Under an Endless Moon: Chapter 14

I didn’t have time to make it into Otto’s bedroom before my phone pinged a bunch of times.

I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, blowing out a sigh as I read the messages that had come through.

It wasn’t like he’d given me any time to even respond between the call and the texts that kept blipping through.

Still, my stomach twisted.

I could feel his worry woven in the words, though he should have known I was with Otto and was completely safe.

Okay, maybe safe wasn’t the best definition.

Because my heart definitely wasn’t safe. Not when the man shredded it without even knowing it.

But my body was at least.

A tweak of mischief pulled at the edge of my lips as I sent it.

Yeah, I was so going to bust his balls about this.

I lifted my head as I stepped deeper into Otto’s bedroom.

My stomach twisted in an entirely different way.

I’d never been in here before, and my gaze jumped around to take stock.

It mimicked the rest of the house. Everything black and steel. His bed was enormous like the man. Fit for a king except he hadn’t made it. The heavy black comforter and gray sheets were a rumpled pile on top. The bedframe itself was black, and the headboard butted up against the far wall that was also made completely of glass.

A buzz glowed in my belly at the thought of him there, naked and bound in the fabrics, all those colorful tats rolling over his flesh.

I blinked the vision away.

Dangerous, dangerous thinking, Raven. Do not go there.

I let my attention drift.

He had more artwork on the walls, and a massive dresser sat on the right side of the room.

Old pain clutched my spirit when I saw what was sitting on top.

I eased over and picked up the picture.

Haddie was there. Her head tipped back as she laughed toward the sky.

Always, always laughing.

I ran my fingertips down her face like I could reach out and touch her. Remember. My first true friend.

Grief splintered through me as I thought to the way it’d spiraled. The way we’d lost control. I’d tried to stop it, but I couldn’t break through. Couldn’t do anything before it was too late. Before the insurmountable pain had come.

I squeezed my eyes closed when the memory raked through my consciousness like a blade. A ghost. A specter. My own depravity that I’d kept shored and secreted. The one thing I could do. A victory that still felt as if it’d stolen a piece of my soul that I could never get back.

The tattoo on my side burned like a branding.

I will make it to the sunrise.

I startled when my phone started ringing in my hand, and I nearly dropped the picture, though I managed to right it and set it back onto the dresser. Then I couldn’t stop my smile when I saw who was calling.

Blowing out the strain, I accepted the call as I moved toward Otto’s bed.

“Well, if it isn’t my recently estranged bestie.” I went ahead and dug it in deep.

From the other end of the line, Charleigh groaned in mortification. “Oh my God, I am so sorry, Raven. I can’t believe we let that happen. I’m so embarrassed.”

“You should be,” I teased.

“You can be sure I am sufficiently humiliated.”

“Honestly, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I just was…caught off guard.”

There. I’d be pragmatic. Let her off the hook.

“Caught off guard? You screamed so loud the neighbors came over to check if everything was okay.”

A disbelieving giggle erupted from my throat. “They did not.”

“Oh, they did. I had to let them come into the house to make sure nothing was awry before they’d go away. I told them I’d seen a spider.”

“Oh my God.” Once I started laughing, Charleigh started laughing, too, and in a second, we were both cracking up, me bent over while she giggled like crazy.

I was wiping moisture from under my eyes, unsure if they were tears of amusement or if they were actually bleeding. “I know my bestie is a sexy bitch, but I didn’t need to see that much of her.”

She choked over a snicker before she sobered and whispered, “I really am sorry.”

“It’s fine. But you should know I’m never going to be able to look at you or my brother again. You ruined everything.”

“River said you were going to text when you were finished at the shop, and Nolan was at the park with his friend Mitchell and his parents, so we thought we were alone. We got…carried away.”

I sighed. “It’s your house. You two should be able to get naked wherever you want.”

“But it’s your house, too.”

I hesitated before I admitted what I was sure was going to come with a ton of resistance. “And I think it’s time that it’s not.”

She paused, and when she spoke again, her voice dampened with hesitancy. “What do you mean?”

“I think it’s time I find my own place.”

“Raven—”

“I know what you’re going to say, Charleigh, and I know you love me and love living with me because, yeah, I’m pretty amazing and great, and like, what crazy person wouldn’t want to live with me? Best roommate ever, am I right?”

I threw as much humor into it as I could before I softened, “But you and River are past the point of needing a roommate. You’re a family now, and it’s time you have the space to be able to build your lives the way you want to.”

“You are our family.”

“I know…but not like that. You, River, and Nolan need to grow together, and you don’t need me standing in the middle of it all the time.”

“You’re never in the way,” she argued.

“I think you really just want easy access to my shoes,” I teased her.

I could feel her grin. “What masochist wouldn’t want easy access to your shoes? Have you seen your collection?”

“Obviously. I am the curator.”

“And a really great one.” With the way her tone went soft, I knew she was talking about more than just my taste in shoes. “I love living here with you,” she added, the words barely a wisp.

I rubbed the heel of my hand at my temple like it could massage away the sting. “I know. I love living with you, too. But it’s time that you have your privacy, and it’s also time that I learn how to live on my own. I’ve lived with River my entire life, and I haven’t had the space to have experiences on my own. The freedom to make mistakes under my own roof. To make decisions without someone looking over my shoulder. I’m ready for that.”

Anxious nerves rolled through my being. This would be a huge step for me.

I’d always lived with my brother. All the way back to when I was a little girl, and he’d stolen me away from the abuse of my father and had hidden me on the streets of LA. All the way through my teenage years and into adulthood.

It hadn’t been a traditional upbringing, that was for sure.

And when Nolan had come into his life, it’d made sense that I would continue to live with them so I could help take care of the tiny baby boy.

But I’d be a liar if I said it wasn’t more than that. A liar if I denied that my fears had held me back. I’d used River’s overprotectiveness as an excuse, acting as if I was the one who submitted to it because it was easier than dealing with him getting all surly and bossy rather than the truth that I’d hidden under it.

Used it as a shield.

As a way to keep from having to face the traumas of my past and stand on my own.

It was time.

Charleigh hesitated, her empathy and intuition kicking in when she asked, “Is this…something you’ve been thinking about?”

“I suppose I’ve been thinking about it for a long, long time. But now with you there? I can’t ignore it any longer.”

“This kind of breaks my heart,” she whispered, sadness and concern seeping into her tone.

“It doesn’t change anything between us.”

“But I won’t see you as much.”

Some of that sorrow invaded my spirit, too. “It just means when we do see each other, it will be a party. A time to celebrate.”

“What are you talking about? Every day with you living here is a party.”

“I know. I know. I am basically a blast, aren’t I?” I choked over it as I said it.

Charleigh let go of a soggy laugh. “The best kind of blast.” Then her voice dropped in affection. “The best kind of friend. The best kind of sister.”

Love pressed full. The first time I’d seen her walking past Moonflower, I’d known there was something about her. Something that had pulled me to her, like my heart had known she was going to become an integral part of our family.

“And you know I feel exactly the same about you.”

“I know, Raven. I know.” She paused for a second, then asked, “Are you still with Otto?”

“Yeah, I’m going to stay here with him for a couple days until I find a place of my own.”

“Okay, good.” Silence passed between us before she whispered again, “Are you sure about moving out?”

“Yeah. I think I am.” I fiddled with a loose thread on Otto’s comforter, contemplating before I asked, “Can you not say anything about this to my brother? I’d rather be the one to break it to him.”

“Of course, but you know the second I get off the phone, he’s going to demand to know how you are.”

“Tell him I’m officially blind.”

She giggled. “Can’t you just strike that memory from your mind?”

“Well, I’m still hoping the bleach helps.”

“Oh my God, stop,” she choked.

“I will never let you live this down,” I goaded, then softened. “Seriously, I’m so happy my brother has you and you have him. Please don’t feel bad or worry about me. I’m actually…excited about this.”

Also terrified, but I didn’t need to tell her that.

“I’m glad.” Her voice was full of support.

“Don’t get too comfortable, payback is coming, bestie. You’re the one who’s going to have to figure out a way to distract my brother once I tell him I’m moving out.”

“Impossible.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure you can work your magic.” I let the innuendo wind its way into my voice.

“I might have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“Clearly, you do.” I chuckled before sincerity weaved into my voice. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah, talk to you tomorrow.”

I ended the call and let my phone drop to my lap. I sat there for a couple seconds, absorbing the events of the day.

Finally, I exhaled the tension, stood, and headed back out into the main room.

I wondered if there would ever be a time in my life when I didn’t lose my breath when I looked at him.

Otto was in the kitchen, larger than life, stirring something in a pot.

A pillar in the middle of the room.

Powerful to the extreme.

As if he could single-handedly hold up the roof.

Conquer every threat.

When he felt me hovering on the elevated platform, he tossed me one of his sexy, casual grins from the side. “How’d it go?”

“That was Charleigh. I didn’t talk to River.”

Amusement tugged the edge of his mouth up higher. “Chicken.”

“I am not a chicken,” I scoffed. Okay, I was totally, one hundred percent a chicken.

I might have been twenty-five, but River had never stopped treating me as if I was twelve. It was going to take a lot to break free of that.

Maybe I’d just write my brother a note.

Then he could tear it to shreds and toss it in the air and stomp around like the hothead he was, blow off some of his overprotective steam, then we could have a rational conversation about me moving out.

“You sure about that?” Otto asked as I angled down the three steps.

I headed for where I’d left my drink on the island, and I picked it up and took a sip of the spicy concoction.

“What are you talking about? You know I’m as confident as they come.” I popped out a hip, and Otto turned from where he was at the stove.

Mischief ridged those lips that never failed to make my thighs quake, and he started edging for me with a gleam in his eye.

I could already see what was written all over him, and a vat of excitement dumped into my stomach as he approached.

Still, I was backing away, ready to play, setting my drink aside and pushing my hands out in front of me. “Don’t you dare, Otto Hudson.”

I wasn’t fast enough to dodge him when one of those tatted hands darted out and he poked me in the side. “Chicken.”

Squealing, I turned on my heel and started to run around the island.

The jerk knew I was crazy ticklish.

He was right behind me. My heels were definitely not working in my favor, and I wobbled and tried to stay upright as I skidded around the other side of the island.

Otto’s heavy footfalls echoed behind me, and one second later, he was wrapping both arms around me and lifting me off my feet before I could prepare myself.

He pinned my back to his chest.

To his hard, packed, chiseled chest.

Those massive arms locked tight around me.

I squirmed and kicked like I wanted to get away when I would have preferred to stay right there for the rest of my life. “Put me down, you big brute.”

He held me with one arm and started tickling me with the other. I shrieked and thrashed, and one of my heels went flying off my foot and toppled to the floor.

He had the nerve to bock at me like he might have been playing around with Nolan.

“Put me down!” I screeched.

“Only if you admit that you’re totally a chicken, and you don’t want to tell your brother the way you really feel.”

“What? That he’s gross and he should have taken his activities elsewhere?”

Otto chuckled. “You could probably also tell him that.” Then he slowed as his arms tightened around me, his words soft encouragement as he murmured them at my ear. “But you have to be honest with him, too. Tell him what you want. Otherwise, it’s gonna be a fight. And you deserve everything in this world that might bring you happiness.”

I stopped my fighting, too, and I just let him hold me there. I wanted to sink into it. Fall into the strength of who he was. Turn around in his arms and press myself against him. Confess to him what it was that I really wanted.

But I’d never do that. Would never lay myself bare. The one time I’d tried, it’d left me devastated, and I wasn’t ready for another round of that.

“I’m not afraid of my brother, Otto,” I murmured into the dense air. “I just understand the sacrifice he’s made for me. Understand the things he’s done to protect me, and I know how difficult it will be for him to shift the dynamics of our relationship. Especially after so many years of him thinking he’s had to take care of me.”

Heavy emotion rolled from him. “It’s goin’ to be good, Raven. Good for the both of you.”

“I hope so.”

He pulled me even closer, and his lips brushed the shell of my ear. “I know so.”

“You have a lot of faith in me.”

“I have all the faith in you.”

Energy bound. So intense. Deep and profound. Pulling around us in a force so severe it felt impossible to resist.

But apparently that force only applied to me since I could feel the easy grin that he pressed to the side of my neck, and his words rumbled through me when he said, “All right, then, Moonflower, you win. You talk to your brother when you’re ready, and I’ll be here to support you through it. Thick and thin.”

Moonflower.

My heart panged.

“You’ve always been there to support me.”

“You keep forgetting that you’re my favorite person in the world.”

I wanted to be more than his favorite. I wanted to be his everything. But I didn’t say anything when he gave me a tight squeeze then settled me onto the floor. “All right, let’s get my girl something to eat.”

My girl.

He really was trying to wreck me tonight. I sucked it down and turned with what I hoped looked like an effortless smile on my face, snagging off the single heel that remained and landing myself on bare feet.

“What are we having?”

“I didn’t see the point in diverging from a solid plan…so spaghetti it is.”

I grinned. “Well, then, feed me, you big brute.”

He grinned his cocky grin. “It’d be my pleasure.”