Professor Astor: Chapter 19

“You’re upset,” Lex says, startling me out of my thoughts. Every time I try to focus, my thoughts turn to Thor and the way I snapped at him last night. All he asked was that I call him by his name at home, and I overreacted. I’m not sure why I can’t control my emotions around him, and I hate it. It’s been two years, so why am I still so affected by him? “Want me to rough someone up for you?” Lex adds.

I grin and shake my head as I put my coffee cup down. As usual, we’re in the coffee shop on campus, and though I’m supposed to be writing my dissertation, I can barely focus today. “Why do you always choose violence, huh?”

Lex shrugs. “There’s nothing I won’t do for you. You’re basically my best friend.”

I roll my eyes. “That’s because I’m literally your only friend.”

“Yeah, so you’re my best friend by default. Congratulations. I know I’m yours too. Someone should really tell Amara.”

I chuckle at the thought of Lex telling Amara that he’s taken her spot as my best friend. They’re both territorial as hell, and I think I’d bet on Amara in this instance.

“Seriously, Ley. Tell me what’s going on. You’ve been quiet all morning. Actually, you haven’t really been yourself in a while now.”

I blink in surprise. I didn’t think he’d noticed that, considering that we usually sit here quietly, studying together. I wasn’t even consciously aware of it myself, but I have been sad.

“Do you remember how we met?”

Lex nods. “You texted me because some jackass gave you the wrong number.”

I nod. “Said jackass reappeared in my life a few weeks ago. It was unexpected as it is, but now he just seems to be everywhere, and I… I don’t know.”

Lex’s eyes widen. “No shit? Thor appeared?”

I nod. “I didn’t expect it. He’s just… everywhere. When I first ran into him, I had every intention of just pretending I didn’t remember him, but that’s going to be hard to do.”

“Who is he?”

I shake my head. Lex and I are both students here. I can’t tell him I slept with our professor. I trust him fully, but I’d better err on the side of caution. After all, Thor is my dissertation advisor. If word got out, I could lose everything I’ve ever worked for. All it takes is some inappropriate jokes for an investigation to be launched.

“It’s nothing. Honestly, I don’t want to talk about it.”

Lex leans on his elbow and moves closer to me, his face inches from mine. “It’s not nothing, Leia. You’re upset. I suppose seeing him brought back the memories. Strangely enough, I’ve always been grateful to this guy for bringing you into my life, but I hate to see you hurting. I’m surprised he left such an impact on you, you know?”

I nod. “Yeah, me too. I know it was just one night, but have you ever met anyone you just felt an instant connection with? It feels like you’ve known each other forever, and you’re just so at ease. Your heart just feels so full. Have you ever experienced anything like that?”

He shakes his head and looks away. “No, and I probably never will.”

I bite down on my lip and grimace. I keep forgetting that he’s been engaged since birth. From what I understand, his engagement was arranged by his grandfather, long before he was born. All of his siblings have arranged matches too. It’s strange, because it’s something that’s not all that uncommon in my culture, but it appears the ultra-rich still do it too.

Lex clears his throat. “I’m glad you experienced that, though. If you felt that way, why aren’t you happy to see him now? Did he at least give you a good explanation?”

I shake my head. “Yeah, I guess. Even so, there’s no way we can be together.”

Lex purses his lips and stares me down. “And why is that?”

I gulp and look down at my coffee cup. I’m a terrible liar, but I absolutely do not want to tell Lex about Professor Astor. “He’s… unavailable.” It isn’t exactly a lie, because the kids do make him entirely unavailable, but not quite in the way I’m making it sound.

Lex tightens his grip on his coffee cup, his jaws clenched and his eyes filled with barely restrained rage. “That fucking asshole. Tell me who he is, Leia. I’ll have a word with him.”

I grin and shake my head. “You’ll have a word, huh? With what? Your mouth or your fists?”

He smiles humorlessly. “I’ll make sure the message gets across just fine.”

I roll my eyes and place my hand over his. “I love you,” I tell him honestly. Lex is the brother I never had, and I suppose I have Thor to thank for it.

He grabs my hand and raises it to his lips, kissing the back of my hand. “I love you too, sweet girl.”

A chill suddenly runs down my spine and I tense, my body aware of him before I am. “Leia,” Thor says, standing a few steps away from our table. How long has he been standing there? The look in his eyes has my heart dropping. Blood rushes to my ears, and everything falls away, until all I can hear is my own pulse.

Lex looks up in surprise and entwines our hands. “Adrian Astor,” he says, smiling. “Or is it Professor Astor now?”

I’m at a loss. What do I do? Do I pull my hand away? Lex and I have only ever had a platonic relationship, but I know what this looks like. Though I don’t owe Thor anything, I still feel guilty and embarrassed.

Thor drags his gaze away to look at Lex, his gaze pausing on our joined hands. “Alexis Windsor,” he snaps. “You’ve grown up, huh? The last time I saw you, you were still wetting your bed.”

Lex tightens his grip on my hand and clenches his jaw in annoyance. “And you look positively ancient,” he replies. “Guess your fuckboy days are over, huh?”

“You two know each other?” I ask, shocked.

Both men turn to me, the two of them looking equally annoyed. “Our families are business partners and old friends.”

I nod. “Ah, code for we’re both filthy rich and therefore move in the same circles, huh?”

Lex looks away in embarrassment. For some reason, his family’s wealth has always embarrassed him.

“How do you two know each other?” Lex asks, and I tense before remembering that we have a legitimate reason to greet each other.

“Professor Astor is my PhD advisor. He replaced Professor Larson.”

It unnerves me that Thor is just standing here, staring at us. I’m still embarrassed at the way I snapped at him when he asked me to call him by his name at home, and this situation with Lex just increases my nerves. I try to free my hand out of Lex’s grip as discreetly as I can, but he’s holding on tightly. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say, and I’m worried Lex will see straight through me. He’s always been very perceptive, and I don’t want him to realize that Professor Astor is also Thor.

“Leia,” Thor says, his voice harsh. “Come with me. There are a few things I need to discuss with you ahead of next week’s classes.”

I glance up at him, his blue eyes dark with something I can’t quite name. Is it anger? Jealousy, perhaps? Surely not.

“Of course, Professor Astor.” I have a feeling that disobeying him isn’t a good idea right now. I’m not sure what it is about him, but it’s almost like I can feel his anger radiate off him.

I’m quiet as I pack my bag and smile at Lex apologetically. Thankfully, he doesn’t look suspicious, but I can never be too sure with Lex.

“I’ll see you next week,” I murmur.

“I’ll call you tonight,” he tells me, and I frown. He rarely calls me. We text occasionally, but we don’t usually call each other. Thor tenses next to me and turns to walk away.

“Right. Sure. Speak to you then!” I rush after Thor, unsure what’s going on. Both men are acting weird, and I’m worried. Worried that Lex is onto me. Worried that Thor misunderstood what he just saw. I shouldn’t care what he thinks, but I do.

He’s quiet as we walk to his office, and he doesn’t say a word as he holds the door open for me. I walk in on shaky legs, my heart thumping.

The door closes behind us, and I tense. I haven’t done anything wrong, yet I feel like I have.

I watch him as he walks around his desk and pulls out disinfectant wipes. “Come here,” he snaps, and I jump. “Now, Leia.”

I do as he says, and he grabs my hand tenderly as he wipes every inch of my skin. “What… what are you doing?” I whisper.

“Getting rid of every trace of him.”

What? “Don’t be ridiculous. Lex is just a friend.”

“Friends don’t hold hands the way you did. Tell me, Ley. Are you seeing him? The Windsor boy, really?”

He looks at me, his gaze intense. I still remember that fire in his eyes. He looked at me with the same kind of possessiveness two years ago. Thor’s gaze drops to my lips, where it lingers, before I snap out of it.

I pull my hand away, rationality finally taking over. “It is, quite frankly, none of your business who I touch.”

He looks at me, his expression so pained that my heart starts to ache. “Not him,” he says, his voice soft. “Not someone I know. Please, Leia.”

My eyes widen as he takes a step away and turns around, his hand running through his hair. I haven’t seen him look this vulnerable since he walked back into my life.

I can’t do this. I can’t. For the second time this week, I find myself walking away moments after I’m alone with him.

For two years, I wondered if he ever thought of me, if he ever regretted walking away from me.

I have my answers now.

And I can’t do anything with them.