Professor Astor: Chapter 36

I check my watch and sigh, disappointed that I wasn’t able to make it home before dinner tonight. In addition to my work at the college, Grandpa has started to increase my working hours at his company. He’s given me a lot of leeway since moving here, but it’s clear he’s running out of patience. He wants me to join the board sooner rather than later, and I’m running out of time and excuses. I’m going to have to suck it up and do my part as an Astor.

The house is oddly quiet as I walk in and I pause, standing in the hallway for a moment, just listening. Usually, I can hear Colton and Leia gaming around this time, and if they aren’t doing that, the three of them are usually watching a movie. Tonight, everything is silent.

I walk in, surprised to find Leia sitting on the sofa by herself, staring into space. “Ley?”

She snaps out of her daze and looks at me, her expression concerned. “Hi,” she says, forcing a smile.

I frown and take a good look at her. There’s something about her expression that puts me on edge. She looks nervous. I have a feeling I know why.

“What’s wrong?”

Leia’s eyes widen as though she’s startled, and she shakes her head. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

I nod and walk over to the sofa to sit next to her. “Where are the kids?”

“In bed.”

“This early?” I glance at my watch again in confusion. “It’s seven.”

“Um,” Ley murmurs. She hesitates and wraps her arms around herself protectively. “I should’ve told you about this immediately, and in not doing so, I failed you as your nanny.”

She inhales deeply and looks down at her hands for a moment. “This afternoon, Colton and Lucy were involved in a fight, and I was called in. Rather than informing you at once, I took them home. The fight they got into had to do with me, and I struggled to find the right words to tell you what had happened, so instead, I stayed quiet, avoiding the conversation altogether. My behavior was unacceptable, and I would like to formally apologize.”

I nod, relief washing over me at the realization that there isn’t anything serious going on. “I wondered how long it would take you to tell me, and whether you would at all. The school emailed me a confirmation of their suspension.”

She looks up in surprise. It seems the kids haven’t told her that I’ve already spoken to them on the phone. They seemed fine, if not a bit embarrassed by the situation.

“Oh. Of course. Honestly, that’s not all, Thor. I overstepped the boundaries of our working relationship, and I shouldn’t have. I spent all day thinking about how I acted, and I had no right to make any decisions on your behalf. There’s a chance the boy’s mother might sue us as well. If that happens, please let me know, and I’ll shoulder the costs. I’m the one that provoked her, after all.”

I smile to myself and lean back against the sofa. I can pretty much imagine what went down. The kids got into trouble, and Leia’s fierceness showed itself.

“Tell me what happened.” The principal called me the second Leia left his office, complaining about her behavior, but she doesn’t need to know that. Nor does she need to know that the school instantly lost a sizeable chunk of its donations.

She looks down at her hands, looking guilty. “Colton was talking about gaming with me, and some kid at school told Colton that I only hang out with him because you pay me to do so, and that I don’t care about him. They got into a fight, and Colton punched the kid. Realizing her brother was in trouble, Lucy apparently found the biggest tree branch she could find and hit the boy, too.”

I pinch my nose to keep from laughing. My little girl did what? I would’ve paid good money to see that.

“Right,” I murmur. “How did you respond?”

She looks at me, regret marring her face. “I lost my shit,” she says, and this time I do chuckle.

“Of course you did, Princess. Tell me what you said, and I’ll handle it.”

“I told them everything was just hearsay since they didn’t have any witnesses, and I accused the boy Colt hit of assault because both boys claimed the other started the fight. I, well, I may have told the woman to just sue us. I even gave her your attorney’s card.”

I suck down on my lower lip to keep from smiling and nod. I wondered if she’d be honest with me. I trust her with my kids, and I’m happy my trust wasn’t misplaced. She didn’t lie to me, but I have a feeling she’s omitting something.

“When it comes to the kids, you’re always calm and collected, so why is it you lost it today?” It’s the one thing I’ve had on my mind today. I didn’t doubt that Leia handled the situation correctly, but I wondered why she snapped the way the principal told me she did.

“This is the part I feel most guilty about,” she says. “I acted the way I did because I… well, it’s because they were treating me like a nanny, when the way I feel about these kids is so much more than that. It wasn’t right, and it was unprofessional. I had no right to behave that way, and if it caused you any embarrassment, I sincerely apologize, Thor. I really am very sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You do,” I say, my voice soft. “You do have that right, Leia. I see the way you love my kids, Princess. I know you only ever want what’s best for them. You aren’t just their nanny, Leia, and we both know it. The kids feel it too, or they wouldn’t have gotten into that fight in the first place. Just because we can’t formally define what you mean to them just yet, doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t there. You reacted the way any parental figure would have, and I’m grateful you were there to handle it. You never need to apologize for doing the right thing. You’re only human, Ley. So long as you’re doing your best, then that’s all I can ask for.”

Leia sniffs, a tear falling down her cheek, and my heart fucking shatters. “Baby,” I whisper, taking her into my arms. “Don’t cry, love. You did nothing wrong. The kids and I are so grateful we’ve got you.”

“What are we doing, Thor?” she asks, her voice breaking. “All the lines are blurring and I’m so scared. I’m scared of making the wrong choices, of hurting them or you. I’m scared of my own heart breaking. What if you walk away, and I lose Lucy and Colt too? What if they find out about us and hate me? What about us? Will we survive if they fall apart?”

I stroke her back, my eyes falling closed. Truthfully, I’ve had a lot of the same worries. I pull away to look at her and cup her cheek, swiping away her tears with my thumbs.

“Look at me, Princess. Us being together comes with tremendous risks, but you know as well as I do that we were inevitable. Now I won’t lie to you and tell you that the road ahead of us is easy, but if you’re willing to give my kids and me a chance, I want nothing more than to try. Isn’t that all we can do?”

My heart pounds as she looks at me. It kills me that I can’t make her see how I feel about her. There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re going to be okay. The security and stability I feel with her despite everything we’re risking is unreal, and it’s something special. I hope she feels that too.

“I can see it, Ley. I can see us being a family. I can see you not leaving us at night. I can see myself going to bed with you, and making breakfast together on a lazy Sunday. I see us leaving the kids at Amara’s house while we go on a weekend away, and I see us having quickies in the house while the kids do their homework. Everything I once swore off, I want with you. So long as you want that too, we’ll be fine. This is just one of the phases we’ll go through in life. When we’ve got the rest of our lives together, this isn’t so bad, is it?”

I entwine our fingers and raise our joined hands to my lips, kissing the back of her hand gently, and she smiles at me. “Perspective,” she murmurs, and I nod.

Leia tightens her grip on my hand, but I see the concern in her eyes. I have no doubt her worries are identical to mine. The kids are far from ready, and I’m not sure they ever will be.