Chapter 26

Lauren

"Mom" my eyes blinked looking at the she-devil in front of me.

I expected it to be Ethan.

It's not like I'm not happy to see her. It's just the negative vibrations she brings which make me even more insecure than I already am.

"Do you invite every guest like this? By making them stand out for an hour." She spoke in her usual smooth voice.

Her voice has always been sweet but not her words. At least not towards me.

"I'm sorry. Come in." I opened the door wide and she entered looking around.

"How is dad?"

"He is good." She answered simply and I nodded my head at her.

I lead her to the couch and once she sat, I walked to the kitchen to make some coffee for her.

Looking at her attire, she must have come here directly from her hospital. Being a doctor is tough.

"Why are you dressed like that? That looked like what your grandma would wear." She spoke as I walked to the kitchen to make coffee.

I tried ignoring her words but I knew that I would start thinking about them even after she left.

I quickly made some black coffee and she took the coffee mug from me.

When I was sitting on the couch beside her, I watched her correcting the position of the magazine which is placed slightly crossed.

I took a sip of my coffee and sighed feeling the warm liquid burn my throat. It felt good.

My mother took a sip of her coffee and her face morphed into a gagged expression.

"What is this, Lauren?" my mother's usually smooth voice turned chilly.

"What happened?" I asked not knowing what went wrong.

"This is not how you make coffee. You are a grown-up, Lauren. Act like one." She placed the mug on the coffee table harshly before shaking her head at me.

But Ethan never complained about my coffee. I thought I can make a good coffee. Guess I'm not good even at that.

"How is Ethan?" she asked me.

"He is good. He has a meeting. He should be returned by now." I spoke glancing at the clock to see the time.

"Good." She spoke.

She stayed silent for a good half minute. She looked like she was holding back from saying something.

"Don't push his limits, Lauren. You are already annoying as you are. Don't annoy him all the time." she finally spoke.

Like I don't have anything better to do.

"Okay, mom. Tell me about you. How are you?" I ignored her complaints for now.

"Never been better." She smiled softly and my heart melted at the sight. No matter how much she nagged at me. I love her a lot and would do anything to impress her.

"Your skin looks dull, Lauren. Were you not using the products I sent you?" she asked me and my temper raised.

"Mom," I whined angrily feeling my frustration build up.

"Why are you here, mom?" I placed my coffee mug on the small table and turned toward her.

"Can't a mother visit her daughter?" she raised her eyebrow at me and I sighed angrily not knowing how to respond.

It would be nice if she really cared about me.

"You haven't changed at all. Have you? Look how easily you get all worked up." My mother scoffed glaring at me.

"I don't understand how Ethan is tolerating you." She spoke and I internally screamed.

"He doesn't have to tolerate me, mom. I don't behave this way with him." I spoke offended by her words.

"Trust me. you don't have to do anything. You can embarrass anyone just by being with them." She glared at me.

My heart felt like it got pierced by a needle.

What?

"You mean, Ethan gets embarrassed when he is with me," I asked somewhere doubting myself that what she said might be true.

Does he?

Does he just tolerate me because I am his wife?

Because he is obliged to?

"I'm not saying that he is ashamed or anything. But you can be a little better Lauren. You have always been hot-headed and careless. You can't be like before, Lauren. You are a Kingston. That name carries a lot of respect. You have already ruined it once with your drunk video."

I started playing with my fingers unknowingly, all the way trying to push down the lump in my throat.

Am I going to cry?

I can't cry right now.

Don't.

"Try using your brain at least for once and don't let him down." She spoke looking at me with a very upset face.

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore when I saw how disappointed she is in me.

Is my father disappointed in me too?

Why do I have to be like this?

Do I embarrass Ethan?

But he never made me feel like that. Maybe it's just my mother's usual complaints.

Or just my overthinking.

My mother's voice brought me out of my self-pity thoughts.

"Don't be so sensitive, Lauren. Stop crying." My mother looked annoyed looking at my tears.

Did she ever care about me?

She only seemed loving to me only when she wanted something or when she wanted me to do something.

Like this marriage. She was very sweet to me when she convinced me to marry Ethan.

Did she ever love me?

The fact that she didn't even ask how am I doing since she arrived, spoke volumes.

My mother took out her ringing phone and answered it.

"I have to go." She spoke hanging up and raising from the couch.

I nodded my head at her.

"Remember what I said." I nodded at her and soon she left.

***

I sat on the couch and it hasn't been long since my mom left. My mind is flooding with different thoughts which I know are baseless.

I can't stop thinking about what my mother said. Like, is she right?

Am I not good enough for Ethan?

I suddenly remembered the two women's conversation in the marketing department. Even they thought I didn't deserve that job or Ethan.

I feel so anxious, tired and depressed out of a sudden. I didn't know I was crying till I felt my cheeks felt moist.

To be frank, I don't understand myself. I rely on people's opinions a lot. I care what they think of me when I know I shouldn't. I can't help it.

I try hard to impress everyone. In the end, my efforts don't matter at all.

I wiped my tears feeling angry at myself for letting in my mother's words. But my tears didn't stop streaming down.

"What happened?" I jumped listening to a familiar voice and turned my head sideways to face Ethan.

His voice held concern and his face had a frown.

I quickly erased any hints of tears on my face before standing up and walking toward him.

"Nothing. You are late." I changed the topic, tucking my hair behind my ear.

He didn't answer but instead ran his eyes all over my face with his furrowed eyebrows.

Feeling self-conscious, I cleared my throat before walking away from him maintaining a little distance between us.

"Lauren. What is it?" he stressed every word and I didn't know how to respond.

How should I answer that?

That I'm just having my regular weekly overthinking episode. Just me pitying my insecurities, flaws, and imperfections. And all just because of my mother. I can't even blame her completely.

Did he really tolerate me all this time just because I'm his wife?

Nothing more?

"I've been thinking a lot of things and I guess it just overwhelmed me. Don't worry." I tried smiling at him and was about to walk past him when he gripped my arm.

Before I could even process what is happening, he pulled me towards him gently, making me fall on him.

He tightened his right arm on my waist and ran his left hand smoothly through my hair.

Wrapping my arms around him, I tried melting into the hug and his comfort.

I blinked my eyes trying to get rid of the tears that pooled in my eyes and closed my eyes feeling his hands on me.

"Talk to me," he whispered soothingly.

I stayed silent not knowing what to say.

Or where to start.

But opening up about what I am feeling felt appealing.

Like that were the words I wanted to hear right now.

"I don't know." I stuttered.

"I feel like I'm a disappointment to everyone. Like I am not enough and they deserve better than me." I whispered unable to control myself.

He loosened his arms around me and moved back enough to look at my face.

"Why am I like this? Why am I not a good daughter or a good friend? Nothing. Not even a good wife." I couldn't look up at his face as I was embarrassed by my confession.

I should've just stayed silent instead of this.

But opening to him felt good.

I closed my eyes and a single tear rolled down my cheek.

He softly gripped my chin lifting my face and my brown eyes met his blue ones.

Lifting his hand, he raised his hand and wiped the single tear. he brought the same hand down to back of my neck, bringing me closer to him and placing his lips on my forehead.

That simple action was comforting, so I closed my eyes feeling his lips on my forehead.

We stayed in the same position for a good two minutes, before he backed away.

"Who said that you don't deserve good things?" he spoke running his eyes all over my face.

"You are a good person, Lauren. You married a complete stranger because of your parents. That alone will make you a good daughter."

"Although I was very rude to you at the beginning, you never gave up on anything. I never thought we would be here given how we hated each other. You are easily likeable, Lauren."

Surprised, I looked up and he tucked my hair behind my ear.

"You are a good wife and a good person. Don't belittle yourself." He spoke and I felt like I finally found the anchor to back my emotions.

It always felt like a loop going between being insecure and constantly trying to run away from them.

Maybe not running away from them is the answer I always searched for. Reassuring myself that I am a better person is my answer.

Feeling somewhat better than before, I stepped closer to him and wrapped my arms around him again.

"Thanks," I spoke feeling a lot better.

He held me tight in his arms and I sighed wondering if I teleported to heaven for a moment.

***

"I swear I could murder someone for this ice cream. It's so good." I licked my chocolate ice cream pleasuring my taste buds.

Well, after hugging for I don't know what minutes, he surprised me by suggesting an ice cream place to go to. Although he asked me a hundred times, I didn't say that my mother's visit was the reason for my breakdown.

I don't think any child would love to say this, but I feel better when I'm away from my mother.

"Can I taste yours?" I asked turning towards him and he stopped walking glaring at me. his mint chocolate chip ice cream looked more delicious than mine.

"No." he spoke sternly.

"How could you hurt me like that? I was already crying before." I pretended a crying face and spoke in an I'm-so-heartbroken-I'm-gonna-die voice.

He frowned looking at my face and sighed shaking his head.

"Did anyone ever tell you how bad you are at acting?" he rolled his eyes offering me his ice cream.

I gave him a big smile taking his ice cream.

"No. And don't you even dare." I warned him getting an eye-roll from him and we continued walking.

"Give me yours." He asked me.

"No," I answered immediately.

"What?" he seemed shocked.

"No."

"Lauren-"

"No."

He scoffed looking around before a smirk made its way to his lips.

"Give me or..." he trailed off.

He crossed his arms in front of him giving me a perfect view of his muscular veiny hands.

"Or?" I provoked.

"I'll kiss you." He spoke so casually making my eyes widen.

What?

Don't blush, Lauren.

He will not do that. Especially in the middle of a road.

"You won't." I gave him my smug face.

He won't.

Right?

I was about to walk away from him when he wrapped his arm around me and turned me towards him in one step.

Before I could open my mouth, he crashed his lips on mine and I tried not to crush the ice creams in my hands due to the adrenaline rush.

I closed my eyes feeling his soft lips on mine which tasted like mint and chocolate. His lips moved in sync with mine.

He deepened the kiss by adjusting his neck and I felt my insides melt when I felt his hands going up from my waist to my hair.

I opened my mouth a bit and he didn't waste any time plunging his tongue inside my mouth. Mirroring his actions, I stood on my toes to give him better access to my mouth.

After what felt like forever, he loosened his grip on mine and moved back leaving my lips but not before giving them a final peck.

I opened my eyes and raised them to look at his dark blue eyes. He tucked my hair, running his thumb on my cheek.

"Mm... your ice cream tastes good." He spoke licking his lips and laying his eyes on mine.

"Let's go. It's getting cold." He spoke taking my chocolate ice cream from me, which thankfully had not melted yet. He took my hand in his other hand and intertwined our fingers.

He smiled at me before starting walking and I followed him.

I took a deep breath controlling my erratic breathing. And the chilly wind didn't help me either.

Did I ever say kissing him was my best moment?

Or the times when we share food.

When we fight.

When he laughs at my jokes.

Every moment becomes best when he is with me. I feel great when I am with him.

I tightened my hold on his arm and turned my face sideways to look at him but he is already staring at me with a soft smile on his face.

It hasn't been long since I realized my feelings for him.

I always knew that I felt something for him.

But what seemed unreal now is the fact that his eyes too had the same emotion as mine.

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