Professor Astor: Chapter 12

I stare at the file with details on the PhD student I’ll be supervising. Leia Sital. Not only is she my little cousin’s best friend, she’s my student too. Getting involved with Leia in any way wouldn’t just put my relationship with Amara at risk, it would also put my career and Leia’s PhD at stake.

I sit back in my seat, my eyes on the framed certificates hanging on my wall. I shouldn’t even be thinking of being with her. Besides, she didn’t exactly look happy to see me, and I can’t say I blame her. We spent one perfect night together, and I ghosted her.

Leia and I were never meant to last beyond that one night, yet I can’t get my mind off her. I felt lost when I returned to London, and every day I regretted not giving her my phone number. A few times, I got so desperate to see her one more time, that I contemplated coming up with an excuse to go see Grandpa, just so I’d have a reason to return to the States.

Each time I got close to booking a flight, something would happen with the kids, reminding me that I can’t get involved with anyone while the kids are going through so much.

I tense when I hear a soft knock on my door and straighten my suit jacket before pulling on my tie. “Come in!”

The door opens, and Leia walks in, her expression carefully blank. “Professor Astor,” she says, nodding politely. I wonder what she thought when she realized I’d become her professor. The blank look on her face tells me she was aware long before she walked in here. Was she at least a little bit excited to see me again?

I drink her in, letting my eyes roam over her face. She’s still as beautiful as she was two years ago. “Please, take a seat.”

She nods and takes the seat opposite me, the two of us alone for the first time in years. I wonder if she ever thought of me. Did she dream of our night together as often as I did?

“I’m sorry, Ley.”

She looks up then, a flash of hurt in her eyes, and then it’s gone. “I’m here because you’re replacing my doctoral advisor. Is that correct?”

I nod, at a loss for words. She’s shutting me down, and I’m unsure what to do. “Leia… look, we’re going to have to work together. You’re an adjunct professor, my teaching assistant, and I’ll be your advisor for the remainder of your PhD. We can’t avoid each other, and we’re both adults. Wouldn’t you rather start off with a clean slate?”

She looks at me, and I wonder what she’s thinking. She’s nearly impossible to read today, and it unsettles me. I’m not sure what I expected… I guess I hoped that despite the disappointment I’m sure I caused, she’d still think back on our time together somewhat fondly. It certainly still is one of my favorite memories.

“You’re right, Professor Astor. However, I would argue that there isn’t much to say. Let’s agree to move forward as though today is the first time we’re meeting each other.”

I clench my jaw and look away for a moment, before turning back to her. “You want me to pretend that night never happened? Like I didn’t have your body underneath mine, your moans in my ear, and my—”

“Yes!” she cuts me off. “I want you to do exactly that. It was a one-night-stand, Professor, and it was years ago. I barely remember it, and I’m certain it’s the same for you. There’s no need to make things awkward between us, is there?”

She can barely remember our night together? That’s bullshit. I stare at her, trying to figure out if she’s lying to me or not, but there isn’t a single hint of nerves on her face. To her, our night together is just a distant memory, a night of fun.

Hell, she’s still a student. She’s the only woman I’ve slept with in years, but it probably isn’t the same for her. I stare down at her files and nod. “Tell me about your dissertation subject,” I say, giving in.

I glance at her, unable to resist temptation. I’ve thought of her so often since I walked away from her, but I should’ve known better. A woman like Leia is far too good for a divorcee with two kids. I knew that when I gave her the wrong number, so I shouldn’t be surprised to hear she moved on. I peek at her ring finger, relief rushing through me when I find it empty. At least she isn’t married.

Leia nods and starts to run me through the prototype she built for minimally invasive surgical techniques that are becoming more and more common in gynecologic surgery, and it takes all of me not to stare at her. I already knew she was brilliant… I just didn’t realize just how much so. It’s one thing to write a dissertation, it’s something else entirely to build an entire prototype to support your research. If I’m not mistaken, this has everything to do with the health issues she faces herself. I can see why this subject is so important to her, and why her research has taken her this long to complete.

I run a hand through my hair and rise from my seat, unable to contain my agitation. “You’ll be teaching two of your own classes, and I’ll expect you to resume your role as TA, so you’ll be doing a lot of the grading for classes I teach.”

Leia looks at me, her gaze searching. “Yes, that’s completely fine by me. I want to go into teaching eventually, so I don’t actually mind my adjunct professor role. If anything, I’ve sought it out. I don’t even really mind grading.”

I look at her and walk around my desk. Leia rises from her seat, and my eyes roam over her body. “Professor Astor?” she asks, her voice trembling slightly.

“Call me Thor.”

This time, I notice the flash of anger in her eyes. Her shoulders tense and she lifts her head to look at me. She’s so fucking tiny. I want to wrap my hands around her waist and lift her onto my desk. I want a taste of her.

“I think not,” she snaps.

“Why?” I ask, pausing in front of her. She barely reaches my chest, yet she looks intimidating as hell staring me down like that. Intimidating, and beautiful as fuck. “I’ve told my other PhDs to call me by my name too.”

“Your name isn’t Thor.”

“Then call me Adrian.”

“I think I’ll stick with Professor Astor.”

I smile down at her. She could’ve taken a step away, but she hasn’t. “Fine. I love the way you make it sound anyway.”

Her lips part, as though in outrage, and I chuckle. I can’t help it. I shouldn’t be teasing her, but I don’t want to be just her professor. I want to be more to her. I have no right to want anything from her, but I’m only human. There isn’t much I want out of life — my entire world revolves around the twins. She’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted for myself since they came into the world. Just her. I know I’ll never have her, but I want these moments with her. I want to shock her out of the prim persona she’s displaying. I want to tease out the Leia I used to know. I’m a selfish asshole for wanting to, but I do. I want her.

“Ley… I can’t make up for what happened, but I was serious when I said I wanted a clean slate. That doesn’t mean that I want to forget about our night together. It certainly doesn’t mean that I want you to forgive me, because I know I don’t deserve that… but we’ll be working together, and maybe we could be friendly to each other, you know? Hostility and distance aren’t going to help either of us, not when we’ll be working together so closely.”

“You want to be… friends?” Leia asks, taking a step away from me. Is that pain I’m seeing in her expression?

“No,” I tell her. “I want a whole lot more than that, but friendship is all that can exist between us while you’re one of my students. I might be a selfish asshole, but I won’t put your doctorate at risk.”

Leia’s eyes widen, and she bites down on her lip. I swallow hard at the memories that assault me. Her taking my cock, her legs pushed over her shoulders. Those lips of hers on mine. Her lips on my neck as I stared up at the sky. This woman… there’s no way she barely remembers our night together.

“I don’t want to.”

I blink in surprise, and Leia crosses her arms.

“I don’t want to be friends with you, Professor Astor. I want you to do your job, and I’ll do mine.”

She’s putting distance between us, and I can’t blame her. I only have myself to blame for this.

“Understood,” I tell her, but I don’t get it. I know I wasn’t the only one who felt that spark between us. I’m desperate to have her in my life in any shape or form, yet she can’t wait to walk away.