CHAPTER 51: BANG!

I throw my school bag then turn on my computer once I’ve arrived home. I’m completely spent.

The corner of my eye catches the couple keychain Yuri and I bought from Loft hanging from my school bag. When she saw those keychains, she was so excited like a small child. She couldn’t make up her mind on whether she should buy the orange or the blue one. In the end, she decided to buy one for me and one for herself. I paid for them because I was glad to see her smiling like that.

The smile that I just destroyed.

This self-loathing is over taking every inch of my body. I can feel it at the tip of my fingers. I weakly sit down on the chair in front of my computer. I want to just sleep and get away from all these feelings I have, but I gave Keng my word that I’d help him with his Biology drafts and send the file through MSN. If it weren’t for this, I would have already shut myself from everyone and went off to live in a dream world instead.

You may start worshipping here says:

Send me the files now. This is a stick up.

Speak of the devil, Keng sends me a message the second I signed in. I shake my head wearily before I click the ‘send file’ button instead of typing a reply.

You may start worshipping here says:

Saw your girl at Siam today.

But Keng wants to keep chatting. His message is making me curious. I furrow my brows and stare at those letters before I proceed to type a reply.

Noh says:

Who?

You may start worshipping here says:

Your Japanese girlfriend?

He saw Yuri?! When?! Was it after she left me?! I begin to panic and I really want to know how Yuri was doing after she left. How was she feeling? Did she get home safely? Was she crying a lot? But it seems Keng won’t be able to provide me with the answers I’m looking for.

You may start worshipping here says:

Around this evening. She was keeping her head down. I was gonna say hi but she caught a cab and left before I could.

Noh says:

I see.

You may start worshipping here says:

What’s the matter? Feeling down?

I know I’ve mentioned this before but I need to say it again. Keng truly capable just like his name. Is there a hidden camera in this room or something?

Noh says:

No, you’re nuts. I’m laughing my ass off watching this stand up comedy right now.

You may start worshipping here says:

Asshole.

Why’d he cuss me out? Hehheh. I chuckle as I notice that he is typing something but the file had already finished transferring so I’m taking this chance to sign out immediately. Ah, give me a break just for tonight, dude.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Noh…Noh…Noh…”

Ma is knocking on my door just when my computer has shut down. I turn to look at the source of the knocking, feeling a little puzzled for a moment, then I get up to open the door for her. Ma is standing on the other side of the doorway with a plastic bag in her hand.

“Nong Phun came over just now. He said that you left something behind with him so he came by to drop them off for you.” I furrow my brows because I’m confused. I didn’t leave anything behind with him. I’m even more confused with Ma gives me the white plastic bag, but I’m not too concerned about what might be inside the bag. I’m still curious as to where the owner of this plastic bag is.

“And where is he, Ma?”

“He left already.”

“Oh, I see…” I’m a little perplexed, but I give her a nod and thank her for doing this. I suppose she notices that something is off since she is staring at me from my head to toe. “Don’t forget to take a shower before you head to bed, Noh. And don’t stay up too late.”

“Yes~” My ma is always like this. She doesn’t ask a lot of questions but she is always worried about me. I quickly reply and give her a big smile so she’d be at ease. She walks away and leaves me with the mysterious white plastic bag from Phun.

I walk back into my room and close the door behind me. Now that I get a chance to look, this is a bag from Beard Papa’s, the delicious bakery at Paragon. Huh, when did he get a chance to buy this for me anyway? My eyes meet with the bearded uncle on the box and I can’t help but let out a smile. My smile widens when I realized what’s inside the box. It’s filled with several of my favorite cream puffs. Phun is really something, how did he know that these are my favorites? I mean, I normally don’t eat these creamy things. They’re too sweet for me but the pieces of cookies in the choux cream are very delicious. I always eat at least five of these every single time. (And this is where my belly came from…)

I figure that I’ll just finish the entire box out of misery. I catch something from the corner of my eye. There’s a small orange note stuck on the inside of the box. I furrow my brows and take a look at the Post-it. There’s something written on it in blue ink and I read it enthusiastically.

‘They’re magic cream puffs. Eat them and you’ll have sweet dreams. : )

You’ve done the best you could’ve done. Let’s smile tomorrow, okay? : )’

There’s no need to wait until tomorrow. I’m smiling from just reading this familiar handwriting. Heh heh. The choux cream tastes whole lot better now too. The magic is real, the cream puffs give me wonderful dreams. =]

***

But I think I paid too much attention to my ma’s bedtime stories when I was little. This is the real world. There’s no such thing as magic cream puffs in the real world.

Sure, those choux cream put a smile on my face when I began eating them. That lasts for about 20 minutes. Once they run out and I lie down on my bed, Yuri’s face pops into my head again. The images of her in my head wouldn’t go away.

I toss and turn all night. Every time I close my eyes, I’d see Yuri trying her best to give me tearful smile. The more I toss and turn, the more I am reminded of when she was crying on my chest that evening.

I can’t sleep at all. I can’t even get up and splash some water on my face. I have the urge to throw something at the mirror once I see my reflection. Am I not the reason a nice girl like Yuri is hurting? Is she not crying because of me? I’m a loser. I’m not a real man.

I’m the reason everything turned out like this.

Morning rolls around and I barely look presentable as I make my way to the school. So this is how bad I’m doing. I stop by 7-Eleven before I take the skytrain and I run into some blue shorts students around Asoke. They want my school pin (what the hell for?). There are three of them and I just take it off and give it to them without so much as making a fuss. Sure, take it. Kiss it or make love to it if you want. I’m not in the mood for a fight. I can always buy a new one. It doesn’t even cost a 100 baht anyway. Things are getting so bad that I start thinking about how I should probably buy a bunch and keep them with me just in case. I mean, they sure seem to want my school’s pin so badly that I have to wonder. If my school emblem is a Hello Kitty, will they still want to get their hands on these pins?

After I get through my school pin robbery, I ride on the train which is making me feel I’m in a can of tuna. Finally, I arrive at my school. I walk inside with a blank face and wonder if I’d get in trouble for not wearing a pin on my shirt. I greet the Masser properly and hide the fact that my pin is missing by using my arm. I make it through and I drag my legs past the administrative building where Phun usually is every morning. I normally say hi to him but today…

It doesn’t feel right to say hello. I still feel guilty…somehow.

I glance over to see Phun with a huge binder in his hands. He’s talking to a junior high student. He must be busy because he’s wearing his glasses this morning. It’s the beginning of the year, I suppose they’re holding an election for the new student council president soon. I should just walk by without saying anything this morning. I hope he won’t mind. Well, at least that’s what I planned to do up until Phun turns his head and notices me.

“Noh!”

Ah…so I do have to talk to him anyway. It’s different this time around though. Phun’s the one waving and calling out to me from the building. It seems he’s startled to see me at the school so early. (Why is that startling?) He quickly leaves the binder with the student he was speaking with and rushes over to where I am. But then…

“Shit, Noh! You’re here early! Did you wake up early or you haven’t slept yet?” Rodkeng interrupts us by smacking me in the back with his school bag. Ow, this is how friends say good morning? And it doesn’t hurt to think positively when I get to school early, you know!

Phun stops in his track when he sees me with someone instead. I get it, he doesn’t want to be a bother. I wave at him to let him know that it’s okay and that we can talk later.

“Oh, did I interrupt you guys? Rodkeng probably notices that something was off so he asks a question despite still locking my neck down with his arm. I wanted to say yes but never mind that. I don’t know what to say to Phun right now anyway. And if he asks about yesterday…I don’t know how to answer him.

“Did you buy a Star Soccer?” I should just change the subject. I turn to him and ask about the soccer match from last night that I forgot to watch since I was too busy with being upset with myself. I have no idea how my beloved The Gunners did. Are they in a comatose state now? Rodkeng grins widely and I already know the results.

“You shouldn’t look it up, it’s just gonna hurt.” This fucking assholeeeeeee. My team was just taking it easy! That’s the only reason you can even gloat right now! Just watch, we’re gonna get you back at Old Trafford. I’ll bet on it.

Just as I’ve had it up to here with Rodkeng, who is way too overly excited, (since The Red Devils had obliterated The Gunners last night) Palm charges in from behind us.

“Yo! Did you watch last night?! 2-0! That last goal was the shit!”

Ugh…what is it with these guys?!

***

Basically, nothing good has happened so far since this morning.

Starting from the beginning where a rival school stole my pin. To add insult to the injury, my favorite soccer team sucked last night. Once I walk inside my classroom, I discover that everyone is busy studying because there is a rumor going around that Masser Niwat will be giving a pop quiz today. Fucking hell! I barely pay attention in class so let’s not even discuss my lack of studying. I figure I’ll just write notes on my thighs!

Those notes don’t help. The Masser decides to switch our seats around. Ugh, why is the last question so damn difficult anyway?! It’s so frustrating since my new seat is…right next to the Masser.

Awesome. I can’t even let out a fart let alone taking a peek at my notes. T___T My life’s so pitiful.

That was how my morning went. I leave my classroom looking like a zombie. Not only I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night, I had to take that awfully difficult quiz. Om is being real obnoxious to boot. He is going around boasting about how he pretty much was able to copy off of Keng. He was lucky and got to sit in the spot where the Masser normally wouldn’t pay attention to. Great, that’s great. Keep rubbing those salts in my wounds, why don’t you?

In the end, I walk to the cafeteria in a sour mood. And for some weird reason, it feels like the air conditioner is chillier than normal. The strange part is that no one says anything about it. Perhaps it’s all in my imagination? Even Ken, who usually complains about being cold at the drop of a hat, doesn’t even mention anything at all. I guess it is all in my head. I figure that I should just walk to my usual stall and get my food to warm myself up.

As I drag myself to the curry stall that I usually go to whenever I have no idea what to eat, I look up and discover that it…is…closed…today.

Oh, my god! Thanks for brightening up my day, Auntie! Thanks so much!

I feel like I’m about to go insane here. What am I supposed to do with my life?! I admit, this throws me for a loop. I sway over to where Om is. He’s standing in front of the noodles stall, it is where usually gets his lunch. I’ll just eat whatever he’s eating, I guess.

“Yo, order another me another serving. I’ll just have whatever you’re having.”

“Eh? Didn’t you say you wanted rice?” Can this bastard not ask so many questions? I’m not in the mood to argue with anybody.

“It’s closed, quit asking me things. I’ll just eat with you.”

“Fine, fine. What do you wanna eat?” Didn’t I just say that I’ll have what you have? Clean your goddamn ears once in a while.

“I’ll have what you have, whatever it is. I’m gonna go wait over there, okay?” I answer him, feeling sullen. I shove the debit card in his hand before I leave the line and wait elsewhere. People in line are giving me looks for cutting the line and asking a friend to order something. Let me have this today, everyone. I’m really over everything.

Soon enough, Om returns with a silly grin on his face. He has two identical bowls in his hands. People in love are so irritating to look at. I don’t know if I’m imagining this but he’s been looking way more obnoxious as of late.

“Here’s your card. You’re running low, by the way. Refill it, asshole.” Oh, really? Another sucky thing that’s happening me today, huh? My skytrain pass ran out of money this morning too. Now I gotta refill my cafeteria debit card. Yep, I’m broke.

I accept a noodle bowl from Om and I raise my chest at him so that he can put the card back inside my shirt pocket. That’s when he notices that I’m not wearing the school’s pin. “Yo, where’d your pin go?!”

“I got robbed this morning.” I reply simply as though I don’t really care. And it’s true, I really don’t care that it happened. But then I realize that it means I’ll have to cough up money for a new pin. Damn it, another reason I need to spend money I don’t have!

“Which school took it?!” Om continues to ask while we make our way to the table. Dong, Keng, Palm, Khom and other The Red Devils supporters (why are there so many?!) are watching the free kick from last night on the laptop that’s connected to the school’s wi-fi. Why are you guys so excited? You’re acting as if your team has never won before. The Red Devils supporters are always like this. They’re gonna spook when my team plays for real.

But it seems the focus is shifting from the free kick to my missing pin when Dong hears Om’s question. “What are you guys talking about? Don’t tell me it’s about the pin.”

“Yeah, man. Noh is such a noob, he just gave it away to some other school kids.” I give Om a dirty look since he’s tattling on me. Right, as if this never happened to you. I recall the time he got jumped at Pra Atit Harbor. He wasn’t even in the state of mind where he just broke a girl’s heart or anything either. The only difference was that there were about ten or so students surrounding him, that’s all.

“Aw, fuck. I knew it. I didn’t see him wearing the pin and I thought he was in a shock because Arsenal lost and he forgot to wear one. Instead, it was just…” Dong pauses and I use the chance to lovingly and gently smack his head. This happened to you too, I remember! It’s just that I was the only one that had to go through this while in the 11th grade.

“Oh? You got your pin stolen again? Here, here. Take my backup pin. I carry an extra one around. Those guys are a bunch of freaks, are they selling them for parts or what?” Leave it to Pong to be the nicest one in our group. Not only he isn’t making fun of me now that he learns that I’ve been a victim of this scary crime, he’s actually giving me his spare pin that he carries around inside his wallet. (I guess he went through this at least 3 times.) I accept the pin and put it on while celebrating on the inside since I won’t have to spend 70 baht to replace it now.

“Are you still celebrating? Because your noodles are getting all soggy and swollen like a dead body now, bastard.” Oh, right. I look down at my hot and sour noodle soup and immediately grab a pair of chopsticks. I mentally thank Om for reminding me but once I take the first bite, I take it all back and yell at him instead.

“You fucking asshole! Are you trying to kill me?!” I quickly gulp down some water as my tongue is burning from how spicy this is. The jerk is clapping gleefully to himself, looking very pleased with himself.

“Ahaha! You said to get whatever I was ordering! So I told the auntie to make it a double.” What a dumbass! He fucking did this on purpose! He knows that he eats everything way spicer than everybody else! Was it so hard to use what very little brain cells you’ve got in your skull?! This fucker! This–! I don’t even know what names I should be calling this so-called friend of mine who is enjoying his spicy noodle soup from hell before me.

“Goddamn it, take this! Fucking asshole, I’m not eating this shit.”Hmph…! Fine, I won’t eat! I shove the noodle bowl towards Om. He is ecstatic at the sight from a free meal. I bet this was his plan to get an extra portion of food all along. You’re despicable!

I glare at the dickhead, feeling even more irritated now. The more I see him thoroughly enjoying the noodles from my bowl, the more I wanna jump kick his stupid face. You better watch out. I’m gonna get you back for this.

While I am giving dirty looks to Om, the person that is consummating his new relationship with my ex-noodle bowl, I suddenly feel a heavy hand pressing on top of my head.

“Not eating lunch today, Noh” Phun? I turn to see the student council secretary standing over my head with his usual expression as if he wants to scold me at all times (for not eating).

“I don’t know what that bastard Om ordered for me, it was so damn spicy. I was fuckin–…” But the more I speak, the more profanities come out of me. I should just stop. Seeing that, Om quickly takes one of the fish balls, rinses it in Pong’s chicken soup to get rid of the spiciness and gives it to me.

“Damn, you’re such a tattletale. Here, just take this and eat it. Take it, take it.” He complains and stuffs the fish ball inside my mouth. Well, you should’ve done this from the start. It’s still a little spicy but it’s a whole lot better than what I had experienced earlier.

Phun smiles and playfully pushes my head around several times. “I’m gonna go have my lunch then. Enjoy your meal and eat a lot, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” I wave my hand to give him my word before Phun leaves to join his friends. My heart stops beating for a moment as I look around the table and brace myself for the reactions from my friends.

But everyone is being completely normal. The guys are still arguing over their triple champions (keep on dreaming). Pong, Keng and Ken are still playing their PSP while eating their lunches. Om is focusing on the second bowl of noodle soup in front of him. No one says a word. No one asks me anything. I guess they figured everything out on their own.

I suppose it is better that way. If someone were to ask me something right now, I’m not sure if I’m ready to tell the truth just yet.

Afternoon rolls around, remember how I mentioned that my morning sucked? Well, I’m not sure how I can describe what happens this afternoon then. It sucks even worse. No, it is the worst.

It starts when Fi runs into my classroom and tells me that he needs the absent request forms for the band members who’ll be flying to Europe by 3 pm today.

Oh, Fi. The underclassmen (also some of my friends and my seniors) are all going. There are at least 50 of them in total and he wants everything done within two hours?! If I were a girl, I would’ve screamed but since I wasn’t one I all did was stared at Om’s face.  We haul our asses so we can get ditch our class and go to the clubroom. However…

Miss Pornphit enters the classroom with a pop quiz. (That is when I want to scream) Oh, Miss! Today of all days?!

My head is pounding and I’m really close to losing it. I am dialing and calling all the club members for help. Met, who usually handles this stuff, is stuck taking the quiz in his class. (Seriously, what was up with the teachers today?) A lot of the underclassmen are unable to help which was understandable since it is getting close to finals week. They have their own tests and exams to worry about. Well, except for one person who I know for certain that doesn’t really give a crap about these things.

It’s none other than Per. That jerk couldn’t care less when it comes to tutor sessions or test scores. (It has nothing to do with him being smart, he just doesn’t care.) I was right to call him up because I only need to stay a few words and he agrees to help out. Not only that, nong Knott offers to help as well. (This one is a complete opposite of Per, he is a smart kid.) I wish I could’ve hugged them through the phone.

So now I have some people saving my life (cue dramatic music) and I quickly drop off everything I thought would help them, such as old document and the likes. The two give me their word that they’d do their very best. They take turns patting my back and tell me to have faith in them. I have faith in Knott. Per, on the other hand, better not screw this up for him.

I give Per a menacing look before I leave for my Chemistry quiz. It’s a relief to see him taking it seriously. I guess it’s fine to have some faith in him. Then, 3 pm rolls around and they send me a text.

‘All done, p’. This dude is amazing, eh?

sender : Per Pinklao’

Yesssss! They did it! Om and I nearly jump into the air and hug in the middle of our English period when we got the text from the ever conceited Per (who chose that name for himself, he saved it on my phone.) Ah, they’re so smart! The last time I had to deal with submitting some papers, it nearly killed me. I would’ve been dead if it weren’t for Phun’s help. How did those guys get through this so easily anyway? Was I just too dumb? (The more I think about this, the more depressing it gets.)

School is finally over and the teachers dismiss their classes. Om and I dash to the clubroom as fast as we can. We’re looking forward to showering those two kids with praises that they’d drown in it. But knowing Per, it’s not like he has to wait for that to happen. He can do this himself.

“Jeez, the toughest part was when you need to have the letters lined up perfectly when you fold the document and everything!” See that? I knew he’d be boasting about what has done. Om and I walk inside the room and see Per’s back. He’s tooting his own horn in front of P’Dew.

P’Dew catches on to what is about to happen. He pretends like he doesn’t see us entering the room and pretends to pay attention to Per’s story. Om and I get low on the floor and crawl our way to Per.

“Right, I had to make so many changes! Even Knott was totally confused. Luckily, I was there to–ouch!”

“Ahahahahaha!” That was hilarious! I’m crying! Om and I are literally rolling on the floor laughing. We high five each other. Each of us is holding a clump of Per’s leg hair. Ahahahaha!

Per cries out in pain as he checks the bald spots on his legs. “What is this all about?! That hurts!”

“The way you were bragging was really getting on our nerves. Take that!” I smack him on the head once, then Om does the same. We switch back and forth for a while. P’Dew laughs along with us.

“What did he tell you, p’? Don’t believe him, he’s all talk.”

“Ha, I wasn’t even listening. I was letting him go on and on.” Hahahaha! And just like that, Per gets all grouchy. “I’ll never forget this! I’m mad at you now.” Oh, shit. Now I won’t be able to call on him when there are urgent things.

“There, there, there. We’re only kidding! You’re awesome! You’re the best! Don’t be mad! There, there.” Don’t think for a second that such an idiotic move is coming from me. Om is the one trying to cheer Per up by waving his hands in front of him. (You’re so much better at this stuff now, I suppose it has something to do with having a young boyfriend.) Per breaks into laughter and pushes Om’s hands back and forth. Yep, both of you are idiots.

“So where’s Knott? I’ll treat you two for some snacks when I have some free time.”

“He’s helping p’Film with the marching band outside. I’ll tell know for you.” Per answers my question. I give him a nod but something doesn’t feel right.

“So Knott’s helping Film outside…? What about you?! Bastard, go and help them right now!” I say with my hand in the air, intending to smack him once more. Per catches on quick. He gives me an embarrassed smile and sprints out of the clubroom.

“Are you gonna head out and help with the marching band too, Noh?” P’Dew asks me. He’s carrying a cooler filled with water. “Yeah, lemme help you with that.” Before I can help p’Dew, Om grabs me by the shirt collar. He throws me on the sofa.

“Don’t even. You stay here and wait for the phone call from the band association. They said they’d call before 5 o’clock to discuss the marching band’s competition. But if they don’t call, then you don’t need to call them. Got that?” Well, great. I get to chill and wait for a phone call? Why isn’t he doing this himself? This is totally against Om’s nature.

I furrow my brows and stare at Om’s face, feeling confused. But then I let out a small chuckle once I realized what’s going on.

“Alright then. I’m gonna hang out here in this nice and cool air conditioned room. Feel free to go out there and suffer in the heat so you can feed a certain marching band member as much as your heart desires. Heh heh heh.” Om swiftly turns around and gives me a death stare. “Maybe I should change my mind!” Oh, a real threat. I quickly lift my hands up and plead with him. “Please just go, p’Om. Nong Noh will stay and answer the phone with it rings, with much enthusiasm.” It’d be bad if he does changes his mind. There’s nothing else I’d rather do than laying around in a cold room.

Om points at me, looking hot and bothered, before he helps p’Dew carries the cooler outside. Now I get to roll around the room and feeling bored out of my mind. Why is it that when there are things I need to get done, they all flood in at once? And when I’m free, there’s nothing for me to do at all, what’s up with that?

I sit myself down on the floor in the middle of the room. I grab an acoustic guitar that someone had left laying around and begin to play a few notes. Hm, what should I play? I flip through the music sheet in front of me, hoping to find a way to kill some time.

‘I’m not afraid of mornings

I’m only afraid that they wouldn’t come

No matter how early it might be

I can handle it’

No, not that song. My phone is running. I lift half of my butt up and fish my cell phone from my pocket. I answer the call without looking at the screen.

“Where are you, Noh?” Because I didn’t need to check who was calling.

“The clubroom, you?”

Phun goes silent for a moment before he asks me a question instead of answering me. His voice is soft and low. “Can I go see you…?” Why is he using that tone of voice?

“Yeah, come on over.” I agreed to let him drop by and we hang up the phone. Not long after, the clubroom door opens. “Oh, you’re here alone again?”

“Yeah, everyone’s practicing outside. I’m waiting for a phone call.” Phun gives me a nod to acknowledge me before he walks over and sits down right in front of me. “I thought I heard them playing. So what are you doing?”

“Getting my teeth cleaned, what do you think?” Is it not obvious that I have a guitar in my lap? But Phun knocks me in the head once when he hears my reply. “Smartass. So did you get to eat those desserts from last night?” How are those things even related? I raise my brows and look at his face, then I answer him with a smile. “Of course. They were delicious. Thanks, man.” Phun is smiling even wider than I am.

“Did you have any sweet dreams?”

“Look at my eyes.” I’m Raccoon city and he’s still asking? Phun laughs and I chuckle softly. I start playing some random notes on the guitar.

We both go quiet for a while and the melodies from the guitar fill up the room. I begin to feel strangely stuffy once I notice that Phun has been staring at me for the past 5 minutes and I have not once met his eyes.

I don’t know…I assume it has to do with knowing why he came all the way here.

“When you called me yesterday, I was worried sick…you know that, right?” …and there it is. I knew. I knew that I made him worry. But everything was telling me that I couldn’t possibly have burdened him with all my issues. I made Yuri cry. I let her leave all by herself. I didn’t deserve to have anybody consoling me, especially when Yuri was all alone.

I’m choosing not to answer his question so now it’s just the two of us sitting in a small rectangular room in silence. Eventually, the melodies from my fingers fade away. I can feel all my energy being is drained and fading away too.

We can hear the sounds of cool air being blown from the air conditioner. I purse my lips tightly and Phun proceeds to say something else. “Is there something I need to know…?”

I tilt my head up and look into his rather unsettling sharp eyes. I’ve never seen Phun like this before. He looks as though he’s pleading for something, but I don’t quite understand.

I can no longer ignore his questions once our eyes meet. But it is so hard to even start talking. “I…went to see Yuri…to break up with her. I told her that we couldn’t see each other anymore and then she…she cried…” Slowly, I begin to tell him while averting my gaze from him. The floor looks empty and cold. “I…don’t know. I don’t wanna see her cry. It makes me…it makes me hate myself.”

“Noh, are you sure you made the right decision?” And with those words, I look back at him with haste. Now he’s the one looking away. “Are you sure you’ve thought this through?”

“Phun, why are you saying that?” I ask heavily to the person in front of me who seems to have so much going on inside that I can’t even take a guess that they might be.

“……………” Phun doesn’t give me an answer, but I can see that there’s such a sad expression on his face, so sad that I get the urge to reach over and touch his shoulders so that he would look at me. “Phun…” I faintly call out his name once more. He gives me a forced smile.

“I don’t know…maybe I’m just overthinking it, haha.” Yet, his laughter sounds rather bleak. I look at his gloomy face and he’s still unable to meet my eyes. Phun pretends to look through the music book instead of looking at me.

I shake my head at his odd behaviors before I begin playing a few familiar notes that I can remember very well on the guitar.

I’m glad to have you in my life…

Phun is startled and stares at me once he hears those notes. I smile at his reaction then I proceed to speak while still playing the song. “I’ve thought it through. Because even if I keep seeing her…I could never fall in love with her…”

“How can you be certain…? You’re completely devastated so maybe you’re actually in love with her.” He responds in a childlike way but still using his deep tone of voice which brings chuckles in my throat. Then, I rely back to him.

“Because I’m already in love with you.” Hm…that was tough to say out loud. I suppose it took some guts for Phun when he said those words too.

“What was that?!” Jesus, why is he yelling so loudly? I glance at the handsome guy with a shock expression on his face. I pretend to keep playing the guitar and ignore his question.

“Noh…what did you say just now? Please, can I hear it again? Please, Noh! Please, please, please?!” Wait, what happened to the emo guy that was here just now? My head is swaying back and forth while my fingers are still playing the guitar. Phun is shaking me at the magnitude of 8.0 on the Richter scale, or somewhere around that.

“What’d I say? I didn’t say anything, heh heh heh.” I deny everything and Phun is still shaking me. I’m trying to play the guitar here! Rude much?! Now I’ve switched to playing “Nong Ple is Cute” by Paradox since the sheet music happens to be showing that page by chance.

“Noh! Answer my question this instant! If you don’t then I’ll–!” He’ll what? Is he gonna kill me? I had just read this gruesome murder that took place in the newspapers this morning. A husband shot his wife out of jealousy. It was so tragically horrible that it was on the front page of Thai Rath news. But wait, which one of us is the husband and the wife? Never mind that though, it’s not like Phun would do that. I think.

I pause and glance at him. There’s a hint of fear in my eyes since I’m afraid that he might get upset with me again. However, Phun is grinning widely and pulls me into a tight hug, so tight that I can barely breathe. “I’m gonna squeeze you as tight as I can!” Phew, what a relief. I let out some laughters before I let go of the guitar so I can lightly pat his back.

Phun tightens his embrace as he continues to speak. “You have no idea, I couldn’t even sleep at all last night. I was out of my mind. I was terrified thinking that you had suddenly realized that the person you’re actually in love with is Yuri and not me. I was terrified thinking that that you’ve made a big mistake. I was terrified because I thought that you’d come to me this morning and tell me that you’re choosing her. I was so scared that I didn’t know what to do. Because for me…for me, I knew that I’ve thought this through. You’re the only person I love. You’re the only person I’ll never love…Noh, do you hear me? I can’t love anybody else. It has to be you.” Phun blurts out everything he had bottled up inside. He’s holding me so tightly that I need to hug him back to show him that I don’t feel any differently from him. We lightly knock our forehead together before we each let go.

“Phun…listen up, okay?” I stare deep into those sharp eyes. I want him to feel my sincerity. And yet, what I see are a pair of eyes that are begging and pleading for something. It is unnecessary as I will never intentionally hurt the person in front of me.

“Hearing that…makes me a little sad. I’ve never been able to make you realize how I feel about you, yeah…?” At this point, the handsome jerk opens his mouth to argue but he’ll have to wait. I need to finish talking first. “With you and with Yuri, I’ve thought everything through. Yeah, I love Yuri a lot, but you must know that the way I love her isn’t the same way that I love you. Yuri is a really good friend to me. She put up with me with everything that has happened but yet I hurt her…” I pause for a moment when the image of crying Yuri flashes inside my head. “I…I hate being the reason someone gets hurt. I don’t know…it’s just that she has done a lot for me but I… Not only I couldn’t repay her kindness for her I…”

At this point, Phun’s lips move in close and touches mine in the middle of my sentence as though he doesn’t want to hear what else I have to say. I allow Phun to steal the rest of my words. The person before me is putting me at ease.

“Don’t say anything else, okay…? You did the best you could’ve done, do you understand that?” Phun whispers encouraging words before he gives me a smile that warms my heart.

“Noh, you have no idea how extraordinary you are. You’re the most amazing thing in my life.” Way to flatter me! I accept his compliments with a smile and those thin lips press up against mine once more. This time, I’m letting him do what he wants. It’s strange how a simple touch from Phun refilled all my strengths and energy. This kiss is proof that I have made the right decision.

Phun is the most amazing thing in my life too. =]

The two of us exchange our kisses, each yearning for the other’s love. It is as though Phun wants to express all the feelings he has for me through the tip of his tongue, to which I respond with my own. I want him to know all these feelings I’ve contained inside me are no different than his.

Our kisses grow hotter and hotter as neither of us is willing to be the first one to pull back. Phun’s lips continues to press against mine, over and over, along with the tip of his warm tongue which is playful and misbehaving just like its owner and his hands. I smack Phun’s hand away in the midst of our kiss once I feel him exploring my body under my shirt without permission. Phun chuckles softly in his throat before he uses the same hand to caress my cheek and tilt my head to the side so I can accept his deep and passionate kisses.

We move our bodies closer, even with a guitar between us. I’m losing all the air from my lungs. I can barely breathe. The guy in front of me is relentless. There’s no sign that he will stop any time soon. He’s seducing me with his actions and I’m under his spell. I know that if we keep this up, it’d be more and more difficult to stop ourselves. I calmly lift one of my hands to push him away from my lips. But before I could do so, the clubroom door opens and I hear a familiar small voice.

“Noh…? Phun…?”

Yuri?!