Professor Astor: Chapter 21

I come home to a quiet house and run a hand through my hair as I walk through the hallway. I’m exhausted. Grandpa wasn’t joking when he said he expected me to join Astor Corporation. Our assets are so vast that I’m struggling to keep track of all the different subsidiaries we own. There’s a media division, a hedge fund we own, and then there’s the college and so many other moving parts. I won’t be able to hold on to my teaching job for long if he keeps demanding such long hours from me.

He said he’d give me three years, but it’s pretty evident I can’t do both jobs — not if I want to ensure that I have quality time to spend with the kids.

I loosen my tie as I walk into the living room, pausing when I see Leia lying on the sofa, fast asleep, papers she’s been grading scattered all over the coffee table. I walk up to her quietly and kneel beside her, taking a moment to just watch her. Her long lashes flutter slightly, her chest rising and falling slowly. She’s been so defensive around me, rarely letting her guard down. She’s either acting hyper professional around me, or we find ourselves arguing. There’s been no in-between, and I miss her. I miss the girl I used to know. It’s a fucking treat to see her like this, without those walls raised high to protect her.

It’s clear that I hurt her when I walked away from the night we spent together, yet despite that, she’s been taking care of my children without a single complaint. Tonight isn’t the first night I’m home late, and she’s never once said anything about it. She could’ve used my children to hurt me the way I hurt her, but it never even crossed her mind. I never would’ve hired her if I thought she was that kind of person, but I suppose part of me was still on guard.

I reach for her, gently brushing a strand of her hair out of her face. She’s beautiful in more ways than one. I’ve met plenty of beautiful women — being an Astor means being surrounded by some of the most beautiful women in the world on a regular basis, but none of them are like Leia. None of them are just as beautiful inside.

Colton can’t stop talking about how much he likes her, and she’s been handling him with such ease, using the games he loves so much to motivate him. Even Lucy has been mentioning her lately. Just yesterday she asked me which books Leia might like, so she could buy her a present in return for the books Leia keeps bringing her.

It’s not her job to nurture the children the way she does. All I hired her to do was pick them up from school and babysitting them, but she goes out of her way to ensure they don’t miss me while I’m at work. I can’t tell if that’s something she would’ve done for anyone and if it might just be the service her firm provides everyone with, or if she’s doing this for me. Maybe I’m a fool, but deep down, I’m hoping she still has feelings for me.

So far, she’s given me no indication that she cares beyond being upset I ghosted her. I understand that she’s mad about that, but what I want to know is if those feelings run deeper. Does she ever think of the night we spent together and want more?

My gaze drops to her lips and I inhale shakily. Some nights I still dream about her. I don’t understand what it is about her. How could I possibly still be enchanted with her, when we only ever spent one night together?

Leia turns her head, her eyes fluttering open. She blinks in surprise when she sees me and freezes. “Thor,” she whispers. My heart skips a beat at the sound of her voice. I love when she calls me Thor. It’s intimate, and it reminds me of that night that haunts my dreams.

“Hey,” I murmur. “You fell asleep.”

She sits up and runs a hand through her long hair, looking a little flustered. I rise to my feet, unsure if I should explain why I was just staring at her or if I should just leave it alone.

“The kids are in bed,” she tells me, and I nod. I figured as much. It’s nearly ten in the evening. They’re probably fast asleep.

“I should go.”

Her body brushes against mine, and I grab her wrist, holding her in place. “Don’t go.” My voice is soft, my tone pleading, vulnerability I’ve been trying to hide making its way out.

Leia looks at me, the same need in her eyes. It isn’t desire, it’s something so much more than that. “I can’t stay.”

“Have a glass of wine with me,” I plead. “I’ve had such a long day, and I know you have too.”

I expect her to say no, but instead she stares at me for a moment, before nodding slightly, as though she’s still undecided.

I smile at her and let go of her wrist. What I want to do is grab her hand and entwine our fingers, but instead I turn and walk to the kitchen, the sound of her footsteps following me.

She nods when I hold up a bottle of red, and I open it quietly. I doubt she realises just how expensive this bottle is, and I don’t want her to know. I just want her to have the best of the best, quietly, without any pretense. I have no idea what I’m even asking of her. Companionship, perhaps?

Her hand trembles just slightly when she takes her glass from me, and a strange sense of heartbreak washes over me as I raise my glass to hers. How can I be hurting over something we never had? How is it that I see those same feelings reflected in her eyes?

She takes a sip, breaking our eye contact, as though the intensity is too much for her. I lean back against the counter while she takes a seat at the breakfast bar, the two of us keeping a sufficient amount of distance between us.

“If I ask you how you’ve been, would you answer me truthfully?”

She looks up then, regarding me for a moment, before nodding.

“Then tell me, Ley. How have you been?”

She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “It feels like mercury went into retrograde at some point, and it never went direct again. That probably makes no sense to you, does it? I feel like I’m always going through the motions because it’s what I have to do, rarely truly feeling alive. To answer your question, I think I’m doing fine. Not good. Not great. Just… fine.”

My heart clenches at her words and I look down at my glass. “Somehow, you’ve managed to perfectly capture how I feel too,” I tell her, looking up to smile at her. “Except the mercury retrograde bit, that’s all bullocks.”

That earns me a chuckle from her, and it’s crazy how much it lifts my mood. “If I offer, will you let me show you Mercury someday soon? I promised you I would, and I always told myself I’d keep that promise if I ever saw you again.”

Her eyes darken, the expression in them changing, as though she too is remembering what else I promised her.

Mark my words, love. Someday, I’m going to bury my face between your legs, and you’re going to beg me to let you come on my face. It might not be tonight, but that time will come.

I remember the words like I said them yesterday, and fuck, if she’d let me, I’d drop to my knees right now. Everything about us still feels the same way it did that night. I still feel that spellbinding spark, the desire, the connection. The way she’s looking at me makes me wonder if she does too.

“Yes.” It takes me a moment to remember what we were talking about, and her expression tells me she knows it. Leia smiles, and for the first time since she walked back into my life, it feels like we’re okay, like we aren’t at the cusp of another argument.

“I’ll take you to see Mercury soon. Be prepared to have all your notions of Mercury going into retrograde dashed.”

She chuckles, and bloody hell, the sound of it makes my heart skip a beat. I don’t think I’ve ever just wanted to make a woman smile. Just sitting here with her, sharing a glass of wine after a long day, putting a smile on her face… it soothes my soul in ways it shouldn’t.

“I never understood how a man who loves astronomy can so readily reject astrology. You know better than most that there’s so much we still don’t know about the universe.”

“Oh, no.” I shake my head. “Please don’t tell me you believe in aliens too?”

She laughs and looks away. “You know what, if they ever come for you, I’m not saving you.”

“I’ll be sure to think of you when the blue aliens probe my butt.”

She bursts out laughing, and I grin to myself. This… this is the Leia I missed. The one she’s been hiding from me.

“No, seriously though. I get what you’re saying. There really is a lot we don’t know. I didn’t use to believe in fate, but I’m not so sure anymore.”

She looks into my eyes, her smile falling away. “Is that so?” she murmurs.

“How could I not believe in fate when the one that got away walked right back into my life?”

Her eyes widen and she looks away, clearly flustered. I watch as she throws back the rest of her wine and pushes her glass away.

“I really should get going,” she tells me, her guard back in place.

I want to ask her to stay, but I can’t. I won’t. She’s already given me more than I expected her to tonight, and for now, that’s enough.

It’s becoming clear to me though… she and I aren’t over. Far from it.