Professor Astor: Chapter 43

My alarm goes off and I silence it instantly, but I wasn’t fast enough to keep Leia from waking up. She twists in my arms, and I pull her closer, enjoying the feel of her body against mine, the way her leg is draped over my hip.

Waking up with her is far better than I expected. The fragrance of her shampoo, her softness and warmth… yeah, this is better than my fantasies.

“Morning, Princess,” I tell her.

“Mm,” she moans, burying her face deeper into my neck. I think a sleepy Leia might be my favorite version of her. I don’t think I can go back to a world where I don’t wake up with her in my arms.

She kisses my neck, and a low guttural moan escapes my throat, intense need rushing through me. I spent most of last night worshiping every inch of her body, yet I already need more of her. I bury my hand through her hair and tighten my grip. “Don’t tease me, baby. I absolutely will fuck you so hard that you’ll be feeling me for the rest of the day.”

She giggles, and the sound of it just fucks me up. I’ve never loved a woman the way I love her. Fuck. I always thought people were being over the top when they referred to their other half, but she is it for me. She’s my missing part. She completes me.

“I have to get to work,” I groan, wishing I could spend all day in bed with her. “We need to tell the kids soon, Ley. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to sneak around with you.”

She nods, but I feel the way her body tenses. “We need to wait a few weeks,” she says. “Just to see how they adjust once Alice leaves.”

I nod, my heart once more overflowing with pure love for her. The way she puts their needs above hers, above our relationship. “I love you,” I tell her, wishing those words could adequately convey how I truly feel about her. It doesn’t seem like enough. The words feel too simple to describe a feeling as all-encompassing as this is.

“I love you more,” she says, pushing away from me. “I’d better go. I want to be in the guest room before the kids wake up.”

I sit up in bed and watch her as she puts the pajamas I tore off her last night back on. I’ve never felt this urge to claim a woman. I’ve never wanted anyone to be mine this badly. My relationship with Alice has always evolved the way she wanted it to. We got engaged when she pushed for it, and we got married when she wanted to. It was similar with the kids. When our marriage started to break down, she insisted on having children. In hindsight, I think it might have been because she knew we wouldn’t last without something to tie us together. In the end, we didn’t last even with the kids.

I’m absentminded as I get ready for the day, my mind on how to tell the kids about Leia and me. I think Colt is going to be okay, but Lucy might not be. I’m so lost in thought that I don’t even notice Alice sitting by the breakfast bar in the kitchen until she speaks.

“So you are fucking her, then? What is it, Adrian? A rebound?”

I’m startled, to say the least. “What are you doing here?” I ask, checking my watch. “It’s five in the morning.”

She stares at me, her expression softer than I’m used to. She looks hurt, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. I don’t want my relationship with her to sour. The last thing the kids need is for us to fall apart even further.

“Tell me it’s just a rebound, Adrian,” she whispers, her voice breaking.

I hesitate, unsure what to do or how to act. Leia and I aren’t ready to announce our relationship. When it happens, it has to be on our terms.

“It isn’t,” I tell her honestly. “It’s not a rebound. It never has been with her.”

“So what? You’re going to marry her? Have her take care of my children? You don’t marry the help, Adrian. You need to snap out of whatever phase you’re going through.”

I tense and force myself to stay calm. “She’s a lot more than the help,” I warn her. “She’s my girlfriend, Alice, and so help me God. If you say one little thing about her that I don’t like, you can pack your damn bags and call yourself a taxi.”

Her eyes widen, hurt reflected in them. For a moment, I regret being so harsh with her, but I know what she’s like. If I don’t draw boundaries now, she’ll continue to needle me. I don’t mind her messing with me, but Leia is off-limits.

“You can’t actually… you have feelings for her?”

She sounds so surprised that I almost take offense. “Of course I do,” I tell her. “She’s incredible, Alice. I never thought I’d ever even date, because I was so worried about the kids. I didn’t think I’d find someone who would love them the way I do, someone the kids would love in return. I thought I’d never fall in love again, and I was prepared to sacrifice the rest of my life for Lucy and Colton. Hell, after our marriage fell apart, I didn’t think I’d ever want to do it all over again, but I do. I understand that this worries you, but I can promise you that the kids won’t be adversely affected by my relationship with Leia.”

She looks into my eyes, and her expression absolutely guts me. She looks so devastated that my own heart aches. I have no idea how I’d feel if she moved on with someone else, but after spending so many years with her, thinking we’d grow old together… I can imagine it’d be hard, even if my feelings for her are no longer what they used to be. It must be hard for her too, and nothing I do or say will make it better.

“You need to break up with her.”

I frown. “Excuse me?”

She looks down at her feet and sighs. “She’s a bad influence on the kids, Adrian. Lucy stopped going to ballet classes, and Colton stopped playing football. She isn’t pushing them to fulfil their potential. Of course they like her. She’s just doing the bare minimum, letting the kids get away with wasting entire days.”

“That was my choice. The kids were unhappy because of all the pressure you put on them. I chose to let them take it easy while they adjusted. When they’re ready, they can pick their own interests to pursue.”

Her eyes flash and she shakes her head. “Break up with her, Adrian. It isn’t just about the kids. This has gone too far as it is. This isn’t how it was supposed to go. You and I… we’ve always been together. We belong together. For a while, I was blinded by the thought that you’d never love me the way I want to be loved, but I was wrong. I let it go too far, and I pushed you away. I never should’ve asked for a divorce, and there’s nothing I regret more. When you and the kids left, I thought you’d miss me so much you’d come begging for another chance. I was certain you couldn’t raise them without me, and that you’d need me, that you’d finally appreciate everything I do for our family. You were never supposed to replace me with such ease.”

She sniffs, and my heart clenches painfully at the sight of tears in her eyes. “Alice,” I murmur. “You did what needed to be done, what I didn’t have the courage to do. Throughout the years, we’d grown apart.”

She wipes the tears on her cheeks away and shakes her head. “You don’t understand, Adrian. I want another chance. I miss you, and I miss our family. I miss my children. I want everything we lost. I get that you’re confused, and you’re trying to move on, but this girl… she can’t compare to the years of history we have. No matter what you might think, she cannot love our children the way I do. She can’t be their mother.”

“She isn’t trying to be their mother, Alice. She would never try to take your place. That isn’t what’s happening here. I get that it’ll take some time for you to process this, and that’s fine, but I just didn’t want to lie to you.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think you’re hearing me, Adrian. I want you back. I want us to be a family again. I still love you, and I know deep down, you love me too.”

I straighten my back and sigh. “I don’t, Alice. You asked for a divorce, and you got one. The last three years have been hell for us both, and I’ve finally found some semblance of peace again. The kids have finally adjusted. Whatever is going on in your mind, stop it. You and I aren’t getting back together. We ended the moment you asked for a divorce.”

She looks at me, her gaze sharp. “What if I’d never asked for one?”

I look away. “Leia asked me the same question, and I’ll give you the same answer I gave her. I never would’ve left you if you hadn’t asked me to. I would’ve stayed for the kids, but make no mistake, that would be the only reason I’d stay. You and I were over long before you asked for a divorce, and you know it.”

“I don’t think we are, Adrian.” She pauses, her gaze calculative. “Lucy told me Leia is also a PhD student. One under your care. How would the university feel about you sleeping with one of your students? Surely that would jeopardize her doctorate?”

I start to see red and pinch the bridge of my nose, praying for patience. “You won’t win me back by threatening Leia,” I warn her. “If anything, that will just result in the severance of any remaining relationship we have. Is that something you want to put the kids through?”

She looks at me. “I’ll give you some time to think about it, Adrian. Consider giving us one more chance. Don’t underestimate how far I’ll go. If I can’t have you, then she won’t have you either.”

I frown, my gaze roaming over her. The passion I used to love in her just looks like insanity now. How did I never see it before? To Alice, I was always a possession, a box to check. Our relationship has always been volatile, and for the longest time I loved it, because it kept life interesting… but that was before Leia. Before I knew what true happiness and stability felt like. Just being married doesn’t equate to stability, and I realize that now.

“I don’t know what that even means, Alice, and I’m not interested in finding out. I want you to leave. If you aren’t gone by the time I get back from work, I’ll physically remove you myself. You choose whether we’re doing this the hard way or the easy way. I’m done giving in to you. I won’t sacrifice one more moment of happiness for you.”

I take a good look at her, a pang of regret hitting me in the chest. Regret for the way this is playing out, and for staying with her far longer than I should have, but most of all, I regret the pain that will continue to haunt the kids because of this.

I walk away, at last at peace with the way Alice and I ended. I didn’t see it at the time, but it truly was the start of something new.