If You Need Me: Chapter 43

Dallas and I stay longer than anticipated, in part because the team is suddenly reeling. Flip is losing his mind after finding out that Connor Grace, the one player he can’t stand, has been traded to Toronto.

“Did you know about this?” I ask Shilpa, but I already know the answer.

She gives me a look. “The paperwork landed on my desk yesterday. The whole thing was completely unexpected.”

I glance around the room, my heart in my throat. “Who are we losing?”

“Spencer.”

“Shit. He showed so much promise.” Coach said he was out yesterday and wouldn’t be at the game tonight because of a family emergency, but none of us realized it was permanent.

“I know. We won’t have time to give him a proper sendoff, either. I don’t have all the details, but Spencer has family in New York, and from what I understand, his mom has some health issues.”

“Poor kid. I hope he’s okay. I feel like this change might make this season more challenging,” I say.

“Yeah, probably. And Flip was settling down.”

I spot him sitting at the bar, with Tristan on one side and Dallas on the other.

We have a team meeting tomorrow morning, and I’m sure the official announcement will be made there. The evening remains mostly upbeat, despite this news, as it was an amazing win tonight. Shilpa and Ash are first to leave, and they offer to take Tally with them since they live closest to her on-campus apartment, but she wants to hang around for a bit longer. I talked with her a little this evening, and so far, she’s really enjoying the whole university experience. But she’s decidedly not a fan of keg parties. Thank the Lord.

On the walk back to Dallas’s, my palms start to sweat. “How’s Flip?”

“He’s not drowning himself in women, so that’s progress. But he’s riled about Grace being traded,” Dallas says.

“I wish I knew what the deal was there.”

“They were pretty competitive at the Hockey Academy, but about halfway through the program, it stopped being a friendly rivalry.” He holds the door open and follows me into his building.

“I hope they can figure out a way to get along or it’ll be a rough season for everyone.” My anxiety spikes as we step into the elevator. This is filler, small talk until we get to his place. There we’ll hash all of this out.

I already know how Dallas feels about me. It’s how I feel about him that I need to own.

He leans against the mirrored wall. “How are you doing?”

“Spinning, to be honest. How about you?”

His smile is soft. “Same, honey.”

The doors slide open, and he motions for me to go ahead of him. We’re quiet on the way to his penthouse.

“You showed up for me when we weren’t even together,” I say as soon as we’re inside.

“No matter where we’ve been or where we go from here, I will always show up for you, however you let me.”

“You could have just extricated me and left me with Shilps or Hammer. You could have taken me home and brought me ice cream and walked away, but you stayed and took care of me.”

“I would do it a million times over,” he says.

“I believe you,” I whisper.

“I let you believe the worst about me for a long time,” he says.

“You did. I thought I knew who you were, what you were about. But then your mom said something when we stayed with them during the reunion that had me questioning how clear my picture really was. How often did you come to my rescue, Dallas?”

“Not often enough. Not the way I should have,” he says, looking at the floor. “But I tried. You were always so brave, and I wanted to be like that, but I couldn’t do it out loud. Not back then. But when people tried to fuck with you, I stepped in to fix it.”

“By painting my locker when someone defaced it?” I remember the day I came to school to find my locker still tacky with semi-dried paint.

He nods.

“What else did you do to protect me?”

“Whatever I could. I made new posters for your student council president campaign after the guys pulled them down and came to school early so I could get them up before you noticed.” Dallas rubs the back of his neck. “You were so good at making it seem like it didn’t affect you, but I paid attention, Wills. I saw what it did to you when you thought no one else was looking, and I hated myself for the role I played as a bystander.”

I see the truth in his words, in the ache in his voice. With each revelation, our entire history rewrites itself. I’m not the nerdy girl who was tormented by the prom king. I’m the brave girl who stood up for what I believed in. Braver than he was.

“I couldn’t undo the bullshit you went through, but I tried to fix things when I could. And then I realized I’d been focused on all the wrong things. I’d run out of time, and when I tried to buy myself a little more, I hurt you in a way that felt irreversible. I should have told you then—even if you didn’t believe me, I never should have let you believe the lie. I’ll never do it again, Wills. I love you too much to ever be anything but one-hundred-percent honest with you.” Dallas tucks his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you.”

My fractured soul knits itself back together, and I give Dallas my own truth. “I was so sure that one day you’d change your mind about me, that who I am would eventually be too much. And I know part of that feeling stems from where I started in life.”

I have such a supportive, loving family, but for too long I’ve let that feeling of being too much govern my actions. I won’t let it be the thing that keeps me from experiencing this kind of connection with another person.

“I have all these fabulous people who see me for me and love me because of it, yet I’ve been so focused on the ones who don’t. I couldn’t imagine someone wanting me exactly as I am. You’ve shown me that, Dallas. Even before I felt worthy of it. But I feel it now. I know it’s taken me time to catch up, but I’m in love with you. Not just because of the way you love me, but because you’re you.”

The lens of the past has altered, and the real version of Dallas melts my heart. “You’re amazing. You’re the guy who signs up for everything, even the stuff that makes you uncomfortable, because the mission matters to you. You’re always there to support your teammates. Look at tonight. I’m sure the last thing you wanted was to help manage Flip and whatever is going on with him, but you didn’t leave it all to Tristan. You always show up. Every single time. For your teammates, for your family, for me.”

I reach for his hand, needing the connection to ground me. “I was so scared of my feelings for you, and afraid that if I voiced them, they would somehow erase yours for me. I know that’s my trauma talking, not logic. You’re not just the kind of man I want to give my heart to, you’re the man. I know you will always keep it safe. I adore you, Dallas, exactly as you are. So if you want to give this another shot, I’m in.” My heart hammers in my chest, stomach twisting up. But the only way to show him he’s not in this alone is to put my heart on the line, too, like he has this entire time. Without me even knowing.

His smile is soft as he presses his lips against my bare ring finger. “I’m always going to be your number-one fan, Wills. Any time you fall, I’ll be here to pick you up. I’ll do my very best to be what you need, and to love you the way you want and need to be loved. And I will one-hundred-percent fuck it up somewhere along the way, but I will never leave you. Not ever again.” He squeezes my hand. “I’ve been in love with you since the third grade, Wills. You’ve always been the bravest person I know, and I will love you with my whole heart for as long as you’ll let me.”

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend again?” I ask.

“Do you want me to be your boyfriend?”

“I do. So much.”

“Good.” He smiles. “I love being your boyfriend.”

I loop my arms around his neck. “And I love being your girlfriend.” I whisper the words I’ve been holding sacred. “I love you.”

His fingers drift along my cheek. “I love you. More than anything.”

“I know.” I take his hand and press my lips to his knuckles. “I know taking off the ring feels like a step backwards, but when I put it back on, I want it to be because we’re both ready. I’d rather deal with the speculation than live a lie when I have someone and something so real right in front of me.”

“I’ll keep the ring safe, and when you’re ready, I’d like to ask you to be my wife again. But I’ll make sure my proposal is romantic as fuck, and not in front of thousands of people.”

“That sounds perfect.” It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. This is our story. No one else gets a say anymore but us. I curve one hand around the back of his neck and press my nails gently into the skin.

He drops his head and claims my mouth in a soft, slow, bone-melting kiss.

“Please take me to bed,” I whisper against his lips.

He regards me with dark, lust-heavy eyes. “You’re going to be my perfect goddess and let me worship you the way I want to, aren’t you?”

My knees go weak, and desire rushes through my veins, settling between my thighs. “Absolutely.”

His hands glide over my ass, and he grips firmly as he hoists me up. I wrap myself around him and lower my mouth to his as he carries me through his penthouse. We bump into a few things on the way, and he smacks his elbow on the doorframe and nearly drops me, but we make it to the bed, and he settles between my thighs, hips pressing firmly into the cradle of mine.

We’re a flurry of impatience, tugging at clothing, fingers seeking bare skin. But as soon as we’re naked, Dallas slows things down. His fingers drift down my side as he claims my mouth with a searing kiss.

“God, I missed you,” he murmurs as he kisses his way down my throat and along my collarbones. “The way you feel under my touch.”

When he covers my nipple and circles the tight peak with his tongue, I thread my hands through his hair.

“The feel of your hands on me.” He devotes the same attention to my other nipple before he moves lower, past my navel to the apex of my thighs. His gaze lifts to meet mine. “The way you taste.” He pushes my legs wide and lowers his head.

I whimper at the soft strokes of his tongue.

“That fucking sound.” He growls against my skin as he sucks my clit roughly. I gasp and arch. “I’m the only person who’ll ever hear you moan like that again.”

“Only you,” I agree.

He sends me careening into bliss with his mouth. I’m boneless and panting as he kisses his way back up my body. I can’t get enough of the taste of myself on his tongue, of the way it feels to be so completely worshiped by him. He keeps his mouth fused to mine as he reaches across to the nightstand. I expect him to grab a condom, but instead of a foil packet, he presses something silicone into my palm.

I break the kiss long enough to check it out. “Well, hello.” My gaze returns to his. “When did you get this?”

Dallas’s heated gaze turns molten, and his smile makes everything tighten. “After I told you you could fuck me.”

“You were serious.” I wasn’t sure if that was a heat-of-the-moment declaration, but I can’t deny how much I’d love to be the one to unravel him.

“Of course I was serious. I did some reading.” He rolls his hips, his cock sliding between my folds. “It was educational.”

“Oh? Fuck.” Images of Dallas on the edge of orgasm have me tipping my hips up in search of him. “And what did you learn?” The head nudges my entrance.

“That I need some training first, but that’s part of the fun.” He pushes in an inch. “Do you want me to get a condom?”

I shake my head. “I want to feel you.”

His eyes lock on mine as he shifts his hips forward, sinking into me. “You feel so damn good, Wills.” My nails dig into his shoulders, and his lip curls in satisfaction. “I could stay inside you forever, and it would never be long enough.”

“I can’t get enough of you, either.” I ease my hand down his back and dig my nails into his rock-solid ass, encouraging him to fuck me harder. I luxuriate in the delicious weight of him pressing me into the mattress, the way he fills me, consumes me, loves me. “Does this mean you want to start training now?” I ask as he grinds against me.

He pushes up on one arm. “I want what you want.” He holds up a small bottle of lube.

I uncap it, and he pours a little on the tip of the thin, tapered plug.

“Be a good boy and stay nice and deep.” I lift my head, and Dallas tucks another pillow under it as I look down the broad expanse of his back to the glorious globes of his ass. I slide the plug between his cheeks, and he sucks in a breath as I press against the opening.

I brush my lips over his cheek. “Look at me when I’m fucking you,” I whisper.

His gaze meets mine as I ease the plug inside, slowly, a little at a time. His mouth drops open, and his brow furrows as I push it deeper. “Well, fuck me, honey.”

“It’s good, isn’t it?” I keep going until the plug is fully seated inside him.

“Jesus.” He drops his head and nuzzles my neck. “I need to start moving.”

“Not yet, honey.”

He groans, and his arms tremble with the effort it takes to hold off, to wait for my next command.

“On your back for me. I get to fuck you now.”

One second I’m under him, and the next I’m straddling his hips. His chest heaves, his eyes on fire as his fingers dig into my skin. I fold back so my ass rests on his thick, muscular thighs and crook my finger at him. He obeys the silent command and sits up. His eyes flare, and his hold on my hips tightens. “Oh my hell.”

“Even better now, isn’t it?”

“So damn good,” he agrees.

I run my hands through his hair and rest my forearms on his shoulders as I start to move, rising until I feel the ridge at my opening before I take him inside me again. Dallas’s fingers dig into my hips and he helps move me over him. His eyes stay locked on mine, his expression fierce as he bounces me on his cock, fucking me, filling me, worshiping me.

Sweat trickles down my spine as sensation builds, every nerve ending alight with desire.

“Look at you, fucking me like the goddess you are.” Dallas fists my hair and claims my mouth as a tidal wave of sensation sweeps over me. “Do you know how much I want you? How much I need you?”

I find myself laid back on the bed, Dallas’s hips slapping against mine as he takes over, pounding me into the mattress like he’s exorcising demons from my pussy. I slide my hand down his back and press on the plug as he slams into me one last time.

He tries to bury his face against my neck, but I grip his chin with my other hand. “Eyes on mine when I’m making you come, honey.”

“Fuck, I love you.” He groans against my lips as a shudder wracks his sweat-soaked body.

“And I love you.” I kiss him softly. “With my whole heart.”

He’s mine, and I’m his. And this is just the beginning.