Chapter 47

Lauren

People really do have different faces.

Some change according to the situation and some according to the people. But the main point is everyone changes for their own benefit. I don't know if change is a good thing or bad thing but if it is costing someone else to pay the price for your change, then change is bad.

Staring at Olivia in front of me, I can't believe she is the same woman I met two days back in a restaurant.

She was the sweetest and had a bright glow on her face in front of Ethan, but now the same sweetest smile seemed creepy. Almost scary.

"I had a hunch it was you." I spoke looking at the woman in front of me with venom crreeping up in my voice.

"Well, it doesn't take a genius to guess that the unknown person was me. I met you in the afternoon and at night, surprise-surprise, you get a text from a stranger." Olivia chuckled looking at me as if I'd told her the funniest joke of the decade.

She is standing in front of me dressed in a yellow summer dress with her hair down looking like a bright sunshine.

"What do you want?" I asked ignoring her sarcastic remarks.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" I was impatient.

"About Ethan."

At the mention of his name, my eyes snapped to hers, that she wants to discuss about my husband. I don't even like the mention of his name on her tongue. It angers me for some reason.

"What about him?"

"Well, for starters, I want you to leave him."

"What?" my frown deepened looking at the ugly smile on her face that I so badly want to wipe off with a sandpaper.

"You heard me right, Lauren. I want you to leave him, so I can have him back like before."

Why do Ex's never stay as Ex? Why do they want to come back and pretend like nothing has changed.

"You are out of your mind if you ever think I'll do something like that."

"Aww, you are so sweet. But you will do it for me."

"Why will I leave the man I love, for you?"

"Well, do you play chess, Lauren?"

I stayed silent not answering her question but she just went ahead and continued speaking.

"In chess, it's all about your mind. Plan first, make your move next. Not to brag, but if I have to say so myself, I'm that sort of person. I don't make my move until I have something planned first."

"I didn't come here to learn about chess rules or to get to know your personality as if we are on a date. "

"Ha, nice joke, Lauren. But I can confirm you we are not on a date. I don't play for other team, you know. And moreover, I have eyes on your man." she air quoted with her manicured fingers testing my patience.

I asked my next question ignoring her words which felt as if they are dripped in acid making it unbearable for me to listen to her.

"What do you mean by your texts that night?"

"Just like I said in my texts, it was your father who betrayed Ethan's father." Her eyes shine with a glint and a triumph smile on her lips made my insides crawl with hatred for her. And the words she spoke about my father just multiplied my deep hatred for her along with disgust.

"I know my father, Olivia. He can never do something like that. So, why don't you stop playing your little games and stop accusing my father."

She laughed tipping her head back and I frowned at the crazy look she had after she stopped laughing. She looked like she was high on something or maybe she took a shot before coming here. But even I know the truth she is high on her perfectly executed plan. She is enjoying the way I'm slowly becoming a pawn in her chess game.

"If you know your father very well, then why are you here in the first place?" She asked and I have no answer for that.

"Maybe to prove your delusional lies wrong?"

"I'm not. I come with proofs, Lauren. I admit it was hard digging the past which was buried deep and it costed me millions to make the mouths talk that were shut once. But you know the saying, when money speaks everyone bows. So, imagine my surprise when I got hold on this information." She spoke widening her eyes animatedly and her words sent chills down my spine. I'm scared of her words. Scared of the information she possess. I know it would break everything and everyone I have treasured in my heart till now.

"What is it?" I took a deep breath pretending to be strong and I guess she bought my acting at the way her eyes scanned me from top to bottom.

"Everyone blamed Elena. Some blamed Isobel and Eva for Ethan's father's suicide. Didn't they? It's a man's world we can say, given how the whole world blamed only women as if they could be the only reason for destruction. But what If I know more."

"What do you know?"

Her words are not helping my anxiety at all and I need to know everything right now.

"Years back, a business man was rich, successful, happy till his past caught up to him and a little girl entered his life claiming to be his daughter. He loved his wife and son dearly but he knew he would be doing wrong if he wouldn't accept the daughter. So, naturally, he had to. He loved his son and daughter equally but he knew his wife wasn't happy with the new member in the family. With every passing day, his wife's jealousy grew and seeing his wife unhappy, it ate the businessman from inside."

I stayed silent waiting for her to continue and she did.

"This is what the whole world believed but the other point of view of the story is just like the way businessman loved his wife, she also loved him. She loved him enough to see past her jealousy, for the man she loved and their son. She was even ready to accept the other woman's daughter and move on in her life till one day she saw her husband's dead body and a suicide note apologizing for giving up easily."

My breath hitched at the mention of Ethan father's death.

"Another fact that was buried is that the businessman had an old friend. An old acquaintance you could say. They were friends once but when the businessman saw the evil greed for money in his friend's eyes, they had differences in business views and parted ways. Years later, they met again in a business party and seeing his friend in business losses, the business man gave his friend a chance again and had a billion-dollar business deal. But the friend was too greedy to get all the profits, he betrayed the business man which costed him more than just money. The friend just threw him off the cliff to become a bit more rich. The businessman lost his reputation among the business world. He had to give up a lot of his properties for the losses. He felt like a failure. He even went and begged the friend to help him but he turned deaf to his pleas."

My mind was overwhelmed with this new piece of information and dread settled like an acid in my stomach making me feel nauseous. I knew what she is saying and who she is referring to in the story.

"I don't think I need to name who businessman and his friend in this story is. Do you get it now, Lauren. How your father betrayed Ethan's father."

"There wasn't a rumor about this in the press. how did you even get hold of this information?" I asked her suspiciously.

"I already told you money speaks, Lauren. The ex PA, your father harshly fired ages ago, spilled everything once he got the cheque. And if you want the proofs, let me show you..." she trailed off searching for something in her phone before turning it around for me to see.

My eyes fell on the picture she was showing and I could feel the fast pumping of blood inside me. It was a photo of an old document which looked worn out and it's edges were ripped lightly. It was a contract between my father and Ethan's. It has their signatures at the end.

"They had a business deal no one knows about and the whole world only knows that they were separated once and nothing existed between your families till your wedding. If this news comes out, everyone will know about your father's betrayal. Everyone will know the true colours of your father. And the rich empire he built betraying his own friend and God knows others will crumble down in seconds. And your father, oh well, I don't think in this age he can take the downfall and not to forget, he might even have to face prison for his offenses."

Her words felt like ice freezing me to the point where I couldn't move a muscle even if I want to. Breathing felt like a chore and I could feel the numbness in my arms and legs.

"All that just because you refused to listen to me. You can stop all that if you want, Lauren. And if you don't, this news might stumble in media's hands and who knows what would happen."

"You can't do that, Olivia." I spoke gritting my teeth and looking at the woman in front of me.

"Why can't I? You see I need Ethan all for myself. I don't care who I had to crush to gain him. I don't have anything personal with you or your father. You are just collateral damage." She tsked looking at me with pity-filled eyes.

"Ethan loves me. He will never come back to you." I spoke trying to still play the game where I already lost all my cards.

"Come on, Lauren. Love is a child play. He is loving you today, tomorrow he will love someone else. Or just me. No big deal." she shrugged her shoulders with a bored face.

"What do you even want?" I eyed her to which she gave me a smile so creepy that sent chills down my spine. With that expression, she could even pass for someone who got possessed.

"Well, my main goal is Ethan. But for now, you can do something for me."

"Let's get one thing straight, Olivia. I'm not going to do anything for you." I scoffed looking away from the pretty face but ugly heart woman.

"Oh, you can be silly sometimes, Lauren." she laughed before continuing. "You know that you have no other option except doing what I say. You love your father, right?" she asked and my strength slowly faded away from me.

"Don't you dare."

"Trust me. I'll do more damage than you can even think of." she spoke looking at me.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Betray Ethan."

Her words felt like ice poured over my head and the hurricane of emotions I tried suppressing came back with force.

"I can't." I choked out the words.

"It's either betraying Ethan or watching your father's downfall. The father you love the most."

"What—"

"And also let me tell you something. Ethan will not lose much except his billion dollar companies across the world and all his properties. It's just his money I'll take. But you see, I have history with him and I love him enough that he can get half of everything if he would leave you and get back with me. So, don't worry it's not too much, Lauren. Technically, if he gets back with me, he will not lose anything except maybe you."

"He worked day and night for this company. It's Ethan's hard work, Olivia." I glared at her and I'm pretty sure she could feel the venom in my voice speaking to her.

"That's the thing, Lauren. He can gain everything back again if he wants to. But it will be hard building it again this time, as he has to start from below the ground. But as you know, I hardly care about that. If he wants as easy way, he can just get back with me. Anything otherwise will only hurt him."

"He would never willingly give up his father's company."

"I don't care, Lauren. And you wouldn't love the consequences of what I'd do, if I would even get a hint that you told anyone about this. Even a single soul. Especially, Ethan. I'll not think a second before posting your father's secret all over the internet. You come from a business family, Lauren. You know what happens when your reputation gets ruined. The media will destroy your father's empire and your father's name will never see a day with some respect. And let's just not think about Ethan's reaction for now. You wouldn't even want to know what he'd do if gets to know about your father's betrayal."

When I stayed silent, she stepped towards me and gave me a cheeky smile.

"I know you are smart. Think wisely before doing something. And just do what I say and everything will go back to normal. Okay?"

***

Where am I supposed to go?

What am I supposed to do?

Nothing seems clear to me anymore. Everything is a blur. Not even what I am feeling inside seemed to give a insight of the turmoil inside me.

This is not fair. Life is not fair at all. After so long, I felt like I found something so precious that I want to lock it and safekeep it in my heart. To never let anyone snatch it away from me. But what is happening right now.

Ethan is everything to me. He means a lot in my life than anyone ever could imagine. He holds a part of me which I don't regret giving it to him.

"Why the long face, Lauren. You look even more round with that face." I heard my mother's voice when I sat in the living room of my parent's home. The same home which held my childhood memories but also the home for my insecurities and everything.

"Nothing, mom. Is Dad home?" I asked her when my father hasn't answered the call when I called him before.

"He isn't at home. He went to California for some meeting, I think." I sighed listening to my mom.

I don't even have an idea of what I'm going to do after meeting him. But for some reason, I had to meet him first. I had to see him. No way, my dad is bad. He can't be that cruel.

The sweet man who sneakily gave me candies behind my mom's back, can't be that heartless. The same man who used to give me piggy rides at vacations whenever I was tired, can't be that cruel. He can't betray his own friend. My dad is a good man and I refuse to believe anything otherwise.

Olivia is just lying. I can't lose my father and Ethan at the same time.

"Lauren, do you at least see yourself in the mirror before leaving home, honey? Who even wears that dress these days." She muttered drinking her coffee, scrolling in her phone dismissing me with a headshake.

My mom sat across me blissfully calm and peaceful, completely oblivious to the inner turmoil that is brewing inside me. Don't mothers can feel their children's pain? Then why is my mom different. Why can't she see what I'm feeling right now. How hard I'm trying to not have a breakdown right now.

"I was in a hurry." I muttered weakly trying to hold the emotions in, avoiding her eyes.

"Even so, you are a Kingston now, Lauren. You should take care of your dressing style to not embarrass your husband's reputation in public."

Kingston? Am I just a Kingston. Not even a human being? Why is she so obsessed with reputation and public face.

Ethan never had any complaints about my dressing style, then how come I am embarrassing him in front of public.

"Why do you do this to me?" I muttered swallowing the disappointment at my mother.

"What did I do?" She asked nonchalantly glancing at me for a moment before returning her eyes to the phone.

It broke me even more that she is so unaware of the pain she inflicts upon me with her words. Her actions mentally assaults me. Her words might  just be verbal but they feels as if a sharp knife stabbed my skin till the sharp edge touches the bones.

It has always been like this. There is no blood, but I'm bleeding. I'm screaming at my mom, but no words come out of my mouth. I beg her to just glance at me for once, but her eyes admire everything except me. The place I reserved for my mom since childhood, slowly started becoming empty. There is nothing left there except an endless hole. At this point, not even my mom could fill that void anymore.

"You don't even feel you are wrong in some way. Do you, mom?" my voice was just above whisper and tears that I so badly wanted to hold in blurred her face.

"Stop being so dramatic, Lauren. I don't have time for this right now." She spoke not even looking up at me. Maybe if she did, she would have seen my tears. My pleas. But she never did. Not now, not ever.

"Do you even care about me?" My voice broke a little at the end.

"What do you want me to do?" she sighed placing her phone on the coffee table before glancing up at me. When her gaze settled on me, confusion and slight anger painted her face. Anger? why is she angry? Maybe she didn't like the tears in my eyes. She always complained that I'm a cry baby and am very sensitive for her liking.

Will she ever understand that I have my own personality. That just because I'm her daughter, it doesn't mean I will be an exact replica of her. I am not her. I can't be and I will never be. I will never react elegantly to something like she does. I will never talk connivingly to others like she does. I will never be classy enough to be her. I am me. My own person.

"You will never understand. Never will know how your words affected me." She frowned at my words and was about to speak something but I cut her off.

"Do you know how I felt when I saw Alice's mom waiting for her to pick up from school while I had to stay extra hours with the teacher waiting for you to pick me up. You were too busy at the hospital sometimes or you were stuck in some OT. In some way, you always proved me of how much of a second priority I am. I always waited for you to talk something other than my bad manners and my eating habits, but you rarely did. You were always too busy with you work to even see how I waited in the shadows for you to turn to me and see me. Just see me. Listen to me."

Her frown deepened but her dark green eyes gave nothing away about how she felt.

"What did I do so wrong that I had to work harder than others to get your attention. I always ignored my needs if they could make you happy. Why couldn't you see that? Why did you never see that, mom. Why did you never let me think that I am enough. You are a mother, then why did I never felt your love. Why didn't I? Am I not worth your love and time?"

This time, she broke the eye contact, and took a gulp looking down at the empty coffee mug on the table.

"Sometimes, you drove me to the point where I had to question my sanity. Do I even deserve to live. Maybe my mom will be happy if I would just disappear from their lives. Maybe just maybe, I am a burden to them in some way. I was never content when I'm with you, mom. I can at least be myself and be happy with a stranger, but in front of you I was a caged bird."

She lifted her eyes and for the first time in a while I saw something other than anger or disappointment. Her eyes softened looking at me.

"What should I do to make her happy? If I starve myself will she be happy that I'm trying to be a better daughter for her? Will she then see my efforts? Will she then see how much I am craving for her approval, for her love? Why does my mom never likes me? What should I do anymore? Why is this happening to me?"

"These are the thoughts that walked with me all my childhood, mom. I was smiling, but this self loathing whispers never left me. They were with me for so long, that they became a part of me. After some point, I stopped trying to get rid of the thoughts and just accepted it, letting them define me. I was tired, hopeless, disappointed. I know you loved me in some situations, but your snarky comments the other times overshadowed the little amount of love you showed me."

"I would have never told you anything about this even now because I'd never want to hurt you even in my dreams. I would never want to be the reason for your sadness, mom. But the number of nights I cried in my room wanting for you to come and check up on me only ended up in my bad luck. You never did. But I can't take your words anymore. I can't keep up with your standards, mom. I could never and I don't want to. I'm done waiting for you to accept me like I am. I want you to like me with my personality, my own wishes and dreams. Not yours."

"I am telling you this now because I want you to know how wrong you did me. How much of a failure you were in becoming a good mother to your only daughter. You are worse than a mother who abandons her child. At least she is clear that she doesn't want a child in her life. But you made me feel worse than that. You were never a good mother nor a good guardian that I would want anyone to look up to."

At this point, my mother's once beautiful and still beautiful, eyes swelled up with tears hurting me along the way. Her teary eyes stared back at me and although a large part of me felt pain, a small part of me felt happy. What she is feeling right now is not even a single percent of how I felt all my life.

"It hurts, right? My words are hurting you then just imagine how I felt my whole life listening to you."

I wiped my tears not letting the tears in her eyes melt me. I can't now after everything I said to her. I never even imagined to dare say to my mom how self conscious her words made me feel. But she should have at least pretend to care about me at times to just make me happy for that moment. I am already hurt and lost in life right now and she comes throwing words as if I don't have enough in my plate. And that destroyed the wall of words I wanted to but never said to her. And the consequences of that outburst be damned.

Let my mother be damned, I don't care.

***

"Lauren, are you okay?" I heard the usual cheery voice of Austin that I've been used to lately.

We started spending a lot of time in the office hours along with Sarah as Leah is still on leave to spend time with her son. so it's just me, Austin and Sarah. And sometimes only us when Sarah is with her boyfriend.

And I'm grateful for Austin's friendship for the most part as he helps me in my work sometimes. But Ethan hates whenever I'm with Austin and he will do everything in his power to gain my attention. His jealousy is cute.

I appreciate Austin but now with everything that's going on in my head, I want to be left alone so bad.

"Yeah," I spoke trying to smile.

Austin stayed silent listening to my voice before the usual cheery voice was replaced with a stern tone.

"Im asking you again. You okay, Lauren?" There was concern in his voice which made me feel touched and for the first time in the whole day I smiled.

"What made you think otherwise?" I threw in a chuckle hoping he wouldn't catch the pretense in it.

"Well, I can feel your vibe off."

"It's nothing, Austin." I trailed off not knowing how to respond.

"Don't tell me Mr. Kingston did something to hurt you." Austin spoke with genuine concern and slight anger in his voice and I shook my head at him.

"It's not him."

"Then, what happened, Lauren. You know that I'm always here for you. I can do anything you want." He asked pushing me back into my mind to think. About my father, Olivia, Ethan, everything.

"It's nothing, Austin. Don't worry." I smiled at him and he was lost in his mind for a moment or two thinking about something deeply before coming out of the trance.

"Well, if its something you wanted to say, you would have. I will not push you anymore. But whatever it is, I'm here for you, Lauren. If you want to talk ever, remember that I'm always here to listen." His words felt like band-aids on the metaphoric cuts I got on my heart because of my mother.

"I know." I spoke and he smiled at me.

I have everyone standing with me but also none at the same time. How can I feel so lonely with so many people around me?

The absence of Ethan is the only right answer for my every question. I need him in every step.

But right now, if I would even give a tiny hint of the truth, everything that I've built till now with so much love and passion will crumble down in seconds.

What should I do?

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