Professor Astor: Chapter 25

I check up on the kids, making sure they’re asleep before I head to the kitchen, my eyes dropping to the wine fridge.

My heart skips a beat as I remember the way Thor looked at me that day he offered me a glass of wine. I should’ve declined, but I couldn’t, not when he looked at me like he needed a dose of me as much as I needed him. He’s got me addicted to those little highs he makes me feel when he smiles at me, when everything fades away and it’s just us, no matter how hard we try to pretend it isn’t. I’m worried I’ve pushed him away too much, and I can’t stop thinking about the photos I saw of him.

Now that I’ve gotten to know the kids, I completely understand why he chose to walk away from me two years ago. It was the right thing to do. The part that hurts is that our circumstances haven’t changed. I see how much of himself he gives to his children. He doesn’t have time for a woman in his life — not one that expects to become a permanent fixture, anyway. It hurts that he’ll never be mine, and it kills me that for one night, he pretended Lucy and Colton were ours.

I bite down on my lip as I roam through the house restlessly. It’s been nearly two months, and this house still doesn’t feel like a home. Sure, there’s the LEGO sets that Thor and Colton have been building, and there are dozens of Lucy’s books strewn around the house, but there’s still something lacking. We’re getting there slowly, but we’re not quite there yet. My fingers trail over the photo frames by the stairs, and I smile at the pictures of Thor with the twins. For a split second, I wonder what these photos would look like if I were in them, too.

I dismiss the thought and keep walking up the stairs. I’m restless tonight, unable to sit down or focus on anything. My thoughts are running wild, my heart longing for things that will never belong to me.

I pause in front of Thor’s bedroom. It’s perhaps the only room in this house that truly feels like his. I hesitate before pushing the door open. I know I’m invading his privacy, but I’m filled with this intense need to be surrounded by him.

I check my watch and bite down on my lips as I walk further into his room. He’s got his telescope set up by the window, and memories of his hands on my waist come to mind. I smile as I think back to him showing me Orion’s belt, and the way I turned around to find myself in his arms.

I sit down on his bed and brush my fingers over his pillow. I’m acting like a crazy stalker and I know it, but I can’t help myself. Admitting that I want him will result in a broken heart, but here, all alone in the darkness… it doesn’t matter how badly I need him.

I lie down on his bed and let my eyes fall closed, imagining myself waking up with him one day, his body against mine. I want to know if the way he touched me was truly as good as it is in my memories.

I sigh and let my hand roam over my body, wanting to rid myself of the desire I feel. My fingers trace over my breasts, down until I reach the hem of my dress. I’m so tempted to slip my finger underneath it, to make myself come surrounded by the subtle fragrance of Thor’s aftershave.

“Leia.”

I gasp, my eyes snapping open as I sit up in a rush, moving so quickly that my vision spins for a moment. Thor is standing in the hallway, watching me through the door I left ajar.

I swallow hard when he pushes the door open and closes it behind him, his eyes never leaving mine.

“I…I-I’m…”

He walks up to me and places his knee on his bed, his eyes trailing over my body. “You’re right where I’ve always wanted you,” he says, his voice low. “In my bed.”

I swallow hard, unable to look away from him. He’s loosened his tie and the top few buttons on his shirt are undone. Tonight, more than usual, he looks irresistible.

“Tell me, Leia. What were you thinking of as you were touching yourself in my bed?”

My cheeks heat and I bite down on my lip. “I wasn’t touching myself,” I whisper.

“Perhaps not, but you wanted to. Tell me, baby. Why did I come home to find you in my bed, when you fight this thing between us so hard? If you want my hands on you, all you have to do is tell me.”

“I don’t.” My voice lacks conviction, and he smirks.

“No? Let me tell you what I’d do to you if you’d let me. I’d keep that promise I made two years ago. I’d have you sit at the edge of my bed, my hands on your knees as I kneel on the floor in front of you. I’d spread your legs and kiss your thigh, right where I know my lips would make you shiver. I’d move my way up, taking my time with you, until I’ve got you soaking wet before I’ve even kissed you where you want me most.”

I squirm, my heart racing as I focus on the sound of his voice. I can’t take this. He’s torturing me, and he knows it.

“I’d kiss you right through the lace I know you’re wearing, teasing you, knowing you want my tongue on your pussy, but I wouldn’t give it to you. Not straight away, at least. I want you desperate for me, Leia. I want you ready to come with a single touch.”

He joins me on the bed and lies down, placing his hands behind his head as he watches me, almost as though he doesn’t trust that he can keep his hands to himself.

“I’d rip that thong straight off you, exposing your pussy. Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted a taste of you?”

I’m breathing hard, trying my best to maintain my composure. I’m trying to tell myself that this is inappropriate, that he’s drunk, and that I should leave… but I’m spellbound. I’m blinded by desire, by the need to hear that he wants me as badly as I want him.

“I’d kiss your pussy, right above where you want me, teasing you until I’ve got you begging, and then, only then, I’d give you what you want. Since this is a fantasy years in the making, I’d take my time circling my tongue around your clit, close, but keeping you squirming for more, until I’ve got you riding my face, making demands with your body.”

My eyes roam over his body, the bulge in his jeans making it clear how badly he wants me. All it would take is me saying yes. I could have everything he’s telling me about if just ask for it.

“I’d grab your hip with one hand and use the other to finger fuck you while you ride my face, forcing you to come on my tongue, over and over again, until you’re begging me to stop, telling me you can’t take any more.”

He moves his hand down his body, until he’s got it resting on his jeans. He watches me, his desire as blatant as mine. “It’s not until I’ve got you so satisfied that you’re not sure if you can take any more that I’d give you my cock, baby. You’re the last woman I slept with, so the second I get anywhere near that pussy of yours, I’m fucking done for.”

I gasp, my heart skipping a beat at his words, and he smiles at me, nodding. “Yeah, wifey. I’m so fucking obsessed with you, no one else could compare. You’ve ruined me. Utterly fucking ruined me.”

Two years, and I’m the last person he slept with? An unfamiliar ache spreads from my chest through the rest of my body, a deep kind of need that far surpasses the desire I feel.

“Tell me you want me, Leia, and I’ll make every single one of your fantasies come true. I know you’re wet for me, baby. Tell me you feel this thing between us, and I’ll make you come right fucking now.”

I look into his eyes, every bit of logic falling away. He’s my professor and my boss. I can’t get involved with him. I barely survived losing him last time, there’s no way I can recover a second time.

“I do,” I whisper, unable to deny him. “I want you, Thor.”

He sits up, disbelief crossing his eyes, as though he actually expected me to reject him. Sometimes I wonder how he sees himself. How could he think, for even a single moment, that I can resist him?

He reaches for me and cups my cheek, his thumb brushing over my lips. “Thank fuck,” he growls, before leaning in.

“Daddy?”

The sound of Lucy’s voice just outside the door rips us apart before our lips even meet, and he drops his forehead to mine. “No,” he whispers, sounding pained. “Please, not now.”

“Go,” I whisper back. “I… I really need to leave, Thor. This… this is a bad idea.”

He pulls away and rises to his feet beside the bed, his eyes flashing with frustration. “I’m going to put her to bed, and when I get back, you’d better still be here.”

He walks away, and I think he knows as well as I do that I can’t be here when he gets back. Things between us are already far messier than we ever should’ve allowed. He’s my professor, for God’s sake. What am I doing?

I slip out of his bedroom quietly, wondering if Lucy waking up when she did was a sign… one telling me to stop going down this slippery slope with Thor again.