If You Need Me: Chapter 29

I’m reeling as I push through the doors and step out into the warm summer night. The soccer field lies ahead of me, the parking lot to the right. If I wasn’t wearing heels and a dress, I might consider walking to my moms’.

Before I can pull my phone out to call one of them for a ride, Dallas bursts through the door after me. “Wills, honey⁠—”

“Stop! Stop calling me that! Just stop!” I’m too wrecked, too raw, and too sad to handle any of this. But it’s all happening. I can’t escape history or the feelings that come with it.

I’m crushed all over again. Terrified that I’m about to endure the same humiliation I did all those years ago. And wouldn’t I deserve it for being stupid enough to believe in Dallas’s good intentions?

He stops when he’s only a few inches from me. “My gorgeous fucking badass, I’m so sorry.” He looks like he’d slay any dragon for me. But at one point in my life, he was part of the dragon that tried to ruin me.

My stupid chin wobbles. I should walk away, but instead I roll my shoulders back and do the one thing I never have. “Why? Why did you tell everyone not to ask me to prom?” Until this moment, I believed I knew the answer. He thought it was funny. He wanted to hurt me. Like everyone else, he thought it would be better without me. More fun.

I felt so small, so broken and unwanted. And being here makes me feel it all over again. It’s rooted in my beginnings, and it’s followed me through life.

Dallas’s eyes soften, and his sadness is palpable. “Because I wanted to be the one to ask you, and I was buying myself time while I grew a pair so I could just do it already. I was scared to ask you. You had every reason to tell me to fuck off even if I was brave enough.” He runs a rough hand through his hair. “Sean has been and will always be a douchebag. Worse, I couldn’t stand the idea of him touching you, of getting to pick you up and hold your hand. Of spending the night with you the way I wanted to. He would make these gross, disrespectful comments—and I just couldn’t handle it. Do you know what that would have done to me? To see someone so unworthy of you be the center of your attention? I would have done anything to be the one you wanted, but I was so caught up after everyone thought it was some big joke that I let the opportunity slip through my fingers. I always thought if I had just one shot to make a move, it would have been prom.”

I’m slow to process his words. I’m so stunned that all I can do is echo him. “You wanted to go to prom with me?”

“Yeah, but I screwed myself over by not setting them all straight.”

“You wanted to ask me to prom?” Why can’t I say anything else? The world is tilting on its axis, whirling into orbit and taking me along for the ride.

He nods. “I did. So fucking badly.”

“But…why?” It doesn’t make any sense. He was the most popular guy in the school. Everyone loved him. Everyone wanted to be his date to prom.

“Why?” Dallas’s eyebrows rise.

“Yeah. Why?”

“Because you’re you, Wills. It’s always been you.”

“I’m intense. I’m bossy. I’m not always palatable.”

He nods. “All of those things make you my favorite person in the world. You’re powerful. The world doesn’t deserve your soft parts. In school, you were a force, and that hasn’t changed. You’re brilliant and incredible, and I want to be close to you just to be part of whatever you’re doing. That’s how I felt even then. I was leaving for the summer, and I wanted you to be the girl I went to prom with. I wanted to bring you a corsage and pick you up in my dad’s truck and spend the night dancing with you. I wanted you to see that I was more than just a dumb jock. Fuck, I was terrified you’d say no. But I shot that all to shit. Hurting you will always and forever be my greatest regret.”

“I see.” It’s all I can say without losing it. Every breath in and out steadies me.

He gently tips my chin up. “Wilhelmina, I’m truly sorry for every time I never stood up for you. I’m sorry for letting people hurt you and not protecting you. I’m sorry for being more worried about people thinking I was cool than doing what’s right. I’m so sorry I caused you so much harm growing up. You deserved so much better. You deserve so much better.”

“Thank you, Dallas.” I don’t know if he realizes how healing it is to have him acknowledge and apologize for the way he treated me.

His smile is sad and hopeful. “Should we get out of here?”

I nod, dumbfounded, and he laces our fingers. “I can’t believe you wanted to go to prom with me. Why didn’t you say anything? Why not tell me the truth at any point over the last ten years?”

“I’ve tried a few times to bring it up, and you always shut me down. It was clear you didn’t want to talk about the past. I knew you wouldn’t have believed me. I don’t blame you. But I want you to know, I’d just planned to tell Sean to back down. That’s it. I’d gotten word he was going to ask you after school that day. We had gym right after him, so I cornered him in the locker room and told him not to. But half the senior class was in there. A couple of the douchebags on the hockey team jumped in and started threatening everyone, and it sort of snowballed from there.” He runs a hand through his hair. “And then Sean asked Brooklyn the next day, and that just made it worse. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. The very last thing.” His expression is so pained.

“You had a crush on me in high school?” I clarify.

A blush brushes the tops of his cheeks. “Actually, it started in elementary school when you kicked everyone’s butt in debate, but yeah, I wanted to ask you out all through senior year. I almost did right after winter break, but you told me to fuck off after English that day. Prom was my last shot.” He rubs his bottom lip with his thumb.

“And when I joined the Terror, you never said no to a promo op, even if you hated it because…” I let it hang, still trying to get my head around it.

“I could make your job easier doing the things no one else wanted to. I got to spend time with you. I wasn’t late on purpose. I was nervous, and my anxiety boners are really fucking problematic.”

“You’ve really had a thing for me all these years?” I’m reeling in the face of these revelations.

He nods. “When we reconnected, mostly I wanted to fix what I’d broken, and I mean, I didn’t really think through the boyfriend or the fiancé angle. But I’m kind of completely in love with you, and have been for a while.” He chews his bottom lip, like he’s waiting for me to reject him. Never have I seen Dallas this nervous. Not ever.

As terrified as I am, I believe he’s telling the truth. But that’s new to me, so putting my faith in him feels akin to jumping off a cliff into dark waters, unsure if there are rocks beneath the surface. Our entire history is in the process of reframing, shifting, so I do the only thing that feels right—I grab the lapels of his suit jacket and pull his mouth to mine. He makes a surprised sound, but his arm snakes around my waist and his other hand slides into my hair. He groans as I push my tongue past his lips and he pulls me tight against him.

This isn’t like any other kiss we’ve shared. The anger and fear melt away, and that crackling energy between us explodes—like stars bursting and the world shifting back into alignment. It’s raw and real and healing. Every wall I erected to keep my heart safe falls with this one perfect kiss. It’s as though our souls are brushing up against each other for the first time. It’s a promise of something new, feral, powerful, and earth shattering.

Dallas Bright, professional hockey player and grown up all-around nice guy, is honestly and truly in love with me. I feel that pouring into me, filling the holes in my heart, giving me the most incredible, unexpected balm of hope. All those feelings I’ve been fighting, the chemistry I’ve tried to shove down and suppress, are suddenly, viciously present.

I tear my mouth from his.

He growls, fucking growls, and tries to reclaim my lips.

“Wait.”

He blinks twice and releases me. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“What? No. Don’t be sorry. Take me home now, please.”

“Home as in…”

“Back to the cabin, so we can continue this not outside our high school where people can take pictures that will make both our lives more challenging, but mostly mine.” I smile at him and realize this is what it must feel like to win the Cup. The world is mine, and everything I didn’t know I needed is right in front of me.