on Phun’s face. He mouths the words ‘don’t-for-get-to-call’ to me while he leaves the cafe. I stare at his back as he leaves, wishing that he could stay. At times like these, I’d like for him to be by my side to support me. However, I know very well that I must do this alone.

Yuri watches Phun leaves and she has a strange expression on her face. “Noh…do you think he was here waiting for his new girlfriend?”

“What made you think so?!” I protest swiftly. Yuri tilts her head back and forth as though she’s contemplating over something.

“I bet Phun broke up with my friend because he found someone new. I’d love to see what she looks like, there’s no way she’d be prettier than Aim. Hmph!” Her words are making me realize that she still doesn’t know the whole story. My stomach is churning.

“Hey, maybe you’re looking too much into this. It’s possible they were having problems.”

“So you know what happened?!” Ah, now I’m in the hot seat. I suddenly feel warm despite the fact that the airconditioner is blasting away in here.

“Uh, how am I supposed to know what happened between them? Aren’t you gonna order? She’s waiting.” I figure it’d be better to cut our conversation short. Yuri looks at my face and it seems like she doesn’t believe me. Nevertheless, she turns and orders some breads and milk without saying anything else.

We stayed inside Milk Plus until it was getting dark outside. Yuri gleefully told me about her trip to Japan to visit her relatives. (Seriously? She rode on that dog statue in Shibuya?) I was so captivated by her stories, her bright expressions, and how funny her movements were when she was acting them out to show me that I nearly forgot the reason I had called her here today.

She continued with more stories which made me laugh real loud. I cracked up during her weird poses to the point where my stomach was hurting. I was laughing so hard I started to tear up until she finally stopped torturing me with all the funny stories.

“Noh, do you realize something?” Yuri suddenly asks after we shared some laughter about something funny her 7 year-old brother has done.

I raise my brows and wait to hear what she has to say next. Yuri goes silent for a moment before she smiles at me.

“You’ve been really adorable today.” Ah…getting a compliment like that out of the blue is making me feel embarrassed.

“Why? Do I look handsome today?” I just need to say something to cover my embarrassment. Yuri shakes her head at me. Eh? So I’m not handsome?

“Not like that. My Noh is handsome everyday anyway.” Hm, that’s more like it. Haha. I smile and Yuri continues. “But you’re especially cute today. Like…you’re super nice.”

“Am I not nice to you normally?”

“Nooooo. It’s just…you’re…especially nice today.” Ha, trying to backtrack now, are we? I stare at her smiling face and I smile along with her despite feeling like my heart is being squeezed because I know the reason I’m being nice to her today.

“Yu…”

“Let’s go take photos together! You’re being so nice, I need something to remember this moment! Please? Please? Please? The booth is on the second floor by the cafe. Please? Please? Please?” She isn’t even giving me a chance to turn her down. She shakes my arm using her two small hands. She’s really making this difficult for me, but I don’t want to go against her on anything today.

“Sure…” This simple reply makes Yuri smiles happily. She immediately pulls me to the second floor by Milk Plus. I follow her willingly.

What Yuri meant was a sticker booth. We walk up the stairs to find the sticker booth imported from Japan. The girls call these things purikura. It looks cute. Yuri says that you can write personal messages on it. There are cartoon characters you can use to decorate your photos too. Ah, I’ll just let Yuri handle these. I’m not good with this stuff. ^^”

The booth is speaking Japanese to us and it’s taking me by surprise. I have no idea what it was saying. It spouts a couple of lines then there’s a shutter noise. What?! I wasn’t even ready! I look so silly.

Yuri laughs loudly before she nudges at me to retake the photos. I’m catching on to how this thing works now so we’re having a lot of fun with the poses. It took four tries before we got one where we look nice in it, which was the last one. (We were competing on who could make the weirdest expression.) Yuri laughs happily when the photo booth shows us all the pictures we have taken.

“Wow, I can’t believe you did that, Noh.” It isn’t enough that she’s laughing, now she’s making comments about them. I glance at Yuri in the photos who doesn’t look that much better. “Yours are just as bad.”

She giggles and writes something on the screen that I’m not paying much attention to. My watch tells me that it’s getting later and later, so why am I still dragging this out?

Yuri is still giggling nearby while I’m standing still. She prints out the stickers from the booth and she’s having fun cutting them up.

“This one is yours! And this one is mine.” Yuri hands me a small envelope. I raise my brows and laugh when I look through the photos and see that they’ve been decorated with puppy paws and kitten paws all over my face.

“Hey! You made me look so ugly!” I playfully scold her and I watch as she puts on a sly expression. “It’s no different than how you normally are…” Eh?! Watch it! Didn’t you say I was handsome when we were at Milk Plus?!

I quickly pull her in by wrapping my arm around her neck and lightly hit her tiny head with the envelope. She squirms around and laughs before she shows a different photo to me. “You look super handsome in this one! I love it!”

I stop and take a look at the photo. It’s the last one that we took when Yuri said to make a normal face. It has been decorated with crowns for a prince and a princess. There are hearts all over.

A sharp pain runs through me when I read what has been written our photo. NOH ♥ YU.

“Yuri…” I faintly call out her name. My throat feels completely dry. Yuri is still smiling while showing off more photos. “This one looks funny but you’re still adorable!”

“Yu…” I call her once more. Yuri picks out another photo to show me. “Let’s keep this one in our wallets. That way, you’ll think about me when you see it!”

“Yu!” I raise my voice a little louder and she goes quiet. She looks at me curiously with her round eyes. “What is it, Noh?”

“I’m…sorry.”

“………………………………….”

Yuri is staring at me as if she doesn’t understand what I had said. She purses her small lips and then she asks me a question. “You’re sorry? For what, Noh?”

I admit, I can’t utter another word.

The two of us are silent, each lost in our own thoughts. Yuri notices how strangely I’m behaving. “Noh…you finally found that person, haven’t you?” Her bright voice is shaking. I don’t need to turn to look at her to know what kind of an emotional state she is in.

I nod slowly before I decide to finally look at her light face. I see Yuri welling up with tears with those two envelopes still in her hands.

“…is it Jeed…?”

“No…it’s not Jeed.” I answer her and I take a step closer. It seems like she’ll collapse any minute. Her shoulders are trembling so I pull her in and hold her gently. “We can still be friends, can’t we…?”

My school uniform is soaked with the tears from the girl in my embrace. “Noh…can you tell me…? Can you tell me who she is? Who’s the lucky girl…?” She stammers and I tighten my embrace. I feel that I’m being too cruel to her.

“…I’m sorry…”

Yuri’s sobs grow increasingly louder and my heart is nearly in pieces. She is crying her eyes out like this is the last day we’ll ever see one another. Personally, I still consider Yuri to be a very good friend of mine and I’d willing to meet up with her and hang out whenever she wants.

Her small hands clutches my shirt tightly and I kindly pat her braids. “We can still be friends, right…?” I ask her once more even though I realize that this is such a selfish plea.

Yuri stops crying and lets go from me. Her eyes are still red. Her lips are still trembling. And yet, she is trying her best to give me a smile. She moves her face in close to mine.

Her red lips nearly touches mine. She moves and sinks her nose into my cheek for a long while.

I let her stay and soak in all the well-intentioned feelings I have for her. A little while later, I realize that my own tears are falling down my cheek. Yuri finally pulls away.

“I know that you’ll make her happy…just like how happy you made me.” She tells me with a tearful smile.

“I love you a whole lot, Noh.” A small voice tells me. The owner of the voice seems to be getting weaker by the minute. I watch as she gives me one last smile and picks up her bag, intending to leave. This is such a startling image that I quickly grab her wrist so that she would turn around.

“We’ll still see each other, won’t we?”

Her adorable smile is still on her face. “Of course! I’m your best friend, aren’t I?!” She tells me as she lowers her wrist and I let go. She walks away, down a path that probably will make her happier.

She has been through so much having to deal with me.

The phone inside my pocket feels like it weighs a ton. I grab it and makes a call to the person who has been waiting for me. I feel so weak.

“Phun…I..can’t handle this. Thanks for waiting for me but…can I be alone tonight? Yeah…I’m okay. Thanks…I’ll see you soon…”

I had no idea that I was capable of hurting someone else so horribly like this.